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Posts: 134
Joined: June 8, 2017
Posted: June 16, 2017, 3:48 PM
@lvg
Thanks for taking time to even read this mess. Re-reading shows me that despite trying in earnest to be ready for this, I was Woefully underprepared. But hey, I'm too far in to give up now though. Gotta keep pushin' Thanks for you input and support. One day I'm going to have 7 and 1/2 months clean again... -------------------- And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. | ||
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Posted: June 16, 2017, 3:55 PM
Dave, this to shall pass...I promise you..You are right where you need to be. I wish you could read my story..It's not on this forum... Without the help and support of others I would not have made it. They saved my Life.. It's definitely a battle. But you are worth it.
-------------------- Stay Strong for Today | ||
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Posts: 134
Joined: June 8, 2017
Posted: June 16, 2017, 10:22 PM
9:15pm. All day has been straight down hill. I've felt like crap all Dam day. Three Friday nights in a row? Really..? It wasn't till tonight that I realized that I didn't venture out at all today. Not even a walk around the driveway. I've become convinced that some form of activity produces pretty tangible results. I just screwed up and forgot the playbook today. Hopefully tomorrow I will finally turn the corner on this thing. Sick of being sick -------------------- And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. | ||
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Posted: June 16, 2017, 11:09 PM
Get those natural endorphins going... Natural Dopamine firing.. walk around the house,do some excersise,sex anything just keep moving..It definitely helps speed up the process. Just think like you have the flu it will pass. Like climbing Mt Everest, keep climbing Dave You got this...
-------------------- Stay Strong for Today | ||
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Posted: June 17, 2017, 1:18 AM
Hey Dave, it's a fairly drawn out process and it's easy to get discouraged, but you're doing it! And you're doing great. Do you remember in a previous post when I spoke about not looking at the time aspect of when you will begin to feel better? I would always keep saying to myself...damn, it's the 90 day mark and I'm still going through a lot of this. What helped me was accepting that it may take a good chunk of time for my brain to heal itself and begin to really have some good days. After all, 10yrs on this type of medication + all the opioid abuse is a long time and we have to expect it to take a while for the repairs to take place. Opioids and opioid type medications attach to receptors in the brain. These drugs like Methadone/opioids can activate receptors because their chemical structure mimics that of a natural neurotransmitter. This fools receptors and allows these types of drugs to lock onto and activate the nerve cells. Then you have the fact that it also targets the brain's reward system by flooding the circuit with dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter present in parts of the brain that regulate things such as emotion, motivation, and feelings of pleasure. The overstimulation of these neurotransmitters is what blocks pain and produces those euphoric feelings that makes us chase that "high" we love so much, which in turn, keeps us on that merry go round. And methadone has a long half life (well over 20hrs) and has a high affinity to attach to the opioid (mu receptors) in comparison to normal opioids.
The point to remember is that we..none of us has got to this point overnight. Our brains have been altered and for many of us, this has occurred over many, many years. Our brains literarily forget how to regulate the most basic things to be able to function. It takes time to reverse what we've done to ourselves. You know something though Dave? I have often thought that if I had just toughed it out and went through the opioid wd instead of ever going on Methadone and then Sub, I'd have been so much better off. But know what? If I had just gone through the less lengthy and hellish opioid wd...I may have gone back to them, and to that life repeatedly. It took going through this past year of pure hell for me to 100% know that I never want to deal with this again. I will never go back to that life out of fear of having to relive this nightmare. Yes, I am so much better, but it's not over and I'm still going through the tail end of it. Read my post in the middle of the front page from just 3 months ago...I was so, so fed up at that point and was worried it would actually never pass. But at around the 10 month mark things really began to change. There are times when I actually feel better...more excited for daily life than I ever did on opioids. It's like a natural high and that's a feeling that I have forgotten for over a decade. It just takes time, Dave. But I promise you, it does get better, little by little and be prepared for when the turning point happens. I can tell you one thing though...I am not the same person now then I was on Methadone/Suboxone. I didn't realize how hollow and numb I actually was for the past 10 yrs. It feels strange...sobering having such empathy for people and a new appreciation for things in life. I just feel different. Not numb anymore. A better life...a life you deserve is waiting for you on the other side of this final trial. You will come out on top to a more happier and better life. I'm rooting for you. You can do this! This post has been edited by NeedHelp123 on June 17, 2017, 1:25 AM | ||
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Posted: June 17, 2017, 6:00 AM
Couldn't have said it better, I also found that sugar, caffeine triggers those receptors for the first 7 months. Stay the course.
-------------------- Stay Strong for Today | ||
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Posts: 134
Joined: June 8, 2017
Posted: June 17, 2017, 11:04 AM
Day17
10:00am Feels like I'm caught in a rip tide of sorts. Every time I get close to the shore I get sucked back out. I'm as sick today as I was last Saturday. I had just a taste of feeling better for a couple days and then I'm sucked right back into the deep. This is a grinding type battle. I was secretly hoping for a mid-round TKO but looks like this is going into the latter rounds. I'm weakened but so is the beast. I gotta just keep grinding away. -------------------- And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. | ||
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Posted: June 17, 2017, 3:19 PM
It took me 21 days little by little, just know it comes and goes in waves... Take it 5 min at a time, 15 than hour til you are just going about your day and realize hey I feel pretty good. Keep the gloves up Dave...
