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Posts: 26
Joined: February 24, 2016
Posted: February 25, 2016, 3:34 AM
Bless your heart, Nick!!! I am up tonight with stomach cramps so I can't type. I promise you I will come back in the morning and talk to you. I do know how you feel, I have been through this crap so many times, I can't count. Just let me say we both will make it through this, we will do it together. I have a wonderful family, I am very blessed, but I keep screwing up taking too many pain pills, the story of my life. I will see you in the morning, hang in there.
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Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015
Posted: February 25, 2016, 6:51 AM
Hi Nick,
I think the only thing we can do with/about our sons are hope as time goes on and they get older that they change....mine is still giving me a world of grief, but i have learnt to accept thats who is... How are you feeling today, i hope your symptoms are not as severe as last time! Giving the amount of your clean time youd hope it would be a little more forgiving!! Having something to look forward to and focus on is helping me chip away the days, although i have had moments where i have thought alot about having pills....but have pushed past it... im feeling reasonably ok now...not as tired now, more energy...not 100% but id say 70% which im happy about...i have.very few physical symptoms...my stomach still gives me grief...a bit of diarrhea from time to time.... over all im feeling ok.... keep fighting the good fight Nick, you will get there..... Shell | ||
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Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015
Posted: February 25, 2016, 6:54 AM
Hang tough Girly...we are all here for you....you can do it...5mins at a time....you wont die if you dont take pills....but if you keep taking them you might....
This is some of my own advise im constantly telling myself....its harsh but needs to be said | ||
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Posts: 26
Joined: February 24, 2016
Posted: February 25, 2016, 11:09 AM
Thank you, Shell!!! I am still having a hard time today, I am so full of anxiety, and just feel rotten. I was so happy yesterday, I felt so much better, but this is how it goes, though, you get worse before you get better, right.
Nick, I am thinking of you, and as soon as I feel like writing more, we will talk, ok. I hope you are having a better day, and I hope you are too, Shell. | ||
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Posted: February 26, 2016, 2:26 AM
Hi
Thanks shell and girly Yesterday was day 4 and it was the worst yet. I managed to sleep ok last night with a. Mixture of amitriptyline, clonidine and melatonin. I have woken up and the anxiety is still awful I just want to rip my skin off. I have to get through this morning somehow, I go on a behaviour type course with my pain in the backside son. Then I am going to go to the doctors and ask for some diazepam because I can't go on like this I had obviously forgotten how horrendous the anxiety is. I suffer a bit from anxiety and depression and have been on and off medication since I was 21, I am 39 now. I amitriptyline for migraines so my doc suggested I increase the dosage to get the antidepressant effect and I must say it really works. I have taken Prozac for years but it stopped working and I tried mirtazapine which was brilliant but the weight gain was crazy! So what I want to know is 'what the hell am I gonna do now'? I could kill myself for going back to codeine, I suffer with my back, but I always end up taking more and more, why? I am such I complete idiot, I hate myself and my husband is worried sick. But when you suffer with anxiety it is very hard to explain to someone who has never had it. I wish everyone all the best. Nick xx | ||
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Posts: 26
Joined: February 24, 2016
Posted: February 26, 2016, 6:36 PM
Nick, I posted to you on my tramadol post. I hope you are feeling better, it is hard, isn't it? Keep me updated.
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Posted: February 27, 2016, 3:50 AM
Hi everyone
Day 6 now and I am lying in bed crying still because of the anxiety, I got a short course of valium which I took 5mg last night before bed 1 about 1am then another at 5am because I can't sleep properly, I have had some sleep but the moment I stir I wake up with skin crawling and wish I could rip my skin off and stomach out! Does anyone else suffer with this? I feel so alone because it seems like everything I read is all about the physical withdrawals. I think the physical stuff is slowly getting there, but I am seriously worried about the anxiety and depression, to me it's the worst feelings in the world. I hope you are all doing well. Nick xx | ||
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Posts: 281
Joined: January 14, 2015
Posted: February 27, 2016, 4:14 AM
Hi Nick and Girly,
6 days is awesome Nick...way to go...Although im sorry to hear that your having a hard time Nick! I completely understand and can sympathise with you. Although i must be honest i have had hardly any anxiety this time around...while my mood is a little low its not too bad...i have no new advise or sugestions for you besides keep riding it out...it will get easier for you! Just keep taking the meds the doc prescribes you and take it as slowly as you need to 15mins at a time....i am almost at 3 weeks clean and i feel pretty good....i found when i took something to help me sleep of a night (clonodine ) it made me very grogy like the following day...i only took this twice...id much rather try and get thru this without any other type of pill... Well im gunna try anyway! I hope things go well with your son..good luck with it Take care Shell | ||
