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Posted: October 18, 2016, 4:31 AM
i always thought boredom is my biggest problem and one of the reasons why i got addicted to heroin and been confined to room and not able to walk much didn't help anyway i find myself thinking about heroin and having stomach butterflies?? I think only reason stopping me popping out and scoring is not being able to inject and i cant smoke i mean i can but it wont do me much good and pop skin is out of question and snorting i didnt do for 20 years ...i lasted this long only thanks to groin , injecting in there for 7,8 years was so easy , never miss, very simple and feeling was instant so now with what i done few weeks ago i can forget about that place and veins in my arms are impossible to find which would leave my hands and i cant do that as i am working and my hands are always on display . tomorrow have to go back to work first day after 2 weeks and i am not feeling happy, actually everything is getting on my nerves and its hard job being nice to others when all you want is to be left alone. So being clean almost 2 years then taking heroin for 4, 5 days was enough to place me back how i was feeling 2 years ago when i stopped . its not my body that gives me problems but my mind.. maybe i should get some weed to relax.
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Posted: October 18, 2016, 1:58 PM
Ohhhh....ya...bored is fcking evil....the monkey loves bored....it's a wicked head space...I know if I don't keep my hands and head busy...dope will be all I think about...you ever go to NA or HA...or AA meetings? It kind of helps to have someone to call or text when the monkey starts it's dance...
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Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: October 18, 2016, 2:41 PM
Do anything to not be bored. clean the house, clean out the closets, walk, read a book, play cards, computer games - the free ones. I often thought if my kids had as many chores on their plates as I do, they wouldn't have time for using...... too much time on the plate. and of course they 'want to have fun' . cant stand to be bored. must be entertained .. cant wait in a line .... sorry for my rant.
This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on October 18, 2016, 2:43 PM | ||
Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016
Posted: October 18, 2016, 2:45 PM
not really actually never been to any of those meetings. Only place to do with drugs that I used was Blenheim project which has everything from needle exchange to counseling but that was 10 years ago. I do have few people to whom I can talk 24/7 if i feel need , problem is once I place myself into scoring mode nothing can stop me ... as long as I only talk about it its ok , talk cant hurt me but what I dont want its action and its good thing I removed every single person from my life who was helping me with drugs i mean helping with using. Just thinking back how easy was to kick crack habit,now its been for sure 10 years and I dont even know exactly how many years is been cos i dont think about it, its completely unimportant to me and thta is how I would love to feel about heroin. Would love not to know how many days, months or years is been sense my last use, i dont want to think about it , just to forget ... i reckon my biggest problem is in thinking I am loosing something and not thinking I am gaining ..plus watching Pulp Fiction once again for sure wasnt good idea , taking me back when everything was still fun and life was full of promise .
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Posts: 529
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Posted: October 18, 2016, 2:49 PM
I would NyTo Florida but I hurt my leg few weeks ago and moving around is still painful that is why I am mostly confined to bed and that is where bad thought comes . I am on FB and I do play Secret Society free game which helps me pass time plus I watch free movies channels online all supernatural , horror and sci fi stuff i love .. without all thta i would jump trough window (i am on ground floor) long ago ;) but i understand what you saying doing physical work it does help
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Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016
Posted: October 18, 2016, 2:51 PM
tomorrow will be better i am going back to work , having 9 to 5 job kind of fills my day and by thew time i get home i am tired, hot bath , dinner and sleep , fingers cross not much time to overthink things :)
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: October 18, 2016, 3:28 PM
Addict/alcoholics will ALWAYS be bored. -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: October 18, 2016, 3:54 PM
Lol...ya I get it...once i go into junkie mode ...it's about all over...that's why the meetings help...clean junkie is still a junkie and it helps a lot to have someone get what your dealing with...talking is a relief...don't have to explain s***...everybody been there...give one a try...find a good group...I've got a month of clean time right now. .and hell...I so owe a lot of it to the people who are keeping my head in the game...work is good...is for me too...glad u can get back tomorrow... .hang in there if you can...heroin is my doc too...the dopegod can be a real b****...:)
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Posts: 529
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Posted: October 19, 2016, 1:44 PM
just got back from work and manage all day with 2 Paracetamol only for leg pain which was minimal .. so happy that issue is more or less resolved and got home straight from work, didn't phone or go to place where i know i can find whatever i want/ need. I was thinking i am 44 year old and last 20 years for me is mostly blur , probably thanks to heroin years are gone so quickly and left me how to say undeveloped lol i dont think i grown into person i supposed to be i think i am mentally where i was when i first started using early 20 . is this how others feel? Another thing is am still amazed how different world seems to me when i am heroin and when I am not, 2 different worlds completely.
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Posted: October 19, 2016, 2:35 PM
I've always said...there's junkie time and in between time...and its the in between time that determines what it's going to be...ya...time moves differently on dope...honestly can say that is one aspect I miss sometimes. ..life is so...idk...in my face and either goes to fast or too slow...heroin time kind of flows...whatever. ..sorry...im feeling a little relapsy today...you did great...really...I get how fcking hard it is to know where you shouldn't be and not go there. ..im 10 years older than you. ..and absolutely...we stop maturing emotionally when we use...they talk about it in the meetings. ..we have to learn how to do everything everyone else learned to do while we were spending our time nodding out...not easy...at least for me...I've been praying to the dope gods on and off since I was 19....and all the other drug gods on top in between and instead of since I was 10 or 11.....it's been a long road...i wanted clean this time. ..long term...but it's a little harder than I thought to stay off it ...got to do it one day...one hour at a time until I can do it...meetings and support keep me sane...keep me from living in my head...show me how to deal with this weird strange thing called life...that everyone else seems to get...your not alone Tink...it's a long strange trip coming back...and it doesn't matter how long the clean time.. gotta work it everyday...