-------------------- Stay Strong for Today | ||
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Posts: 134
Joined: June 8, 2017
Posted: June 18, 2017, 8:12 AM
Day18
6:48am. Slept 5 hrs. No night sweats. I've developed a high pitch ringing in my ears. It sounds like an old electronic device trying to warm up.😊 I've had a mild, annoying headache for a few days now. Aspirin keeps it in check but it never completely subsides. I made myself get out of the house yesterday. As per usual it helped immensely. Gotta try to get the sun on my face and wind at my back every day. It simply helps. Perhaps exercise and movement is the C.P.R. equivalent for these apathetic Mu-receptors. I'm just glad it works, just gotta remember to work it -------------------- And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. | ||
Posts: 243
Joined: August 18, 2016
Posted: June 18, 2017, 10:34 AM
@Junkydave....just wanted to mention that the high pitched ringing in the ears is one of the first signs of aspirin toxicity. It doesn't take that much aspirin to be over the safe threshold!
I had this happen to me and it took about three days of no aspirin for my hearing to return to normal! Just thought I would mention it! | ||
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Posts: 134
Joined: June 8, 2017
Posted: June 18, 2017, 9:33 PM
8:27pm.
Well I've been sickly all day but guess what? I still managed to have a decent day. Went to walmart. Took an hour drive into the city. Played my guitar and tried to learn a new song (Stay-Sugarland ) I guess I just did normal stuff but it felt good anyways. I was still sick but nevertheless, Today was a pretty good day. This post has been edited by JunkyDave on June 18, 2017, 9:33 PM -------------------- And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. | ||
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Posted: June 18, 2017, 10:39 PM
nice job dave, you the man !
I had the buzzing and also zaps in my head , arms, and legs, like an electric shock zap..it went away after a few weeks, I cant recall exactly when but it wasn't long..Just part of the healing process, nothing that should concern you.. note = I VASTLEY underestimated vitamins..I didn't realize that they were helping until I stopped taking them..Ensure plus is a fav of mine, boost is also good.. | ||
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Posts: 134
Joined: June 8, 2017
Posted: June 19, 2017, 9:52 AM
Day19
8:21am Slept 7 glorious hours last night. No interruptions. No Sweating. No drama. I awoke with my mind being amazingly clear. Each thought dropped into my stream-of-consciousness like Pebbles on a pond and I surfed effortlessly between this Ripple and that. Even when thoughts converged and mild chaos ensued , my transitions were smooth and deftly executed. If I can recapture the full force of my creative Powers I can continue to fight on. I can shoulder this physical sickness. I can finish this journey. I am feeling completely unafraid.. This post has been edited by JunkyDave on June 19, 2017, 9:53 AM -------------------- And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. | ||
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Posted: June 19, 2017, 1:03 PM
Good to hear that things are beginning to get better. Good for you, Dave. Proud of you!
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Posts: 134
Joined: June 8, 2017
Posted: June 20, 2017, 6:55 AM
Day20
5:45am. Given how unpredictable this withdrawal process has been I'm reluctant to speculate on my progress BUT I am feeling better. Still sickly. Still sneezing. Still affected but definitely feeling better. I have a busy day today so here's hoping my energy levels don't pull a crash and burn. I am so, so, excited to be even the slightest bit better. Today's gonna be a great day. -------------------- And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. | ||
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Posts: 134
Joined: June 8, 2017
Posted: June 20, 2017, 8:07 PM
Oh my what a day...
Turns out that after I settled my case 20 days ago, pleading to two misdemeanors, the State assumed that they now owned my seized cell phone. I had to file a motion and appear before the court to plead my case. Their argument was that it was standard policy in a felony drug/gun case to seize the "perps" phone... My argument was that by agreeing to reduce the charges to misdemeanors the state had exempted me from said policy. Their new argument was that "Drug dealers" shouldn't get their phones back as they often use the phones for nefarious purposes. My rebuttal was that I knew of no case law substantiating such seizures against misdemeanor offenders. Did they seize phones from jaywalkers?, or folks Driving without a license? Both are misdemeanors yet zero phones are seized... In the end, after nearly half a day, I obtained a court order for the release of my cell phone. Might seem petty but many important, Seminole moments of my life are on that old Samsung S4. Newborns coming home. Teaching the grandsons to fish, Monster truck rallys, birthdays, holidays, just so, so much and I'm determined to reclaim every fragment of my life that is reclaimable. All in all, The worst thing about today and being in court was feeling so sickly and vulnerable. The best thing was proving otherwise.. -------------------- And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. | ||
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Posted: June 20, 2017, 9:11 PM
I'm going to start calling you big daddy dave because you are killing it..
that's 3 weeks for you that you will never have to go through again brother, I'm waiting for you on the other side.. | ||
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Posts: 134
Joined: June 8, 2017
Posted: June 20, 2017, 10:09 PM
@itspossible
I must admit that I felt slightly "Mack-ish" after achieving my stated goal and strutting out of court, papers in hand. It wasn't until I reached the parking garage, with its darkened anonymity, that I slumped exhaustively into my truck. But I now know that I can go A hard 6hrs in a very stressful situation and not buckle. I'm looking forward to getting better and re-experiencing the other side and you can bet the farm I'll catch up with you there... -------------------- And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. | ||
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Posts: 134
Joined: June 8, 2017
Posted: June 21, 2017, 9:25 AM
Day 21.
8:10 a.m. Even though I'm still sneezing, experiencing mild nausea, low on energy, and having some sleep difficulties- I have definitely turned a corner and feel much better than even a week ago. I am absolutely positive that the increase in activity has help shorten the overall duration and intensity of my withdrawals. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect that I will only have good days from here on out. It's not how it's worked so far and it's probably not how it will play out in the future. I'm simply grateful for the few good days I've had in a row and that my sense of hope has been buttressed with the notion that I can recover. -------------------- And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. | ||
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Posted: June 21, 2017, 11:00 PM
just checking in on you super dave..round 8 coming up,gotta answer the bell..alot of lurkers are reading and watching your progress, you are inspiring them I'm sure..hope you have a good night..
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