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Really Bad Situation


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Joined: November 10, 2019


Posted: April 3, 2020, 9:21 PM
Thanks all.....well, my daughter and I planned to talk and start the process of planning her exit after she gets on methadone. I called 3 times and texted. She called me back the next evening and had bought some street methadone and wasn't feeling well from it. I told her not to take it because of what may be in it. The last time she was on legit methadone from a clinic about a year ago she became very paranoid and would call me in the middle of the night saying someone was in her apartment or there were 20 police officers outside her door and so on. It went on the whole time she was on methadone. It stopped when she went off. Last night I get a text in the middle of the night so and so is going to hurt her so if something happens to her it's her. Drug addiction is the so sad and heartbreaking.


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Posted: April 4, 2020, 5:49 PM
Big (((hugs))) for you and your daughter Sallyana. Drug addition is heartbreak like no other. xo


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Joined: November 10, 2019


Posted: April 5, 2020, 2:38 AM
Thank you mom (((hugs))) to you too and everyone. Addiction is hard for all of us.


Posts: 209
Joined: November 10, 2019


Posted: April 5, 2020, 6:51 PM
Good news...my daughter says she going to her appt in the am. Her mind in back to normal. Hopefully, she will follow through all the way this time because she's had about 4 previous appts.. Tomorrow she said she is calling around here to see where the free clinics are so she can get set up. Based on how tomorrow goes, I'll ask my boss what day this week I can go get her (I work in an essential business). I would rent a car for a day. I don't want my couple friends to leave their home. We'll see how tomorrow goes...


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Posted: April 5, 2020, 8:05 PM
I'm hoping & wishing for the best for your daughter SallyAnna!!!


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Joined: November 10, 2019


Posted: April 6, 2020, 8:41 PM
Thank you mtnmom I appreciate your support. Just talked to my daughter didn't make her appt. The person taking her was 30 mins late so she says. So she said she's got more 'street' methadone.!?!?! Said she didn't call to find a methadone clinic around here either. I told her (kindly and firmly) call me when you get it all figured out. I can't ask off work and pay for a rent a car when she's not following through. I don't think she's very serious based on her actions. I hate I had my hopes up......again...


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Joined: December 17, 2019


Posted: April 7, 2020, 1:55 AM
Sallyana, I’ve been out of the loop. I’m so sorry to hear that you were in a crisis trying to find solutions for your daughter. It sounds like you have a plan in place. Sending big love, hugs, and prayers your way!


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Joined: November 10, 2019


Posted: April 7, 2020, 8:15 PM
I get off work and my daughter has sent me a text asking for money. Nothing about checking into methadone clinics. I'll keep in touch with her but I'm stepping off the emotional roller coaster I've been riding.....Its too much, I'm tired

Thank you hopeful for your kind post.

This post has been edited by Sallyana on April 7, 2020, 8:16 PM


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Joined: June 27, 2016


Posted: April 7, 2020, 10:42 PM
Hi Sallyana, I'm sorry that I encouraged you so much. the plan sounded good, except for the methadone. It would be quite a leap to pull your daughter out of one city and move her to another. A good plan in the long term, but hard to pull off in the short term. unless she really wants to do it. as we have all voiced to each other, they have to want to.

It is sad when they are in the situation, they can not see or function too far ahead in time. they will wait and wait and wait for (fill in the blank) things that don't come. they think it is everyone elses fault, but it is theirs. they wait a day, a week, a month. for the appointment, this or that.

If they take steps to recovery, they would make progress while they are waiting.... it is so confusing to the mind. how they don't see the recovery side of the fence, only the addiction side. addiction is truly the work of a devil (or whatever equates to that)

My son has let dental work go unattended. then when he is in pain, finds out insurance lapsed. Isnt that always the way! then goes to dentist and got rx for antibiotics. (pain pills? idk)
OK, time to get ins reinstated and actually get dental work done. the infection will come back... It would only take one day for him to be on the phone, but no, another week has gone by.

I have resisted the urge to jump in and 'fix it' I did spend time looking at his insurance portal, finding phone numbers. emailed it to him. I could wrangle appointments near where we live and let him stay for a few days, drive him to appointments. but, I do not want to do that. I don't want him to have the opportunity to borrow my car or anything. I think it will be in his best interest to reinstate his insurance and follow thru appointments where he is living.
I don't want to bring him to our house and interrupt what ever his schedule is where he is living.

