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Posted: November 30, 2012, 6:25 PM
Never in a million years would I have thought I would be here but I am so I am in need of some advice.
My boyfriend and I fell in love very fast. It's been a year this month. I knew of his past drug addiction but I felt everyone has a past and you shouldn't judge a person on who they were. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. About 6 mos into our relationship it came out that he had been using Vicodin. Ever since then it has been quite the battle. We recently decided that he needs to go to rehab (he's been in the past). This week we have been working with the insurance to get him into a facility and he was on board. But this morning I caught him with a needle. Prior to this finding I was on board with him going to treatment and when he got out I would still be with him. Now I'm not as sure, the problem is much worse than I anticipated. Needles are just on another level and I'm not sure I can go forward with this relationship although I want to very badly. I can't imagine my life without him, but part of me also feels I should put myself first. I don't want to deal with this for the rest of my life. As much as it would hurt now it could be much worse. | ||
Posts: 88
Joined: November 1, 2012
Posted: November 30, 2012, 7:50 PM
Your story sounds very similar to my own. I went through this same thing back in October. I left my boyfriend because I understood that addiction is a recurring disease, and loved ones will always have to deal with it. As a significant other who is not married to this person, you are given the choice to run while you can. Others, like parents, siblings, children and spouses aren't blessed with that luxury.
Addicts lie, and endanger you. Just like my ex did to me. My advice to you, even though its going to be painful, is to run. I'll be praying for you, and I hope you make the best descision in regards to whats best for you. -------------------- Last night I tried to leave Cried so much I just Could not believe She was the same girl i Fell in love with long ago She went in the back to Get high I sat down on my couch And cried Yelling oh mama please Help me Wont you hold my hand And Let her cry | ||
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Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: November 30, 2012, 10:48 PM
Please do put yourself first, because in the end, you are all you have...who will take care of you if you don't? Addiction is addiction, but using a needle is only a different level because of the added possibilities of mean hep C, cellulitis, myocarditis, and all manner of awful infections. Plenty of pill poppers are just as hardcore as IV users, some of them frequent this site.
If he has a history you need boundaries, and maybe that means getting out...only you can decide that. Me, I'd make tracks, but that's me. If he is lying about the level of his dysfunction then he is in a bad way. Peace ~ MomNMore -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
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Posted: December 2, 2012, 7:34 PM
hi,
I was in the same position 28 years ago, I left with sadness, he then came to me and asked me to wait for him and he would go to rehab. Of course, I waited, he went to rehab, twice and then to a halfway house for a few months and got sober and stayed in NA until today. We got married, had 2 children and about 20 happy years but today, the addictive personality has taken over completely with a different kind of addiction but the behavior is as bad. Both my daughters are very distressed because they have never seen him drunk or taking drugs and they don't understand much about the illness. It is extremely painful for me and we have now been separated for 3 months after 2 or 3 very difficult years. If only I could rewind the clock 28 years, I would run as fast as I could. That would not only save me but also my family. I wish you courage to change the things you can. | ||
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Posted: December 2, 2012, 10:07 PM
Zoumie just possibly gave you a window into your future. Life with an addict is difficult to say the least. You have very time invested into this relationship and a whole lot of life ahead of you. I'd think long and hard before you decide to continue it. I wish you the best with whatever your decision and lots of people her can give you good counsel and advice.
This post has been edited by sing on December 2, 2012, 10:08 PM | ||
Posts: 1706
Joined: August 22, 2005
Posted: December 9, 2012, 8:32 PM
We have relationships to make our own lives better - it's no different if they are an addict.
Does he improve your life or does he make it more difficult? Answer the question and decide. Ask yourself the same question at regular intervals at some point he may be breaking your heart that's the time to leave. You may decide to leave now because if you're stressing over this, is he using? is he not? will he steal from me? will there a future? blahdy blah? then save yourself the pain because even if he's one of the good guys there is pain one way or another. keep posting -------------------- [COLOR=blue] Stay Strong | ||
Posts: 79
Joined: November 6, 2010
Posted: December 12, 2012, 12:24 AM
I don't mean to be blunt, but run as fast as you can and don't look back. Jaz is right. Does he improve your life or make it more difficult. I was with an addict for almost 12 years. I always knew he was a "partier" but I didn't realize what a grip the pills had on him. I thought, after I got pregnant (unplanned) the first time that he'd straighten up. I knew I'd have to make better choices, of course he would too. He had me fooled until I found out I was pregnant with our second son. That's when I started to realize that he was a full blown ADDICT. I spent the last 8 and a half years trying to keep him clean, trying to accept and monitor the addiction, trying to CONTROL him. My boys have been through their dad leaving and coming home, leaving and coming home. Seeing him high. Seeing his snorting straws in his truck. The guilt I feel for putting them through that is huge. But I finally got the courage to get him out and only 3 months later, our lives are already happier. Lighter. You might love him with all your heart but love yourself more. And if you ever want kids, an addict father won't be a good father. They can't be because their addiction always comes first. I know my boys' dad loves them, but something makes him love his fix more. I'm sorry you're going through this and the fact that he'll even consider rehab is a good thing. Do what makes YOUR life better and remember, don't try to fix him. You can't.
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Posts: 42
Joined: November 12, 2012
Posted: December 13, 2012, 1:28 AM
sadwife, u just described my life ......everyday im away from it i get a little better, i still have those self defeating thoughts of how much i loved him and how funny he could be when hes not hi, problem is that its just wishful thinking. reality??? i hurt so much all the time with him, when i did get a happy moment i grasped it and filed it. seriously if we can get out we should. the pain we experience is not healthy, a few good memories amongst all that hurt isnt even a trump.
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Posts: 11
Joined: December 30, 2012
Posted: December 30, 2012, 6:53 PM
When I read these posts, I felt such freedom and reassurance. Thank you so much. There is nobody that can understand like someone who has lived the li(f)e!
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Posts: 1706
Joined: August 22, 2005
Posted: December 30, 2012, 7:22 PM
We understand.
That's the killer hun we all think our addict is different unique, we all think they're unique that we're unique and it will play out differently - there are thousands of us out there al the same. If you only 'get' that and understand that one thing then you'll take a leap forward. x -------------------- [COLOR=blue] Stay Strong | ||
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Posted: December 31, 2012, 2:12 AM
Whether it's a needle, a liquor bottle, a pill bottle, food, work, sex or exercise...it's really all the same. It isn't the drug (high), or, the method of administration that is really at play. If the needle is more off-putting to you than the twisting off of a beer bottle cap, then by all means, leave...forever. But before doing so, I urge you, to look deeper: At him, his reasons, and yours.
all the best...d This post has been edited by chidon on December 31, 2012, 2:43 AM | ||
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