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Posted: August 8, 2016, 10:01 AM
I am seeking advice on my relationship with my boyfriend. When I started dating him, he was open and honest about his past (his drug use). He has been clean from dope since 2013, but had on and off drug use for years. What I didn't know what that he was using subs. I figured this out the hard way back in October 2015. We spent a lot of time talking about it and how he wants to quit. Ya da ya da... He decided to make his dosage smaller until he felt "ready".
In March, he took a week off of work while I was off from spring break. It wasn't a pleasant sight to see, but nevertheless I had high hopes that he was done. He was so happy and we were doing really good up until last month. His friend (who used to sell subs to him) wanted to get rid of his stash of subs as he was going to get clean. Well, my boyfriend's buddies wanted some so my boyfriend was going to be the middle man. When I found out about these texts, we both argued about it and he told me not to worry. I called him shady for hiding it and all that. He felt as though I was done with relationship. I never said that I was, but that's how he felt. So when he met up with his buddy, he decided he wanted to be apart of this deal. Of course I'm sure everyone knows where this is going. He used the subs and of course I found out. He says he wasn't thinking, but he was just so worried about us. He says this isn't the life he wants and that he wants to get married and all that (which we talked about before). Fast forward to this week, I was, again, watching him go through the motions of getting clean. I, myself, haven't been dealing with it very well. I've been depressed, worried, and frankly asking him lots of questions as I feel the need to know what the hell is going on. Last night, he got irritated with me at the fact that I've said that I don't feel as though he really loves me. (I've said it multiple times this week as I, the nonaddict, doesn't understand how you can put someone through all of this.) He went to the bathroom and either received a text/made a call (whatever) and scored some crushed up subs from his "friend" and proceeded to go upstairs to the bathroom. I knew something was up when he was up there too long. I went to check on him, to see if he was feeling okay (as we had been doing the withdrawal thing), but I caught him again. Twice in two weeks... He says he can't do this anymore. He erased his contacts and that today he is looking into professional help. He claims he wants to be with me and that he would be devastated if I decided to leave him. I am at a loss right now. I honestly don't deserve this, as no one does. How do I know when enough is enough? Should I stay and support him even though he should be completely focused on himself? Is there hope? He's currently living with me. What do I do about that as well? Thanks in advance. | ||
Posts: 304
Joined: August 3, 2016
Posted: August 8, 2016, 11:05 AM
I can tell you from a mother of a son that was with his girlfriend using. She was frustrated! She was staying sober and working and wanted the same from my son. He wasn't ready. He would say the words and I I know he really loves her but honestly he continued to relapse. She wouldn't let him live with her so he was relapsing in a sober loving home. He also would use their relationship as an excuse. There will always be an excuse!!!!
He is currently in rehab again for about the 8th time. She is there and loves him but has distant herself. She is living her life and if he gets it together she is there but she's not waiting forever. He may be serious this time but there's a good chance he's not. Good Luck | ||
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Posted: August 8, 2016, 12:44 PM
Thank you for your advice. Never had I ever imagined I would be in these shoes, as I'm sure most feel the same way. I don't want to end this, but at the same time I can't walk down this slippery slope if he continues. I can't watch him do this to himself and me.
I guess for now, I will distance myself and see if he actually seeks help out himself. I am not doing this for him. He needs to do it himself. | ||
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Posts: 304
Joined: August 3, 2016
Posted: August 8, 2016, 1:35 PM
Exactly
Let him know you love him but this is his journey. Good Luck | ||
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