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Posts: 1
Joined: August 9, 2016
Posted: August 9, 2016, 3:07 PM
My sister is a very frail 60 year old, recently widowed and terrified of being alone. Because of her vulnerability and resources she has recently been enabling her long time addicted (Heroine), 28 year old daughter out of all kinds of negative situations. To date, she has spent over $25,000 just in the past 2 months on daughter, only to be going back for more presently. Her daughter is very intelligent and insidiously manipulative. She doesn't make mistakes, she makes choices. Right now, addict has taken a car in my sister's name from MN to TX, partied hearty, back on the needle and now wants mom to fix the situation, take her back, there is talk of treatment. My sister has been in the emergency room that past 2 days with medical conditions and rather than allow the police to find daughter yank car and allow daughter to experience consequences, sister has decided to save her once again. This is all after taking her into her home, with no treatment, buying her a new car, paying for addict to return to school, supporting her and still addict takes off with car driving across entire country and now crying for mom to take her back. Mind, this is not a teenager, but a 28 year old grown woman who has been doing this for years. Is their anyway to help mom see that she is going about this all the wrong way? Curious in MN.
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Posted: August 9, 2016, 3:43 PM
Tough love is the only way but not to tough support her in getting clean
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Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: August 10, 2016, 12:06 AM
Forget tough love and go with plain old love...for yourself. It is possible to love an addict from a distance, cheer her on, and still NOT participate in the nonsense she perpetuates. Enabling is like loving someone to death - literally. Your sister might as well be buying the drugs for her daughter. They both need some boundaries, but why would the daughter want boundaries when she gets whatever she manipulates her way into.
I did it all and more...got off the ride and that was the only thing that ever worked...just stopped being involved. You can't make her stop enabling any more than she can stop her addicted daughter. Step away for your own sake or risk being sucked into the vortex of drama yourself. Peace ~ MomNMore -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
Posts: 454
Joined: August 4, 2015
Posted: August 10, 2016, 12:46 PM
I agree....You aren't going to change your sister's enabling behavior. You need to take yourself out of their drama for your own sake.
Michelle -------------------- Michelle | ||
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