Getting Off Nurofen Plus
Posted: October 30, 2014, 9:31 PM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



12 days and I am feeling it big time.........the physical stuff has all but gone........but hell is where I am right now........the voices persistently screaming in my head to just get the pills and take the pain, the sadness, and the gutwrenching anxiety away........I just want to crawl up in a ball and scream......scream so loud that the neighbors think to call the cops..........I'm so angry that it feels like it is eating my insides out.......why the hell do I have to be an addict.........the rest of my family are not addicts.........why pick me God........what's so bloody special about me........there is nothing special about me im just an addict......plain and simple.........I guess it's just like when someone develops cancer........why them.......but then again why not them.
I will not take a pain pill today this I know for sure...........but tomorrow.........tomorrow scares the s*** out of me.
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Posted: November 1, 2014, 8:41 AM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



well its now 13 days and no NP i thought it was 12 but turns out I'm at the end of 13 days......i'v decided the pot and the smokes have got to go if I'm going to do this I'm going to do it the right way......a drug is a drug to me....i smoked all this week and enough is enough I have masked my feelings long enough.....time to just feel it and get real about this. So tomorrow I go completley clean.......i have a feeling i'm going to be in a world of pain but am just going to have to suck it up
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Posted: November 3, 2014, 8:23 AM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



Two weeks today, extremely lathargic most of the day, I don't want to just sit and watch the box. I have to move but it's like 20 min house work then 10 min rest. Anxiety in pit of stomach. By four in afternoon I felt almost good, even went for a walk and started yoga tonight.

I don't know what tomorrow wil bring I just want to live in the moment for now. The screaming voice in my head has dulled a bit giving me some relief but there isn't a half hour that goes by without me thinking about the pills.

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Posted: November 4, 2014, 10:14 PM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



This is a hard journey.....my head feels as though it is spinning a mile a minute.......I feel I can hardly breath......I have forgotten what it is like to live in the real world with out pills.....I have forgotten who i am.......I have always had anxiety issues, even as a child......I just want to fill this big black void.......fill it with pills so I feel at peace again.......am worried I will never find that peace......16 days without pain pills and it just feels like it's impossible.......even breathing requires all my effort......I take my prescribed seroquel and it does help keep me a litle carm but the side effects a really bringing me down......so lethargic and I just don't care about anything much......I don't know what to do with my self......I saw the psychologist this morning....it was ok......due to go back next week.....she does not deal with drug and alcohol problems.....so it's hard for me to get her to understand......the whole experience was just over whelming and twice I had a panic attack just trying to talk with her.....I really just can't see the point at the moment.......the only thing I do know is I can't pick up another pain pill or that's the end of me.......I have been given to many chances to do this........and I have failed
There has to be a light switch in the dark here I just have to find it
So very scared
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Posted: November 7, 2014, 6:31 PM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



Well it's the weekend, 19 days clean of NP, usually weekends if I'm not working or out somewhere I'm on the couch.......I usually can't even get out of bed to near ten o'clock if husband is home to get daughter breakfast.......now I'm awake by 5.30am and have to get up as no chance of going back to sleep........I continue to have a knot of anxiety in the pit of my stomach.......it often flares up to become overwhelming feelings of fear and sheer terror........so I am continually having to stop and just try and breath and focus on the fact that I am ok.......not going to die just yet.........I have completely forgotten how to live in the real world without taking huge amounts of NP...........half the time I just don't know what to do with myself........there is heaps to be done around the house but I just can't wrap my head around it........the seroquel is evening out a bit but I am still struggling with lethargy big time.........everything is a struggle but I can tell you I would rather have that then the anxiety that stops me from doing anything.......I am still struggling to eat......need to put some weight on......I can't comprehend how I am going to live like this for the rest of my life so I try hard not to think ahead past what's going on today....all I can pray for is to stay clean for today and let tomorrow sort it self out when it gets here
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Posted: November 9, 2014, 5:07 AM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



20 days without NP.......today is the first day I have not woken up with the first thought being about pills......so pretty happy about that.......did not sleep well however......took me some time to shut the mind down.......this morning we went to church of all places......friends of ours have been wanting us to go with them for quite a while now........was never organized in time before but......awake again at 5.30 am and had to get up so plenty of time.......went over to their house for bbq lunch and board games afternoon.......decided to leave the smokes at home and didn't even crave one......I think I just smoke because I don't know what to do with myself.....feel like I have to have something.....could really do without them......but baby steps...not going to put that pressure on me at this stage......the anxiety I must say was minimal....don't know if it's the seroquel or just time doing its thing.....maybe a little of both.....well I'm so tired can hardly keep my eyes open and it's only 7pm......think I will hit the bed.....
Another day down
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Posted: November 10, 2014, 8:55 PM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



