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Message Board > Recovery Diaries > Addiction Is/was My Whole Life


Posted by: PoorSoul September 20, 2012, 12:08 AM
While my family and job plod on around me daily they are not given much time or thought since addiction takes most of my time and energy.

My drug of choice is internet porn. I look at it every moment I'm able - morning, evening, noon and night. I've not slept day and night sometimes just to find and download porn. What's worse is that the kind of porn I look at is illegal in almost every country in the world. Nevertheless I know plenty of places to find it. My collection is huge and grows day by day.

I amount of times I've deleted my collection is beyond count - but each time my addiction makes me start collecting again. I've tried using filter software but there's always ways around it. I've tried everything I can think of but each actions has proved ineffective.

Sometimes after leaving my house and walking down the street I can't believe my lifestyle and what I've become. What am I without my addiction? Could this really be my life?

Could today be the first day of being without it - of getting my real life back? Of beings something besides my addiction?