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Posts: 293
Joined: October 20, 2007
Posted: February 8, 2015, 3:09 PM
Since my mother became unwell and I became her full time carer I have found it very hard at times to stick to my programme and do the things I am supposed to do to stay well myself. Just to find the time to get to meetings is a Herculean challenge in itself. I suppose when life is going well it is easier to be on the programme but I guess the real test of whether or not it works is how we cope when life throws us the curve balls.
I was just flicking through the book Came to Believe the other night and I came across the story of a woman who was in AA for years and doing just fine until her daughter became sick and she just wilted and felt completely at odds with the AA way of life. The whole thing forced her to reassess her life and her progress. She was sober - as in not drinking - like me, but she asked herself "had I turned my will over to the care of God as I understood him? What was I doing to make conscious contact with my Higher Power? Was the tenth Step part of my daily life or only a once tried effort?" Most of her answers were negative. She knew that she was spiritually unwell and so could not be the best help she could be to the daughter who needed her. She had to work on herself too. When the going gets rough sometimes we just want to retreat and hide and the last thing we want to hear is how wonderful life is for everyone else since they got sober. But we already tried running away, through the bottle, and in the end we were forced to confront reality and deal with it as best we could. To be of any use to those around us we have to at least try to be well in ourselves first. Even when it's hard to be physically present at meetings as often as I would like I can still make progress and measure my progress by asking myself the same questions that lady asked herself. If I can answer them honestly and make a real effort I have to leave the rest of it up to God, as I understand him. As that lady learned on her journey 'self reliance is ultimately reliance on God' and I just have to trust that he won't lead me wrong. | ||
Posts: 6374
Joined: January 5, 2008
Posted: February 9, 2015, 9:49 AM
Hi Ruth. Sorry to hear about your mom being ill. I can relate to having a sick parent and the stress that accompanies it. There are a couple of paragraphs in the big book that helped me and from which I got strength in times when I needed it... 4th Edition .page 450-451 in the story "He lived only to drink:.... I quote..
Then I realized that I had to seperate my sobriety from everything else that was going on in my life . No matter what happened or didn't happen, I couldn't drink. In fact none of these things that I was going through had anything to do with my sobriety. the tides of life flow endlessly for better or worse, both good and bad and I cannot allow my sobriety to become dependent on these ups and downs of living. SOBRIETY MUST LIVE A LIFE OF ITS OWN. Wishing you all the best and I wish a speedy recovery for you mom.. hugs,smiles and encouragment across the miles........... This post has been edited by pirate on February 9, 2015, 9:49 AM -------------------- Thank God for what you have. Trust God for what you need | ||
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Posts: 293
Joined: October 20, 2007
Posted: February 9, 2015, 2:32 PM
Thanks a million Pirate and yes that's a good passage to remember. No matter how hard things get they'd only get a lot harder if I turned to the bottle. Somebody told me once that when things get really hard and when I feel like throwing in the towel I have to remember 'action first, motivation second'. When I'm feeling down or overwhelmed it's so easy to do nothing and just give into the bad feelings. But if I act first such as just going to a meeting even when I really don't feel like it, or just going for a walk to get myself up off the couch the motivation usually catches up and I feel a lot better afterwards. Sobriety has to be the constant in my life, even when everything else seems to be so up in the air.
Thanks for your words. | ||
Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005
Posted: February 9, 2015, 7:55 PM
Hi Ruth,
Thank you for sharing all of that, the real life stuff that comes after we've been sober for years. I was blessed to be able to attend the 51st Women's International Conference over the weekend where I was just amazed at the power of this Program, where 2,500 sober women were gathered and sharing their experiences, strength and hope. And the common theme was, don't believe the "great lie". When I got sober, a lot of things got so much better and quickly but it didn't stay that way, "Life" came and interrupted my spiritual cloud I was floating on and for awhile, I was questioning myself, questioning my God, questioning if staying in the Program was still really required. And the answer for me is simple today. If I drink, I die. I want to live and the grace of God, a lot of work in the Program and more service continues to keep me in the center & content most of the time. I do understand the restrictions when caring for a loved one, especially your Mother but what a perfect opportunity to be of maximum service to God and to your fellows. This is the deal, suiting up and showing up, even when you're tired to take care of your precious Mother. You are blessed. When people I sponsor can't get to meetings, I have them increase their time in prayer & meditation. I have them reach out to others, to pick up the phone and call another alcoholic and ask them how they are doing, it tends to help me get out of self. Journaling (step 4) is also a huge tool that I use more today than ever. God has you exactly where you are supposed to be so when those feelings of doubt creep up, turn back to your Steps, the answers you seek are there. I usually find myself at Step 3 (like you shared above) and I go back to the Big book and read those pages (pg 60-63) and I am reminded, one more time, that alcohol was never my problem, I am my problem and Thank you, God that I have a book that lays out where I can find the solution and get balanced again. I thought of you on Saturday night. Our main speaker, Lila R. (from Santa Monica) originated from Ireland and she just bought property over there and is moving back on a part time basis at 45 years sober. She was an amazing speaker and told it like it is, life on life's terms. If you get a chance, check out a speaker tape of hers. Good to see you & see that you're still sober, sharing the message and trudging the road to happy destiny.... xoxo Stacey -------------------- Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you. | ||
Posts: 4174
Joined: July 18, 2006
Posted: February 10, 2015, 11:57 AM
T.R.U.S.T.
Try REALLY Using Step Three... ;) Only to the extent that we match fear with faith are we able to find serenity in calamity... -------------------- Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. | ||
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