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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: May 31, 2011, 10:14 AM
What?! Could it be the God is doing for me what I could not do for myself. LOL!. Maybe I cried this morning when I was praying. I keep thinking things need to be fixed. Guess what I just realized?! I really don't have much problems. Any that I do have are temporary. Because about seven years ago when my life became unmanageable. I stopped using drugs, and things kinda fell into place. Things came back in to my life that had been lost and life started making sense. The only thing is somewhere along the way in those almost seven years. I began a dry drunk. It wasn't immediate but slowly over time my old ways returned. My selfishness, dishonesty, and running the show entitlement thing. The whole bit. Maybe not to the degree it was in my active addiction. But it was there, and now.... the wreckage. I am glad by Gods graces that Days before my son was suspended from school I had wandered back in to the rooms of AA. So that when that Blow came I was in a safe place where people understood. Where I could live out my drama. And (since no one knew me) I could play it out in front of there eyes. And they (probably seeing it for what it was) just listened and directed me towards the steps. On the very day of the suspension I did something I had seriously never done. I picked up the phone and called another addict in recovery. Smartest choice I have made in a while. I say the suspesion thing like it happened to me. I am CO-die. It happened to my son. I don't know the best way to "handle" things. And I am ok with that. Thankfully I got involved in AA, hopefully I will continue. In the mean time of my latest crisis I sought help from God. And when I did he gave me what I asked for help with. Some clean time from cigarettes and alcohol. I didn't do anything but what has been suggsted. I haven't even done that perfectly but I asked for help from someone that wasn't my mom. I am so dang glad. Now if I can just keep on doing what I am doing and do the next right thing. I sure hope so and with Gods grace I go.
Love, Jane -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen  | ||
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