1 Year Weed Clean - My Life Will Never Be The Same
Omisore Temitope
Posted: August 13, 2015, 12:13 PM







My Name is Tope... I am also having the same feeling, but I was never an addict, it was through friends I got introduced to weed but the second time smoke I had this terrible thing going through my head... It was not an easy part at all, I still have anxiety, depression but it was not like before(8month ago)... I even thought about killing myself, when people are talking I feel as if am not there with them. So I abstained from friends and I go to church, believing in him. So later I do get a feeling in head it like something moving up and down and going sideways when I first experienced I thought I was going crazy, though I don't take alcohol or smoke anymore... But it not an easy part but I still believe in God for a miracle. Am hoping to be my true self very soon and I wish I have a cure to this.
This is my e-mail if anyone knows anything they have to help


*** please do not post personal information. thank you, the moderators ***

This post has been edited by moderator on August 14, 2015, 10:54 PM
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Matt
Posted: August 14, 2015, 11:43 PM







You all make me feel so good because I see I am not alone and never will b.
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Ashu
Posted: September 21, 2015, 7:27 AM







Hi, it's been a great experience knowing about all of you. I read almost every post. I was also an addict and stopped my addiction 4 months back, went to see a psychiatrist also but stopped going there after 3 meeting, now trying to fight it through my own efforts. I somehow feel the same as all of you are feeling, not being intelligent as I was earlier, memory loss, problems in sleeping, not able to get up fresh in the morning, no willingness for social events, no interaction with anyone, sometimes I feel that I should commit suicide but I can not or I should say that I don't want to take that step as I have a little daughter and my family with me. My faith in God is on and I'm keeping it alive everyday, I have been jobless from last 4 months and trying my luck again in New fields. I don't know why I wrote on this post but it has given me a lot of satisfaction. If you have any suggestions please provide.
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Posted: September 21, 2015, 10:39 AM


Posts: 474
Joined: February 24, 2013



Ashu

I wasnt going to share this advice, but I know exactly how you feel. Being clean is about being focused, serious, and dedicated. When smoking I feel expansive, less stressed, and that other possibilities exist...I am hopeful. Without the pot it can be harder, but it really depends on how often you smoke. If you cant ever smoke in moderation, give it up. But can you only do it sparingly? That requires self-discipline, something a lot of self-declared 'addicts' dont have much of.

If you went on an extended vacation, one that took you places you had never been, and gave you experiences that will last a lifetime? You get home, you are broke, you are tired, and you are down because there is nothing to look forward to. You blame the vacation for ruining your 'life' because you were gone too long. When you get back the bills have piled up, there is a lot of work to catch up on, and it seems like you are in a hole that you cant get out of. At that moment you would probably believe that vacations are bad, and that you should never take one again.

For some people swearing off vacation forever works....but some of us like a short 'getaway' every now and then. And when you dont stay 'gone' for weeks and months at a time, but just do 'day trips' occasionally? You find that taking the vacation wasnt the problem - it was taking vacations that were too long that was the problem.

I wrote because you mentioned suicide -- this is societal pressure getting to you - fight it. You are not bad, you are not evil, you just made some mistakes. I felt like you once - wanting to die, but that feeling didnt come from a drug -- it came from other people. Other people I didnt connect with, who condemned me, and stigmatized me with the label 'addict'. When I stopped investing in these people - I started to get better.

I stopped having the bad thoughts once I understood the problem, and DROPPED beliefs that were based on myth, old wives tales, and outright lies. I never bought the argument that taking additive , mind altering, and deadly medicine on a daily basis was a viable alternative to smoking pot every other day -- but I'm weird that way.

Just dont smoke it all-day every-day.

This post has been edited by DAC on September 21, 2015, 10:39 AM
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trace
Posted: October 1, 2015, 1:06 PM







I smoked for years to cope with emotional pain, I got LoST in a black tunnel, I gave up for 9 months and relapsed 12 weeks ago, I've stopped again today as I know from experience that weed will take
Everything from me, I already know the rough journey I've got ahead, I did it for 9 months, now my new goal is to stop and never ever go back, its amazing how quickly it gets hold of you again, well I need all the luck I can get but am looking forward to the real me, whatever I may be, I will be sober and straight. God help me x
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Jeffrey
Posted: October 5, 2015, 11:49 AM







Yo Ben, I know this post is like really old, but I feel u so much in your story, damn. I grew up like that aswell, being a naïve little kid smoking marihuana and not thinking about my future. I started smoking tobacco at around 14, and marihuana around 15. Haven't quit since, and I'm now 24 years old. Just signed up for a clinic, cuz I'm pretty much lost. I have the same symptons as you were talking about, mainly anxiety, feeling out of control on your own state of mind. If you read this, I'll like to have some contact aswell, cuz we're pretty much in the same situation I think.
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juan
Posted: October 18, 2015, 12:51 AM







Hi my name is juan I'm a marijuana addiCT for the past year..before smoking weed I was a whole different person I was always motivated person hard working until I lost my first "love" I just keep smoking think about the past...lost my family's trust I wouldn't still or whatever to smoke..idk what to do with my life no more and I'm only 20
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JC
Posted: October 28, 2015, 8:13 AM







I have smoked weed daily day and night for 20 yrs its all i know .... i have been clean for just over 3 months now and i feel amazing!.

