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Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > Samantha80

Posted by: Samantha80 November 10, 2015, 7:47 PM
My husband smokes pot a lot. It makes me tired. He constantly looks me in the eye and promises he'll stop for sure "this time" but lies and goes behind my back and smokes with his co-workers and friends before he gets home. He thinks i don't know and notice this but i do. He blames his stress of work and stuff on it. But even in our best moments he goes back to smoking. How can i help him? Some recommendations? Or should i leave my husband because he won’t stop smoking? Any help would be highly appreciated

Posted by: Fred15 November 12, 2015, 12:33 AM
My lady got into painkillers. She's currently in treatment and the root in it for her is depression and anxiety and loneliness. We bit off alot more than we could chew and the cost of her self medicating really deepened the hole.
About a year ago I tried to do the intervention thing but her family kind of blew me off and I got the short end plus the betrayal slap back.
All I could do is pull back, have less interest in her anything, but at the same time I did a lot of praying that she'd check herself in somewhere.

I treated her substance abuse like she was cheating on me.
I talked about other peoples treatment programs and the aa/ na processes in front of her but not to her
I always affirmed my devotion to her best and my devotion to her as my one and only love, but was also simple about the turnoff I was experiencing.
The big thing is that anyone with any problem needs to take the first step themselves.
Any kind of force you directly use will get thrown back in your face, sorry.
But you are smart enough to look at yourself and ask questions.
I wouldn't press ultimatums, but I would have you dwell on compassion.
As a man I can say that I puff more when I'm in a rut. The rut can be as minor as career boredom or setting unchanged bleakness. Guys are dumb okay, and but our great shifts have to come as if we dreamed it all up ourselves.... But if it pleases the lady we will bust a lot harder to make it so.

Before I get too off track-
What you can do is aspire for a better lifestyle and a better experience of life. Things that take effort to make happen r things you ca do on your wishboard and lets hope he chooses to come along.
You can keep with the anonymous help to keep hope for your love mission, it's smart.
You can refuse to partake in stoner bs....maybe even get a separate hamper for clothes of his that are weed reeky. Have a position against the partake, but be compassionate with who he is. Always a man or a woman can be more.
If it turns you off, then it turns you off.
Lord knows my ladies pills turned me off!
But I learned fast to meditate and pray that she would seek her first step and she did!

Looking back it just didn't help us to make the drugs an issue because that gave birth to lots of lying which was a larger turnoff. Still, I wouldn't ever not say I hate them f***in anger and pain is valid. But I wouldn't call hers drug addict cuz that just drives em away.
With compassion you can find your cool angle
Be real, but be cool because if he does have a rut or a problem underneath the potsmokin tomfoolery.. It is you that he should come to to come clean.

Have fun not washing his stoney shirts, study compassion and detachment and stay awesome that he's gonna wanna keep up with where you want the good life to go to.

Tomorrow I meet with her and the therapist for couples therapy. I haven't puffed any pot myself for 10 days. I miss my girl, I hope I can keep it in the present because the past hurt a lot
Wish me lovin luck
Best of hearts to you too