Here We Go Again
Posted: April 6, 2021, 7:15 PM


Posts: 1750
Joined: June 27, 2016



Hello beachlvr,
I wish you were retired at the beach instead of dealing with your daughter. I shed a few tears for you. It is so heartbreaking that you do so much to keep things a float, only to be taken advantage, etc. I wonder if you are angry enough to tell your daughter you have had enough. She needs to leave and you want full custody of the kids. She is not welcome in your home for at least a year and you will not being paying her bills. You and your husband need a break.

She has many options. She can choose the easy way or the hard way. Easy way - find a rehab/sober living. Hard way - go to a shelter . In both cases she should get on social services.

Contact all addiction services and ask for suggestions on where your daughter can go, etc. where it won’t cost you anything. Also try the organization called TAM (the Addict’s mom) and Smart Recovery. She might start at one place and when that program is over go to the next place.

It might take a year of sobriety before she understands that you are doing this for the good of everyone envolved. You all need a break!, when we kicked out our son 2 yrs ago, he was not happy about it. Initially he thought we should keep taking care of him because that is what families do. 7-8 years is enough! If all of your care was going to help her, it already would have.

My son had been to rehab a few times. When we kicked him out he was resistant to go to rehab. He ended up in jail for a few months. we did not bail him out and did not let him come home. There are services in jails and after rehab for homeless addicts who want to wake up each day and participate.

The hospital or jail or rehab services will ask you if you can take her back . you have to be firm and say no. When she fails or leaves one place tell her to go to another. Ultimately you want her to end up at a sober living home with a job and paying her own bills.


Hope I have not been too harsh.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on April 6, 2021, 7:41 PM
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Posted: April 7, 2021, 8:56 PM


Posts: 23
Joined: February 17, 2021



I totally agree with NTF's post. It's filled with the truth of the situation. Your daughter has to suffer the consequences of her actions. The kids NEED to be taken away from her. She is not a fit parent. I'm sorry you are in this sad situation. It's very hard to do the right thing and IMO is necessary for everyone's well being.
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Posted: April 9, 2021, 7:34 PM


Posts: 331
Joined: December 23, 2018



1st - big hugs, you need it. Is there a social worker involved? She needs rehab & sober living, a lot of times the court will order it & pay for it if she has no funds but only if Children's Services is involved, NOT family court. Also, usually (I used to work in Juvenile Court) the court will APPOINT an attorney for each parent that appears & the children. Not grandparents though. Your daughter needs help desperately & can't do it herself. I personally wouldn't get CPS involved if they aren't already because they may have to remove the kids to do background checks on the kids, it's unlucky that they would give the kids to their dad with his criminal history & especially if he's currently on probation or parole, he'd have to do court ordered classes too. See if you can get a free consultation with an attorney who specializes in JUVENILE LAW, not criminal, not family law - JUVENILE LAW & find out how many cases in Juvenile (also called dependency court). Some attorneys will say they have experience but will not know anything, it is a specialized area of law. Contact the state bar's referral service.
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Posted: April 12, 2021, 10:18 AM


Posts: 53
Joined: January 9, 2017



beachluvr,

So sorry, I just read your share.
I feel your pain with grandchildren being involved. It's unbelievable how hard it is legally to help your own grandchildren.
Stay strong and continue to be their positive influence.
Many wise words from previous post on here.

Jeff
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Posted: April 16, 2021, 11:38 AM


Posts: 1750
Joined: June 27, 2016



Beachlvr - I know That putting a plan into action is harder than it sounds. The advice I give is a big picture of what you want to do and what has worked in my life. I know it takes a lot of little steps and it takes a lot of time, years, to finally see results. But all the while, you are making small steps of progress. Even though we have each other to talk to on this message board, we are all unique in our individual day to day issues w our family members. What works for one does not always work for all. I was given the advice to kick him out or cut him off years before we were able to finally do so. I was not able to abruptly cut him off without trying other options that sounded more reasonable at the time. Your situation with grandchildren is much more complicated. Keep your eye on the prize, don’t give up. And don’t give in!
Hope you are doing well!
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