I did it for my kids and myself.

People do not realise what this drug does to your everyday life. Its just weed after all huh? hmmm

Its evil ... it talks to you ... go on just skin up and all will be ok.

I hope i remain clean now for the rest of my life and meet people now that are normal.

I would love to help others and talk to some of you on your journey to reprogramming your heads too.....

Keep it up and use what you learnt to your advantage ....

peace x
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Simon
Posted: November 3, 2015, 3:16 PM








Just to give the other side of the story.

I quit weed after nearly 20 years of smoking it.

It was super easy. A few light cravings for the first week or so then I was cool.

Apart from not having to buy pot when I needed it, I haven't really noticed any changes in my life.
I was a keen runner and worked hard when I smoked. I'm still a keen runner and work hard now.

I had an above average IQ when I smoked. I have an above average IQ now.

Also Ben, I noticed from your story that you are trying various prescription medications to lift your mood now. These are much much more toxic and dangerous than lovely cannabis.
If you feel that bad. Get back on it. You'll feel better and do a lot less harm to yourself.

I hope everyone's lives turn out for the better and I wish you all luck, but I cannot overstate my message here:

Pharmaceutical companies make lots and lots and lots of money from us all feeling bad about ourselves and lie to us about the dangers of using drugs to encourage us to buy their expensive chemical poison instead. The crap in the pills you take makes you feel rubbish and they convince you that this is damage done by pot or whatever other drug you were on and keep pumping you full of more of their prescription meds to try to make you "feel better"

Honestly. If being off pot makes you feel that bad. Get back on it. It's funny, relatively harmless, social, makes music sound awesome, much less toxic than prescription meds, not at all addictive, did I say it's funny and also it makes you laugh which is very good natural medicine filling you with endorphines and relaxing you and those around you.

Good luck dude
:}
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S
Posted: November 9, 2015, 2:43 PM







it does get better, even better than what you could ever feel like cuz u might have never known what good felt in the 1st place
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Posted: November 10, 2015, 9:41 PM


Posts: 19569
Joined: October 17, 2003



Samantha80, we moved your post to a new thread called "Samantha80" and linked it to the Families/Partners of Addicts forum. You will see many people who have walked in your shoes.

- the moderators
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chad
Posted: November 12, 2015, 1:11 AM







I'm going through this myself after 20+ years of heavy smoking I'm having a lot of these symptoms too the devil himself is behind the lie that marijauna is ok its a trap and i thank Jesus he can rescue me and anyone of you that needs help this isn't about religion either its about real life and eternity is at stake if satan can keep us blind and not thinking we will never pick up the holy bible and read the only reason i did is because god allowed me to go to prison for a couple years to go to christian boot camp
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Baggs
Posted: November 13, 2015, 11:49 AM







My goodness it's been almost 2 months and I still feel dizzy and can't think straight feel like I'm dying at some points my hands shake and I'm short of breaths at times. Before I cold turkey stopped smoking I had been smoking since I was 16 I am now 39 I fear I've really damaged my brain, I need to no if this will get better or should I give this stopping smoking up and just smoke again since I feel like it's to late for my brain.

Baggs
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OnTrackMan
Posted: November 18, 2015, 6:08 PM







I've been reading over these forum posts and I see A LOT of myself in most of these posts. Groggy mind, impaired memory, big memory problems, anxiety, depression, the regret of lost years to smoking etc. I've been a daily smoker for years, and I'm just over three weeks in recovery now.

For the last week or two I was convinced I'd gotten Korsakoff's syndrome (my diet had been really bad for a long time). After I quit I realized no memories would really stick, the anxiety, trouble focusing etc. I read tons of highly referenced research on the subject and was convinced I had it.

THANK GOD for this forum and all these shared experiences. I might have gotten psychotic if I had not realized that what I was going through was not Korsakoff's, but big time cannabis withdrawal. Now I'm not trying to maginalize what you and I are going through because I've never felt this s***ty, still.

