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Posted: December 19, 2021, 3:02 PM
Good morning, šššššš
Well the roof is leaking by the sky light. Weāve had so much rain that thereās water damage. My son in law is getting on the roof to put a tarp up. Hello Sunday lol Last night was my Son in laws birthday. We had a prime rib dinner and German chocolate cake from a bakery. He cooked the roast perfectly. We really had a nice time. These are the things that I look forward to now. Instead of methadone or heroin. Well Iām livid and pretty upset. I went to my Walgreens pharmacy and once again they closed the pharmacy for the weekend..Iām totally out of almost all of my medications and I have heart and blood thinners Iām out of. But even though Iām out of these Iām not freaking out like if I was on methadone. I donāt like being dope sick. That was my driving force. To never experience that. Speaking of being dope sick I really believe marijuana helps with withdrawals. I read an article that supports that theory. The Biden administration has allowed more testing of thc than any other administration. My son in law just put a tarp up over the skylight on the roof. He jumped right on covering it up so thereās no more leaking. Iām impressed with how fast he covered it up. Drugs make you procrastinate and leave things until the next day. At least for me it was like that. Now of course I expect things timely and normal. Well Iām on my third cup of coffee and not so zippy. Iām gonna get this posted before I change my mindā¦ā¦ā¦Byeš | ||
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Posted: December 23, 2021, 5:27 PM
Hi, šššššš
Well we might get snow on Christmas night. Then 2 weeks after too. It doesnāt snow here but once in a blue moon. The mozzarella sticks exploded in the air fryer. I couldnāt stop laughing and now it brings a smile to my face. A good laugh is the best feeling. I finally went to the pharmacy and got my prescriptions. It was very chaotic and they couldnāt find one medicine so I have to go back. But you know what no one was bitching about waiting in line. They had accepted it. When I quit I didnāt let other peoples values taint mine. Iām not going to name names but certain groups make you feel bad if your not doing it their way. What an awful way to be. Any day not using is a good day IMO. I wanted to post a little something. Have a beautiful day š¤ā¦ā¦..Peaceā¦ā¦ā¦Love and Hippie Beads | ||
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Posted: December 25, 2021, 11:47 AM
Merry Christmas šš
The granddaughters have opened their presents. Santa has come and gone along with the elf. Itās so heartwarming to see them opening their gifts and loving them. Tonight we are under a storm watch and might get snow. We hardly ever get snow on the valley floor. The kids would love it. I would too. My daughter and her husband donāt drink. I donāt either. Iām very grateful I donāt have to be around drinkers. I bartended for 15 years. My parents owned the bar. I really enjoyed my job. But now I choose not to be around it. I would be freaking out if I was on methadone because of the storm watch. Uncertainty is something I tried to avoid. Being dope sick isnāt an option. So then thereās risky behavior to get well. I remember when I learned to hustle. First it was dumpster diving for cans. Easy fun times. In the nicer weather the dorms dumpsters were full of stuff from overseas students. I lived by the dorms so it was easy to collect furniture to sell . Weād find unpainted furniture and paint them in pastels. People bought that stuff up. Even though money was easy I still needed more to stay well. Itās a never ending cycle. Then I was introduced to flying a sign essentially begging but with a sign. Lucrative oh my goodness. I would stand or sit and make money in minutes flying a sign. I had sunk so low that I just accepted begging as a way of life. This was all done years ago before people got fed up with panhandlers. Iām older and now everything is so overrun with tweaked hoodlums. The dope is bad news. The people are bad news and the homeless community puts up with this. We have a large presence of homeless that ride their bikes around and steal. Iām a big advocate for the homeless. Iām a friend of the homeless. I believe everyone should have safe spot to sleep. Enough on this subject because I could go on and on. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmasā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.Sending good vibes your wayā¦ā¦ā¦. | ||
