Mother Of An Addict
Posted: January 25, 2022, 2:07 PM


Posts: 2
Joined: January 25, 2022



I'm new - been dealing with this for many years with(adult) daughter. When sober she is caring, loving but then becomes someone I do not know - saying the most cruel ugly things. She will be fine for a while & I think oh good, she's finally come around but then it starts up again. Been to re-hab a few times.
She has alienated most of our family. I don't condone what she says but I cannot give up on my child.
I swear addiction is the devil - gets hold & will not let go. The addict suffers of course but then they bring the rest of us along w/them. Oh, & she has had some traumatic events in her life. From what I've read it's like the addict is unable to work through those tough times & turn toward substance to ease the pain.
She is talking w/a therapist but I doubt she is not telling the whole truth. The therapist says your family sounds like they are bullying you. Wow!
Can other parents let me know how you are handling this? Would appreciate any advice.
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Posted: January 25, 2022, 2:18 PM


Posts: 338
Joined: December 23, 2018



I'm so sorry she is putting you & your family thru this. Remember she may not be telling YOU the entire truth of what the therapist is saying to her.

You cannot force her into therapy, rehab or aftercare. You can only control how you react to her situation & addiction. I would recommend getting therapy for yourself & that can help you respond better to her triggers. Addicts will say, do, promise, manipulate, lie, steal & cheat EVERYONE in order to manipulate others & stay the victim of their own decisions. It is a painful circle.

Good luck & get help for yourself. Getting help for yourself is not turning your back on your child
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Posted: January 25, 2022, 2:37 PM


Posts: 61
Joined: January 18, 2022



personally, i suggest brutal honesty. if you know she is lying, call her on it every time. do not be afraid to pour your heart out on her and often. plus don't forget another drug is no kind of recovery. detox is. let her bum around with ya as she detox's and heals a few months most of all remember that LOVE beats addiction. however your daughter has to be ready to stop suffering, and can and will not be forced. i ahh ummm went thru a similar journey. i made it, n i am just sum guy. i have faith she will make out just fine in time.
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Posted: January 25, 2022, 2:55 PM


Posts: 2
Joined: January 25, 2022



Thank you mtnmom & just sum guy for taking the time to respond. I've felt so lost & alone. As a mom you think your love is healing but that alone doesn't always work.
So glad just sum guy - that you're doing well. BTW your title is misleading, don't think your words are not inspiring or uplifting. While I certainly would never wish this on anyone it's encouraging to hear from others who are making it through this crummy journey. Words are so powerful when one feels they are drowning in this nightmare, it's like you threw me a life line.
Again, thank you both - it does a mama good to hear & God bless you both.......
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Posted: January 25, 2022, 3:04 PM


Posts: 61
Joined: January 18, 2022



god bless ya both. i learned faith without religion. most learn from mans books, i learned from god. your heart felt thanks make me feel it is time for me to be learn/teaching. i love y'all. keep spreading love light and truth. big win on the way for all peoples, BIG. just no givin up. we need you all.
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Posted: January 26, 2022, 10:10 AM


Posts: 338
Joined: December 23, 2018



Alexis, this is a great forum to vent. I've learned so much from the parents here. You will never be judged & what worked for me & my son, maybe not work for you & your daughter but what worked or didn't work for you & your daughter may really help someone else.

I was able to learn (even though it is NEVER easy) to step away & tell him that until he goes into rehab there is nothing I will do for him - no money, no groceries, no payments, no gas. I promised I would always be available to give him a ride.

One thing he would do after he realized I was serious was he'd call & just RAGE at us, screaming, crying, cursing, calling us everything in the book and then immediately call an inpatient (private pay) rehab center & have them call me. They'd lay on the guilt about "your son is needing, wanting & ready to get help - are you willing to help him in his journey?" It would piss me off so bad because he had just called me screaming & cursing me and knew he screwed up. I would ask them if he told them he was fired from his job & had no health insurance and did he tell you that he just cursed me out & told me what a horrible person I was? One said so you are refusing to help him? I said my son is 45 years old, I am retired and I do not have the money to throw at him. I had given him all the low cost & free community help that was available. And here is the thing I did know: If I had paid the money to get him into rehab, there is no guarantee that he will stay or stick to the program. He can leave anytime he wants.

Hang in there Alexis & come back here to read, vent & talk every single time you need to
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Posted: January 26, 2022, 10:33 AM


Posts: 61
Joined: January 18, 2022



i believe he has to want to do it himself. and not get "mommy" to take care of him. poor guy has to be done suffering. hang in their mntnmom. you sound strong enuff to light your son a path untill he is ready to change is own journey. god bless you. i have a mother too, and know full well what i had put her thru. have a blessed day. i love ya.
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