New Here And Wondering What Happens Next
Posted: February 7, 2019, 7:49 PM

Posts: 15
Joined: February 7, 2019

hello. i am here about my nephew, Noah. he is 24 years old. he was no trouble at all through high school and even for the first few months of college. then he started using drugs-marijuana at first and then spice-A LOT of spice. he dropped out of college in the middle of his first semester, managed to work full time for about 12 months after that, then got so caught up in drugs that he was fired, lost all his non-using friends, and was asked to leave his parent’s home. he wouldn’t stop using spice and had become very angry and destructive. he couch surfed for a while, got a misdemeanor for drug paraphenalia and was released on bail, a couple weeks later, he threw his parents flat screen tv on the floor during a visit home, after which he was arrested for criminal mischief. judge kept him in county jail for about 3 weeks saying he was clearly on a bad path. he was given 2 years probation. during this 2 year period, he worked full time at one job (where he was promoted to supervisor), had a girlfriend for the whole 2 years, moved back home, did not drink or use drugs (regular drug testing through court), and turned back into the noah we all knew and loved. summer 2018, his probation ended. he was no longer under threat of going to jail so he started drinking beer, then using marijuana, then cocaine (with an overdose in october when it was laced with fentynal), and then meth. during these past 6 months, he’s lost his job, his girlfriend, his new friends, and all his money (he’d saved about $20k). finally, after 4 inpatient psych stays brought on by his suicidal threats and volatile and destructive behavior at home, his parents told him a few days after christmas that he could no longer live there.

this turned into a crazy weekend and whatever happened scared him enough that he called my sister at 4 am a couple days after he was asked to leave home. he told her that the drug dealers he had spent the weekend with were coming to her house to hurt/kill her and his father and his siblings. his siblings jumped in a car and took refuge at our house. his parents wrestled with whether they should pick noah up as he was begging them to do. finally they did. he was so high (meth) and paranoid. that very evening, he agreed to go to an inpatient drug place for detox.

he just earned his 30 day chips. he sounds sooooooo much better. but this clinic is new and doesn’t have a sober living facility ready yet. he (and the clinic staff) believe that’s where he should go next. he does NOT want to go back to his parent’s home-he says he needs to act his age and be independent and figure things out on his own. probably a good thing, right?

the clinic keeps telling him their sober living house will be open “soon”. but it’s been under construction for months now.

any ideas for noah in indiana or the western half of ohio?

sorry so long. it’s been a heck of a long 6 years!

Posted: February 7, 2019, 8:17 PM

Posts: 230
Joined: December 23, 2018

Dear Aunt, it is so hard when the addict draws everyone into their paranoid & whatever. Last July, my 40 something son "disappeared" & changed his phone number so no one could contact him. In December, his new girlfriend kicked & out and broke up so all of a sudden he felt it was appropriate to send vague, cryptic text message & voice messages to us (parents), his brothers & sister in laws threatening suicide, saying goodbye, telling us he was homeless & wouldn't let anyone know where he was.

We have come to accept (and we do NOT like this at all but have to remember it) HE is the only one who can choose to get help, detox, rehab & continue with his after care. Nagging, begging, pleading, giving rides, bus money, gas money, reminding, etc. takes the responsibility off of him & will drive you absolutely crazy. As much as you love him, you can't fix him. You kind of have to become a broken record & when he starts in with his complaining, begging, crying, whatever you have to remind him (EVERY TIME) we have the confidence to choose the appropriate treatment that you need. And any money you give him for gas/bus/cigarettes, etc. frees up money so he can spend it on drugs....

Sorry you are dealing with this & it is a rough, bumpy road
Posted: February 7, 2019, 9:36 PM

Posts: 70
Joined: December 26, 2018

Auntworry - sorry I don’t have info on sober houses in your area, but I wanted to let you know that I feel your pain acutely. Drug addiction has a way of turning our otherwise gentle loved ones into different people (I’ve seen it firsthand with my son). I’m happy that he agreed to rehab and has been clean 30 days - I’m praying for the same with my son!
Posted: February 7, 2019, 9:51 PM

Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018

Hi Kate and welcome. I can tell by your post you care about your nephew Noah very much. A really good sober living will be small, have accountability, responsibilities, same sex, drug testing, require them to work at a job, and attend meetings and any other programs they provide. There are really good ones and some that are not and will even keep people if they are using and have no structure. A good treatment center will have a list of those they usually have sent people to that are high quality. You can also Google the names and read reviews too. However the ones the treatment center has referred to over and over is usually good. I hope this info helps and I'm happy Noah is on a good path. I would also suggest he visit the sober living before he goes to see how it's run and what it's like. Maybe take a list of questions and talk to the residents. It has to feel right and have high standards.
Posted: February 7, 2019, 10:08 PM

Posts: 15
Joined: February 7, 2019

thank you all for responding! i discovered this site right after christmas and have read many posts about your addicted loved ones. i guess we thought noah had this addiction thing tackled a couple of years ago. the ups and downs are exhausting and mind numbing. i have so much to learn...and it’s hard to learn when you’re scared.
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