The Comfy Place To Fall-not
Posted: January 2, 2015, 11:20 AM

Posts: 62
Joined: October 11, 2014

Happy New Year-
It was a nice holiday but it kind of seems like life goes on hold while the Holidaze take place- Just get that shopping/ cooking done - handle expectations--and of course work!!! . House needs to get re-organized/laundry done.
So back on my mental focus- on moving forward.
Going to work out at 3:45- w/SO.
Get xmas tree ect put away/out the door.
Laundry-hate when you find your towels in the washer x too many days-re-wash!! Aargh
Get to meetings online or in person- wkly.
find new recipes.
Read more
Love healthier-SO-son-daughter-family
Plan vacations quarterly
Help w/daughters wedding plans -when needed!
Oh and work!! Need some certifications this year.
Keep coming back here.

I really believe that making lists helps see our priorities- priorities are not on a ladder but a wheel. Some things are first at one time others the next. Damn I got a lot on my wheel-and I am not even raising kids anymore.

I found that I cont to struggle with my relationship w/my mom-I feel this discomfort in my chest when I am around her or even talk w/her on the phone. It bothers me I feel like this. My SO is not much of a person I can talk to about my past. He never asks and when I do say something, he just will respond-oh wow. I know he can't imagine my mom being a mother who would hurt her kids-not that little old lady who likes to play rummy cube. So I don't talk about any of my past with him. And he never talks about his past with me- it was what it was and today is today. Maybe not such a bad take on life. As a nurse I am all about- plan- implement- evaluate- solution/resolution.

I saw a saying online -
Let go--- or get dragged!!

I am getting that for my wallpaper on my phone!!

Happy New Year everyone! Make it a good one!!

This post has been edited by Notagain!! on January 2, 2015, 11:21 AM
Posted: January 9, 2015, 12:36 PM

Posts: 62
Joined: October 11, 2014

So new year! I missed my son over the holiday. But I found that the holiday was great! But there was a piece missing. Pictures not complete. So what did I do? I made a payment to one of his credit cards. Not much-but as soon as I pushed that submit button- the bells started to ring. Who did this help? Me? Him? I never really could touch why I paid his bills. To help his credit rating so he would have choices when he got out. To keep his accts up to date so he could jump in after he got out by just paying the interest. He never asked me to do any of this. I have the money- no big deal. But today I realized I use paying his bills to keep me close to him. I went to a place- credit card website- where I could "help." Help not him - he will never know I did it as the interest will over come it. He never asked. To help me feel better- to feel like I could fix something! To FIX something!! Yup- this nurse/caretaker thing is a crazy thing!! Not even enabling him but all about me!!! My need to feel in control. Of something I CAN NOT CONTROL! Not mine to control!!!

YUP the Serenity Prayer!!

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Working it!!
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