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Posts: 6
Joined: March 29, 2014
Posted: March 30, 2014, 9:15 PM
Well here it is Sunday night. I was able to get to church with my wife and boy. Came over to mow and eat. No I have to leave because I'm an unfit father. Because of method. I just hope o can get yhru the next week without using. I know I'm about to piss in a cup and I still using. I prayed for me and my family and then has Cindy pray with us. She did give me a new bible and some tools to help me quit. But can I? Later guys still have not started day 1 yet. Day one not using will be Tommy. I haven't been to work in over a week. My life is so jacked right now because of the Mexican sniper meth. Mexico cash crop.
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Posted: June 19, 2014, 3:42 AM
Hi I'm very happy I found this form have been looking for something like this forever it seems like. Well my story been using from 2000 - 2009 out of no where I stopped for 3 years and never looked back until 1 day, after pulling grave yard shift at home wife was at work and that little voice saiid go pick up she won't no you got all day. The biggest mistake of my life deep down I know I had more strength then to say no than I do now wish I would of never went back because now I'm stuck again. Between meth and porn what am I really addicted to both? I only do meth because of the porn witch afterwards regreat. I feel like I just need a accountability someone or somewhere to go or call. I'm going to to turn to this forum and try to stick to my guns.
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Posted: July 15, 2014, 12:10 AM
@justonemore thank you so much for sharing, your post is giving me hope.@justonemore on relationship and recovery
I met my bf in his first recovery period in March, full of hope and maybe overly confident. I did not know about meth and its residual power to destroy until he relapsed in June and I am now witnessing it. I was naive to deal with him as a "normal bf" picking fights and demanding attention, I did not make it easy for him during his recovery time due to my lack of knowledge but yet he never blamed me for his relapse which breaks my heart even more for how loving he is even under influence bcuz I have my faults for not knowing what I was dealing with and how strong he was already being just staying sober. When he first quit he came clean to all family and friends but this time he relapse I am the only one who knows. He manages to "function" normally by attending parties and to the beach, I was the only one to know he was high. It has come from saying " I will quit after this batch" to " I will only use on weekends now" to not mentioning at all about the use. Every post I read would suggest I leave him but I strongly disagree and @justonemore has proved so. I am balancing my work/friends/yoga/and guiding my bf into recovery,I am aware that Im not enough to help him and if he doesnt quit I will have to eventually leave him. Below are my struggles right now and would be a great relief if anyone can share/advise. 1) should I be the one to alert his family/frds on the relapse? 2) besides living a healthy life and setting a good example what else can I do right now? 3) what kind of behavior would be considered as coddling the addict? I am grateful for anyone who would share/advise during this critical time, meanwhile I will be sharing my prayers to him and reminding him of the great life he had being sober. | ||
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Posted: November 7, 2014, 8:17 AM
checkin 1 of many to come
...I've done two days of research on this addiction even though I should be a pro on the subject, the only real good thing that came from it all was reading his thread. I’ve never cried this much, and never did more come out of my nose than what went in. The worst was this morning when I was woken by the sound of my two daughters, full of life, ready for the day, hoping to see me before they go, but I kept my eyes closed and my back turned to them, not because I don’t love them (I adore them) but because of the shame I felt. Tonight they will come home and find daddy with a fresh soul and for the first time full of real hope to become himself again... | ||
Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: November 7, 2014, 9:18 AM
I was 45 yrs old when I came to recovery.
I spent decades "wishing" that things were different and "making up my mind" to do something about it. It wasn't until I crashed in absolute suicidal helplessness in 1989 that I became reachable/teachable in The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. It is well described here http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf AA and NA are in literally every telephone book in the country. Millions attend meetings daily to recover and grow. All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posted: November 9, 2014, 2:48 AM
Login 2
Couldnt log in yesterday, too tired, too down, too much resentment for saying ill stop, today I actually feel great ( compared to yesterday!) and is looking forward to log in tomorrow! | ||
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Posted: November 9, 2014, 2:56 AM
@justonemore
Well, seems wisdome also comes with addiction, your truthfulness about this swayed me my friend...thanks you | ||
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Posted: November 10, 2014, 6:23 AM
Login 3 day 4
Concentrating is basicly impossible. I struggle with what I'm really really good at. Writing helps though because typing became second nature but is way too quick for my scattered thoughts and slow responding mind...which sits around in anticipation, waiting.... | ||
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Posted: November 11, 2014, 12:33 AM
Login 4 day 5....yeah!