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Posted: December 27, 2021, 1:42 AM
Hey there people:)
It snowed today and itās suppose to snow until tomorrow. We got 7 inches and snow is still falling. I had to cancel my blood drawing appt šš©ø. Itās humorous because Iāve had to cancel three appts through no fault of my own. I really need to get my blood drawn though. I also have medication I have to pick up. My plans are now on hold. I donāt bat an eye at the small stuff. The big stuff I think positively and it turns out okay. Thatās something Iāve learned to do. Itās wasted energy when your negative. I think Iāve mentioned this before. When I saw a counselor I did guided meditations. She would talk and Iād visualize what she was saying. Itās very relaxing. I donāt see one anymore. In fact Iām doing okay hanging with my family. šš My daughter told me when my first granddaughter was born that she would disown me if I used heroin again. I had been blocked from leaving my house by my boyfriend. I was scared. Because Iāve been a battered woman I jumped at the opportunity to receive a phone that can call 911. I hid it and I used it. I got him arrested and left him. He did 18 months. Well this would of freaked me out if I was on methadone. I take the bus or ride in a car. So when the weather is bad it can affect my ride. I suffer from anxiety and canāt drive anymore. This presents itās own types of problems. I really donāt like to take the bus unless I canāt get a ride. Well Iām getting tiredā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦..peaceā¦ā¦ā¦love and hippie beads | ||
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Posted: December 28, 2021, 1:32 PM
Hi,
We have about 10 inches of snow itās so pretty. I love the snow. I donāt drive so itās easy peasy for me. Thereās a little more to my not driving. When I went off Xanax I suffered from seizures. I was fortunate I never had one while climbing stairs. I quit driving immediately. I suffered from random seizures for a year or so. Many many trips to the emergency dept. in an ambulance. I pride myself in quitting 4mg Xanax a day prescribed by my doctor. I felt that this was too good to be true. Iām always paranoid that my doctor will move or quit. So I quit Xanax cold turkey. Well a couple months passed and my doctor retired. I was already not taking Xanax. But damn another one of my doctors quits. Iām not being a victim to Doctors not caring about me. Oh hell no. I donāt trust them because money is involved. If you can pay they care. If you canāt they donāt. Iām kinda bored today. I feel restless. Well Iāve got a brain fart. Iāll post later. | ||
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Posted: December 31, 2021, 3:03 PM
Well itās the last day of 2021. I just finished watching The things we lost in the fire. It has a heroin addict thatās trying to get and stay clean. He doesnāt want to go on methadone. He goes cold turkey and then to rehab. When I was going cold turkey I was hating life. Always fantasizing about getting well. Then I found out about methadone. It was a miracle dosing in the morning and staying well till the next morning.
When I began using heroin I didnāt know about methadone. When I found out about it I went and got on it. I never went real high in my methadone. 80mg. Is the highest I got on methadone. You can go higher but why? I always think of the come down. I realized I couldnāt control my heroin addiction. I was gonna get sick here and there. I didnāt like those odds. Methadone saved me from heroin plain and simple. If you really want to make this successful you need to give yourself adequate time to taper. I got fed up with my clinic because everyone acted like they were actively using. Selling benzos and other š. So I rapidly detoxed 1mg a day until I got to 0. I had no energy and I donāt drive. Asking for help is something thatās hard for me. I needed help and asked my fellow NA people for help. Well didnāt get a lot of help. For me I wanted to go to meetings but no way to get there. It was really an inconvenience and I quit going. Not sure why just talking is helpful to not using. Talking about your drug problems and abstinence doesnāt equate being healthy imo. Maybe Iāve got a chip on my shoulder about my experience. In any event Iām not using methadone and itās been years. I think Iāll post later tonightā¦ā¦.Happy dayā¦ā¦ā¦last day of 2021 | ||
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Posted: January 1, 2022, 11:27 AM
Happy New Year !!!!!