With this sudden (d'oh, huge denial) and realistic explanation to what I was going through my mindset completely changed. What I had been filling my mind with (Korsakoff-symptoms) was that I had something that would not get better, only worse.

The thing about what we're going through though is that it only gets better! I've been reading a bunch of research reports about long-term cannabis use, cannabis withdrawal etc., and what I've come away with is this. The mind heals. Key words are neurogenisis and neuroplasticiy. Some things heal a little faster, some things a little slower. Even the "permanent" effects you might read about are usually measured after only 28 days of abstinence. Everyone on this forum knows you are still healing after 28 days. I think it is really important to not analyze your own psyche all that much. You might convince yourself that your this-or-that was much better before, but you really don't have a solid reference point. As you improve you up the bar on what your former self was capable of. You'll never win.

The important thing you need is PERSISTENCE AND A PLAN.

I've been a health nut for the last two weeks because I felt like s*** and really needed something to keep my mind occupied. Trying to keep it as simple as possible, my plan was this:

-Eating
-Exercise
-Mindfulness

- Eating 4 times a day minimum
I eat soylent for every meal atm to make sure I don't miss any micro nutrients (Korsakoffs really scared me). Just regular and pretty healthy food seems to do wonders, at least in my case.

- Exercise
Oh man, what a hassle. I'm pretty overweight, but I just put on some shoes and walk/jog while listening to a funny podcast. Keeps your mind occupied, increase your metabolism to get that pesky THC out and increase your mental and physical health. Dont over do it or set yourself big goals, just get out and move your feet a bit.

- Mindfulness
Scientifically proven to be really good for your mental health. I've been doing this (http://palousemindfulness.com/selfguidedMBSR.html) course for two weeks, and it really is amazing. Like another poster here said, it feels like you are unlocking parts of your brain you didn't even know you had! Listen to this quote from the abstract of a highly referenced report on mindfulness:

"Analyses in a priori regions of interest confirmed increases in gray matter concentration within the left hippocampus. Whole brain analyses identified increases in the posterior cingulate cortex, the temporo-parietal junction, and the cerebellum in the MBSR group compared to the controls. The results suggest that participation in MBSR is associated with changes in gray matter concentration in brain regions involved in learning and memory processes, emotion regulation, self-referential processing, and perspective taking."

I mean, why would you not do it, no matter what your situation.



I still have a long way to go, and so do a lot of you. Remember that when you quit smoking you started the climb. It might feel like you are trying to swim upstream, but that was you when you were smoking.Seems chill when you are not going anywhere, but once you stop you realize you have to keep moving in a positive direction. Realize when you make progress. Cherish it and use it as a motivator for future progress.

I'm gonna get through this and progress for the rest of my life, and so can you!
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chris
Posted: November 26, 2015, 12:58 AM







I was on this road. its a tough one. long story short, take some modafinil ;) you'll soon get your edge back. good luck!
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james
Posted: December 20, 2015, 11:46 PM







Hi

I have also read all the comments even though a lot of ppl like me replied after a several years. I hope you all got through the worst part and are clean on this day.

I can actually i identify a lot of the things you went through. First of all i quit smoking weed after 10 years of use. I have now been clean for 1 years and 3 months.

1st month: The first month was very hard, i remember how depressed i was, it was like a nightmare, i had tried to stop a couple of times. But this time i cut all my connection to the people who smoked weed. Actually i didnt really talked with anyone other than my parents.

3rd month: It got a little easier after the 3rd month, but i was was still thinking about smoking weed. It was like u had to give up a big part of your life, and now everything seemed to be boring, i couldnt focus, i was depressed. i couldt walk on the street without feeling that ppl were watching you. and like a lot of u guys said, i couldnt think straight. I felt like my brain was dammaged and that i wouldnt be normal again. But i didnt quit, i knew i had to continue. so i did..

uptil 8th month: Let me say that it was the most boring time of my life uptil the 8th month, but i actually got stronger, and i could feel that i got happier and i could think more straight. i actually started to go out more, but still, it was like something was missing. I still felt very empty.


15month: And today is the 15th month i have been clean. How do i feel and where am i in life?
Well its a very good question. I still feel empty, but my depression is gone. Its like a have been stronger than ever and i could handle a lot of things in life. But the problem is that im afraid that i wont ever get my feelings back in life.. Its like the weed took a big part of my life away from me, and now i dont know if it will ever get back.


