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Message Board > Pain Pills > Here I Go Again

Posted by: tryinghard2 December 28, 2017, 5:36 AM
I’m still addicted to N+ I have been for about 5 years! Ridiculous isn’t it! I’m at the end of Day 4 of no N+! Here in Australia it is so hard to get now! There are only 4 pharmacy’s that I know of that don’t ask me for I’d!! But from February 1st it goes script only!! So it will be even harder- that’s why I’m trying again now- kids are with their dad for the holiday so I’m home alone for the week plus I’m on holidays so hopefully the worst will be over before they come home and I go back to work!!
Not as many people here lately, compared to 2 years ago lots of support- I guess people got clean and didn’t need it anymore or people keep using and just don’t post- that was me I only post when I’m trying to kick it!! I feel ok today moving around reasonably well hard at times, gastro, insomnia are hanging around!! I knew it would be tough!! Here’s hoping I go the distance!!

Posted by: tryinghard2 December 30, 2017, 6:14 PM
1 week today, I feel so flat. It’s like I’ve done a backflip and I’m back at the beginning!! This sucks balls no wonder people cave and go back, anything to just feel normal!! “Normal” like taking 60 pills a day is normal- if only we knew exactly how long the withdrawal process took, that would make it easier- it’s not knowing that’s hard- asking yourself everyday “how much longer will I feel like this when will I feel better!! Anyway it’s New Year’s Eve here today, here’s to a new year new me🤞🏻

Posted by: tryinghard2 December 31, 2017, 7:48 PM
New Year’s Day here! I had a bit of a boozy night, which I never do! I don’t drink usually! But had a few beers with some friend! Now I’m paying for it today!! I feel bloody lousy! And I’ll be honest my head keeps telling me to have pills! I’ve come to far for me to go back now!! I can’t feel like this again so I can’t have pills!! Please give me strength to just get thru today!! It’s gunna be hour by hour for me today!! I think I’ll take the kids swimming, I’ll lay in the sun and swim also! Hopefully that helps the head!!

Posted by: tryinghard2 January 1, 2018, 5:30 AM
I’m finally at the end of one of the longest days of my life!! I’m going to bed pill free! I made it I got thru the day with out any N+ or codeine for that matter!! I have panadine forte in my bag as I had a severe tooth ache last week!! I haven’t touched a pill! Besides a paracetamol from my pounding head!! I’m pretty proud right now 8 days clean!!! I can do this!!

Posted by: sally4 January 3, 2018, 5:11 PM
Yes I no ..soap under your bottom mattress will help with restless legs Imodium for poops.and yes that normal happy ok feeling .is what we all wait for feel so alone like just going thru the motions of life. I so understand you.All you can do is wait for one day you will wake up feeling like life is ok..than life is good than life is great. Really time is the problem we all want it now!!!good day.

Posted by: sally4 January 3, 2018, 5:37 PM
Another thing you walk around with no energy ..while you used to run around and feel will get back that feeling of normal you will I repeat you just takes time,you will wake up and feel happy again.ok

Posted by: tryinghard2 January 4, 2018, 5:03 AM
Hi Sally,
Thanks for replying! Yeah I know, time is everything! It’s just not knowing that gets me. Like how much longer do I have to go thru this!! Mind you I’m feeling about 75% so that’s something!! Cravings are pretty bad for me at the moment, but not long to go till it’s script only!! I’m hanging tough till then, then it’s gunna be so hard to get that I won’t bloody bother!! But what I would give to feel that euphoric feeling just one more time!! But no I won’t cave!! I have decided to focus and Chanel all of my time and energy into 3 things 1. My kids 2.Work 3. The Gym. I think if my focus is with these things I can pull this off and stay clean forever!! I have an addictive nature I think and I just need to find a healthy addiction!
Oh and I’m saving so much money- where before I was spending up to $30 a day in a pharmacy! I haven’t spent that much money the past week and a half!! It’s bloody great!! Anyway end of day 11, I got this!!

Posted by: sally4 January 4, 2018, 7:52 PM
If you have a upcoming can you not pick it truth want to stop but you cant wait for them pills, sad to say, or just maybe your stronger than that, amen to you...

