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Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: December 1, 2011, 11:03 PM
You go, Larry...and have a wonderful holiday season...enjoy every minute of everything!
Peace ~ M&M -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
Posts: 433
Joined: December 14, 2009
Posted: December 22, 2011, 2:32 PM
Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays or whatever.....
personally i like Christmas, so many good things. Like no school :) Yup, got me a bunch of A's this semester (and one C, statistics) Livin life to the fullest and thanking God for every minute. Regards, Larry -------------------- All gods send their drunks to AA My story.. https://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=16&t=63644 
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Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: March 2, 2012, 11:04 AM
Bumping for Triggers...
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Posts: 433
Joined: December 14, 2009
Posted: March 6, 2012, 11:44 AM
Thank you kindly Ma'am, warms my heart that someone thinks I may be able to help, inspire or motive.
Larrylive -------------------- All gods send their drunks to AA My story.. https://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=16&t=63644
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Posts: 3
Joined: March 13, 2012
Posted: March 19, 2012, 8:56 AM
Hello Larry
Are you still going strong? Haven't visited for quite a while and was wondering how you were. | ||
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Posts: 433
Joined: December 14, 2009
Posted: March 20, 2012, 5:17 PM
Still going, although not strong. My life consist of school, meetings and my on again off again alcoholic BPD ex-girlfriend. Hopefully I am change all or some of that for the better, school and meetings I mean, she'll never change. So I have decided to increase my attendance in the rooms and do a little more homework. Shooting for the deans list. Last semester I made the Vice-Presidents List for academic achievement (3.5GPA) Mid-terms just came out and I am not doing so well, down around a 3.0. So without the distraction of MK there are no excuses.
Time to hit the books. Larry -------------------- All gods send their drunks to AA My story.. https://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=16&t=63644
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Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: March 22, 2012, 3:29 PM
Dust yourself off, Larry...you'll be back on top in no time.
Mad respect ~ M&M -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate. | ||
Posts: 20396
Joined: February 12, 2004
Posted: March 23, 2012, 12:46 PM
First time I've read this entire thread..thank you for sharing your journey with us Larry..
You are a miracle. Just makes me smile.... -------------------- I used Drugs to forget, I got clean to remember. | ||
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Posted: April 5, 2012, 10:49 PM
Hi Larry! I have read your threads and it does give me hope. My husband of 23 years has been using cocaine/crack for the past 8 years. He is about your age, I think. It has been a horrible time for my family. I have a 17 year old daughter. When he finally admitted his drug use, we moved back to our home state. He continued to use. He got a DUI, wrecked my daughter's car, lost his job in December and was lucky enough not to be charged when the police pulled him over and searched his car. The lab tested something they found and it was not drugs. I also need to say that he did go to outpatient rehab in October for about 2 weeks. Just last Friday, during an emotional Easter pageant, he nailed his addiction to the cross. (About 2 weeks ago, my daughter came home early and found him using). Then, just this week, he used again. I am not an enabler. At first, my reaction was full of horror and fear. Then it quickly turned to anger. Now, I am numb. I don't rant. I try talk to him about it. After this last time, He has asked me to try to help him be consistent- to remind him to take his medicine for bipolar, to remind him to journal. My counselor feels that I should not take all of that on myself, as I have enough to deal with on my own. All of this has left me so depressed and fearful. I am not sure he will really ever change. I am an elementary school teacher. This is not the life I want. Do you have any advice for me?
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Posts: 552
Joined: July 31, 2004
Posted: April 6, 2012, 10:36 AM
You just answered your own question....."This is not the life for me".!! It comes down to..stop trying to help the addict, and start protecting yourself from the addict.!! Blessed Be
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Posts: 6
Joined: April 5, 2012
Posted: April 6, 2012, 4:09 PM
Thanks Squirrel. I joined the board, so I have a new name. Yes, I guess I did answer my question. It is so hard to give up the thought of a happy family. Also, I have a lot of guilt that I didn't do what I should have done. If only there were a rule book to follow! Sorry, I just feel really defeated and horrible. I told him to leave, but he won't. I said for him to go to rehab. He said he might have considered going, but now he is afraid of me leaving him and him having no job when he gets out. He "doesn't trust me". I guess my only choices are to leave or to stay and wait until the next time. :(
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Posts: 552
Joined: July 31, 2004
Posted: April 7, 2012, 11:22 AM
Yes...it is a hard situation. Please realize though that this is a classic manipulation technique used by many addicts. We always have a reason for why we can not do things, and we usually project the guilt onto the ones around us. He can guarantee if he continues to use...all of the things he mentioned will certainly happen. He will lose everything....if he seeks treatment some of those things may or may not happen. We are very sick when we are in addiction so, for someone that is "normal" is must seem very bizarre. Unfortunately, at this point you must love the person and walk away from the addict. Have you thought of going to Al-anon. It will get you in touch with other people that are experiencing the same...and they will help you understand how to handle the loved one that is suffering from addiction. You mentioned that you have guilt for not doing what you should have? Would you be willing to share that? Blessed Be
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Posts: 6
Joined: April 5, 2012
Posted: April 7, 2012, 1:50 PM
Hi Squirrel. I meant that I sometimes feel guilty for having been in denial and anger for so long. Maybe if I had been less confused and more clear headed,acted out of "love but detachment"...maybe years would have been cut off of the suffering. I don't know. Anyway, to bring you up to date: he has agreed to go to a 28 day in-house rehab. We are supposed to contact them Monday. I have let him know that this is it. If he comes out and uses, I can't do it anymore. Is it even realistic to think that he could come out and not relapse? This is so hard.
