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Posts: 1161
Joined: November 30, 2009
Posted: December 9, 2010, 10:54 PM
O.K. I feel totally safe here.
Well, I just flipped the f*ig out big time. Back to screaming and yelling and basically a huge relapse. Not on drugs. First off I have this woman called my mom. Love her. Tough woman. The last three days have been a nightmare. She would not let me call an ambulance and frankly she hadn't even been able to get up the steps let alone get washed for a week. I'm a maid, an errand runner and a caregiver. I ain't no Doctor or Nurse and I am not freakin psychic. Needless to say watching someone deteriorate is not fun. Honest to God the woman is no sissy and she's a trooper. Anwyaway we had her cardiologist today. Not only in full blown A-Fib despite the arythmia big doseful drug and a ton of other BP meds and crap she's in it. I got her washed starting last night. This is how long it takes to get her ready. We got down the steps to the car and she just about made it. She has a valve that needs to be repaired. Atricular valve or something besides the A-Fib. She needs an ablation? Plus a pacemaker. It's a big operation. Needless to say that has me on edge. HER!!!!!!!!!! My DD!!!!!!!! It's always something but she has been fairly well. Matured. We're getting along. Tonight she's going to see her boyfriend. Again, she goes on the bus, to the El, to the trolley allllllllllllllllllllllll the way up to his apaprtment. Stays three hours and comes home. O.K. point blank this is BS. However, I know enough and learned through you guys that's on her. I can't do anything about it. However, being a decent person and checking in seems to work. Well, no call as she is to leave at 9:00PM. Call me a freakin alamarmist but we have a freakin serial killer out here in Philly. He's murdered two women and put out at least four more. Connected to addiction and prostitutes. Of course the worlds most vulnerable. Still who is to say the guy isn't going to grab up just anyone? PLUS this is just one freak out of a boatload out there. This is national news. The FBI is in Philly to catch the guy and this chick is out in frigid weather on an EL and will arrive at Bridge&Pratt El stop about 11:00PM. Noooooooo, she's not on drugs but for Lord's sake that might make more sense as to why you are out there. So, no call. I call and she's sort of giving me one word answers. "I'm on the El. My dad is going to pick me up at Bridge". The phone either went out or she hung up. I called him. He's "mad at her because she missed his dad's birthday party so he isn't doing anything for her". I called her back screaming "What kind of guy allows you to come all the way up there and travel when it's so unsafe?" Answer "I love him mom". Well does he love you and if so why the he*l can't you stay over? He gets up early and he don't feel good. I knew tricks more concerned. I know, I know, I know, I know it's on her. I told her she ought to care about her da*n self. Screaming I was and now I got the lady with the A-Fib awake. Relapse pure and simple. I'm a loser, crazed, nut job who has no idea how to proceed with life. I'm weak and frankly got no life of my own. Maybe if I was out on a date or shopping or at a movie I wouldn't be so da*ned worried, but I bet I would be. Thank you for allowing me to confess. I mean isn't this NUTS? Not me, but that a young lady would keep doing this? I didn't even do that for heroin. Well maybe a few times really put myself out there, but I was a dope fiend. Serial strangler who probably and they profiled this travels by the EL!!!!!!!!!!! She's on it in the freezing cold of December! I'm screaming and the leaking valve, can't walk through one room without being out of breath now has to go to me "What NOW? What is wrong with her? I feel sorry for you". Yeah me too at this point. | ||
Posts: 1189
Joined: December 29, 2009
Posted: December 9, 2010, 11:33 PM
Hi Bryn,
you sound like you need a big hug, tea and biscuits luv. Keep praying and I will do the same. luv from kazz from ozz xxx | ||
Posts: 683
Joined: January 29, 2010
Posted: January 3, 2011, 3:28 AM
AWWW BRYN I DO LOVE YA KITTY XX
-------------------- lifes a picture you got to paint it colourful | ||
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Posts: 1189
Joined: December 29, 2009
Posted: January 3, 2011, 7:28 AM
Hi bryn, how are u going now with your mum? I went thru the same kind of thing with my mum just as I started my current job. Twice she had to go to hospital for cardioversion ( where they shock the AF beat into normal rythm) and her meds were adjusted. She didn't have a leaky valve- but after the second visit to the cardiac unit, had 4 cracked vertebrae and neede a big abdo op for adhesions from previous bowel cancer surgery.
You are not to be surprised at screaming. Go bless them, mothers are wonderful, tough and independant souls. Take care of yourself. luv from kazz from ozz | ||
Posts: 296
Joined: October 26, 2009
Posted: January 4, 2011, 9:42 PM
Hi Bryn.
I've relapsed on both the crazy kind and the heroin kind. What does that say about me hey? -------------------- To see a world in a grain of sand And a heaven in a wild flower Hold infinity in the palm of your hand And Eternity for an hour (William Blake) | ||
Posts: 2340
Joined: February 20, 2010
Posted: January 4, 2011, 10:02 PM
kind of sounds like you may have overreacted with your daughter because of anxiety about your mom..i would have been scared too but you cant control her actions and you know that...you gotta keep your sh** together because you have taken full care of your Mom, sounds like you need a little break and if I lived closer I would come visit and let you get out a bit! it seems like life just craps on you and keeps on crapping! I feel like that alot too and it does help to vent here..so sorry things are so flippin complicated for you, since you cant get out much get a good book or good movie and immerse yourself hang in there B
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