On The Brink Of Self Destruction
Posted: July 18, 2016, 6:15 AM

Posts: 0
Joined: July 18, 2016


My name is Paul, I'm a 30 year old man, for the most part I got it together, my own apartment, car, good job with pretty decent pay. Have always prided my self on my looks, a little to self-obsorbed (gay) lol. I first used meth at 19 and it lasted for about 2 years on and off then I kicked it(with moms help). Everything was great for about 6 years. During that time I moved to midtown in Atlanta and still sober, one night my partner and I went out I ran into a dealer and well since then due to the drugs( mood swings and drinking, unmotivated) I lost the love of my life. So since 26 till now I've been struggling with staying clean. But the worst part of the drug use has been with in the past year. It went from doing tweak projects and things of that nature, where as now I'm engaging in very risky behiavor ( unprotected group sex) and I'm using it longer and longer when I do use. I've already received a documented warning due to slump in my performance. I'm now using a little heavier to where; I developed sores in my mouth when on a binder, 48 + hrs of no sleep or food, weight loss, bloody BM's, abdominal pains, bleeding gums, dehydration. One would think to stop but for some reason I can't stop, I have so much lose and a bright future. Its like I have no self worth, I don't know why I don't love my self. I sit back and watch my self, self destruct. And I KNOW WHAT CAN HAPPEN, when u go to get it, the scene and people are so gone but yet I go back....
Posted: July 18, 2016, 8:19 AM

Posts: 1906
Joined: October 23, 2011

A true alcoholic/addict becomes powerless as we progress in our disease.

We feel so isolated, so unique, so hopeless until we attend the first AA/NA meeting.

In those meetings we meet roomfuls of folks just like us who have found a solution.

I was you in 1989 - bad and getting worse -until I came to the point where the only way out seemed to be suicide.
I put my gun down long enough to go into my first meeting "just to see what they had to say"
AA/NA saved my life and continues to do so today. It saves the lives of millions.

Go to http://www.aa.org/ or http://www.na.org/ and click "find a meeting"
You might just save your life too.

All the best.

Bob R

Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Free copy of AA's Big Book on-line: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoh...olics-anonymous

Free copy of NA's Big Book on-line:
Copy & Paste coastalcarolinaarea.org/literature/books/b_t.pdf

Copy & paste www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf



--- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity.

---there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

... I need AA more than it needs me.

--- I fight recovery tooth and nail....
I'm not used to being sane, it just doesn't seem natural.

...... According to the great spiritual teachers, ignorance does not result from what we don’t know; ignorance results from what we think we do know.

---Some think that 2+2=5 and believe it.
Some know that 2+2=4 and can't stand it.

--- I didn't have a very happy childhood
but I sure am having a long one !

---Dry since 1989
working daily on getting/staying SOBER.

---If you want to drink, that's your business
...If you want to quit, that's AA's business.

... Tell me, I'll forget;
... Show me, I'll remember;
... Engage me, I'll understand.

---Most problems are psychological.
Most solutions are spiritual .

"If we try to change our ego with the help of our ego, we only have a better-disguised ego."
--Richard Rohr

WWBWD (What Would Bill W. Do)
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