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Message Board > Cocaine / Crack Cocaine > I Love Cocaine, But I Have To Quit..

Posted by: ARMYNURSE August 23, 2017, 8:52 PM
It's been about 24 hours since my last line. I laid everything out as I normally do, except this time instead of saving my excess until I was ready to finish it off, I tossed it. Yess! I tossed it.

I am determined to cut this daily habit that I've had for 4+ months.

As of right now I am experiencing lethargy and am having hot/cold flashes. I have also had an onset of more vivid dreams, but these have been ongoing since my use has begun - dreaming of using are the most vivid. The cravings for my new drug of choice are there, but I'm able to outweigh the risks/benefits. I am also abnormally irritable as opposed to the mood my sober baseline presents as, but this has also been an ongoing occurrence during the "crash" period during my mostly daily use.

I am setting new goals, and am going to use the universe to project amongst myself all the beautiful things I intend to inquire. Since this forum was so helpful during my last kick (opiates), I am hopeful posting daily will help to keep me on track. ODAAT!

"Eye am who eye aspire to be. The you-niverse is ours, we just have to BE-lieve."

Posted by: lilit1234 August 26, 2017, 7:57 AM
I like how you named this topic. But I Have To Quit..
I'm really don't understand why should I quit/ Its been 6 month I don't understand what will I have later, cant find answer...Maybe you can help me
but I know that addiction is always bad..For me its the same is it food, cigarettes, vodka or cocaine it is addiction...

Posted by: scdad January 29, 2018, 4:53 AM
i hope that by the time of this post, you're figured out how to kick the habit. I have not. Even though I've abstained for 2 years, this recent relapse has me starting all over again. This binge was the worst ever.

I love the high! I most certainly do. I love it so much that its having a negative impact on my marriage to the point where my wife thinks its another woman. Far from, but still! I can't go on like this. That high no matter how much I say "this time gonna be different" or "I'm gonna have control" it still resorts to the same feeling and circumstances. Broke, pissed, guilty, tired but can't sleep and anxious. I can go on and on. I know this and yet I still crave. I abstain, but its still on my mind, my dreams.

I deserve better, and so does my family. I know it. But deep down inside, I wanna take a hit...
For today...right now...its not worth it. Hope I can ride this momentum for the rest of my life. Share your secret to success.

Posted by: scdad February 6, 2018, 12:00 AM
Made my 1st pre-relapse call today. Althought it took 5 years for me to make the call, i must admit it Feels great. I hope others try it. It worked for me.

Posted by: ARMYNURSE March 6, 2018, 4:07 AM
One would think I've figured out how to quit this s***, but honestly! It's worse than my previous opiate addiction. My blood pressure is dangerously high and I'm losing everything around me. At a loss. 😞

Posted by: not about me March 6, 2018, 5:05 AM
Hi armynurse I do not know if this post will help you but I want to share what it has taken for me to be clean for nine years after using heavily for 20 years. My path has been different then most and I will try to give you the abridged version. I was mostly always a working addict it started slowly and became a couple times a week for awhile and I always hated myself and vowed to stop afterwards in the beginning. Even when I became a daily user I still worked most of the time. I would smoke at night, go through a couple hours of withdrawals and go to work in the morning sometimes managing to stay up over 72 hours without sleep at a time. I started using crack to keep myself awake during the day followed by heroin to take the edge off . I had a job where I would see 4 - 5 customers a day with no supervision (i drove between jobs and the down made me a dangerous driver as I started nodding off while driving, luckily only 1 non serious accident). I was able to make side deals with customers to make cash that my employers did not know about so I could get extra money to fund my habit (essentially stealing from my work). I was fired from several good jobs because of my habits but was able to get new jobs because I did good work and became good at leading a double life. I was able to start working for myself and my double life became normal as I only answered to customers and not a supervisor. I got lucky and found a woman I could trust who was also smoking crack and we led that double life together for a couple years. I was able to start a business where I hired people to work for me and that was the day we quit. I knew that if someone showed up to work for me and saw me strung out from smoking all night I would have no business. That was june of 2009 and I have not smoked since. I found 2 things that mattered more to me then getting high, a woman I could trust and a business of my own. I received great strength from my girlfriend as she never asked to buy anything after that day. I think she is stronger then me and I consider myself very lucky to have found her.

In a nutshell I found 2 things I wanted more then crack.

If I were to lose 1 or both of them maybe I will relapse but I hope not. I also got lucky to never get wired to the heroin, probably because I always had to much cocaine in my system.

Good luck with your recovery, I hope you find reasons to quit. NA wants you to put your faith in GOD and that is how most people quit but the real strength is within you. GOD can only help you find it.