Auto Loan
Posted: September 9, 2019, 9:34 AM


Posts: 38
Joined: May 5, 2019



Thanks for your input. I also think that possibly he knows that I won't hesitate to take this car at anytime day or night should he lapse in payments or insurance again. I just don't want to be the "car police" but for now...

Yep, my name is on title and loan with him so I legally own 50% of vehicle.

Worst case scenario that a dealer (who wants to sell a car - no big surprise) suggested: Trade it in on a new vehicle, put a little money down on it for him and GET IT PURCHASED IN HIS NAME ONLY. Believe it or not, I actually dangled this bait this morning to him. Just "stirring the pot". Told him it would be best to trade while we can still get a good price for it. Has high mileage and needs 4 new tires. I know you all are probably thinking I'm crazy. I actually would throw some money towards to the purchase just to be done with it totally and have my name off everything!

I'll keep you posted and thanks again for the support!
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Posted: September 9, 2019, 1:23 PM


Posts: 192
Joined: July 6, 2018



It would be better for your own sanity to put some money down to trade the car. It will be out of your hands and out of your credit history.
You'll feel like kicking yourself for giving him more money,but sometimes we have to do that to save our selves.
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Posted: September 9, 2019, 6:29 PM


Posts: 1568
Joined: June 27, 2016



My son had a small student loan, in addition to the large federal loan. A few months ago I paid off the small loan. I was making the monthly payment and decided to save myself the trouble of driving to the bank to make the payment every month for the next year. I have a thing about loans - I can’t ‘not pay them’. There were a few months I was late paying trying to get son to pay. At the time I forgot husband was co- signer - husbands ‘credit report’ got ‘dinged’ .. so that loan is done and off our credit list.

I did stop paying sons small credit cards in January. He can deal with collections.

As we have said in the past - somehow we are going to pay, either we pay now or pay later. I’d rather it be on my terms instead of cleaning up the mess later.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on September 9, 2019, 6:36 PM
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Posted: September 10, 2019, 8:33 AM


Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018



I think it's a good idea too, that way your name is off everything. Its exhausting to be a mess cleaner upper and it's taking away the consequences from them. Daughter called last night has a HUGE electric bill with turn off date. Thinks someone is tapping into her electricity and using hers ??? I asked if she paid her bill every month, "yes!" . I told her to have the electric company check the meter. She called back at 9pm said she just talked to the electric company (at 9pm?) and its missed payments and late fees "she shouldn't have to pay". I literally don't have the money to help her and I wouldn't offer. She seems to not be getting how life works at all. Says she's clean but still uses "some" to zone out 5 times a week and prevent withdrawls ???
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Posted: September 10, 2019, 10:11 AM


Posts: 38
Joined: May 5, 2019



Thanks everybody. Lots of communication with son yesterday and all favorable. Must be happy to have that car back! ha. ha.

He has agreed to try and get the car refinanced (thru current loan company) in his name only. I hope this works! That would take me off the loan and title.

I'll keep y'all posted!
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Posted: September 19, 2019, 11:21 AM


Posts: 182
Joined: December 21, 2018



One of the issues that come up with cars in another's name is car insurance and the address the actual driver uses. Lying about the address where one lives is considered rate evasion or misrepresentation and can void the contract or policy in this case. This is why it's so important for the driver, sadly the addict here to have their own insurance. They cry they need cheap insurance to keep a job especially if there's a dui involved.

But making them independent is part of the process to recovery. Start with everyday normal business. And don't jeopardize your health or legal status ie insurance coverage.



This post has been edited by samegame on September 19, 2019, 11:24 AM
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Posted: September 19, 2019, 5:42 PM


Posts: 38
Joined: May 5, 2019



Really good info samegame.
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Posted: September 23, 2019, 12:47 PM


Posts: 38
Joined: May 5, 2019



When you have a child who struggles with addiction, you need to celebrate every tiny victory.

