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Posts: 2
Joined: October 4, 2016
Posted: October 4, 2016, 11:26 AM
SO HERE GOES.....this is my first post. I chose the site name "sick&tired", because that exactly describes how I feel. I'm sick of not enjoying life, and so tired since stopping my pills a week ago.Physically, I'm exhausted....all I want to do is lay around and be left the hell alone.
BIO: 43 years old, have played with opiates for years off and on, but in last year, hitting them hard. To my benefit, I've never taken more than 8 a day. I would try to stay around 5-6. I've read many stories of people with years of addition, taking dozens of pills a day....I'm very grateful to not be in that situation. I have 2 wonderful children, amazing husband (who knows nothing), and wonderful job. Add to that we have PLENTY of money (which is what has enabled me to keep purchasing pills). I know my need to feel "high" comes from childhood sexual abuse, alcoholic father, and depression. Like many of you, I"m the super mom...and the pills seemed to help me be an even better mom. It then became I needed the pills to just feel normal. I"m fully aware of the dangers, but know that I have to stay clean. If I were to EVER be "outed", I KNOW that the shame and guilt would probably drive me to death. I just read a post where my brain is forever altered and I will never be the same. I'm hoping someone can share with me their experience and give me hope that one day I WILL feel normal again and HAPPY. I have such a beautiful life, why can't I enjoy it? Why can't I be the best for my family. | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: October 4, 2016, 6:38 PM
Are you attending NA meetings? -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posted: October 4, 2016, 10:23 PM
Frist of all. Who told you will never be happy and full of joy again..that's just not the case. I have stopped for 2 years and got back what I had ,,normal so please don't believe all you hear, yes the bloody gates has they call them, we have made more than a normal brain. But once you have stopped for how ever long it takes ..you make them silent. And they will lay doormat ....so that's that I mean if no one got back to normal ..wouldn't there be more addicts out there,its like I will be living this nightmare for the rest of my life. Laying around not caring about nothing..please, I wouldn't stop either, your mind will get back to normal. And you will think wow why did I ever take them darn pills ok.Its just getting there is the hard part--day after day nite after nite ,,the same feeling when will I feel normal. Well kid one day you will woke up and feel good. Now you need to get a support group something to hold on to till you get there..thats the hard part...and remember when you never took them ,,you felt ok but when you did take them you felt really great, high ,,well that feeling will come back, just not intense, but you will feel good one day again. Just getting there is the great forever travels,,amen
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Posts: 4
Joined: October 10, 2016
Posted: October 10, 2016, 4:20 PM
Will you feel normal again and happy? That depends. You will not be able to do so if you continue on this path. The pills are what is helping you to cope with and mask the real problem.
The only long lasting way to turn things around is to face and address the past. Yes, you have a beautiful life now, but you have been hurt deeply in your life. Though it is a painful process, you have to forgive those who hurt you (even when there is not any reason to other than for your health and well-being). You need to let go of any guilt that you may feel (many victims of sexual abuse often hold onto this). You need to learn healthy ways to deal with depression, which may be easier after dealing with the other issues. You also might be surprised at the support you receive from others when they see that you are attempting to beat this. It is much harder to succeed when trying to do things on your own but, all the while being surrounded by a loving family. Yes, you may feel shame and guilt but a team effort will only enhance the outcome. As for your comment about never being the same again, don't allow that to be a source of fear. If you do, it could prevent you from putting 100% of your effort into getting better. Even if you are not the same, at least your wonderful family will have 100% of you and you will have learned and grown a lot. I'd say that's worth the trade. I wish you the best in fighting this! | ||
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