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Posts: 296
Joined: October 26, 2009
Posted: December 18, 2010, 12:59 AM
Hi There.
Is there anyone who could offer me some practical advice on how to stop a friend from seriously self-harming? This friend is also suffering with suicidal depression and I'm very worried about what he may do. He says things to me like:"check the obituaries".I'm completely at a loss and am very frightened as to what he might do. I would normally have posted this on the heroin board but have chosen to post here because anything I post there is immediately maligned and my efforts are ridiculed as an exercise in self-aggrandizement with me made out to be the self-appointed hero to someone in distress. It has gotten to the point where I have become sport for others with the isssues becoming peripheral to the put-downs and the point-scoring so I beg that this discussion stays here. All I want is some advice; thats all. thank you. Reshie -------------------- To see a world in a grain of sand And a heaven in a wild flower Hold infinity in the palm of your hand And Eternity for an hour (William Blake) | ||
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Posted: January 24, 2011, 6:58 PM
I used to post on the H board. I noticed that it was nothing more than a big clique. I would try and talk there while struggling with my addiction and never got a response. The "regulars" would post and the responses were plenty. There are some boards out there with people that will welcome those that are struggling with addiction and seem to truly want to help you. This place isn't one of them.
It's funny ,I stopped back here just see if it was still the same and found this. I guess the saying is true."Some things never change". | ||
Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: January 24, 2011, 9:03 PM
You can't stop this...it's an addiction like any other...rush, endorphins, the whole ball of wax. My daughter was a cutter for years. He needs serious F2F therapy and medical attention...cutters are seldom truly suicidal, more attention seeking and trying to stop some psychic pain....the cutting reminds them that they can feel something, anything. The best thing you can do is not overreact and then call for help if you think s/he means business. He needs someone to pay attention, which you are doing...but it's not for you to save him, like any addict, he needs to save himself. Just watch without being overly vigilant and don't give in to emotional blackmail. If he does serious damage it's not on you.
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Posts: 296
Joined: October 26, 2009
Posted: February 6, 2011, 12:10 AM
Hi MnM,
Thanks for your reply. I know that you don't have a very good opinion of me but I was hoping to tap your insight anyway. You say that he's doing it as an act of attention-seeking but I am a big attention-seeker yet I don't cut.I think he's quite the opposite of me. He all but refuses to talk about it. Won't do AA,NA, won't even look on here where he can be totally anonymous. He is on 2 different antidepressants,valium and a whopping big dose of methadone. I used to think that the self-harm occurs when he's very very down.That theory got torpedoed when on one occasion I saw him and he was happier than I'd seen him in a long time. Had a new partner whom he adored and adored him just as much. Lots of kissing and cuddling. His money situation was ok. Went out shopping,went for coffee etc instead of sitting in a dark room watching daytime TV which was his norm. He looked so happy. Then that night he cut himself. Cut badly. He called me so I went to see him with plasters and bandages etc. I asked him why did he do it as things were going so well and he was so happy. He just laughed. He did this very odd thing where he would be crying and crying and then he would start laughing;then cry,then suddenly laugh for no reason. A kind of hysterical laugh.I can't fgure it out. He spends a lot of time sitting in the dark (watching TV or listening to music) if that means anything. Why does he do it MnM? He has no earthly reason to. I've not heard of "F2F therapy" before so I don't know what it is. But the worst thing is his cutting has ruined the happy things he had. His boyfriend found out,freaked and ran a mile so he's back to sitting in. I know I shouldn't blame him but I'm angry cos he went and ruined what was and could well have been a really good thing. -------------------- To see a world in a grain of sand And a heaven in a wild flower Hold infinity in the palm of your hand And Eternity for an hour (William Blake) | ||
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Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: February 6, 2011, 12:41 AM
F2F is shorthand for face-to-face...he needs psychiatric intervention. Well, he's got your attention, doesn't he? Once begun and found to be satisfying, the urge to cut is as strong as the urge to use and nets the same sort of neurologic event. Why does anyone use? Why do people put needles in their arms or straws up their noses? The end result is why. Why be angry? Is he angry at you for being an addict and ruining what you had? In what way do his actions affect you except to send you on yet another rescue mission? Cutters cut, addicts use...same thing, driven by the same factors, both hard to give up once begun.