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Posted: January 2, 2022, 11:57 AM
Good morning,
Itās January 2nd and I made resolutions that I have kept. I know itās only one day but Iām proud of myself. Thatās the way it was for me when I tapered methadone. Everyday I knew I was getting closer to my goal. It took me years to taper slowly and get off methadone. For me I didnāt want to suffer. Many people believe that you have to suffer so you wonāt go back to it. Well that wasnāt the case with me. Itās possible to not feel like crap and achieve your goal. I think thatās why Suboxone is so tempting because you donāt have to go to the clinic. Thatās one of the reasons I wanted to get off of methadone was because of the clinic. Our methadone clinic was downtown in a refurbished house. Around the corner was the coffee shop everyone hung out at. It became the new drug den. Sure the people were on methadone but they still dealt and did crime. Benzodiazepines weāre traded and sold there. At the time I was married and my husband was on methadone too. He was a convicted felon and crime was his middle name. At this time we were separated and never got back together. He is doing 60 years in prison now. i Had always been scared of him after I realized he was a dark soul. Methadone doesnāt cure everything. Iāve grown a lot being opiate free including methadone. I donāt try to fix things or get upset at life. I just take it one day at a time. Have a beautiful Sundayā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.. | ||
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Posted: January 5, 2022, 12:16 PM
Good morning everyone š
Well yesterday was a shocker. Somehow mom and I got to talking and I mentioned that I post for a methadone site. She asked if she could read it. I decided itās too sad for a mother to read. She knows I was a heroin addict and took methadone though. She is so far removed from drugs and doesnāt know what a 12 step program is. I didnāt nod too often and I didnāt use excessively. There were no red flags for her to have known. At the time she was dating one man and it occupied her time plus she was so happy. My mother is quite beautiful and is well off. She was quite the catch after my dad died. Anyways they got married, theyāre still married. In the winter she goes to Palm Desert so I donāt see her for six months at a time. Iāve always had an apartment and up until this last boyfriend (7 years ago) a man living with me. Now I live with my cat and life is easy. No drama or lies anymore. Plus domestic .violence. No more being afraid. Have a beautiful dayā¦ā¦ā¦..peace | ||
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Posted: January 7, 2022, 10:20 AM
Good morning,
A lot of positive stuff has been happening for me. My New Years resolution has been kept this week. Iām smiling and so proud. Iām just realizing I can tackle anything one day at a time. This year Iāve taken the hardest thing and applied what I learned from stopping methadone. Iāve achieved my goal for the week. š. Iāve been getting really bored lately and need to find a hobby. Beading is what Iām leaning towards. When I was in treatment for Heroin I was beading. It helped settle my mind. Well I just wanted to say helloā¦ā¦ā¦.peaceā¦ā¦loveā¦ā¦ā¦.hippie beads šæšŗšøš¼š»š· | ||
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Posted: January 10, 2022, 11:17 AM
Good morning,
Iām feeling pretty swell. Iāve got two friends now. I connected with a junior high school friend and another woman. Iām stoked to have friends. Things are moving rather swiftly for me and Iām excited. Iāve been invited to go to an Alpha group study on Thursdays. Im gonna go. Itās on its second week. They serve dinner too. Im not real comfortable in group settings but life gets lonely when your all by yourself. So needless to say Iām going. Im branching out. I have strong opinions about things but will always look at the other side. So Iām going to a Alpha meeting on Thursday. š | ||
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Posted: January 12, 2022, 12:17 PM
Good morning,
Well Iām doing good methadone free too. Lol. I woke up smiling and in a very good mood. Iām feeding the dogs now while I post. Yesterday I was talking to my junior-high school friend and she said she needs to get back to meetings. I asked her if she wants to drink she said no. (She has 14years). But what she said next really resonated with me. She said she was becoming a dry drunk and needed to get to meetings to feel better. I never really thought about it like that. Iām all for feeling better and whatever is needed to achieve this. AA was designed for heavy end of the road drunks. That was in the beginning and I thoroughly believe it benefits drinkers. Now donāt skin me alive but NA is a knock off from that. Not as effective and many go back out. Why because alcohol and drugs react differently. Anyways enough on my opinions. Everyone has one though. Itās given me something to think about. For me personally sitting and talking in a meeting doesnāt work for me. As far as achieving my goals. I needed medication to quit. I donāt mean to beat a dead horse but the bottom is I quit opiates and methadone. I really donāt believe in the cork in the bottle scenario but if you need it touchĆ©. Am I making sense. Wow I need to settle down Loretta. One thing Iām thinking of doing is sharing my story. Coming in and being a guest speaker or writing a book. Another thing Iām contemplating is working in a detox center. They need people it would be a rewarding and gut wrenching at the same time. Bringing back memories of my time there. Iām a very caring individual who bonds easily with homeless, druggies and alcoholics. Itās always been the case. I donāt offend them. They feel comfortable talking to me. My friend also said because I quit heroin she quit drinking. Wow thatās heavy. Sheās Native American and drinking was her thing. I feel grateful that I could help. Have a beautiful hump dayā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦peace | ||