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Posts: 26
Joined: February 24, 2016
Posted: February 27, 2016, 9:35 AM
Hey girls,
Nick, you are the only other person who has to go through with the anxiety like I have. I have not this time as much, but I have in the past. My stomach would draw up so hard, I would run around the house doubled over crying. I wanted to die, but I promise you it is going to pass. My husband and I were just talking about it last night. I want you to be very careful with the Valium, ok, because it might make the withdrawals start all over again. I remember begging my doctor for some, which he really tried to help, this was years ago. He would not, he told me to take Tylenol PM, soak in a tub, and I had some muscle relaxants, I would take one every 4 hours. It did help. I remember using a heating pad, you just got to hang in there, and if you believe in prayer, do that too, o k. I walked, walked and walked right in my house, up and down the stairs to make it go away, so I do know what you are going through, bless your heart. If you don't mind me asking, do you take anti-depressants or benzos on a regular basis? I will check back on you! | ||
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Posted: February 27, 2016, 12:17 PM
Hi girly
Yes I have been on antidepressants since I was 21, I am 39 now. The valium is doing absolutely nothing. I hate the horrible paced out feeling. I took 10mg about 5 hours ago and I got half an hour relief so what's the point? I am not gonna bother taking it again, I hoped and prayed it would work but it hasn't. I have some mirtazapine left that I took last time I went through withdrawal and it is an amazing antidepressant, it's just the weight gain that bothers me. But I would rather be 20 stone than carry on like this, so tonight I will take it. I already take amitriptyline for migraines, but had to increase for the antidepressant effect. God knows what I am gonna do I swear this is so much harder this time. I do hope you are ok too, I am relieved to hear that I am not alone, I wish you all the best too. Does your anxiety make you cry all the time? I have had depression a few times, but that is nothing compared to the anxiety. Please keep me updated, where abouts are you? I am in the UK, I just feel so alone. I wish I was a little girl again with not a care in the world. I have to be strong for my 3 kids, but I just feel like dying. Nick xx | ||
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Posts: 26
Joined: February 24, 2016
Posted: February 27, 2016, 12:50 PM
Nick,
You are not alone, o k. We sound so much alike, I am much older, I could be your mama! lol I am very young at heart, so I am right with you. I am happy you are not going to take the Valium, I had to come off that stuff cold turkey, and it really did almost kill me. This was years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. Maybe, I can help you through this because of my experience, which I am not proud of, but after going through it 5000 times, I have learned some things, lol I ask you questions, because you remind me so much of me, I am trying to remember how I would get through it. I have always had anxiety, anxiety attacks, but they are horrible through withdrawals. I have got it under control otherwise. I used to take benzos for it but actually they increased over time. I tried anti-depressants but like you I gained so much weight. I do remember, Nick, when I was going through tramadol withdrawals about 8 years ago, my panic attacks were so bad I would end up in the emergency room. One of my doctors gave me Effexeor and it helped me immediately. I stayed on it about 3 years and did great. Have you ever tried that one? Do you have anxiety when you are not going through withdrawals? I really do believe taking pain pills cause most of our problems. This is my opinion, you might totally disagree. What are you going to do for your pain after this? Keep writing me, o k. Today I can actually concentrate more than a minute, so I will be here for you. I know there are other one's here, too, like poopie, shell, and lulu so you are not alone. Do you go to meetings? I do not anymore, I sometimes do online meetings, or these forums, and finally I found this one. I like the people on here, we seem to all relate well. Just keep talking and we will too, see when I am talking to you and others it is helping me tremendously, so thank you to everyone. I am actually going to make lunch, wow, what an accomplishment!!! I live in the Southeast, I am an old southern lady. I am a crazy one! LOL You are going to make it, I promise, as long as you come here and talk to us. | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: February 27, 2016, 1:09 PM
You girls could profit/prosper so much from AA/NA meetings.
The relief we need is found there. In the honesty, the strength, the direction to change. All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 26
Joined: February 24, 2016
Posted: February 27, 2016, 2:05 PM
Hey there,
I totally agree with you, and I believe the meetings are the way to go. I do not drive anymore, and I also just moved, so I need to meet some people and find some meetings. We definitely need fellowship through this. What is your story? | ||
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: February 27, 2016, 2:15 PM
I'm just a helpless, hopeless addict/alcoholic who had a gun to his head in 1989.
