Posted: May 22, 2016, 2:42 PM
After reading your post I am sorry to hear the pain that you are going through. I myself am a heroin addict and have been trying to get clean from this drug for years. I just recently lost my most beloved girlfriend. She had had enough. I had overdosed more than 4 times during our relationship of which two I was intubated on a breathing machine. She has seen me blue overdosed in a Burger King parking lot. She would go crazy when I would turn my location off on my Iphone. The relationship was not healthy. She was so afraid of me dying. I crashed cars, pawned gifts, and lied. However over these three years in between these horrible instances we loved each other very much. I am a fitness instructor and we loved the outdoors, biking, cooking together. I had so much love for her but, I could and still can not give up using. I miss her dearly, and after she said I could not come home after leaving rehab early I have been suicidal. I have not gotten better. Actually worse. However there was no other option for her. She had to draw a line and I have to stop. I have to stop for me. I am desperately trying to get enough courage and try and move forward from the love I have for her but I seem to be lying to myself when I say that I can move on from her. I love her, Deeply. But the damage is great, the love is great, the dependency we had for each other was very serious. I am trying to get clean, I can not talk to her like friends, I would think she was with other men, if she didn't answer my phone call I would spazz and want to use. So I am no longer going to talk to her and get clean. Get my life back. And maybe just maybe I will have her again. But I have to be strong and move forward on my own and be my own individual. She gave me purpose. I no longer have her and I now am in search for a purpose and a reason not to use.