Trying To Cope
Posted: November 10, 2019, 1:08 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: November 10, 2019

I'm finding it really hard to see my daughter struggling so much. Without going into alot of specifics, she's now homeless, has little money, lost her car, and much more. She doesn't see the value of trying detox, treatment because in her mind it lead her to the situation she's in. I reinforce to her when we talk getting off drugs is her hope for a better life. She won't go to a shelter because she says they are dangerous and they won't let her dog stay there. I did pay her health insurance to keep it going and I borrowed money to keep her storage unit. I don't have any extra money and I can't have her live with's too much for me to handle. It just feels awful though...any thoughts much appreciated.

PS I had to resign in and had to change my users name now spelled Sallyana
Posted: November 10, 2019, 9:11 PM

Posts: 323
Joined: November 16, 2017

So sorry to hear this. I am dealing with the same mentality and it is so head-banging frustrating and mind-boggling. It seems like they can't have logical thoughts, but there is nothing to do to help them. For example, my son constantly runs out of gas. He never learns from this. He always runs it to way past E, and always seems sad and confused that his car is "stuck". He never even uses the phrase "out of gas".

I've started trying to think of all of this as being part of some plan-that we all have our path and some people's paths are just this addiction path. I guess I am not sure I really believe it but it helps me let go. But, YES it is so hard and tough on the heart.

I feel for you. I am in the same boat that we cannot live together. We can barely have a conversation without it being "my fault". Tough stuff.

Were here for you.
Posted: November 10, 2019, 10:32 PM

Posts: 201
Joined: December 23, 2018

This was one of the hardest times (we've had several!) with our son, but we all (even his brothers) learned to end all of his pleas & woes with What are you asking for? Are you saying you are ready for help? Let's me call 911 & let's get you help" He got tired of us not falling apart with his threats & lies, he would threaten that he couldn't go on or that he was homeless & living in a tree fort or in the forest..... He got tired of us suggesting that he get help but that said - he also stopped all contact for approx. 6 months, changed his address & phone number and when he DID call again, it was bawling & sobbing into the phone that he can't go on & it was on the anniversary of my mom's death so it was a horrific day.

Eventually I learned these things were all just manipulation topics. Mean, emotional tools in his psychotic mind. He is a master of manipulation & lies. I had a conversation with him yesterday & set some new boundaries. Told him that I'm very proud of how well he is doing right now but we worry every single day about him. Even now that he is working & is feeling much happier, we still panic when he calls or when he doesn't call. And I told him we don't want to hear about his crazy actions & situations when he was high. His dad is 68, I'm 61 and because of his addiction we also have anxiety disorders & hearing that causing much anxiety for us. I told him if he needs someone to talk to those things about, he needs to do it in his meetings or with a therapist because we can't help him.

Sallyana, your daughter is still making these choices. Unfortunately every single thing you do or try to do will not change anything until she makes better choices. It is so hard to watch our children struggle, even at their own doing
Posted: November 12, 2019, 8:09 AM

Posts: 7
Joined: October 11, 2018

I understand your pain and trying to cope! Our son is also in the active stage of addiction and it takes so much out of the family. He has been homeless since the end of May and every interaction with him is typically hostile...our fault and we didn’t do enough for him. I pass him on the road every couple of weeks and it still breaks my heart every time. Our temperatures have dropped to single digits and I am up not sleeping...wondering and praying that he survived the night in his tent.

I have to continually reassure myself that nothing I do or say is going to change his mind and that he needs the consequences of his choices to want a change. I honestly thought that change would have come already or worse he would be in jail or died. I have been seeing a counselor for support and I am working on accepting this is our reality for now. I do not know what or if anything will change and that is so hard as a parent. I continue to tell him that we will support him if he chooses to enter long term rehab, as he has already done short term rehab five times that we paid for.

Most don’t understand the heartache of a child who suffers from major addiction issues. You have done all that you could and now it is up to them.
Posted: November 12, 2019, 4:23 PM

Posts: 201
Joined: December 23, 2018

Very true Merrygoround Mom.... unless one has walked in our shoes, no one understands the heart wrenching decisions we have to make.
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