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Posts: 4174
Joined: July 18, 2006
Posted: April 19, 2012, 9:14 AM
"Do not fear therefore, you are of more value than many sparrows." Mat 10:31
Yesterday afternoon as I left the gym I felt calm, quite pleased with myself, and serene as I glided through the grocery store to pick up some things. I was probably planning my celebratory speech for my 5th year chip or feeling smug about having some OldTimer comment on my sharing in a meeting earlier in the day. Or maybe it was just the adrenaline cool-down from a good workout. Things went downhill from there... After a crazy woman pulled out in front of me with a truck full of kids (and I zoomed past her at the first opportunity), and another woman in a suburban tailgated me for over 3 miles through a construction zone (and zoomed past me going too fast on a corner), I was fit-to-be-tied by the time I pulled up to my mailbox. Fuming and my serenity in shambles, I desperately pouted to God and slammed the door to my truck in order to get the mail and pull the trash can into the back. The plastic newspaper receiver that's been next to my mailbox since I've owned the house used to be for the paper delivery (when they saw fit to stick the paper in it instead of throwing it on the ground), and more than once just this spring I noticed twigs and moss--the makings of a nest--in the back of it. Several times I had reached in and pulled out the materials onto the ground. I snatched the junk mail from my mailbox and noticed that there was some stuff in the paper receiver once again, so I bent down to see if maybe there was a nest again. I reached my hand in, dragged the mess out and it fell onto the ground in its entirety--including five tiny pink, featherless, sightless, squirming fledgling baby birds. I was SURE there was no nest in there! Just a bunch of moss and leaves and such. My heart fell and I dropped to my knees, wishing I hadn't been so impatient, so self-absorbed, so unaware. I used a junk-mail postcard of some 'free offer' and gently pushed the mass of moss and nesting material and tiny pink open beaks onto another flyer and gently slid all of it back into the paper receiver and it's been on my mind ever since. The guilt, the disgust, the self-flagellation, the replay. Here are some things I've learned: It could have been more than just five little birds that suffered (and they may yet die) as a direct result of my impatience and self absorbtion; I don't ever want to forget the feeling of horror and disgust resulting from a 'first thought' reaction; My God has sacrificed His all that I may choose His Grace and Mercy; I am reminded of the sacrifice of something innocent and dear as five tiny newborn birds--and far more than they; I really AM grateful and thankful for all that He has done for me. I am but a Potter's Pot, but I am made of clay that I can be re-formed into something useful in His hands. God demands mercy of me, not sacrifice, and learning that is a full-time job. I would love to have been a best-selling author or a wealthy, comfortable, awe-inspiring poet of some sort or another. Seems I'm actually a recovering alcoholic that understands what it is to be broken and powerless, but to be lifted up and given another chance. God bless you people who have helped me grow--to struggle with peace and love instead of the idols of this world. And no, I haven't grown a vagina. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsufferring, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law." Gal 5:22-23 -------------------- Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. | ||
Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: April 19, 2012, 9:38 AM
Glad you're here, skg...always have been. Glad you found the way out.
xo -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
Posts: 6374
Joined: January 5, 2008
Posted: April 19, 2012, 9:45 AM
Hugs
-------------------- Thank God for what you have. Trust God for what you need | ||
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Posts: 6374
Joined: January 5, 2008
Posted: April 19, 2012, 9:53 AM
There is a children's hymn played in the church that I attend... one of the lines in it is.. if God so loves the little birds I know he loves me too... Imagine.. God using those new born little birds to teach you ... if they do die.. maybe their purpose in life has been fulfilled..you learned right? and you passed on what you learned.. we are all interconnected in this universe.. it doesn['t have to be human form for God to use for HIS purpose to show us OURS. Your post was very touching and a good writer can make the reader feel emotions as if he/she were there.. that is the way I felt reading your post. Thank you for sharing.
-------------------- Thank God for what you have. Trust God for what you need | ||
Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005
Posted: April 19, 2012, 10:46 AM
Thank you for sharing. I will take your lesson and apply it to my day. I agree with what Marie just posted, you have an excellent way with words, with bringing out the emotions with words.
And as much as I like to be better, I am still growing, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly BUT I am constantly working towards change, for the better, for that pure as white snow. Just like it reads in the 12x12. Congratulations on your 5 years~! Wow, where did time go? I love you~! -------------------- Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you. | ||
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Posts: 4174
Joined: July 18, 2006
Posted: April 19, 2012, 6:44 PM
Update: Well, it appears that momma bird dropped them out of the box. I guess I was hoping that I'd not interfered or that somehow I could fix it, but there they were. Little pink bodies lying on the ground at the base of the receiving box, just as if I'd left them there myself. :( Perhaps I was hoping against reality that they'd somehow survive the drop, or the return, or the momma's rejection. Trying to play God again...
~sigh~ Love you all. S This post has been edited by skg on April 19, 2012, 7:16 PM -------------------- Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. | ||
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Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: April 19, 2012, 9:29 PM
...or maybe just trying to make things right...I'm sorry, friend. Nature is a brutal teacher.
-------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate. | ||
Posts: 1052
Joined: June 5, 2005
Posted: April 19, 2012, 9:37 PM
Great post pirate .. to think maybe their purpose was served .. to think God could would plant something on this earth that applies to just us but he can he does he will continue to do ..
thanks for sharing with us .. it wasn't waisted because the rest of us can learn from your experience .. -------------------- When you lose, don't lose the lesson Share your knowledge, it is a way to achieve immortality .. Repition in meetings Replaces Obssession.. alanon promise, we will learn to replace obssession with faith.. alanon promise: we will learn to love others without losing ourselves: we will learn to love ourselves.. ( love is an action ) we will come to know the vastness of our feelings and no longer be slaves to them | ||
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Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005
Posted: April 20, 2012, 10:34 AM
You have a kind & loving heart, SKG and you're human. Accept your humanness and put this lesson in your heart, there is a lot to be learned.
I love you, my friend. xoxo -------------------- Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you. | ||
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