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Posted: July 15, 2015, 1:04 PM
So... 10 years later.... Here I am, feeling pathetic! I'm an addict, Im pretty sure that's the first time ive said that on my own... I am now 8 days clean and I need the help of other "quitters"(lol). I finally slept through the night last night, probably because I took a dose of lyrica because my legs hurts so bad I wanted to cry... I quit cold turkey after a 10 year battle with pain pills, 30-60 mg of chewed oxycotin every 4-6 hours! I didn't want it to get any worse... I started taking them for actual pain but could never stop... How long will the angry demons in my head make me think about pills day and night... I dream about happening on big bags of pills... all day I think about what magical combination of symptoms will get some ER doc to right me a script so I can feel "normal" again... even at the highest dose I never felt "high" anymore, just normal(for me anyway)... My husband is also in recovery( yeah, that's right I convinced him to make the same mistakes I did) luckily I never let him get to where I was and he stopped as fast as he started...once I saw what I was doing to him it was time to kick the s*** for both of us, he is doing awesome, 3 days later he was through the haze and now its just me, hes trying to be supportive but I think seeing the pathetic addict I am is making him alittle frustrated with me! I want to know how long Im gonna suffer for this huge mistake... I want to say I beat addiction but its hard to see the light right now... I don't want everyday to be like this anymore...
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Posts: 674
Joined: August 17, 2014
Posted: July 15, 2015, 3:07 PM
Hi stillkicking - well done on quiting - it aint easy, i know - you gotta hang in there now - it will get better, it may not seem like that now, but you can beat this - think how proud of yourself you will be - to beat this crap once and for all - YOU CAN BEAT THIS - HANG IN THERE - ALL THE BEST- keep posting on here if you need support - alot good people on here -
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Posted: July 15, 2015, 3:29 PM
Thanks, life will be better some day... I just hope the way I feel is only a symptom of withdrawal and not just who I am... ive been so depressed, so tried, and so ANGRY at the world... its like the happy person I was was only because of the pills... I just want to be me again, pre addiction...
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