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Posts: 848
Joined: January 24, 2010
Posted: July 1, 2014, 2:50 PM
Life is slowly turning around. Court is done. Pleaded guilty to a lesser charge. Avoided jail time and house arrest. Got 3 years probation and restititution. Financially things are turning around too. 7 months clean and life should be rosy.
I'm so trying to concentrate on the positives in my life. I do have them. But at the same time i can't stop thinking of the things i've lost over the last 7 months. Who am I kidding? The last 10 years of my life. In Feb my son deleted me from his life. Cut off all communication. Not a word to me about why. I'm not stupid, i know why but he has never given me the opportunity to let him know what was going on. I honestly tried and every attempt was shot down. Yesterday, my daughter told me i was toxic, oops sorry, a constant toxin in her life and she is going to follow the lead of her older brother and delete me frrom her life. She was my biggest support system while i was going thru court etc. I never left her side when she was having problems. She is now on her own, in a good relationship, happy..and she decides i have to prove myself to her to be in her life!!! I don't know what the f*** i can do!!! I moved out of a home i had for 2 years because it became unsafe to my sobriety so i finally put myself first and found a new place to live. I got thru all this s*** for the last year clean. Looking for work, doing what i'm supposed to. So what else can i do? Please. Tell me. My heart is broken beyond repair. Why did i get clean. Why am i staying clean? i don't have answers anymore -------------------- You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might just find you get what you need :-) | ||
Posts: 6300
Joined: May 27, 2005
Posted: July 2, 2014, 2:50 PM
Sometimes it takes time to mend the mistakes we made in our active addiction but they usually work out in the end. The best thing you can do is stay clean and they will see the changes in your life. It make take years but sadly things don't always happen when we want them to. Don't give up, Heather. Give them a chance to breathe.
-------------------- १२ सà¥à¤¤à¥ˆà¤ªà¥à¤ªà¥ˆà¤°! kat11100@comcast.net If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. Mark Twain Just because the monkey's off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town Laugh because it shows people that you have what they want and what they need: a hope in things unseen, a peace that passes understanding, and a God of miracles who also has a great sense of humor. | ||
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Posts: 848
Joined: January 24, 2010
Posted: July 2, 2014, 5:38 PM
<3 thanks Kat xo
-------------------- You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you might just find you get what you need :-) | ||
Posts: 1059
Joined: August 11, 2012
Posted: July 3, 2014, 8:55 AM
I agree with Kat. I think it will take some time. And please don't give up. ((HEATHER))
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Posts: 562
Joined: August 3, 2009
Posted: July 6, 2014, 6:46 AM
Hey Now,
I know for me, when I get into the space that..LIFE HAS DEALT ME A CRAPPY HAND, or I CAN'T HAVE everything perfect in my world, and that hurts me, I am out of alignment with my Real self..and my perspective is off.. Instead of my kids aren't in my life right thus moment..One might say, The people I love most in life are going through a very beautiful healing process, so am I and I know this has a happy ending. what I have right now is way more than I need. thanks for all the wonderful stuff in my life... And any opposing thought or voice to that is well a negative thought..Fear based. On one side you have a thought...reunited family, together, healthy, loving. On the other side....abandoned.. Fear is the feeling one feels as a response to the belief in conflict with the real you..and it is that feeling where "anything goes" I use there, I lie there, I gotta do negative stuff to keep negative beliefs alive. I believe now a belief..is a chronic thought..I control my thoughts..not the other way around. Change the thought, change the feeling, change the feeling, change the action, change the action change the outcome. LOVE, Joe | ||
Posts: 6750
Joined: September 15, 2005
Posted: July 7, 2014, 10:36 AM
Heather Hi--
Hey heather if you want to feel sorry for yourself? Hey thats your deal. We all have issues--either u deal with them or eventually your disease will eat u up. You cannot control other people. I am sure you know that by now. Joe sure gave you some great advice. You have 7 months clean-your taking responsibility for mistakes and you got out of jail time. What do you think will happen if you get high again? losing your freedom is something I pray you never experience. Stay clean and positive changes happen--People in your life will see. Either way stay clean for you Heather and f*** the past. You cannot change it. It will eat you away. Makes me sad you writing why didI get clean and why should I stay clean. I pray you have people to talk to F2F--Stay positive Enjoy ur day Jeffrey -------------------- It is Just Not worth it. "Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the puck happened." One Day At A Time | ||
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Posted: July 9, 2014, 9:55 PM
Hang in there, your hard work will pay off and your kids will come around. As much I want to say time will prevail. I know I'm new but congrats on all your achievements so far!
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Posts: 1691
Joined: October 27, 2005
Posted: July 12, 2014, 12:58 AM
Because my love, you will end up detoxing at some point......
Chills, diarrhea, restlessness, intense sadness, nausea, no energy, you know about it.... W/Ds are brutal.....physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically......intensified self-hatred. Remember all that??? EFF THAT.....take it for me.....a chronic miserable detoxes. Focus your energies on something positive (even if it's small). Dammit foggy, you are stronger than you think. Xoxoxo Skeeter | ||
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