Last night i tried to write on here twice and twice at the end when I hit post it came up as an error and I lost the lot, I'm on a different computer now so I hope it will now post......yesterday I woke up feeling like I had a ton of bricks on my chest.....had shortness of breath and could not get any control over my anxiety......managed to get daughter off to school.....i don't know how because I was shaking that much.....called doctor and coulden't get an appointment to later that morning......paced around and smoked a heap trying to get myself under control.....was worried about my heart as last year I was in hospital near heart failure because of these pills......got to the doctor and she did an ECG......everything ok with my heart thank goodness......blood pressure was up and pulse rate......she said I just had severe anxiety and gave me two valium.....also did my weight and I had dropped 7kg in the last four weeks.....not good I need to put weight on.....i look bloody awfull without cloths on....lol......the rest of afternoon went ok.....i was much carmer......today is 22 days without NP......work to day and then taking my daughter to karate then on to a meeting tonight which I am looking forward to.......I tell you this has been a wild ride......I will say though things are improving slowly......sometimes very slowly......but no matter what i'm not going to take that first pill.....
The light is glowing a little brighter
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Posted: November 12, 2014, 6:44 AM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



I just wrote a whole thing and it woulden't let me post it......why does this keep happening......I will try one more time........today was quite a good day.......kept myself busy.......helped out at my daughters class for an hour.......can't keep still.....even had to delete all of the tv shows I had lined up to watch as I just don't have time for that any more......used to veg out on the couch for up to 8 hrs watching tv......not any more......the lethargy seems to have passed and feel like I have an abundance of energy.......feel like I may be in what they call the honeymoon period.......I know all to well though that things can change in a heart beat.......so do not want to get to complacent.......I'm just enjoying the moment.......don't want to think to far a head......will face that when it comes......my daughter is really enjoying a mum who is now engaged and spends quality time with her.......so I get my warm feeling from that......it feels so much better then the pills ever made me feel.......so over all a great day......and I hope and pray many more will follow....so 23 days clean of NP.....and determined for many more to come
Life is good right now......
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Posted: November 13, 2014, 8:53 AM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



Day 24 clean of NP........was up early for work......I can tell it feels good to wake up with some energy and the first thought not being about NP........was even happy to be going into work......usually I would wake up feeling like I had been run over by a train......so often......very often would call work with some lame arse excuse about daughter being sick......but not anymore.......work went well and even had moments of feeling at peace........there were times of course when the anxiety would well up and I would have to think hard about something else.....I actually spent little time thinking about pills......it's just not an option......I know if I take that first pill I'm gone.......quite a few nurses at work commented on how much more color I have in my face and how well I looked.......I used to look like a sheet of paper........I now have a bounce in my step and have been smiling even at times laughing........I am struggling however with past things I have done whilst under the influence of large amounts of Valium/Xanax and also the limited time I have really engaged with my daughter up until now.......I'm just greatful she is five and not fifteen.......the house is now looking half respectable and am slowley working out our financial situation.........have just come back from a meeting.......I so look forward to my twice a week meetings.......so another day down....

The light is getting brighter......need to keep in mind to not be complacent.......not get ahead of my self.......1 day at a time........
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Posted: November 14, 2014, 9:42 AM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



Well what can I say about today.........woke up feeling like I was back at day four of my recovery.......could hardley drag my arse out of bed and felt completely flat........anxiety was not sky high.......but it was certainly nudging me in the pit of my stomach......I have been preparing for this so it certainly did not send me into a panic.....managed to get daughter off to school......got home coulden't sit still......head space all over the place.....just took one step at a time.......did some house work and tried hard to think positive.......yesterday and today have been like night and day.........went to my psychology appointment........was ok........picked up daughter from school then off to work......felt like i was on auto pilot most of the day.........experienced waves of anger during work and had to take a few breaks to collect myself and breath.......not sure how long this phase will last but am glad to say at no stage did i think about turning to the pills.....that desire has left me......i do feel empty at the moment........i just keep reminding myself.......this to shall pass........taking pills is no longer an option........i just need to ride the wave......midnight finish tonight.........so being tired is not helping........well enough complaining......I have a beautiful daughter.....a warm bed to go to.......roof over my head.......a hot meal if i so desire.....and a job to go to........

