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Posted: June 8, 2016, 10:11 AM
I have been taking pain medication mosty hydrocodone for 5 years which was swapped to hydromorphone when I moved and switched doctors for fibromyalgia and chronic pain. I started at the age of 23 which at the time felt ridiculous bc I didn't see someone my age needing this type of medication daily. Even with those thoughts its served its purpose and helped me complete my bachelors which I would not have been able to do with out it. I am a metal smith and work with my hands. At that point in time I could not even lift a small mug to drink a beverage with out suffering greatly. Forget getting up the stairs in my home. I crawled up those stairs so many times or just gave up and slept on the couch down stairs. Fast forward to 9 years later from when I first started. I have simply grown tired. I'm tired of being dependent on something. I'm tired of not having control. This medication spreads like a disease. The little you take works fine until your body up and decides to become tolerant. Then it needs more & more. I've made the decision to stop and really re evaluate my pain with out it. Maybe I'm a wishful thinker that my issues some how resolved in 9 years. I just can't see myself living like this for the rest of my life. This is a scary process for me. I do have major depression and anxiety. I've tried to take my life in the past 4 times. The last being fairly close. I also have a past of self mutilation which has been left far behind going on 7 years. So as much as my doctor has been generous enough to help set me up for success this time (last time was a huge failure). He has me on clonide and clonapin which has helped with physical symptoms. I am still fearful. I'm afraid of my pain coming back and that I will back slide into depression and just give up. I can be a very persistent person when I want and I do NOT plan to go back to this medication. But I don't think I can live with pain the rest of my life and it just seems easier to release my spirit. I have so much to be greatful and I know how detrimental this is to those left behind. I've lost my best friend to suicide a while back ( we are actually just past her anniversary). I promised myself I would never do such a selfish thing again. That is the scary thing about depression though. You don't want to do it...it just happens. The darkness over takes and all the things that are important in your life slowly fade away. One by one they dissapear like some illusion until nothing is left. You become blinded with nothing to hold on to. Then it's just just a matter of stepping into that Forrest full of fog. That's the best way I can describe it. I just need to make it through the week with out my depression over taking me. I am trying to see another doctor in San Antonio who can maybe help me with out the use of opioids.
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Posted: June 26, 2016, 7:21 PM
I'm so sorry no one posted to you. This place is really slow. Almost not worth being here, but maybe that's a good thing.hope your well friend.sissie
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Posted: June 26, 2016, 7:24 PM
oo
This post has been edited by sisse on June 26, 2016, 7:28 PM | ||
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