I finally surrendered in 1989. (gave up the control, the idea that I knew what my problem was and that I could fix it) I committed to AA/NA http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf Here we are in 2016 and I've been drug/alcohol free for nearly 27 yrs (I'm 71 yrs old) AA/NA seems to be working for me (as promised) and I think I'll continue on with it. Anyone can have the benefits of the program, they just have to do it. I don't need fellowship (alone), I need to commit to the program. All the best. Bob R This post has been edited by Papa Bear on February 27, 2016, 2:16 PM -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posted: February 28, 2016, 3:34 AM
Hi everyone
Thanks for your replies. I have beaten this twice before so I know I can do it. It just feels like every day is a year! I have woken up on day 7 and I feel slightly less anxiety but I do still feel very tearful. I slept well last night, but I just want to be myself again. I was absolutely fine until I started those bloody pills again. I am hoping for more energy today because I am just sitting around moping which is totally unfair on my family, so am going to make an effort to get out walking today. I have had therapy etc in the past but for me the only thing that works are antidepressants, so I started the mirtazapine last night and will stay on that for a few months, I couldn't care less about the weight gain, anything is better than anxiety and depression. How are you feeling today girly? Are you managing to sleep? What do you take for your anxiety? Do you have a supportive family? I think that helps, my husband is brilliant but I begged him not to tell my parents that I had started taking the pills again they would be so upset. My husband is trying so hard and I just feel so ashamed that I have gone back after everything that happened last time (I fainted and lost my memory for a while) so he can't believe I could be so stupid. He's totally right, this is it for me now. Please keep me updated with how you all are. Take care. Nick xx | ||
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: February 28, 2016, 8:22 AM
"I have beaten this twice before so I know I can do it."
I would say that you have "fought it" twice before and, in the end, lost..... I remember it would get progressively worse - My mental, emotional, spiritual, physical condition deteriorated over time until I was bankrupt. I tried to "manage" my disease when I was 20 yrs old and came to recovery at 45 yrs old. I wish you the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posted: February 28, 2016, 11:23 AM
Hi papa bear
I couldn't go to na/aa, I don't think I need to. I have recovered fully twice from this and the only reason I went back was because of my back pain. I am on day 7 and it's only really early and I am sure this time next week I should be feeling a bit more normal, the antidepressant mirtazapine worked amazingly well last time. I am prone to anxiety and depression and have been to many therapy sessions but I can't follow it, I have tried really hard but antidepressants are the only thing that works. I don't understand why I suffer with this I have the most loving family, my parents and sister and husband love me so much we are all so close, I have had the most wonderful upbringing and I have absolutely nothing to worry about. I have 3 kids and my eldest boy is a bit out of control at times, but I never get that down about it. Are my feelings now still the codeine withdrawal? I can't remember what happened last time. I couldn't face going for a walk with my family today I have zero energy and can't stop crying. When will it all end? Nick xx | ||
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: February 28, 2016, 11:43 AM
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily...y=2016&m=1&d=16
I haven't suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, fear, deep depression and remorse for many years. As "HOW IT WORKS" says: http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. I wish you the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 26
Joined: February 24, 2016
Posted: February 28, 2016, 10:12 PM
Hey Bob, I hope you still don't feel hopeless and helpless. 27 years, wow, that is an accomplishment. Do you still want to drink every day? You have come an awful long way, you have to feel good about yourself. I am surely proud of you. I hope you keep posting, I like reading your posts.
I quit drinking over 20 years ago, and I really don't ever want to drink. To be honest though, if I didn't take pills, I might want to drink, right! No matter what it is, it is progressive, and an illness, and you cannot be cured. I hear all these new programs, yes, you can be cured, no I don't think so, what do you think? Of course we can choose to stop, but it is an illness. Every time I go through wds it is worse, I do know that for a fact. Anyway, keep up the good work, Bob (Papa) Nick, how are you today. I read all your posts, and I know you are still having a hard time. All of the bad stuff you are going through will stop, but it does seem like it goes on forever, right? I had a bad night, I had the worse cramps and anxiety in my stomach, I could not sleep. I have no energy, and yes I do feel like crying, but it is better tonight. I am like you I just want it to be over. Nick, try not to be so hard on yourself. You are not a bad person, you have an illness, you are going to survive. Tell me what is going on, o k. Let's see I think you asked me, I think, I am married 45 years, 3 children, 5 grandchildren and a wonderful husband. I am trying to take one day at a time, and set some goals. Let me know what is going, on, o k. Hey, Shell, Lulu, and whomever, how is everyone? Talk to you soon. Hey Poopie, and Skeeter, I think. lol I just realized I am typing faster, and concentrating better, so that is a good thing! | ||
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: February 28, 2016, 10:25 PM
Page 85 of The Big Book says:
" We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." My life today is not about the booze/drugs but about getting honest and growing up. Recovery is not about "staying away" but is about "growing away" from drugs/alcohol. I had to put the bottle/pills/needle down as my "Higher Power" and ask God for help. All the best. Bob R (my wife and I began dating in 1962) This post has been edited by Papa Bear on February 28, 2016, 10:27 PM -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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