25 days clean of NP
Am struggling right now but know i will get through it without picking up a pain pill.
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Posted: November 15, 2014, 1:19 PM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



3 am in the morning and half way through a night shift.......have terrible abdominal pain at the moment making this shift even harder to get through.....yesterday morning woke up much the same as the day before........larthargic and had to drag my arse out of bed ......tried to get some house work done.....just felt like I was going through the motions in slow gear........just had no interest in anything and my daughter wanting my full attention........found it hard to keep a smile on my face for her..........come afternoon husband and daughter headed out to watch the football at a mates......i followed two hours later.......actually had a good night......even laughed quite a bit and enjoyed myself.....been such a long time since I have felt the joy of laughter........had forgotton that natural high it gives you.......and can tell u it felt bloody good........no serious thoughts of NP........yeah it crosses my mind from time to time......but its a fleeting thought......no real urges to go take any NP......every day my mind gets clearer.......in some ways this scares the crap out of me.......living in the real world instead of a fog........however in other ways it feels great to be fully present in the moment.....ate way to much pizza for dinner and smoked way to many ciggs which is why I probably have the pain now.......took two panadol and two normal neurofen.......not much relief but what can I expect after the amount of pain pills I was taking.......body is used to huge doses at a time.......so I guess it being 3am I'm going into 27 days free of NP......nearly a month.......that's a major achievement for me........my father said for the first time in I can't remember that he is really proud of me......now that did feel good......so all in all it wasn't a bad day.....
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Posted: November 17, 2014, 5:13 AM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



Today I dont think I really achieved a lot........I find myself wondering around a lot thinking.....thinking......thinking........not about taking some NP........just thoughts.....trying to figure life out without pills.......after I dropped my daughter off at school I headed down the shops......got a bit of Christmas shopping done.........first year I can remember getting in early to do this.......past years it's always left to the last minute as I couldn't be bother......always to tired and bombed out.......even bought myself a couple of nice summer dresses........came home.......I have been smoking way to many cigs........I guess I just find myself not knowing what to do so I go outside and smoke and listen to music........there is heaps I could be doing around the house.......lots of phone calls to sort out financial stuff.........it just feels like there such overwhelming tasks to do.........so I wonder around the house........should have gone out for a walk at least.........picked daughter up......made dinner......bath.......read her some books......another thing I never used to do.........now both daughter and husband have gone to bed as he gets up at 2am for work..........so have decided to read some of the AA book then have an early night........my anxiety still remains.......sometimes if I think to much it gets on top of me.......however I am able to control it to a certain extent......am determined to achieve a lot more tomorrow......

So day 28 down and God willing many more to come......one day at a time
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Posted: November 18, 2014, 8:26 AM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



Well today I achived a great deal......ended up doing around five hours of house work.......was sick of wondering around achieving nothing.........took daughter to karate and went out for dinner......then on to my usual Tuesday night meeting.....a few new comers there from rehab so they didn't want to talk.......however I did.......just to show them that I'm new at this to......and that I felt it was important to talk about it.......so tomorrow will be a month clean.......and it feels good.......I am so tired right now so have to go to bed.....

Another day down without NP!!! That's all I can ask for.......
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Posted: November 20, 2014, 6:04 PM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



A new day and the last day of my week off........think I have done some good work.....didn't waste all of the week......back to work tomorrow to do two late shifts.......after my rant yesterday about husband......got on to clean the pantry out.......man did I find some scary stuff in there quite a build up of crap......ended up getting rid of a large garbage bag of rubbish from out of there......now it looks great......I love things organised......took me three hours.....went off to my Thursday night AA meeting........was having severe abdominal cramps on and off all afternoon but I wasn't going to let that stop me........even if I had to crawl there I would have made it.........it was a great meeting......it's nice to have people ask how you going.......husband has not asked once this month how I'm going or how I'm feeling......sad but true......I pulled him up about it yesterday afternoon and all he could say was I can see your getting better........then he asked if I needed recognition about this fact.......WTF..........just has no idea.......but anyway not going to let him affect my recovery........I have come to far for that......will just let him do his thing and I will get on with what I want to achieve.......so today I feel ok.......bit tired but not over lethargic like I usually get first thing when waking........and no thoughts of taking any NP.........i can't explain just how good it feels to wake up and the first thought not being about NP.........where I'm going to get it.......which chemist can I go to.........just total anxiety as soon as I open my eyes.........now that I do not miss.......so today really want to work on the front lounge area and getting it clean.......I actually would much rather curl up with a good book today which is the first time I Have felt like that in the last month......usually just can't stop moving.......so 32 days today and feel strong.....
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Posted: November 22, 2014, 10:25 AM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



Well another day down.......actually had a good day......even verging on great .......I can tell u it feels so good to look down at my ankles and not see them swollen........it feels so good to not feel my liver and kidneys working over time..........it feels so good to lay in bed at night and not feel paralized with fear that I am going to die or wake up with the same feelings.......it feels so good not having to call in sick for work because I just don't have the energy.to get myself there......it feels so good to have energy and want to make an effort.......I could go on......had a good afternoon shift.....was able to work beside somebody I get along so well with .......it's a shame she will be leaving soon to move and work somewhere else......have an invite to her fearwell.....now if it was a month ago I know I would have pulled out at the last minute.......but am going and looking forward to it........my anxiety still sits in the background......but nothing I can't handle......I am just happy to be alive ......can't believe how much time I have wasted.......how much the pills took away from me.....the pain I have caused my parents with constant worry I had put them through......