Con This post has been edited by constantine on October 19, 2016, 2:38 PM | ||
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Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016
Posted: October 19, 2016, 2:51 PM
Con how long you been clean?
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: October 19, 2016, 3:17 PM
This time ?...a little over a month....longest stretches ive had is a 4 year clean from dope at one time...and a 9 year on methadone...not a great record for the amount of years...I know...
This post has been edited by constantine on October 19, 2016, 4:09 PM | ||
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Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016
Posted: October 20, 2016, 4:31 AM
Con you record is good, 4 years, 9 years? Its such a long periods, hell its lifetime and doesnt matter you were on meths important is you didn't use H!! So now its over month, you are having mood swings? Bad ones? I do :( Longest I done is last 2 years until I got great idea to treat myself few weeks ago and made that stupid abscess, in all years I used I never had any problems like that anyway forget about that what I want to say I am /was happy with 3,4 days or months of abstinence, any clean time is welcome . Of course older I am harder it is , I am more scared of pain, no tolerance left really, being sick so many times that now as soon as I start sneezing I am in panic mode! I was reading other people posts and I see its the same for everybody, everybody is scared of going cold turkey and pain that follows. Lucky I know myself so well , I know how easy I can be on myself , how giving you see I know all my triggers and usually I can stop myself but few weeks ago it was like dream, I was watching myself going trough the same s*** thinking about it picking up my cellphone going out everything so I am trying to get to bottom why I didnt stop myself this time? What I need to change is thinking I am loosing something and not gaining which is not easy , its not easy to change how you feel about something overnight. Con Good Luck to you , i can feel you will do fine and obviously you got great support network , if I can do anything to help just shout :)
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Posted: October 20, 2016, 2:48 PM
Your still on clean train now ...or ?...I slipped up and used once too just a day after I reached 30...fcking rebound headache from hell the next day....and general misery all around...so...I just didn't bother contining..
.ya..it gets harder the older we get...just don't bounce back anymore after detoxs like I use to...like we ever bounced anyways...lol...seriously though...the whole thing just gets harder ...the getting. ..the using...everything. .. Ohhh ya...you might say I'm a bit edgy these days...mood swings...eh...not too bad...but like...an ant could irritate me just walking too loud sometimes..lol...so...hmmm...ya...im up and down ...tired more than anything. ..like I got hit by a truck tired. ..and...don't know...feel a little dead inside...ya know ? ...just apathetic....don't care about much...I border between angry...at who knows what...idk...and feeling like I want to cry forever....but I don't. ...skin still crawls...makes me want to punch walls or scream...or both sometimes. ..ahhh...junkie getting clean time...too fun...huh ? ...lol...smiles to ya B...back at ya...check out a meeting. ..really...It fcking helps to have face to face ...here for ya too.... This post has been edited by constantine on October 20, 2016, 2:49 PM | ||
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Posted: October 20, 2016, 4:13 PM
I didn't do this, but a sober friend of mine learned how to play an instrument to get rid of the boredom. You can find crazy good deals at thrift stores. What he told me was that when he was angry/upset/bored/etc he would just pick up the instrument. He said it didn't help him get sober, that was his job, but it did help with the boredom and distract him from being inside his head too much.
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Posted: October 20, 2016, 10:07 PM
Whatsup bro i hope everything is good..thanks for also sharing your story on my post. I must say if you never went to NA definitly try it. No disrespect to any females but the amount of a** at NA is awesome i went to 1 meeting and the next meeting and i got a piece of it. It helps alot having that. Only problem i have now ks drinking about 6-12 beers after work everyday but it is sure better then IVING dope but it isnt vodka either. Long story short try NA you might find a chick that will make you want to stay clean. Its tuff being lonely.
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: October 21, 2016, 6:52 AM
Lance...true...I've playing everyday w my guitar again...keeps my hands busy...learning new stuff...but..your right...my business not to use...
Other dude...we're both females on this thread...get a life... | ||
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: October 21, 2016, 11:25 AM
I truly believe that I am alive today because I followed HOW IT WORKS
(and believe me, I tried EVERYTHING else before surrendering to it !) http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf After about 20 yrs of "kicking & squealing" in AA, HOW IT WORKS began to make sense. I have a psychological disease that requires a spiritual treatment (3 pertinent ideas) I began to apply "The Golden Key" to my distress and it began to work. All my psychological attempts at relief seemed "2 dimensional" (something missing) The 3rd Pertinent Idea began to make recovery WHOLE. That 3rd Pertinent Idea is THE LAST G.D. thing I wanted to do - and it is, after experiencing the magic, the foundation of my better life today. I JUST HAD TO DO IT (on faith .. and the fact that I couldn't stand the pain any more) just my ESH .. my path. All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008
Posted: October 21, 2016, 1:21 PM
I know PB...I know...we're fledglings here...doing what I can. ..trying to Figure out how everything works...😨
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: October 21, 2016, 8:25 PM
A person told me something a while ago that really helped me with the "I've got to know"
to keep trying to "figure everything out" .... He said: "If it makes sense it's not spiritual" The more I read about spirituality the more his phrase makes sense .... Leave God's work to God :0) Bob -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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