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Posted: December 24, 2018, 4:12 PM
Vent Alert.
As I get older and more experienced in dealing with the alkie/addict I also view other people and their background/stories differently. I seemed to have gained a bit more clarity and acceptance of other situations. Know a couple of families where their adult children want as little to do with them as possible. One is easy. The mom is always out for herself prioritizing time with her alkie boyfriend over children. She uses him for access for lifestyle and/or drugs. She spent so much time with him she let one of her kids in day for hours on end on a regular basis when the child full well knew what the mom was doing. Long story short the kid flunked high school and became a juvenile delinquent. The other got quite snippy at a holiday dinner trying to push their ideas on people. You simply could not argue, debate or make a casual comment. It was their way or highway. We knew they were strict/stringent but it is a confirmation of why they have gone through periods where their kids wanted nothing to do with them. It was one of those times where their fangs/true colors cameout for an extended period of time. Even then they treat others well for the most part. Both their kids moved out of the old neighborhood as fast as they could with no desire to comeback. They 'communicate' but one only saw them once a year under very contrived circumstances for hour lunch or something. One adult child has drug & alcohol issues dating back to their teens and the other wound up with several dui's and accidents by the time they were 25. They seemed to have recovered/gone sober the second half of their lives without much trouble. Morale of the story I guess is don't let "friends" or "family" blind you or demand blind loyalty. And there are reasons for everything. Sometimes it's takes years to put the puzzle together or just accept the picture you got. | ||
Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018
Posted: December 24, 2018, 8:34 PM
Interesting samegame...I can tell you are doing alot of thinking and it really helps you and us when we share our thoughts so thank you. I think life isn't easy for many different reasons and people sadly fall through the cracks for a variety of reasons. I do believe and have faith for all people that they can turn their life around and live a good life. I believe life is a gift and each and everyone of us has gifts to share. If there's a will there's a way.
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Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018
Posted: December 24, 2018, 10:37 PM
Thank you for sharing Samegame - today I've been rehearsing (i.e. obsessing) over my next comment to him.... He stopped talking to us in July, between April & June, we lost 5 members in our family. During the same time of the losses, his lost his very good job. But somehow that warranted cutting off communications with family. But when he DOES contact us, he is just down right ugly!!
My husband & I are retired and live in a 55+ community, so he can't come here. Neither of his brothers can afford to have him move in there. So now I am back on my Trazadone, hubby back on his Ativan, we go between resolve - anger - to overwhelming sadness, but we do know that we did NOTHING to cause any of this & he cannot improve anything until he gets into rehab/long term therapy/weekly meeting & get a sponsor. Does anyone know if someone without a job or insurance can still get rehab? | ||
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Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018
Posted: December 25, 2018, 8:01 AM
Mtnmom I'm not really sure. I do think if he was on the state's insurance ie. Medicaid they would likely cover it. He would have to sign up for it and see if he would qualify. Otherwise I know rehabs will take cash sometimes at a reduced amount however it is still VERY expensive and not many people can afford it.
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Posts: 195
Joined: July 6, 2018
Posted: December 25, 2018, 2:36 PM
In order to get insurance he may have to get medical bills. When you go to an emergency room, they have to treat you. If you are demeaned dangerous to yourself or others,you might be hospitalized.
The social services at the hospital work with the state to get you medical assistance of some kind. The biggest problem is getting the addict there. You can't make them go or make them stay. I know you want to fix this,you want to have it all planned out and hand the solution to your child. It can't be done.Ive tried and my daughter would mess it up at every corner. There is so much brain damage.She used to scream and cry and beg me to help her.When I told her the obvious solution,she would get angry and say that's not the help she needs. | ||
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Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018
Posted: December 25, 2018, 6:57 PM
I hear you Walkedon! We decided we are going to stick with the advice we have received here - shut him down when he tries to come over unannounced, not answer phone calls immediately & when he is whining about his life he destroyed, I will ask if he is ready to go to the hospital. I have printed a couple of brochures from our county behavioral health website. We have 24 hour welkin crisis centers through out the county. He caused this mess he is in & only he can try to get out. I will not tolerate yelling, insulting and cursing. And today he told his brother that he wouldn't join the family for Christmas because it is best for him to stay in his misery alone.... whatever son, yes it is!! You are a jerk when you are using, or when you are coming down or you don't have the money for drugs....
He hasn't been around for most holidays the past 25 years. | ||
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