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Posted: March 6, 2015, 2:18 PM
Hi, I don't really know where to begin..
I fell in love with this amazing guy, A, a while ago and everything was fast and fun. We knew we're gonna be together forever, but than he got really depressed and wanted to go travel the world, since I had school I had to let A go away so he could be happy. We emailed through out the time and he told me he moved to la and after 2 months he went to live in Mexico. After he left to Mexico the emails stopped coming for about 3 months, and than I got an email in which he told me that he got addicted to Krystal meth, and been in rehab for those 3 months and that's why he couldnt keep in touch in that email he also told me he's coming back.. I don't know what to do, on the one hand he is the love of my life and I can't imagine life without him.. But in the other hand Can it even be possible? Can I really have a normal life with him? Can u really be clean after only 3 months of rehab? What can I do to help? And how can I help myself from falling right in there with him? Please help me, I'm just lost.. | ||
Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014
Posted: March 6, 2015, 3:06 PM
Hi Howdoyoudoit - can i have a normal life ? living with an addict - NO - it will never be normal in the conventional sense - sorry - but thats the reality - addiction is a life long disease - there is no cure - we, who are addicted to our drug of choice - stay sober one day at a time - a cliche - but true - relapse can occur anytime, if we are not doing what we need to do - this is different for everybody - some go to AA/NA meetings daily - some go to other programs or attend counselling - whatever the method it requires work on a daily basis - this is what staying clean and sober requires - you asked what can you do to help ? very little - whether your boyfriend decides to stay clean or not is his choice, daily - no one can make that decision, only him - sure you can support him in his recovery - but remember you cannot fix him - only he can do that - the chance of relapse will always be there - it may not happen today - tommorow- in 6 months time or ever - but you will never know this - you need to be prepared for this - living with an addict is a hell of a commitment - you need to be 100% sure of what you are getting into - my honest advice to you would be to stay clear- he is too new to recovery- the risk of relapse is very high- dont put yourself through the pain of dealing with this - walk away and take care of you - you dont need to enter this world - best of luck -
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Posted: March 7, 2015, 4:51 AM
This is probably the last thing I wanted to hear, and I'm sorry, I know it's gonna be hard but, if we leave our loved ones in times of struggle what does that say of us?
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Posted: March 7, 2015, 7:09 AM
First of all, don't think you're being selfish and not caring if you choose to not stay together with him. Think of it like this; Would you continue this relationship with him if there was another woman ? More importantly you're the other woman? His addiction(and sobriety)will always be the most important thing in his life.Just like the other woman, that you can't compete with or beat, she (addiction) will always come before you. No matter how much you love him, you can't love his addiction away. He can easily lie, cheat, and steal..You may not trust him after these episodes. You may spend much time, tears and work, just for the basics of a "normal" relationship. You may also become angry and jealous, lowering your self esteem, thinking why you aren't more important?
Meth is highly addictive , physical and mentally altering drug. Being under the influence of meth can cause people to be violent and unpredictable. There's also a good chance you will end up more sick than him, and most likely suffer more emotional damage. If you can attend a nar-anon meeting, it may give you more insight. Good Luck and remember you can only change you, and you need to take care of and love yourself first. | ||
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Posted: March 8, 2015, 2:49 AM
You asked what it says about us if we leave our loved ones in times of struggle? It sounds like you truly love this person so I ask you this, your loved one left you to travel because he got depressed. Did you judge him? It sounds like you loved him and let him go because you wanted him to be happy. Do you not deserve the same? If anything, take it verrrry slow and expect nothing from him. You don't have to cut him out, but be sure to give time and space for him to focus on recovery. Also ask yourself if you truly believe in your heart that this man would stick by you in times of struggle or would he retreat into his addiction?
This post has been edited by Kazm on March 8, 2015, 2:49 AM | ||
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