Posted by: tryinghard2 January 5, 2018, 6:36 AM
Sally I live in Australia where we can buy N+ my pill of choice over the counter! It only has 12.8mg of codeine, and 200mg ibuprofen, so I was taking 15 at a time 4 -5 times a day, not so much for the high, more so to feel normal. Now the real bad part is the ibuprofen, damaging my stomach and possibly giving me an ulcer- so these pills are so easy to get for now- well kinda u need to show if at most pharmacy’s, there are a few that don’t ask for ID and they are were I go!! But come the 2nd of February you will need a doctors prescription for these pills, making it hard to get 2-3 boxes a day!! So I don’t have an up coming script I’m just going cold turkey and trying my bloody hardest to quit. So far so good! But yes been here done this soooo many times!! But I feel this time is different due to needing a script and I am not very good at going to doctors and lying thru my teeth to get them!! So wish me luck, for today is Day 12 I’m almost 2 weeks clean!! Pretty happy right now!! Plus I feel pretty good aswell!!

Posted by: flipperbaby January 6, 2018, 1:49 PM
Hi Trying Hard. You're in the home stretch for the physical part. By day 20-21, you'll be golden. As we all have unique fingerprints, faces, personalities; nobody is the same, but for me, day 5-7-10-15-20 and 30 were all milestone days for improvement. Hang in there. I was SO HAPPY the last few years clean and thats whats getting me through this crap. Way way macro-happier than I ever was on pills. Pills give us a very short term micro happiness but c sobriety is macro happy. Be well

Posted by: tryinghard2 January 7, 2018, 5:10 PM
Yes Flipperbaby, completely get that!! We all will go thru something different but a little the same- for me I feel good today not great, but I certainly feel a lot better than I did at 1 week in! I long for the days that this crap is so far behind me that I can say I’ve been clean for 2 years! But it’s still a day at a time!! I have been here before and caved so I’m treading very carefully!! But I want to be the best Mum I can be to my kids, I was a zombie the past 5 years and didn’t do anything with them!! It’s all changing now!! We have done so much the past week it’s been great, even though I have felt a little shifty, they have had fun!! I’m 15 days clean today!!

Posted by: flipperbaby January 7, 2018, 6:33 PM
Thats amazing to hear. I so get it. Its the greatest gift we could give to our children. Hang in there.

Posted by: tryinghard2 February 3, 2018, 5:37 PM
Things went down hill for me and I gave in to my cravings and had pills! I told myself one box and that’s it, but being an addict with an addictive nature I kept having them! But now I need a drs script to get them and I certainly will not be Dr shopping to get them!! So today is Day 3! Must admit and touch wood that I’m feeling kinda ok!! Not as bad as I thought I would! Here’s hoping it’s an easier road than I have walked before- mayb because I had 3 weeks clean time prior to the past 3 weeks that it’s making it a little easier!!

Posted by: sally4 February 3, 2018, 8:58 PM
I'm so happy you came back. We all really do and talk I'm here all the time.xxoo

Posted by: circa_85 February 3, 2018, 10:43 PM
Hi All,

Some of you may remember me when I burst on the scene in 2015 with a 120 pill a day habit of Nurofen Plus.

My original posting can be found here, a lot of great content if you feel like a read;

I was clean for approximately 1 year and a half, however I have relapsed and used over the past 9-12 months.

I'm 6 days in recovery again, slightly reduced pill intake than last time approximately 60-90 pills per day.

Just like TH2, I'm in Sydney Australia where legislation has just changed to take codeine away from over-the-counter purchase and make it prescription only.

I've already gone through a lot in this first week, urgent blood panel work done, an iron injection done today by my doctor, urinalysis is also being tested and there are a bunch of other support systems in place such as family, my couselor and a new life coach I've just started seeing.

Withdrawal is obviously tough but pushing through that is generally the easiest part as we all know. What comes after is the challenge to discover new healthy coping mechanisms and to re-connect many facets of our lives that have become unbalanced - e.g. nutrition, exercise, social connection, healthy relationships, etc.

