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Posted: July 5, 2013, 10:46 PM
Hi I am new to site. I know I have an addiction and need to get over but really struggling. Every time I delete my contacts details I manage to find a way to contact him. I tell self never gonna do again and then something happens or I have a tonne of stuff to get done and persuade self can only achieve with a few grams of coke and alcohol. I always end up only getting half of stuff done and become stressed guilty paranoid and ashamed. Like tonight, slipped away from night out so could go home and chill on own with bag and bottle of wine and now wide awake and annoyed as will feel like death tom and will have to try and hide from partner and friends. Plus I am spending money I really don't have. I am in viscous cycle and would love some advise on how to break. I have looked on line but only help seems to be with Nhs and I def don't want this on records or a rehab centre that will cost a fortune. I def want to stop but need help. Any success stories or advise very welcome. Thanks
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Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: July 6, 2013, 12:13 AM
I can relate...I made myself the same promise every day for four long years.
When you really want to stop you won't give a rat's arse whether it goes on record or not. AA and NA are free and available worldwide...though AA is primarily for alcoholics (and for me coke always went hand in hand with alcohol, as it appears to do for you as well) you can get what you need out of the 12 step program by attending meetings and reading the Big Book. When you are really sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will do whatever it takes to get well and not concern yourself with what other people think or how they may or may not react. We think we're hiding it successfully, but we're not...if they have any sense at all they've already figured out that something is not quite right with you. Nothing changes if nothing changes...so what are you willing to do? Peace ~ MomNMore -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
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Posted: March 15, 2014, 3:22 AM
First time. Please don't say it's just another confession, read and give me honest, even if it's brutal advice.I've lied for so long that I believe it and would deny it at any cost. I say I buy 1/4s because someone might need/want some. However I never tell anyone I have it. Why would I want them to see me in that light? So I feel satisfied when I know I have enough to just loose myself in something. The writing, the drawing, the organizing or just planning out things I can do to recover before anyone notices. It started one night about a year ago, I had a little left after a night on the town. I love food, let me also confess I an belemic. I don't really want to be a stick figure, but I'm a chef and I love the stimulation of flavours! I can't control it. So I balance it by expelling. The coke fits in, like a puzzle piece, tugging on the reigns of my need to taste and create better and bolder flavours. It worked, and I liked it. So I bought more to control it. I liked how hard I worked when I rocked a bump, sometimes right in the open but still hidden. I kicked the habit easily then. Summer I spent making juices and wake boarding. No drugs. In November I retuned to work, and I just fell. I was in control at first. Then I was doing a gram in three hours, alone in my bedroom. Telling myself I was creating a great and proper direction for myself and u would leave the coke behind because it was so easy last time. Today I bought 8 grams. The job and kitchen I blame however I'm just transferring responsibility. I've ruined a relationship with my soulmate, irreparably, and that's killing me but I can't stop. Help me make the first step. Please. What did u do?
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Posts: 433
Joined: December 14, 2009
Posted: March 15, 2014, 8:26 AM
First I suffered and lost everything with meaning in my life. Maybe we can help you avoid all that. If rehab seems unacceptable, it won't if things don't change. I suggest a payee. Someone to hold your money while you work through this. i don't reccomend friends or relatives, that could just lead to more confusion. Where i live there are professional payees, but that comes with a fee. it may be worth it if things are going as badd as you imply.
Of course severing ties with dealers and users will be in order. This can be difficult as we tend to think of them as friends, but they're not. I also recommend calling on God. I was blessed with the saving grace. Many have seemed to do with out this, I could not. You may also take a good look at your health, physical and mental. Exercise was very important, is very important to me. and I mean exercise your mind and body. i eat, well, everything and more. Yet I maintain a fit/slender biuld through exercise. My addiction left me on a bicycle for transportation and i would rather not ever need a car again. But that will probably change soon enough. Oh and you mentioned being a chef. What the heck is a ramp? I've eaten them and loved them. but I don't know what they are. I believe it's a seafood, right? Be well, Larry -------------------- All gods send their drunks to AA My story.. https://www.addictionrecoveryguide.o...ST&f=16&t=63644 
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