Feel Broken And Alone
Posted: March 15, 2016, 1:40 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: March 15, 2016

Hi, I quit smoking weed 3 months ago before that I was smoking everyday I'm at a point where I no longer want to smoke again an I'm ready to move forward only problem is I feel like my head is broken I'm now suffering with severe anxiety and depression I feel like my mind dosent work properly anymore I can't make decisions or form opinions my.memory is awfull and I really struggle to follow what people say when they speak, I don't have any friends anymore and rarely speak to anyone who isn't family. I've started looking for work I desperately want a job as I have nothing in my life at the moment but at the same time I'm terrified of actually getting a job I'm so scared an worried about every aspect ie what will I wear how will I get there and that I won't be any good and will be fired. I'm lonely all the time and I just want to have a normal life where I go to work an one day make friends. I don't feel like a person an I'm scared life is passing me by anyone had similar feelings or have any advice
Posted: March 15, 2016, 2:46 PM

Posts: 1905
Joined: October 23, 2011

Lola, it sounds like you would like to be "happy, joyous and free".

Here is what AA/(NA) promises will come to pass as we work our program:

All I had to do was jump into AA/NA with both feet in 1989 and not only did I become clean/sober but those Promises began to happen and continue to materialize today.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous

Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line:
Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf

Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf



--- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity.

---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

... I need AA more than it needs me.

--- I fight recovery tooth and nail....
I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural.

...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know.

---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it.
Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it.

--- I didn't have a very happy childhood
but I sure am having a long one !

---Dry since 1989
working daily on getting/staying SOBER.

---If you want to drink, that's your business
...If you want to quit, that's AA's business.

... Tell me, I'll forget;
... Show me, I'll remember;
... Engage me, I'll understand.

---Most problems are psychological.
Most solutions are spiritual .

"If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego."
--Richard Rohr

WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do)
Posted: March 20, 2016, 6:50 PM

Hi Lola,
I hear and feel you! I think many of us who use pot are often coping with various forms of depression, anxiety, social issues, etc. I have struggled with depression much of my life. I am well medicated for my depression, but stress, chronic pain, and my own treacherous brain keep working together to pull me back into smoking. I enjoy my days at work, and yet I am ready to run for the door the minute my day is done so I can go home and get high. Then I spend my nights and weekends alone and miserable because I don't go out socially when I'm high. I used to back in my youth, but I'm too afraid of losing my job if someone sees me out. The loneliness and emptiness of years of not having a life out side of work is overwhelming. So when I try to stay sober my brain starts telling me a little pot will calm me down. As I am typing this, I'm thinking how nice it would be. But this is my addiction screwing with me as it has done for years.

Keep talking ... it's the best place to start. Try to find a group ... NA, CA, MA .... AA if none of the others are available (AA tends to focus only on drinking ... it can be hard to swallow (HA!) when your problems are drugs and not alcohol). But most of all keep talking to people who do get it. They will be the ones who will understand and be able to support in ways that others cannot!
Posted: May 11, 2016, 11:11 AM

Hi Lola

It's nice to know I'm not alone, I feel exactly like you!
Even when I'm with people I feel alone because I'm constantly fighting the demons in my head that keep pulling me back to smoking. I know it's ruining my life and making me unsociable and want to stop like yesterday but I know how bad the withdrawals going to be. I can't stand the endless sleepless nights and being soaked in sweat but freezing cold at same time and that's just the tip of the ice berg!

I used to work and like you couldn't wait to get in the door to light up. But the last couple of years I've been ill and basically home bound which has put me in a bigger vicious circle. I'm bored, lonely and depressed and in chronic pain and spend most of my time alone so smoke more cos nothing else to do.

I'm really anxious at the moment because I go on holiday in a week and am sick alot of the time as it is but I have the added pressure of the thought of spending the whole time going through withdrawal. I've been unwell for a long time and really need this but I want to be well, happy and fun to be around not so ill I don't want to leave my bed and ruin the whole trip. I'm thinking do I stop smoking today and hope to be over the worst but don't think a weeks long enough or smoke until I go and hope the sun and having something to do will be enough to get me through?
Any suggestions welcome ☺.
I often ask myself why I do this to myself but I keep doing it and I've really got to the point I'm fed up with being controlled by this 😠 as I'm sure you are.
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