I wonder if it takes more time to heal or it will be like this forever. But all in all the depression is gone, but i hope i will get feelings back in life. and im glad i wrote this, its like getting a heavy burden out of your chest. I hope the best for you all, cheers and good luck
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Yosup
Posted: January 22, 2016, 12:16 AM







After reading this and alot of the responses, I'm so relieved to see there are people in the same boat as I am. I always thought weed affected me in such a strange and different way. I too am on the path to quitting (day 21) and I am experiencing the same things: anxiety, paranoia, always thinking people are watching, insomnia, the works. I pace. I find it hard to socialize and constantly drift off. When I come to I feel so embarrassed it comes through in physical signs, especially since I have tourettes which makes impulse and movement control very hard.

I also feel very detached from reality in a way. I can't blame this all on weed because 4 years ago I underwent drug induced psychosis. Trying to correct my anxiety with medicine actually made it worse. I was basically schizophrenic for several months and couldn't even walk outside by myself. I felt like the government, people brainwashed by the government, and even ghosts were after me. Walking into School was like walking into a war zone and FORGET working.

I could go on that tangent FOREVER. However, moral of the story I finally got over that and came back to my normal self. A year or so later I started smoking weed fairly regularly. When I got my first full time job I started smoking everyday heavily. Like many of us here i became an a**, started scaring people away, and lost my ex. The scariest part of it, though, was that some of those symptoms I described ^^ started subtly creeping back. I would become paranoid that people were talking about me, that my ex was cheating, that all of my friends were just using me and didn't really like me. I even started becoming paranoid of people drugging me (a symptom originally brought on by the fore mentioned psychosis). At this point I felt like weed became a part of who I was. I was so ashamed and I knew it was slowly killing me, but I didn't want to stop.

It's one big head trip and I'm so glad I'm finally making the right decision. I'm also getting back into my religion which is a big help. Praying is definitely a huge help, as well as the good association. Even though I'm still awkward and stupid (not stupid but seemingly stupid... or just wierd) the people there are always so forgiving with smiles on their faces and ready to talk. Like I saw mentioned in one of the previous posts if you keep positive and fill your time with other activities anything is possible.

Stay stron Ben <3
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Response to Ditto.
Posted: January 30, 2016, 3:21 PM







Hey Ditto, The human brain can't fix everything in the human body.

This post has been edited by moderator on January 30, 2016, 10:27 PM
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seth
Posted: February 11, 2016, 5:55 PM







to anybody who i trying to quit and feel its impossible. i tried quitting twice both times were awful. i didnt want to go to the doctors cause i was shame to admit that my depression was caused from quitting weed. the first time thru i did it with no meds thinking if i could just sleep i would get better. i never really did, even six months later, so i started smoking again cuz it felt so good and made me feel normal. weed affects me like people describe ice heads, it doesn't calm me, it makes me excitable, makes me believe im smarter and better than everyone. its simply not good for me and for some others like me. its fine for those who know how to keep reality in check and relax. anyways i started again and quit again, i did some bad things i wont get into, however this time when i quit i got so low i tried to commit suicide. i thought about it so much cuz i thought i could never be normal again, it was so bad. i hate taking meds. first they put me on welbutrin. that didnt work at first, but a month later the doc prescribed adderrol along with the welbutrin and almost immediately i felt close to normal. i feel i never will be exactly the same and nothing will make you feel like the way you feel when your smoking weed, its an amazing feeling that cant be replicated without doing it. however the tiredness, the zero feelings, the no happiness can be helped with the right combination of meds. ive done so many dumb things and hurt so many people while smoking weed and i regret all of it, but without me burning so many bridges and hurting my family i would have never known ive been wrong about my point of view and i would have never learned how to be an actual decent human being. but if you quit and you feel like you cant cuz the withdrawals are so bad, ask your doc for the combination of welbutrin and adderrol, your brain needs to remeber what normal feels like in order to get past that awful stage. anyway i hope this helps someone
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Dennis
Posted: March 28, 2016, 6:52 AM







Hello Ben,
Thank you for opening up and sharing the challenges you're going through. I'm also a recovering weed addict and the regrets keep coming to my mind every day. I actually fell for those advocating for marijuana legalization and thought that the benefits were genuine. So out of curiosity, I started smoking day by day. This then morphed into smoking 3-4 times a day. The high is what kept me going, yet I was ignorant of the repercussions that were starting to show step by step such as neglect of personal as well as professional duties. My memory and libido has also shrunk significantly.

The anxiety did kick in as you've mentioned and I started becoming hyper-suspicious about my family. At one point, I started shouting at my mum when she recommended that I should take anxiety pills, but later on, I decided to take the medication anyway. I was given tegretol to calm my urges for the substance. I'm currently 3 months clean now and I'm on Laroxyl, an antidepressant. I do wish you a quick recovery, knowing first hand that I'm sharing the same fate. Peace
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