The admins never like that I do this but as usual if anyone wants to talk directly, hit me up - ****

As Always - Stay Strong, Stay Calm, Stay Vigilant!


Posted by: Browndog113 February 5, 2018, 5:33 AM
Trying hard To: All beginnings are hard and u r definitely at a new beginning, it's called living. I admire your strength and courage for you have certainly done this the hard way and have earned a chance to live and enjoy life again (even though it might not feel it right now. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is get some outside support. NA OR AA is helpful to a lot of people. We are also here for you, but this is far from the support you can find in real life. I wish for the best for you. God loves courage and God loves you. May the Lord bless you.

Posted by: tryinghard2 February 5, 2018, 5:19 PM
Hi cam and Browndog,
I remember you cam! It was a few years back now, sorry to hear of your relapse, addiction is difficult- especially if there is a trigger! I’m so glad for codeine to be taken off the shelves, will certainly make recovery a lot easier (at least I hope) i, I unlike you haven’t had any blood work done! Not sure if I will either! Hopefully we both get thru this without anymore relapses! My symptoms are not as bad this time round, I think because I had almost 3 weeks clean time! But I do feel slightly less motivated! But sleep is reasonably easy and I’m not as adgited! Thanks Brown dog! I have been struggling with N+ for a very long time! I almost lost my husband! Who I now realise I love endlessly and couldn’t live without him in my life!! N+ made me emotionless and made me feel like I didn’t need or love him!! I left him 3 times, I was very lucky to get another chance with him!! I won’t screw it up that’s for sure!! Anyway gotta fly and take my kidlets to school!! Have a great day all!

Posted by: tryinghard2 April 14, 2018, 11:13 PM
I’m so scared I will never get over this and I will always be an Addict!! I just can’t stop taking them!! I’m day 1 into yet another attempt to rid my life of pills- I’m now taking panadine forte as nurophen plus is harder to get!! And the paracetamol will do more damage I fear that the ibuprofen will!! I have to work the next 2 days and then I have 5 off!! I’m hoping I cope being at work!! Give me strength!!

Posted by: Knockoutnorma April 15, 2018, 7:35 AM
Keep trying babe, that's all you can do. I'm approaching two years clean and I was an addict for 7-8 years. I only found help by reaching out to a doctor and having the support of one who didn't make me feel judged. Plus I tapered which really helped. I know things have changed in Australia regarding the law around codeine and for that im glad since I hope it will stop anyone repeating my mistake. It hasn't always been the easiest ride the last two years and I will always be an addict but there is light at the end of the tunnel. The biggest thing for me was wanting to change myself. It's like I wanted to do it but at the same time I initially didn't have the dedication to do it. At the time I just wished there was a magical wand that would fix me. I think the main thing for me after this time is dealing with my emotions. You don't realise how numb it makes you. I still check this from time to time and im thinking of doing an update on my diary since I can see people still read it. But you are doing great and you just gotta keep going babe, no matter how many relapses you have.

Posted by: tryinghard2 April 21, 2018, 6:42 AM
Thanks KONorma, I actually had pills on Monday so I lost a day but today I’m 5 days no pills- I think the worst of this for me at the moment is I’m so bloody tired through the day! I’d say due to the fact that I’m not sleeping very well at night!! I’m not on any meds to help with anything at the moment I’m hoping my sleep patterns and my moods eventually stabilise on their own!! I know it’s going to take a huge amount of time, but I really can’t wait to start feeling naturally great again, I’ve totally forgot what that feels like!! I’ve really pushed my boundaries with going to the doctors for pills-It’s time I stopped!! Otherwise I fear I will be caught out!! Time to get clean and live a healthy happy life— been here and said all this before!! I’m the girl who cried wolf!

Posted by: Diego5521 May 5, 2018, 7:18 PM
hey tryinghard I've been trying to get off Norco the past 3 years 10-325 would take 4 a day like the recommendation but after 5 years I would take 6 to 7 sometimes more, be out a few days and go thru withdrawals. I'm only two weeks clean but I know the struggle. I have and addictive personality so I should of known better. I've done drugs in the past and was 13 years clean I had such an urge to use and I relapse hurt my back and started taking pain pills. Just tired of the lying and want to stay clean I have better memories clean. My mind thinks I need to use but it always winds up bad for me. I'm insane.