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Posted: February 8, 2011, 5:59 PM
hi reshie,
i read ur post and i am really sorry for what you and ur friend are going through, i must admit it sound like alot for you to take on. for him to be on 2 different types antidepressints, valium and alot of methadone no wonder he is so depressed and also while one minute he is crying and the next he is laughing, i used to be really depressed and was on strong antidepressints and what i found was i was having very strong mood swings one minute i would be happy, next minute i would be crying my eyes out and then the next i would lose all control and just rage. you say he doesnt want to go to NA/AA meetings or even talk to people on this website or talk to u about it. it does sound reallt worrying and i dont blame you for that coz i would be too but what i have learned is that it sound like ur friend is just not ready 2 admit to himself that he has a problem, and you cant force him in to getting help if he doesnt want it. but i would check on him every now and again just to make sure he hasnt done anything stupid. maybe you could just try and see if you could take him to see his doctor and just say you have concerns or maybe talk to his parents or something. but just remember dont push him into anything coz it could make him worse. hope to hear from you soon | ||
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Posts: 296
Joined: October 26, 2009
Posted: February 10, 2011, 7:40 PM
"Cutter's cut,addicts use....same thing."
Have to admit;that just about sums it up nicely. He cuts,I use(d).....same thing. Truth is he never asked for my help. We used to score H together. He's on the methadone and has stopped scoring which is the initial reason I hung with him. I saw the scars on his arms a long time ago, knew they were not track marks but never asked. And they couldn't be clumsiness since one is shaped in a perfect pentagram. Then I did asked,he told me and at the time I said to him to call me if he needed help/to talk/let off steam. So one day he did and I realized then I stepped into something very deep and complex. He does agree that he needs help. He feels that 2 weeks at a health farm/spa/retreat is what he needs but absolutely positively NOt a Psychiatric institution ("funny farm") his reasoning being that he's already on meds. And he has called me for help only once so maybe. Trouble as always is funding. Hi Chazza 1986. It's interesting to hear you talk about those powerful shifts in emotions. The laughing followed directly by crying. MnM pointed out where the similarities are. Yours is a much more personal point of view. What do you feel is the one thing(or things) that a mate could do to help. I've found that spending time with the guy helps. Brings him out of his 'shell' and makes him a lot less negative. Or am I making things worse. Storing up trouble I can't yet see? -------------------- To see a world in a grain of sand And a heaven in a wild flower Hold infinity in the palm of your hand And Eternity for an hour (William Blake) | ||
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Posted: February 11, 2011, 9:33 AM
hey
the only thing a mate can do is to be there for him and let him know that ur here for him whenever he needs you, wherther it be a shoulder to lean on, talk to or just be there as company for him and to let him know he not alone. ur not making things worse, at all. just remember to be there for him. | ||
Posts: 2340
Joined: February 20, 2010
Posted: February 11, 2011, 10:40 AM
my son was a cutter before heroin..must be some type of release or rush, I dont know, i truly dont know..he tried to keep it private but I always saw it..long sleeves in the summer, etc..i always asked "what the hell is that?" that certainly didnt help much..he has had such a difficult time of things..guess just listening offers him some social outlet as i know my son became really reclusive good luck
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Posts: 7
Joined: April 1, 2011
Posted: April 1, 2011, 2:28 PM
I've known cutters. It's a very weird dynamic. I'm not sure all of them are seeking attention. I know my friends were very secretive about it. They didn't seem to want anyone to know. But you're friend obviously wants your attention. And he's obviously not "happy" if he's laughing, crying, and then cutting himself. With his depression and drug problems, has he even talked aboutdrug rehabilitation[/URL]? You cannot make him do that. I would suggest an intervention. Make him understand that you care about him, but you're not going to be his little audience for his cutting, suicide routine.
This post has been edited by moderator on April 6, 2016, 7:55 AM -------------------- I am not a doctor. If you have a medical question, please refer to a professional. Any advice I give to be taken with the two above statements understood. Keep an eye out for the elusive funny status | ||
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