Keeping your eyes fixed on achievement keeps your mind off failure, as soon as your heart follows your brain gets jealous.... | ||
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Posted: November 11, 2014, 2:15 PM
The biggest challenge is staying focused on what I have to do, this was always my "excuse" for not quitting but I must say, I got way more done in much less time and without comeback, sort of like having superpowers in normal town. Yet, we arent born to have superpowers? This leaves an obstacle to overcome: to be happy with normal achievement (which still ranks as kickass) but feels as if its taking forever and not perfect as Ive become accustomed to. This is my problem which Im willling to accept, the greater problem is to perform as naturally expected which might fuel the need to phone deleted numbers, (as if one didnt do your best to memorise them before deleting)...coming to think of it, its like becoming smeagul ( sure the spelling is wrong) from lord of the rings, only difference is theres a lot of rings out there and enough money to buy another. ...all this may seem like a lot of bull$#it but be warned, get into these claws and this is what you think of while you recover on top of what you still have to do, only without superpowers....
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Posts: 5
Joined: November 15, 2014
Posted: November 20, 2014, 8:49 AM
Someone told me if i used this everyday as a way to write my feelings down it would help. So far I have been 1 week clean... no that isn't alot but the resistance to go out and get any for me feels simply amazing... i started having what my dr called pseudoseizures 2 days ago though... im wondering if this has anything to do with my recovery... well here is my check in for thursday. God bless
-------------------- God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change... Courage to change the things I can... And the wisdom to know Its me!! Lord give me strength | ||
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Posted: August 22, 2016, 1:52 PM
I'm 24, I fell terrible. Been up all night, not ready to face the world. I can't stop using drugs. Been trying but always end up high again. I just want to go to sleep and be sober. I can't get over this anxiety. I need freakin help.
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Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011
Posted: August 22, 2016, 2:45 PM
You can't just go to sleep and be sober but if you are willing to work for it then NA/AA will help you as they have me and millions of others.
All the best. Bob R -------------------- Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line: Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf AA's HOW IT WORKS: Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf NA's HOW IT WORKS: http://www.na.org/admin/include/spa...0it%20Works.pdf ---------------------------------------------------------------- --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. ---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ... I need AA more than it needs me. --- I fight recovery tooth and nail.... I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural. ...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know. ---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it. Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it. --- I didn't have a very happy childhood but I sure am having a long one ! ---Dry since 1989 working daily on getting/staying SOBER. ---If you want to drink, that's your business ...If you want to quit, that's AA's business. ... Tell me, I'll forget; ... Show me, I'll remember; ... Engage me, I'll understand. ---Most problems are psychological. Most solutions are spiritual . "If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego." --Richard Rohr WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do) | ||
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Posted: October 1, 2016, 12:01 AM
I have been clean for 3 mos. But everyday is still a struggle... I would be lying if I said that I havent been thinking about using again... Every morning, I still wake up wanting it. Good news is, I havent, one of the best ways to kick the habit is; One: By telling my wife I have an addiction and that I need her support. (I asked her to keep all my money and to give me just enough to get me thru each day. Lack of resources keep me from scoring) ; Two: A lot of prayers and reading the daily gospel, depression is a B**CH, and its difficult to share how I feel to someone who does not fully understand the effects of quitting meth. ; Three: Considering the consequences, I used to be late for work by two hours because I would first go to my dealer and get high before actually going to work (This really affected my previous job, was even target to a drug test which I didnt show up to coz I knew I was positive). Now, I think twice, I ask myself, If I sacrificed my job for a high... would it be worth it?; Four: Stay away from anything and anyone that you used to do it with. Its hard enough to keep yourself from thinking about the "good times" you had, having a meth head around will reinforce those cravings, making it seem like its not a bad thing at all. For myself, the difficult part is that, I used to smoke in our bathroom, my room, and the garage. Which brings up memories of those times. Its also sometimes unavoidable to drive past the house of my old dealer, which again, reminds me of the times Ive had with meth.
Today, I wanted to take a hit again. Until I stumbled on this board. I want to stay clean. Meth has made me do some stupid things. Got me into gambling which led to debt. I became a very convincing liar, borrowing money from anyone who I could make feel sorry for me. I lied to everyone around me. And almost lost it all(including my mind). It is an uphill battle... im still in my early stages of recovery... I want to thank justonemore for all his insight. Everything he said sounded familiar. Im also glad I got this off my chest and encourage everyone to do the same... When we write down the things we are guilty of, it doesnt seem as bad as it seems in our head. and we start to realize that we do have a chance to change. It also clears up the mind for more positive thoughts. Just was right. We should make it a habit to be proud of each day that we become clean. I still count the days and thank god for keeping me strong, for keeping me from thinking about ending my life for being such a failure and changing it to thoughts of those that have given me support during this very difficult time in my life. They say that if you ask god for strength. He gives you challenges to overcome so you can gain strength. This addiction is my challenge. | ||
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