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Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > Red Flags Popping Up Again!

Posted by: mtnmom March 26, 2020, 7:56 PM
Well, after about 4 months of actually beginning to trust & feeling hope for a chance, I feel my son falling down AGAIN. He's working, but he's working in central CA - the HEART of the Corona Virus. But he is still working. The past couple of weeks, he's been calling for the most part still positive & upbeat, but a couple of times on a super high, "manic" feeling. I believe my son is bipolar along with his anxiety/depression & addiction/alcoholism.

Rec'd a call early yesterday morning, in an accident - drank one beer, got scared blah, blah, blah..... after talking to his dad, he called the CHP, reported accident, etc. Today calls his brother while we were there, I could hear him on the phone telling his brother about the accident, LAUGHING SO LOUD we could here 15' away.....

No words - I have nothing to say to him. I'm going into defensive mode to protect myself. I'm so disappointed & angry

Posted by: Sallyana March 26, 2020, 9:18 PM
So sorry to hear this mtnmom. I don't blame you for protecting yourself. Such a bummer. I hope he will go in the right direction after this....

Posted by: NyToFlorida March 27, 2020, 12:00 AM
Ugh I hate the feeling of the red flags... drinking a beer and an accident could be the start of something. Hopefully not. Is your son living at a sober house?

Our son is in nyc. Bc of living in a ‘homeless hotel’ he is on public transportation for an hour to get to work, no kitchen or laundry facilities. So he is among the public a lot.
He has called a few times this week. Just to tell us what’s going on. Husband wonders if something is up, because he usually does not call dad.

He called his dad to ask opinion of whether he should do Uber eats deliveries. Today he called both of us to say he has dentist apmt tomorrow. And that an apartment he looked at didn’t work out. The dentist has become an emergency. Wisdom tooth has been cracked and pieces shred off for the past 6 months, it has become painful.

On one hand it sounds positive that he finally made an appointment. On the other, is he warming us up to the fact that he will need $ . I have told him I will pay the dentist. He said he can pay for the office visit. But I know that will make him short next week. On the other hand, is he going to dentist?

So it is always like we don’t know if we can trust what is said at face value, or is there a motivation behind it. We won’t know until we’ve been bamboozled.

Addiction stinks. It is truly a parasite.

Posted by: #momfail March 27, 2020, 11:41 AM
So sorry to hear this Mtnmom. Living life on the defensive is tough. Sadly, I don't think it's a feeling that ever goes away.

I can't even imagine what COVID-19 is doing to the populations mental health, both addicts and non-addicts alike. We know alcohol sales have sky-rocketed, but no one is reporting on street drugs or overdoses right now. It can't be good.

Posted by: mtnmom March 27, 2020, 11:17 PM
Thanks all - NY2FL - he was in a sober living house for approx 6 months, a lot of that time he was in jail & I paid the rent directly to the director. It was not an ideal situation because the owner had only recently set up his sober living house & my son was the only guy there. He fell into an EXCELLENT job opportunity & all was going really well, REALLY WELL. But he had to move 3 times since getting this job. Once renting a room (which he still has) but the job moved him to San Francisco 1st (paid for his hotel) and now Sacramento (paying for his hotel). But the last couple of weeks, he's been off - not acting right.

Whatever is the cause of his bad behavior - using again, drinking again or a manic stage or all three, it is affecting his judgment. I am trying to accept the fact that he is going to do whatever he is going to do - regardless of good advice, bad advice, shoulder to cry on & supporting him emotionally. Nothing changes a drug addict if they are going to use.

Posted by: NyToFlorida March 29, 2020, 5:05 PM
It’s so difficult being a bystander.
I’m so annoyed w my sons dental problems. Something he could have been dealing w 3 months ago. He expects to go in and get it all fixed in one visit. Now it’s emergency and insurance lapsed. He didn’t know he had to reapply. We know it takes many visits just to find a good dentist, oral surgeon etc... I try to put it out of my mind, but keep waking up with his teeth on my mind!

Ugh gurrr!

Now he’s talking about needing a scooter, still needs to find housing, dentist, insurance...

On the other hand he is trying to address the issues. I’m trying to stay on the sidelines.

Posted by: mtnmom March 31, 2020, 8:52 AM
Well he called me a couple of days ago, he had talked with his ex-wife & she asked him what in the hell are you doing? And he realized how stupid he had been & SAID he's making changes now. No more alcohol at all & back to NA meetings. That said, I also know he is a master of manipulation & also know that in the past he tells people things he knows they want to hear in order to throw them off. So I'm waiting - his actions will speak more honestly than his words. I still cannot trust his words.

Posted by: Sallyana March 31, 2020, 8:33 PM
Mtnmom hopefully he will get himself back in check. Bipolar mania usually starts in the spring. I hope he's on medication for his bipolar because manic episodes can get pretty crazy (as you likely know). They lose judgement, insight, and have grandiose ideas, do things they wouldn't normally do etc...

Posted by: mtnmom April 9, 2020, 4:00 PM
well, it seems like that was a wake up call for him. He's working, self reported to law enforcement & said he knows he needs to follow his plan & not be stupid. One stupid wrong step has (in the past) taken him down long treacherous roads. He said he also spoke to his ex-wife and she gave him the "what for" & didn't hold back. Asked him what in the hell do you think you are doing? And that is what everyone told him. Don't ruin this good life you are making for yourself. So all my fingers & toes are crossed that he IS doing the right thing

Posted by: Sallyana April 9, 2020, 11:12 PM
Mtnmom I'm happy to hear he's back on a positive path. Sometimes we don't know what to expect. It's always good when they make the right choices.

Posted by: Hopeful11 April 17, 2020, 12:23 AM
Mtnmom, so sorry to hear about the red flags and ups and downs. But I’m also glad to hear that your son seems to be back on the path. Here’s to taking it one day at a time. I hope you are well.