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Posted: January 14, 2022, 7:48 AM
Good morning,
Slept 4 hours now Iām wide awake. Itās 2:52 am. So I made myself a cup of coffee and thought Iād post. Well all day yesterday I was concerned about going to an Alpha meeting. I found out itās at a church and is about beginning Christianity. They serve dinner and talk. Well hell no. Organized religion isnāt my thing. Plus not a beginner. Now donāt judge me but I used to do speed and study the Bible. Days on end reading and reading. But ya know what I know my stuff. Lol My high school friend came over and we reconnected. She brought me some handmade gifts and we laughed and laughed. Sheās got 14 years off of alcohol and I guess I have over that off heroin then methadone. Iām terrible I donāt keep track of my start dates. One thing I would do is go to a 12 step meeting if asked. I can be a supportive friend on that. We have a clubhouse in our community that has NA and AA groups all hours. Iāve been in and out of there so I know quite a few people. Itās not weird for me. Iām not a believer in just talking though. Times have changed and there is medical help out there. Methadone was my medical help. When I started off with heroin I didnāt know about methadone. Our community detox believed in cold turkey. Never mentioned methadone. I believe I wouldnāt of used heroin so long if someone had told me about it. When I went to my first methadone clinic they got me in quick. My husband was on the program and they liked to have married people both on it. Well my husband wasnāt interested in following the program or rules. If he had takeouts heād sell them. He really never wanted to quit and was using methadone much as the same way as heroin. He had a whole network of scoundrels to sell and buy all types of drugs. He gave the clinic a bad name. Things were going good for me dosing at 80ml. and staying away from heroin. I know Iāve posted this before but they gave us 30 days and then they were shutting the doors. 30 days isnāt long enough to come off of 80ml. So back to heroin and methadone. I know this will be controversial but being on methadone is still an opiate. Your still on opiates. Of course itās hard to come off of fast but if you go slow youāll have an easier time. Itās 3:42 am. On second cup of coffee will make pot at 4. Basically you have to take methadone or your gonna be sick. Have a beautiful dayā¦ā¦.. | ||
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Posted: January 16, 2022, 6:50 AM
Good morning,
Well my new friend who invited me to a Alpha meeting isnāt messaging me anymore. The class is at a church and the whole thing is about the Bible. What the heck it sounds awful to me. She asked and said it was okay if I didnāt want to go . I told her I didnāt want to go. Then she stopped messaging me. Iām definitely not interested in organized religion. Iām more of a feed homeless in the park kinda person. I feel blindsided by this and definitely donāt want to go to the meeting At ALL. Passive aggressive is the feeling I got. Maybe sheāll just stop messaging me and this matter too. I feel like a bit of drama has come. Which I donāt deal with at all. I just needed to vent to the world. Iāll write more laterā¦ā¦. Well sleeping 5 hours and then getting up is wearing me down but I canāt sleep. So I got up turned on the ice machine and made a cup of coffee. A strong cup of coffee. This brings back memories of being on methadone and not sleeping well. I loved being up when everyone is sleeping. I use to draw a lot and it helped me. Thinking about working at the detox center really intrigueās me. They helped me so much. I have an easy and relatable story. I bond easily with druggies because I was one for so long. Plus Iām not pushing anything other than stopping methadone. Have a great day ššš» | ||
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Posted: January 17, 2022, 7:15 AM
Good morning 2:28 am,
I slept for a couple hours and got up cause I canāt sleep. I never use to sleep but this past year I could sleep 8 hours and take a 2 hour nap. Recovery from ohs. I fell last week and my back and knee are messed up. I need to go find out whats going on. Itās hard to walk. Anyways gonna call the doctor and get an appt. Sooooo my granddaughters had cheer competition on Saturday. Yesterday we found out her coach and two other girls have Covid. Iāve been exposed. š©š¤¢. One thing thatās nice about not being tied to a methadone clinic I donāt have to worry because of quarantine. I canāt imagine what the clients did while they were figuring out what to do when Covid hit. Being the paranoid person I was when on methadone I stashed and bought methadone in case something happened. Everyone of my doctors, relocated, quit, retired and I think she wouldnāt get vaccinated. Anyways not one of those doctors talked about getting off of methadone. Your opiate receptors have a long memory and it takes awhile to taper off. Itās very doable. My friend messaged me and we didnāt talk about the Alpha group or going to church. Now with the Covid exposure Iām home for a bit. Thank my lucky stars Iām not on methadone during this uncertainty. Iād be a wreck and probably sick. Iām never sick either anymore. Not dope sick but flu sick. When the family gets sick I donāt. Wow Iāve almost been up 3 hours. 2 cups = to 5 cups coffee drank. Shall I make another cup? That is the question this morning. Lol. Clearly Iām on the border of too much Java. Okay one more cup that equals 2 1/2 cups. Ya know I feel compelled to keep posting. My journey is still going and I want to talk about it. Because anyone can be successful in getting off methadone. Ya just got to take it one day at a time. Have a beautiful Mondayā¦ā¦ā¦..peace | ||