So feeling pretty darn good.......always aware though not to be complacent
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Posted: November 24, 2014, 6:29 PM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



The ride continues to bump along.......day 36......seems threre are just to many hours in the day at the moment........I guess I'm at the point where I think what is the point of all this......i knew there would be times when I would feel like this so I just try to get on with it the best I can......smoking way to many cigs........head feels a bit all over the show at the moment and feel a little tired......late night and early to work today.........I have feel like I have totally lost my identity and I can't remember what I used to enjoy doing other then motor bike riding.......have owned quite a few over the years but not at the moment.......sold my last one when I had my daughter........nothing quite like riding a harley........can't afford to get a bike at the moment..........I know this to shall pass, just got to stay in the moment and not let my mind wonder to dark places.......Everthing revolved around NP in the past from the time I woke up to the time I layed my head on the pillow so am just finding it hard to adjust to this new life style.........I'm sure time will sort it out........certailny have no intention of going back there........even though I feel like this at the moment ,if feels far better then my best day taking NP........
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Posted: November 27, 2014, 6:55 PM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



Going on 40 days today and am feeling completely empty..........anxiety and a sense of hopelessness has settled itself within me..........over the last week or so I have to be honest and say on three or four occasions I have had a couple of drinks.......I am not a drinker but have found myself doing this the last time was Wednesday night.......I actually worked my way through a bottle of bubbly over the afternoon/evening.........could not sleep well and woke up yesterday morning 5.30 slightly hung over.......still I went to work .......it was a loooooong day......on the way home after work walking to my car I thought to myself.....I really feel tired....might just pick up a bottle of wine on my way home and skip my AA meeting.......lucky common sense kicked me in the back of the head.......I thought "really Bec, u really want to go there, your a bloody addict, this is not the road u want to go down".........so made my way home minus the wine and went to my 8pm meeting and shared my thoughts........so I still remain tired......feel like I'm back walking around in the dark trying to find that light switch.......people tell me I need a sponsor and to start working the steps........I don't know why am resisting.......partly I guess because I just haven't come across the right person.......but mostly it just feels like to much to get my head around right now........I am very aware this is just a stage I need to go through........feel like I am grieving for my old life........but then I think...." What life".......I didn't even have one......

Just my thoughts, will not turn back now though.
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Posted: December 2, 2014, 10:51 PM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



Going on day 45 with no NP........however things are not great........last night I attended my AA meeting and decided to just listen and not share and am glad I did.........some home truths really have my mind haywire........I my be off the pills however........time to get honest with myself which Is what I got out of the meeting last night......yeah I may be off the pills.........however I am not in sobriety..........have continued to drink alcohol and smoke pot.........not a lot but I have just been kidding my self........ Even picked up some diazepam today.....WTF is wrong with me........my addict brain has let itself convince me.that this is ok when I know deep down its not........as long as I stay away from NP..........my thinking is so screwed up at the moment and it's really starting to get me worried.........I don't want to do this.........however my brain has taken on a mind of its own........thinking that a small amount of alcohol and pot is helping me.....when I know to well it's bloody not......really need to get on top of this if I want to experience true sobritey..........just need to be honest which is essential if I'm going to be truly free.....

Just being honest.......this us heen hard for me......
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Posted: December 7, 2014, 9:34 PM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



Has been 49 days and no NP.........that's all I can say right now......
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Posted: December 11, 2014, 7:39 PM


Posts: 351
Joined: January 25, 2014



Well 54 days on without NP..........but all is not well...........was struggling with alcohol usage up until four days ago I stopped.........still smoking small amout of pot most nights...........and work my way through the smokes like they are going out of fashion........struggling to keep my addict brain from telling me that it's ok to take some stuff which u haven't had a problem with just as long as u stay away from the pain pills............something just won't click in my brain........I know for certain that I am an addict..........but something is stopping me from just letting go..........went to my AA meeting last night and told them what's going on in my head........just saying it out loud to someone seems to help put things into perspective...........am missing my beautiful companion who I had to put to sleep after 14 yrs.......he was such a loving dog........that was two days ago........came home after he was gone.......looked in the fridge and saw some beer.........really wanted one which scared me so closed the fridge and left it alone..........I know all to well that I should get a sponsor and work the steps............it just seems so bloody overwhelming..........just trying to deal with life at home which is less then perfect.........much less.........working........taking care of my daughter........missing my dog..........feel like there is already so much going on in my head.........trying to add to that just seems impossible...........and yes I heard it to........excuse......excuse.......excuse.........I don't really know what else to say........we are heading to the Gold Coast for four nights today for husbands 40th...........and yes there will be weed and alcohol there........bloody hell.........this sucks right now......
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