Posted by: tryinghard2 August 14, 2018, 5:01 AM
Been a while since I’ve been here, I seem to just keep trying and failing, trying and failing, so let’s try again!
I’m having a hard time getting N+ as it’s script only now- but I’m getting codeine from a few places, mostly a friend is selling it to me! Pretty bad hey so I’m not using a great deal about 20 30mg tabs a day they have 500mg in each tablet to which I know is probs screwing my liver! But I’m at the end of day 3 clean, so much has happened and it’s probs a bad time to quit as a lot is going on which can make relapse easy, but I have sometime off work and I need to use it!! I’m so sick and tired of being this zombie of a person who has no motivation to damo anythinv!!
So withdrawals aren’t too bad at the moment, touch wood!!! I’m very moody and very tired- lethargic is probably the better word! I’m sleeping ok at night as I’ve scored 50 5mg tabs af diazepam off someone who knows someone- so that’s helping me sleep st night with out the restless legs which would have normally taken over! Not much gastro at this stage, but I’m eating so much, I’m craving seeets more than anything!! But I’m trying to eat good foods ( I did say trying) I still prefer to sit on the lounge but I am moving around reasonably well through the day!! Hopefully in a week or 2 these physical symptoms will subside!! My fingers are x anyway

Posted by: 12 stepper August 14, 2018, 7:06 AM
What are you going to do differently?

Posted by: jump August 14, 2018, 4:37 PM
hello still using but has prescribed hubby holding them with no problems. Amen to that. I use 40mg a day sometimes only 35mg.

Posted by: tryinghard2 August 16, 2018, 2:35 AM
I have no idea what I’ll do differently, I have told one of the people I get them off to stop selling them to me as I have a bad habit. I guess that’s a start- I’m not really one for NA so that’s not a road I’ll walk down- and I’m not keen to doctor shop, the check the prescription shopperline frequently anyway!! So I think I’m running out of options to get pills!! Anyway I’m struggling and I’m almost at the end of day 5- here’s hoping tomorrow is a little better!!

Posted by: 12 stepper August 16, 2018, 6:43 AM
Maybe its time to force yourself to go to AA/NA whether you like it or not. You've been coming here many years with the same story. It's not going to change unless YOU change. I don't know any addict that ever said "OH BOY! I get to go to NA now" Give it a chance. Meet some people that are sober and understand how to live without a buzz. Your way is definitely now working. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. At the very least get an understanding of the first step. You can't take just one.

Posted by: tryinghard2 August 17, 2018, 5:11 PM
Hey Stepper,
While I agree with you whole heartedly, at this point in life Im very antisocial and am full of anxiety, it’s hard to enough to go out to the shopping centre let alone go and actually have to meet new people (who I do realise have or have had a issue like me) I just don’t think I could manage that at this stage, I was asked yesterday by a person who does give me pills if I needed any and I was strong enough to say NO thanks! Mayb as time goes by and I start to feel better I can get to the docs for some anxiety meds! Which may help me get out and about! But for now trying again is all I can do! I am 1 week clean today!

Posted by: 12 stepper August 18, 2018, 7:57 AM
Anxiety meds will only replace one addiction for another.That's not a good idea at all. Addicts need to learn to live without addictive drugs. We have the mindset that a pill will fix anything (well I did anyway) and until we learn to live without mind altering drugs the same thing is going to happen. Our brains are wired for addiction. We can't take addictive drugs. period. Anxiety can be treated without drugs. It's not going to happen instantly like a pill but with some work it can be done. We need to stop reaching for a pill every time the going gets rough. We CAN handle life. It's amazing what we can do. The problem is we can't do it alone. Of course you have anxiety and don't want to talk to strangers. You're going thru withdrawal. It's perfectly normal but you have to do something to get off this roller coaster. Your life depends on it. Aren't you tired of withdrawals? You have to do something to help yourself. No one can do do it for you. If you can't do meetings, do something. therapy, pastor, someone that can help you. Lose your pride and get the help you need.