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Posts: 195
Joined: July 6, 2018
Posted: January 10, 2019, 2:41 PM
Keeping my fingers crossed,30 year old daughter talking about going back to rehab.
She has been mostly clean for 6 months. She has relapsed several times in the last few weeks. She had been in what was supposed to be a 6 month rehab this fall after having spent 2 months in a pysch ward and another 45 days in short term rehab. She literally ran away from the long term. She is clearer than she has been in years.I am hoping that since this is her idea maybe she will put in the work. | ||
Posts: 132
Joined: December 30, 2018
Posted: January 10, 2019, 4:50 PM
That is sounding hopeful, we tend to hang on to the hopes, only thing that keeps us going, glad she has made the decision, it is up to her
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Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018
Posted: January 10, 2019, 8:10 PM
Walkedon I think it is really good she is requesting to go to rehab. It shows she has insight which is very positive. I wish her all the best.
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Posts: 195
Joined: July 6, 2018
Posted: January 10, 2019, 10:04 PM
I guess I spoke too soon. This is so frustrating. Daughter wants to try again on her own.
She goes to therapy and IOP. Does any one have support from their addicts counselor. I mean in those few hours when she was willing to go,it would have been helpful to have a plan.or some help other dear old mom. | ||
Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: January 10, 2019, 10:08 PM
my son was clean in the summer 3 months. began relapsing in sept. now back to the usual using pattern. still will deny he's doing anything wrong. his junk car broke down. I will drive him to work but not pick him up. and he's falling asleep in his salad tonight... first time we witnessed this since last spring. still will tell us "he's fine, nothing wrong"
It is so mind boggling. by now I would think he would say "I've had enough" take me to detox.... this will get worse. we will not let him drive. he will be stuck at home unless someone picks him up - awkward. last time he went dragging his heels. Hoping I can stay strong and not give in to anything. | ||
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Posted: January 10, 2019, 10:17 PM
Walkedon-I understand your frustration. When I was trying to get my son help, he sometimes would change his mind on the car ride over. It really is up and down and up and down. The best (and hardest) thing is to have nothing to do with it. Totally let them decide. But, saying that, I know your emotions, I have felt them as well.
NY, so sorry to read this. Sigh.....Really, just sigh.... Big hugs. | ||
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Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: January 11, 2019, 12:19 AM
walkedon - 6 months was a good run. you have made progress and so has your daughter. Does your daughter want to detox or go to rehab or continue with IOP and counselor? She has a support group so she should talk to her counselor about options. It is good she is still going to IOP. my son stopped going last sept.
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Posts: 77
Joined: December 26, 2018
Posted: January 11, 2019, 1:40 AM
Walkedon - I’m sorry sorry she backed out at the last minute, but I’m encouraged that she initially decided (on her own) that she wanted to give it a try again. That means she’s thinking about it, which is important. I’m also encouraged that she has been mostly clean for 6 months. I agree that it has to be her decision to change, but these are good steps. Wishing you peace for yourself... I know that’s hard to come by for us parents.
This post has been edited by YellowBirds on January 11, 2019, 1:41 AM | ||
Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018
Posted: January 11, 2019, 11:26 AM
I'm sorry Walkedon - I agree so frustrating & there just aren't many options for us parents. I am fortunate because my 44 y/o son does not live with us. He's back with his girlfriend & acts as if all is fine. But we are to the point where we do not believe anything he says, we are not giving him any money & we continually urge him to "get help for himself". We are in auto pilot. I don't answer his calls, I let him leave a message & let my husband call him back. He's pretty confident that he will finally get a job but we'll see.... he has to pass a drug test. I'm very thankful he never had children
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Posts: 521
Joined: August 28, 2016
Posted: January 12, 2019, 2:39 PM
mtn mom--our 47 y/o is exactly the same. Gone through many girlfriends, but thankfully no kids!
We take a message now and then but only say " you know what you need to do ". He rarely texts or calls and is always angry especially since we won't give him money. I know he is living in a bad way with nothing and not even water to bathe or very limited food and resources , but he will have to make the call when he has had enough! So difficult being parents to these addicts and it never stops hurting! This post has been edited by duchesschama on January 12, 2019, 2:40 PM | ||
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Posts: 195
Joined: July 6, 2018
Posted: January 12, 2019, 4:02 PM
I'm very thankful my daughter has not had children. I am actually taking her for a more permanent birth control Next week.
