Feeling Desperate
Posted: October 24, 2019, 9:46 PM

I’ve been sober before. My longest stretch was two years. Last year I went six months. Today I want to go forever. I was always afraid of life without alcohol but I am suddenly much more afraid of life with it. But how long can I hold onto the fear?

I feel so desperate. I drink to ease anxiety but that’s no solution and as a recovering anorexic as well it actually fuels anxiety.

I am crying in a crappy hotel room on a business trip. I didn’t drink today but last night could have been bad. It wasn’t but it really could have been. Strange city, drunk, got lost..

I’m a 36 year old woman who feels 14 inside. As a survivor of an extremely abusive mother and good old biology, I have PTSD, ADD, OCD, depression, and a largely unaddressed tendency towards anorexia. Obviously my problems are many more than just drinking but it’s such a dangerous addiction.

I just don’t know how to do this and I feel so alone. Every single member of my family is addicted to something and my parents are the cause of the PTSD so even if they weren’t addicts also I couldn’t trust them. My boyfriend and I have been dating less than two months and I don’t want him to see this about me and run. I want to help myself before I lose him, my job, etc. I want to say I’m a recovering alcoholic, not that I need him to help me because that’s too much too soon.

How do you do this alone? Does anyone else feel this alone and desperate? I’m looking for a therapist but haven’t gotten one yet. They’re so expensive but I know I can’t do this without addressing the rest of the alphabet soup.

I just want someone, anyone, to tell me that I can do this and that if I do, it’s all going to be okay. I want someone to really look at me and tell me that I, specifically, can do this.
Posted: October 25, 2019, 5:45 AM

Posts: 6229
Joined: January 5, 2008

YOu can do this! AA, therapy and a combination of other things helped me get sober and stay sober. If you cannot attend a face to face AA meeting check out stepchat.com.. you will find support there

Thank God for what you have. Trust God for what you need
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