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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: April 13, 2011, 8:06 AM
Good morning I was a cigarette so f***ing bad I could scream. I am battling weather or not to go to the early morning meeting. And as preditcted (as the week would be week three) I am wondering what this is all aobut. So I quit smoking big f***ing deal. No one cared if I smoked any how. They were my one thing. And all those beautiful things that addiction tells us...
f*** f*** f***... Here I go to the shower. Will see fi I make the meeitng. -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen  | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: April 13, 2011, 10:32 AM
I made it to the meeting. No sooner walked in and someone finished sharing. That I opened up and told them what I was going through. Interesting enough the thought for the day was on self pity...
I shared about Edward asked opinions listened to everyone back and forth. A guy I really respect shared last. He mentioned people making meetings all about themselves and how he didn't want to be that guy. Now I feel a little bad. Like I took the meeting over. And it lost its focus. Like it stopped being about the steps and started being about the drama. I hate that I did that. I am in crisis self pity mode and anything to bring the attention to me. I gotta get this s*** off my chest. But what is the right way to do it. I'm gonna start by humbling myself again. God where do you want me? If it is non action, will you help me be quiet and just listen. What do you want me to do? Love, Jane -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005
Posted: April 13, 2011, 12:13 PM
Jane, honey, you are exactly where you are supposed to be, that jumping off point where you either say f*ck it or embrace your new way of thinking, living, smoke free, drug free, alcohol free and trusting that no matter what, your HP has got your back.
Surrender, baby. Call your sponsor and share what you're going through. Get into the steps. This is where Ms. Katbird would ask me, what Step are you working on, Ms. Stacey? That was my prompt to get my a*ss into the book & steps and working them, living them. And as far as taking the meeting over, that's nothing new, every alcoholic I know has done it, it's okay. Maybe the message you're to receive is to talk to the guy who you respect so much, as him his experience and what he did to find the solution? I've had my feelings hurt more than once sitting in a meeting of AA and what I've found is, it was always me, that when I place principles in front personalities and don't take things personally, I get the message I need to receive. I have learned that Pain is the touchstone to Spiritual growth. You're growing, trust the process. So, now I am going to go & pray you jump into the program and not away ~smile~ I love ya, you're doing awesome~! xoxo Stacey -------------------- Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you. | ||
Posts: 27
Joined: April 11, 2011
Posted: April 13, 2011, 9:20 PM
jane,
im so new to this "recovery process" i cant begin to offer advice. in reading what others wrote about working the steps....sounds like the best thing to do(GOOD experience coupled with wisedom usually prevails)....me...im still working on step 1 myself. but i wanted to share with u what the chairperson in my NA meeting said this morning.... "at any given point and time during these meetings, there will always be some of us that have a greater immediate struggle than others....lets give them the chance to open up and help them and in the process we all learn, benefit and most of all....grow." that being said....(at least in my "newbie infinate wisedom" lol) u should not feel guilty at all for taking up anyones time.....thats what these meetings are for....for ALL of us and that includes YOU ! hope u feel better. -------------------- rainmaker08@satx.rr.com Every day may not be good.... but there is something good in every day | ||
Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: April 13, 2011, 9:30 PM
Stacey's got your back, Jane...deep breaths.
Hugs to you ~ M&M -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: April 14, 2011, 10:32 AM
Sailway thank you. See it works when you work it. I needed to ehar that. I think your right, my thought for the day was on sharing.
And sometimes it is through sheer panic, fear, or not knowing that I will dare reach out to ask someone else WTF? What do I do? How did you do this? MOMN= The best. Stacey - I need to email you I can't believe how emotional I am. THIS SUCKS. I want to be tough smoke a cig. and keep on truckin. Probably because that is what I have always done. I need some new tools, or at least dust off and be reminded of the old ones Ive forgotten. -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: February 17, 2020, 11:08 AM
Day 21. I slept so well last night and I keep sleeping well what a huge blessing. I am grateful. I slept in and I have the day off Presidents Day. I chaired a meeting yesterday about a
Willingness and action. I have a foot zoning appointment I’ve never done it but excited to try. I think I’ll do a self care day. Reading my post reminds me to be happy for my quiet and simple life. I was going through so much this quit. I am so grateful for the support here and god I don’t know how I got through it. My biggest problem today are self absorbed over thinking and not real problems. I’ll take it. Seems like I am in a good spot to stay quit. So I guess I’ll do my self care stuff today and hit a meeting later. Trying to up my meetings for 90 days. But I’ll just do it today. I actually have vacation next weekend to Vegas I won’t smoke because going with my husband but I won’t hit meeting probably but just like always just got to do today. Here I go. Much love & respect, Jane -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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