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Posted: September 13, 2014, 4:19 PM
I'm happily married and a mother of 2. I have a history of pain killer abuse and have easy access to them. Somehow....I don't even remember when or how it happened...I "decided" to take Tramadol. I think I justified it because it was a "non narcotic" and to me, I know it's stupid, in my head that meant less addictive.
I was working 2nd shift. I would get home between 12 and 2 a.m. then have to get up with the kids. I started taking maybe 1-2 tramadol right before my shift ended. It didn't make me feel "high" like other pain killers but it did give me more energy and allowed me to fall asleep or at least wake up and get through the next day on very little sleep. My husband ended up getting a better job so I was able to quit the 2nd shift and just work my day job but I continued to use the Tramadol because of it's "super mom" effects. I completely justified the drug use because I took it after the kids went to bed and it allowed me to get ALL the housework done which sometimes took well into the night. It allowed me to live and function on 3-4 hours of sleep which is quite ideal for a working mother. Well someone how it turned into 2 1/2 years of Tramadol use and I was taking up to 25-30 pills a night. I'm 5'1" and 115lbs....I'm surprised I didn't kill myself and cause any other harm to my body by taking this many. I think back and realize what a disgusting amount of pills I was taking. Needless to say, the moment I realized I needed to stop and the moment I realized it was a huge issue was when I heard Tramadol was going to be a controlled substance. It scared me. I came to realize I was risking my job of 12 years and my health as well as so many other things. Just because my kids weren't awake to see me and it made me feel like super woman didn't mean I didn't get myself addicted to a drug. I've been off of Tramadol for 2 weeks. I weaned myself off, went through the horrible withdrawl symptoms and just now am I starting to feel "normal". Honestly, I don't even know what normal is anymore. The 1st couple of days were the worst. I felt anxiety (the only word I can think of to describe the feeling but it was so much worse than that). I couldn't sleep. It felt like restless leg syndrome but it was with my entire body and 10 fold. I would toss and turn trying to get comfortable. My poor husband...... The insomnia lasted days. It made me tired and crazy and anxious. It was horrible. Thank goodness I had family support. I've never told my family I had drug issues but I did this time. I think it will be important for them to know in case I ever get myself in trouble again. The more people that knew the more support I got and the more I realized I'm not as alone as I thought. It helped in my recovery. I was able to talk to my husband about it. He made me realize (I'm trying to at least) that I can't do every thing by myself and that it's ok to ask for help. 2 weeks in to recovery I still feel tired in the morning but I'm getting a full nights sleep. The cloudy feeling in my brain is gone and I've been asking for help when I need it. I've become ok with leaving a couple dishes in the sink at night and realizing it's ok to leave laundry for the next day. I'm blessed with a loving family, great kids and more importantly and understanding husband. If you are the one addicted....fight through the withdrawl. It gets better I promise. And if you are a loved one looking for info my best advice is NOT to judge. If you have negative things to say keep them to yourself. That numb feeling you get from pain killers is false and unrealistic. Life is good w/o drugs. It's okay to feel good AND bad and it's ok to admit you need help. | ||
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Posted: March 22, 2015, 3:02 PM
Glad you doing better
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Posts: 2
Joined: March 21, 2015
Posted: March 31, 2015, 12:54 AM
Great Job!! It is so hard as a woman when you have pain and so much is expected of you. I am trying to wean off of some of my medication and it is SO challenging! I look forward to my pills. They make life easier. I wish I didn't feel the need for them. I too usually end up taking pills at night after my husband goes to bed so that I can do housework, bake, prepare food for the week, etc. My husband is chronically ill & is on a strict diet so cooking is more work and the pills help with that boost. I wish I didn't know what they felt like!
How have you dealt with the psychological part of it!? | ||
Posts: 7
Joined: April 1, 2015
Posted: April 1, 2015, 1:43 PM
Eww. you are the only person I have seen thus far to use the "restless leg syndrome" as a way to describe part of the withdrawals off of opiates, in general. And how right you are! It is like restless body syndrome. Sitting up, standing up, shaking, laying down, popping up, horrible.... The degree to which one suffers from them is proportional to the strength of the opiate, or in your case, maybe even the amount of opiOID, which I think I read tramadol was once when I had a prescription. I don't understand why you couldn't see a doc and get on a prescription where you take on or two a day: you don't have to stop just because it is controlled. I am not suggesting you get back on it....I am curious as to how you managed to take 25 pills a day though....Did you go to more than one doctor or something? You are better off than on, but I think if it were me I would have just gotten onto a 30-day-at-a-time supply from one doctor.....Then weaned off.
This post has been edited by M. Kalli on April 1, 2015, 1:44 PM -------------------- [FONT=Geneva][COLOR=blue]M. Kalli | ||
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