That has been a long complicated process too. . Just when she would get an appointment ,I would lose her, either to some paranoid delusion or just to the drugs the.self. I know this is her responsibility, but I would end up raising the baby. After I get this issue taken care ,I have to confront her about relapsing. | ||
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Posts: 195
Joined: July 6, 2018
Posted: January 12, 2019, 4:16 PM
My daughter said " I don't want to make a career of going to rehab" . It takes to long. UGH .She has lost a decade of living but a year of rehab is too long.
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Posted: January 13, 2019, 6:05 AM
Thanks to everyone posting here and on the other posts-they really help.
I agree with the birth control. If my daughter was doing this, I would definitely take her for birth control. I don't see that as enabling, as much as common sense for all involved. I worry about son fathering a child, because I know I can't raise another baby. | ||
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Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018
Posted: January 14, 2019, 11:15 AM
I hear you Walkedon!! My son just spins in circles,chasing his tail. Lies, lies, lies - crying, wailing, anger & nothing.... His GF gave him another chance & as soon as she did, he repeated his past behavior of lying & using again. He is out of her house again... crying to family about being an addict & screwing up everything, but still unwilling to seek help. He supposedly has a job offer from a family friend but there is NO WAY he'll pass the drug test & if he does, he will get fired for lying, using, etc.
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Posts: 6
Joined: November 27, 2018
Posted: January 15, 2019, 3:39 PM
Walkedon, -------------------- You don’t get over an addiction by stopping using. You recover by creating a new life where it’s easier to not use. If you don’t create a new life, then all the factors that brought you to your addiction will catch up with you again | ||
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Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018
Posted: January 15, 2019, 7:39 PM
DUCHESSCHAMA - We are in the exact same place. YEARS we have tried begging, trying to reward him, ignoring him & helping him - NOTHING HELPED ANYTHING!!!
When he calls we listen to what he says & if he's complaining, we ask "you know what you need". It is probably about time for him to start ranting again. He called a week ago "bragging" that a family friend got him a job & that he'd be working in a week and then disappeared to go fishing at his favorite fishing hole, where is goes when he's high & spends all night fishing & smoking... How in his pea brain head thinks he'd be able to pass a drug test blows my minds... I, too, what to thank everyone posting here. It is so nice to come here, read the posts & comments & to know that we are all in similar boats. It is so helpful to come here & chat... no judgment, no "one upsmanship" Just regular parents & partners that have worried for far too long | ||
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Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: January 15, 2019, 8:58 PM
Same - years - nothing has changed except we are getting better at saying "Get Out" and "go to the hospital" . we were not successful last week. he wont go willingly. he will wait until theres nothing left. complaining, not sleeping (scares me)….
Instead of staying home and discussing with us and planning (a normal person) he grabs his paycheck and is gone.... husband is worse than I have ever seen him. This is awful. I am a wreck. can barely get thru work, barely eat, sleep - it doesn't feel like it. *** Surprise - he came home w the good friends and towed the car to a shop to fix it. at least I will sleep tonight. This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on January 16, 2019, 12:05 AM | ||
Posts: 384
Joined: October 25, 2016
Posted: January 16, 2019, 8:45 AM
Good news! He sounds like he is doing some planning and taking some steps toward independence. And he still has friends. All positives. Not wanting to listen to your plans for him sounds like a normal young adult to me. Ha Ha Most don’t want to do much listening to their parents. Maybe he is making some changes. He probably knows your patience is running out or maybe he is just tired of listening to you but either way the results may be the same.
-------------------- BUGS | ||
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Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018
Posted: January 16, 2019, 10:49 AM
NY2FL - fingers crossed for you! That is something positive - hugs!!
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Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: January 17, 2019, 7:47 AM
Thanks for trying to lift my spirits. He is still dancing on both sides of the street. Got his paycheck, avoid us, did not cough up any $. Yes, planning, has to pay for some repairs and tires, but something just does not sound quite right. he could not give me a straight answer on questions about it.
The friend that works on cars that came over to tow sons car seemed very knowledgeable and able to repair the car. They fixed on problem in one night. It is starting to look to me that my son 100% avoids any planning ahead - finances, fixing things. I used to think that he was trying but not succeeding. that other people were not coming thru. I think it is my son's focus. of course we have said it and know it - he spends so much time on the drugs that he has no time to do regular day to day planning. I am just seeing the reality of it. Looking at his phone calls, lots of calls constant. he says he drives around bc he does not like being home with us. I think he drives around finding people and doc. He is not ready to stop this. We have to keep at him to move out or go to hospital. Again, I think it is more about the mental illness that keeps some of our kids trapped in this life. | ||
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