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Posted: February 12, 2012, 2:20 PM
Tomorrow I'm being assessed and hopefully admitted to a 28 day treatment center for alcohol/marijauna/valium. The funny thing is that I'm admitting myself, and that everyone in my life has laughed at me. They say, "Are you sure?", "you can't do a 12 step program", "I don't understand.."
I have always been aware of my addiction, since I was 16 years old. My parents wouldn't punish me for coming home 4 hours late, drunk out of my mind. I'm now 25 and I'm ready! I'm ready to have the life I deserve and demand. Drugs and alcohol have been holding me back from my dreams. I have been attending therapy for 2 years now, sometimes on a weekly basis. Donna, (my amazing therapist) says, "you need to be sober.. you can't move on unless you get sober" She new all of my secrets, the rapes, the injuries, the bad desicions. She listened to me every week go back to those memories. I was recently put into another bad situation where I had to fight a guy off of me alone in my own home. I find ways to blame myself for that... "that would've never happened if I was drunk", "was I asking for it?" I'm scared to be sober, but I'm more scared to not be sober. I'm not going to think about anyone else but myself this time. My family isn't going to make me change my mind, I'm going to lose a lot of my friends, but it doesn't matter anymore. I want freedom from this disease!! | ||
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Posted: February 12, 2012, 2:59 PM
I need someone to tell me that I'm doing the right thing..
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Posts: 6374
Joined: January 5, 2008
Posted: February 12, 2012, 3:11 PM
Hi Meri. welcome to the board.. Yes you are doing the right thing....I was 53 years old before I got clean and sober... take it from me YES YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. Don't doubt yourself and as for losing friends if they leave you... they weren't your friends to begin with..............Good luck
-------------------- Thank God for what you have. Trust God for what you need | ||
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Posted: February 12, 2012, 3:38 PM
Thankk you Pirate!
I'm so afraid that I'm going to be swayed NOT to get help. I have been fighting myself for days now, trying to reassure myself that things are only going to get better. What if it just gets worse? Addiction is a nasty disease. I have had anxiety and depression since I was a little girl in grade school. I was recently just diagnosed with post tramatic stress disorder from all of the bullying in my child hood. I have used drugs and alcohol to cover up these fears and sadness. Its a cycle that I'm able to predict. Will being sober help my depression and anxiety go away? Is there anyone out there that can relate?? | ||
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Posts: 6374
Joined: January 5, 2008
Posted: February 12, 2012, 4:16 PM
Will being sober help my depression and anxiety go away?
Alcohol is a depressant .. When you get sober it will lessen the depressed feelings and counseling will help in dealing with issues that are creating your anxiety.... AA can help. Are you willing to attend an AA meeting? There you will meet others who will understand. I have been to reab and I recommend that as well especially if you can attend one that is AA oriented. Recovery is a journey not a destination so don't expect immediate results. It takes work, perseverance and an whole lot of faith.. You are doing the right thing.. dont ever doubt yourself.........hugs -------------------- Thank God for what you have. Trust God for what you need | ||
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Posted: February 12, 2012, 6:17 PM
Hi Meri,
My situation is very similar to your's, as in dealing with anxiety, panic attacks, depression etc and I believed (and was told by the professionals) that it was due to post traumatic stress, turns out it wasn't, it was due to alcohol abuse. 'The professionals' didn't tell me this, I found out for myself when I attended rehab, got sober and lived that for most of last year. A year of peace and anxiety free, bliss. Started drinking again at the end of last year as I believed 'my anxiety' was behind me - little did I know, alcohol was the cause of all that crap. I am also about to attend rehab (again), but I now know that this is the right path for me. My issue was acceptance. I didn't want to accept that I was an alcoholic. Family told me I wasn't so I believed and listened to them, rather than listening when I attended AA meetings last year. I wish you all the best and take care of you - you are the only person that can decide your path and journey and by the sounds of things, you are heading in the right direction to happiness. Take care K | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: February 12, 2012, 8:14 PM
Hello Meri:
You certainly are doing the right thing. I was alcohol and Valium addicted to for many years and my recovery began in a 90 day rehab. Go and put yourself in their hands. I wish you the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
Posts: 577
Joined: February 25, 2009
Posted: February 13, 2012, 3:30 PM
Hey Meri! You are doing ABSOLUTELY the right thing. And you can kick this.
Be strong. Let this be your ONLY priority. And don't let anybody stand in your way. | ||
Posts: 20396
Joined: February 12, 2004
Posted: February 14, 2012, 1:30 PM
Go Meri..go. People, places and things. If those 3 things are standing in your way of recovery, it's time to let them go. Time for you to be a little selfish and worry just about you for now. I couldn't get more than a week at a time under my belt of clean time until I went to treatment. From there, AA/NA. I used for 27 years..been clean 8 now. You have to start somewhere and your way doesn't work anymore.
I really hope you go and when you get out, come back and let us know how you are... -------------------- I used Drugs to forget, I got clean to remember. | ||
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