My son came to visit yesterday with his girlfriend and new dog. We had a lovely 3 hour visit. It brought me a peace even for a day.

He is working full time so I insisted he start making payments to me for the car payment and phone I paid off. He kept his word and had money for me.

Have I forgotten... no. We never do... I remain "cautiously optimistic" that he has turned a corner. Meanwhile, we keep our guards up and hope and pray for the best.

Thanks.
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Posted: September 23, 2019, 9:21 PM


Posts: 122
Joined: December 30, 2018



Anauj that’s good to hear your son doing well, it’s like you can breathe for a while, I know exactly what you mean about letting your guard down, I don’t think I will ever let mine down, hope your son continues to do well
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Posted: September 24, 2019, 7:37 AM


Posts: 192
Joined: July 6, 2018



Good to hear he's doing better. I hope you were able to get your name off the car. We need to treat these "children" as adults.
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Posted: September 26, 2019, 10:57 AM


Posts: 182
Joined: December 21, 2018



That's good news all the way around him seemingly sober, visiting, with a pet(responsibility) and actually paying someone back which I haven't seen here. It could be a one time thing or off and on but compared to what it was it's progress.

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Posted: September 26, 2019, 12:38 PM


Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018



Yes, great news so happy things are progressing forward! I hope you feel some relief. You handled it really well!!
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Posted: October 11, 2019, 9:41 AM


Posts: 38
Joined: May 5, 2019



Thanks everyone for your responses. Things remain good and I'm hopeful and can "breathe" for now.

My son and his gf (and puppy) have been here visiting numerous times and I have "dog sat" for them twice now.

He made the car payment EARLY this month, and put 4 new tires on the car.

He's working full time and he really does look great.

When he's using he never comes around. So, I take this as a a good thing that I hear from him and see him (them) a lot now.

My name is still on the title. I try not to think about it. :(

For now I'm thankful.
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Posted: October 11, 2019, 12:56 PM


Posts: 192
Joined: July 6, 2018



Good to hear things are going well. Now is the time to get your name out off the car. I have been told that I'm too negative, but from my experience and reading everyone's post, things go bad fast.
These are not children. Would you put your name on anyone else's loan?Would you tell me to co sign with my 30 year old child?
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Posted: October 18, 2019, 12:53 PM


Posts: 38
Joined: May 5, 2019



You're not "negative" WalkedOn... you're realistic and I appreciate your comments! :)

I would NOT co-sign a loan for anybody ever again. I agree - we hope for the best always, but things can go south so quickly, as we all know.

My son continues to do well and is working full time at a very good job. He replaced all brakes and rotors on the car and payments are up to date!

I spent an afternoon with his gf this week and she's a "talker" so learned a lot. :)

Do I want my name off the title? You betcha. Believing God will make a way for that to happen!

Thankful for every good day!
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Posted: October 19, 2019, 9:13 AM


Posts: 1568
Joined: June 27, 2016



Hi A - great that your son has turned the corner. It shows that we never know what will keep them sober, what will change their mind / behavior, who will succeed and who will not. I think that why parents keep trying, not giving up. embrace the good days, but don't let the guard down! That's the next step I have to learn!
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Posted: October 31, 2019, 9:34 AM


Posts: 38
Joined: May 5, 2019



To all who have supported me with encouraging posts. Update: My son continues to do well, is working full time at a great job and made the car payment 2 weeks early! I remain optimistic that he has turned a corner. Wants to go visit his grandmother this weekend and introduce his girlfriend. You know how they always "stay away" when using... it warms my heart that they will spend time with my Mom.

Always cautiously optimistic and keeping guard up!
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Posted: October 31, 2019, 7:44 PM


Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018



Good news!!! Thanks for sharing!
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Posted: October 31, 2019, 8:40 PM


Posts: 1568
Joined: June 27, 2016



Great job to you for putting your foot down about the car. Is shows we will stop at nothing to get our life back and show the kids who’s boss! Glad it worked out so well. We never know where things will go when we are on that path.
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