So I ignore my instincts and watch and wait. and hope for a good outcome.



Posts: 209
Joined: November 10, 2019


Posted: April 7, 2020, 11:48 PM
NTF I can totally relate to your post and especially about your son and how they don't see the future. My daughter is very much the same. She obviously isn't very motivated to get the help she needs medically and for her addiction(s). She's like the wind, one day it blows from the east the next the west. Last week she was so sick and urgent to get out of there and get help. This week it's like she's forgotten about last week. My head spins. I take it all very seriously and she's playing 'patty cake'. I love my daughter and I care about her very much however if she really wants help it's all up to her. I've spent so much emotional energy....


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Joined: December 17, 2019


Posted: April 8, 2020, 2:00 AM
The emotional energy... that one resonates. I feel you in the space of trying to find a solution to help your daughter who was clearly in crisis last week and then have any hope you had for her safety and well being be completely obliterated. This is the relational dynamic those of us who care for and love those who struggle with addiction experience over and over, until they either choose themselves and their recovery or we decide to choose ourselves and our own. In a perfect world all parties would be doing the work to take care of their side of the street but that’s usually not the case. I hope that in this already difficult time, Sallyana that you can find some semblance of peace and take care of the part of you that needs emotional respite. You deserve that. Sending love.


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Joined: November 10, 2019


Posted: April 11, 2020, 3:08 PM
Thanks hopeful you really describe it very well.

Ugh! My daughter is texting me to get her as soon as I can. Missed methadone appt again, is likely still actively using, has no plan in place, I'm an essential worker, and the pandemic is in full swing. She could have ubered to her methadone appt and not depended on the same person who is very unreliable....my head spins again. They just don't get it do they?

This post has been edited by Sallyana on April 11, 2020, 3:09 PM


Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018


Posted: April 12, 2020, 10:11 AM
oh man SallyAnna, you know her better than anyone. If you sense she is using again, you need to back off again. Not only for your mental health, but physical health too. And trust me, I know that is easier said than done. Good luck & I'm so sorry

I told my son that I can't be he therapist, if he needs to vent or discuss things he needs to find a therapist. I know it's hard, but can you let her calls go to voice mail? Remember the old saying Lack of planning on your part does not make it an emergency on my part. Give her a few hours to think about it. Unfortunately if an addict is going to use, they are going to use. they will lie, manipulate & play on our emotions to make us think they are trying to get help. It is a horrible tangled web they weave....


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Joined: December 17, 2019


Posted: April 13, 2020, 1:01 PM
I agree, I don’t think they get it. Their brain is being held hostage to the disease that is addiction. When I step outside of myself and all of the questions of “why”, it’s easy to see that my former partner is entrenched in his disease and it’s easier for me to have compassion for him. But I have to be very careful and not let my co-dependency take hold and compel me to try to save the day. I hope you can focus on you. What would it look like to take space for yourself, just for a day and not answer the calls or the texts, and instead take care of you? Not saying you should do that, just a thought. Sending you big hugs!


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Posted: April 23, 2020, 10:16 PM
SallyAnna - how are you & your daughter? Thinking of you


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Joined: November 10, 2019


Posted: April 25, 2020, 5:47 AM
Thank you for asking mtnmom. Some tentative plans were made however nothing came to fruition. I can say I really don't know what is going on. I think I know then I dont. She did say she found a clinic near where she used to live and had a ride on a certain day, then never came. I didn't ask off because I wanted to make sure it was really happening (I don't get paid time off). The day came and went...have talked to her since and she was focused on getting her dog to a vet.....


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Joined: December 23, 2018


Posted: April 25, 2020, 10:55 AM
(((hugs)))) Sallyanna.....


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Joined: June 27, 2016


Posted: April 27, 2020, 8:18 PM
Don't give up. keep showing her the carrots. I feel like she will eventually make the choice to recovery. And, also keep yourself guarded as you have. Prepare for the best and the worst and don't take the day off unless she is at your 'doorstep' - figuratively speaking.

Parents who have gone thru this are truly gifted! sometimes I am in awe of what we go thru, the resilience, get up and do it again, make another plan, give another chance, another pep talk....




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