Yes, I need to go to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. I should have also done that a long time ago. More denial on my part. I just want this to end, but realistically, it may never. May I ask, How long have you stayed clean? What motivates you to stay clean? | ||
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Posts: 552
Joined: July 31, 2004
Posted: April 8, 2012, 10:59 AM
I have been clean "this time" since 2005. What motivates me....that is an excellent question....I don't want to die! I knew at the end of my using that I was going to die. They say addicts have to hit bottom to get help. I had lost everything that mattered to me...and I had almost overdosed a few times. I would have this vision of my children finding me dead of a drug over dose. I could not do that to them. I could not let them go the rest of their with that memory of their mother. I made a plan of recovery..and I work that plan everyday.
I want to say to you....do not feel guilty for anything you did , or did not do. This is not your disease, your addiction. This is his!!!! As for your denial...how were you to know. Addiction is a very complex disease....and as addicts we become very manipulative, cunning and are excellent liars. Have you visited the board here....there is a board on this forum for friends and families of addicts. It may give you some insight. Please be careful of "false promises". I truly hope he goes on Monday..but for me, I would say anything, promise anything just to get through that day. If he does go unless he gets together a plan of recovery to stay clean when he comes out...he may very well relapse. Recovery for me is not 28 days, or 6 months , or 2 years. It is a lifetime. I have forever altered the way I live to be able to stay clean. | ||
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Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: April 8, 2012, 8:17 PM
Let him do the contacting...HE is the addicted party and needs to take care of his own health and his own mess. Only let him know 'this is it' if it really is...in other words, if this is genuine boundary...say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean. Working on your life and your issues and your happiness is the best possible medicine for what ails him...and of course, for what ails you. Try dropping in on the family board...lots of good healing there for those of us who live with addicted loved ones. Welcome ~ MomNMore -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate. | ||
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Posts: 6
Joined: April 5, 2012
Posted: April 10, 2012, 6:23 PM
Hi again MomNMore and Squirrel,
We decided against in-house rehab, for the time being. He is going to his counselor, psychiatrist and attending 90 meetings in 90 days. He seems to understand that HE has to work it. Thanks for both of you and your advice. I do understand that HE has to be the one to take the lead here. So far, so good. I will also check out more of the posting under Families/Partners. MomNMore, I do mean what I said, BUT I am always weak when it comes to follow through. I am hoping not to have to go there. It may have been better if I had NOT said that. Thanks for the reminder. Well, I hope you both are doing well. | ||
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Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: April 10, 2012, 9:39 PM
Hi just me,
Just remember, we teach others how to treat us...we teach them what we will put up with...we teach them all about us and our reactions to whatever goes on around us. Take some time for you...spend the time deciding what your deal-breakers are. Peae ~ MomNMore -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate. | ||
Posts: 22
Joined: April 30, 2012
Posted: May 2, 2012, 2:49 AM
wow,are you still in treatment..
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Posts: 22
Joined: April 30, 2012
Posted: May 2, 2012, 3:05 AM
i just want to say,that with crack you never tell the truth and the one thing you love is that glass pipe ..if you are a crack head you would do anything for it ..and it doesnt invole telling the truth at all....you will love that pipe to death if you dont open your eyes..as for living with an addict,god does tell us til death does us part ..so are you going to love him to death..or sit there an enabale him while you sit there and watch him die,wow do you have chidren?do you love them enough to let them see this?come on god gives us enough since to know when to remove our selves to..iam not being mean but truthful..if you are with someone and you dont use......they are using you in a way to get high ..your car,your money,your home,your something and if you dont believe me you will...recovering addict 20yrs..theres no friends smoking crack...and there sure not no marriage because we dont love our selfs much less you or anyone else..just saying
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Posts: 433
Joined: December 14, 2009
Posted: May 4, 2012, 10:33 AM
Hello, hello, hello,
May God's blessings be upon you and yours. (I love the way the good Muslims speak). Almost done with school, I have to write and e-mail 2 papers by Monday, but I do not need to come back on campus. I just confirmed a passing grade which earns me a degree in Electrical Engineering. To bad I am studying Chemical Dependancy Counseling. Ya that's a long story. Going camping memorial weekend with some life long friends, they will be smoking dope and drinking beer. (I know you're choppin at the bit to comment on that) I've been doing this every year for the last 25 yrs. Everybody knows and respects where I am in life. they don't even inadvertantly try to pass me the bowl anymore. (bet you're really sweating now) You see the thing is, as my thread title(ya it's MY thread, you hijackers LOL) I am a recoverED crackhead, unlike Ms. annashorty2, who with" 20yr" is still recovering-what the hell are you doing with your life? Seems to me wasting it, get over your friggin addiction and move on. For me it was people with that attitude that scared me away from the places I needed to be ie; meetings and rehab. but i refused to submit to attending negatively charge meetings for the rest of my life. And you know, I don't HAVE to, I may WANT to, but that's on me. My piont is it's not reqiured, we can and do recover. Some just move on, re-assimilating back into the real world, leaving their addiction and there past behind them. I say good for them. It is possible, I have seen it, I am doing it and you can too. It's all about choices...make the right one's. Regards, Larry May the good lord grant you peace in your day. -------------------- All gods send their drunks to AA My story.. https://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=16&t=63644
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