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Posted: January 20, 2022, 7:51 AM
Good morning,
Canāt sleep again on my 5th cup of Java. I donāt mind having to get up when I donāt sleep. I sip my coffee and go over the days events before the news comes on. My friend invited me to another Alpha meeting at the church. Baptist at that. Some donāt believe in dancing like the Footloose movie with Kevin Bacon. Thatās just too much in my BUISNESS kinda nonsense. Who fuels these notions. Lol. Well another praising of methadone. Saved my life and now I donāt take it any longer. I loved methadone in that it kept me away from heroin. Thatās something to be grateful for. Methadone does require a long taper to successfully get off of it. 1ml a month 2ml if your brave at 30ml. I was able to taper to 30ml easily. Then I went slower. Now that theyāre pushing Suboxone methadone has kinda taken the back seat. I hated Suboxone it made me depressed and lethargic. But it worked for heroin withdrawals and after 7 days the whole circus would begin again. But Iām a pro medication š person. No need to suffer. Iāll be glad to get to urgent care for my back and knee. I fell before Christmas and itās getting worse. My goal is to get x-rays maybe an mri so we can figure out whatās going on. Iām not looking for pain medicine lol. Sometimes I have to say that first so they realize I need answers about my pain. Have a beautiful dayā¦ā¦..peace | ||
Posts: 83
Joined: January 18, 2022
Posted: January 20, 2022, 8:47 AM
outstanding. i love hearing about our brothers and sisters breaking free from slow poisoning. happy for you. sounds like its warm where you are. i am ahh umm ready for spring, that warm sun talk gets me all excited. anyway congrats brother. keep it up. i dig encouragement.
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Posted: January 21, 2022, 1:41 PM
Good morning:)
I have to vent. Iām just shaking my head chuckling a bit for the absurdity of it all. Well my friend who wanted me to the Alpha groups is a whack a doodle. This morning she asked what my plans were for the weekend. I told her. She then proceeds to tell me ah shucks too bad I canāt go. I said why on earth would you think your invited? She said that she likes kids and people. Well a few years back we went to the beach. All she wanted to do was watch people especially kids. This all might seem innocent but itās really just sad. Over 20 years ago she was tweaking hard and left her kids and went literally across a busy street to the store. The children decided to try and cross the road at 2:30 ish in the morning in diapers. She got her children taken away. Sheās creepy when it comes to children. Now as bad as I feel for the situation itās not my circus not my problem. I said I was sorry and that I empathized with her boyfriend problem. But I canāt connect with you and Iām gonna block you. Iām one blunt women who believes in truth. For both parties. I donāt do drama on any level for anybody. Iād rather be alone then have drama. I donāt like being preoccupied with others problems if Iāve tried to help. Cut āāem loose. I donāt do tough love. I just have boundaries and if ya donāt respect them I kinda say bye bye. Just found out that Churches in our city can host 6 trailers for the homeless. Do they do itā¦ā¦no. What a sad world we live in when churches donāt help. Thatās why I donāt do organized meetings because all the higher power talk isnāt for me. Iām an ancient alien enthusiast. Dead Sea scrolls, book of enoch etc The Bible was written by men Iāve studied it for years. So I say with certainty that the Churches need to do more and talk less. Thatās my opinion and I respect yours so please donāt be rude. Iām still methadone free and thank my lucky stars that it was available to get off of heroin. Itās been years now and what Iāve managed to do is weed out what doesnāt work for me. Iām quick to realize when my feathers are ruffled yes Iām a bird. No Iām not but I thought it was funny. Okay itās time to fly being a bird and all lol. Laugh more todayā¦.peace | ||
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Posts: 83
Joined: January 18, 2022
Posted: January 21, 2022, 4:51 PM
everything you said there i think is right on. if a soul does not bring joy to your life, they need not be involved. makes me happy to hear of another soul that got free. nice job SISTER
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Posted: January 21, 2022, 5:20 PM
Hi just sum guy,
Thank you for your kind words, It means a lot. I worked for a long time to become methadone free and Iām so glad I persevered. Itās been years since Iāve taken methadone. It was one day at a time for years tapering. I jumped at 30ml once so it is possible to go faster. I had some mental health issues that I needed meds for. Once I got that taken care of things got easier. Iām still on meds and thriving. No shame in this whatsoever. I will say having a doctor to prescribe comfort meds is very helpful. Clonadine is a blood pressure medicine that they give for detoxing. It really helps with anxiety. Have a beautiful dayā¦ā¦.peace | ||
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