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Posted: August 19, 2017, 7:24 PM
Day 9 without suboxone after a cold-turkey, abrupt ending. I still have some w/d symptoms. Nothing unbearable, but it will be nice to one day not feel this at all. I will say it is a wonderful feeling to not need to stick something under my tongue to get through the day. I was addicted to a substance that wasn't intended to be used the way I used it. Really put myself through hell for just a bit of comfort during the days. Feel pretty stupid about it in hindsight, but not worth beating myself up over. I had hoped to hear more from others by posting on this forum (pretty alone in "real life"), but I guess not many have much to say. If I can be of any encouragement, please know that while this was difficult, it wasn't impossible. I'm not out of the woods yet by any means, but I am proud of myself and my decision. Haven't been able to say that for over a year and a half. No matter how well I did in school, or at work, etc., I knew that I was "altered," so never felt truly proud of my accomplishments. Well, I guess I'll see how I do completely unaltered soon enough!
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Posted: August 20, 2017, 12:13 PM
I'm glad I can give you support you need during this time. Nothing is wrong with expressing your feelings to someone. And, by the way, I don't just say things just to say them because that's what people like to hear... I say what I think. So everything I write to you comes from my heart and is true!
There will be a day when you will wake up and don't this about suboxone at all and life will get back to normal. Does it mean that all our problems will disappear? Of course not, but you will get to a happier place in your life and will learn how to deal with it. You mentioned you have a son. How old is he? I'm sure he keeps you pushing through this and is a big motivator for you. He has no one to take care about him but you! You really are a strong person for getting off of them just like this! My first two days when I didn't have anything were miserable. I did have physical symptoms such as chills and very big anxiety and also I was very very depressed... from what I am reading about yours it got a bit better after about a week. Am I correct? Do/did you have a restless leg syndrome(RLS)? Even though I'm lowering my dose slowly but my RLS is very bad at night. I'm actually not even sure I have RLS..... What I have is my legs get so very hot!!!! They feel literally on fire from about the time I get to bed, around 10;30 pm until about 2-3 am. I have to get up and either put a wet cold towel over my legs or an ice pack. This is messing with my sleep pretty badly. I did get a bit anxious yesterday around 1 pm or so but then I had my friend take me to the coast, Oregon coast, for the day and my anxiety went away. This answers your question where I am from. I live in Oregon, Southern Oregon, near Ashland. So we are in the same time zone and actually very close to each other. I hope you have a better day today! And one more thing, let me tell you, please don't worry about your school because your brain will actually work way better without them pills. It sound like you are very smart too, having all A's before! You will do great in school, I know you will, I have faith in you!!!! Keep it up and keep me updated! Encouraging you actually helps me a lot to get through this! Tomorrow is my last day on 1.5 mg and I go to 1mg on Tuesday. I am very determined to do this and want you to be too! It's actually very amazing how you can get such a support, encouraging and understanding from people you have never met in your life! I can't express enough how happy I am you replied to my post! All you actually need is one person/friend to help you through this, a right set of mind and you will be fine :) | ||
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Posted: August 20, 2017, 7:27 PM
Wow Lana, I almost missed your reply! For some reason it shows as if I typed it??? When I saw the last person on the thread was "UnsureWhatToDo," I figured no one had responded to my last post! I am so happy that wasn't the case, because hearing from you means the world! I so appreciate all of your kind words and encouragement!
I will address the RLS thing first.... I am VERY fortunate that I really only experienced it the third night off. For me, what I experiences was literally that I could NOT stop moving my legs around. Seriously. Like the sheets needed to scratch a constant itch or something. That was a time that I did take a Norco, and it helped tremendously! My worst symptoms have been feeling incredibly tense and edgy. Almost like I will burst! That subsided somewhat on Day 6, returned on Day 8 and hasn't been terrible the past two days. Today, Day 10, was good all day at work, but when I got home, I felt a bit of it again. Nothing like when it was at its worst though! I am so sorry to hear of your leg/foot pain at night. It sounds like no fun at all. Good that you have found somewhat of a remedy, but I do hope it resolves very quickly. It does sound like your body is noticing the lesser dose. Must you absolutely drop again without being fully stable? Trust me, if you do have to, I KNOW YOU WILL BE OK. You seem to have a very strong will/resolve like me! That serves one well in a case like this. My son is a teenager, so somewhat independent. I think I baby him more than he needs, but it makes me happy to take care of him. I enjoy making him healthy dinners, etc. Some of the other symptoms I have experienced are the cold intolerance (like I mentioned, this has been especially at work, but I have dressed more for it lately), insomnia (has gotten worse instead of better actually, but still not the worst I have ever slept in my life), no appetite, nausea, and emotionality. Easy to get this girl to tear up these days.... On a POSITIVE note, I have enjoyed music much more, and feel much more clear. I didn't realize it, but I was kind of walking around in a fog I guess, lol. Everything is more vibrant and intense.... Not necessarily always a good feeling tbh, but what I will need to figure out how to deal with naturally... I might need to start doing more meditation to relax. Please keep posting so I know how you are doing! | ||
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Joined: August 16, 2017
Posted: August 20, 2017, 8:34 PM
Thank you for your reply! I don't know why my reply showed up with your name either and I couldn't fix it after I noticed... my legs are usually bothering me half a night but I manage to sleep for the second half.
Today I know my body is catching up to a lower dose. I've been very emotional and want to cry for no reason... unfortunately I have no extra pills left after I cut up 4 I had left in doses to get off. So I'll just have to suck it up and cry if I have to to get through this day. It's so smoky outside because of the fires around my area so I can't even get on my bike... I'm hoping it'll get easier for you tomorrow and your shivers goes away soon! I definitely want to be done with this for good and I'm sure so do you! | ||
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Posted: August 20, 2017, 9:33 PM
Oh I'm so sorry about the fires! Your state is really being hit by them right now, and it sounds like you are near the worst of the bunch. Such a gorgeous area! Hopefully those that are fighting them will be safe and have them under control very soon. But, riding a bike in that type of air is not great... And for me, I am getting winded much easier than usual as of late. Please be careful and safe.
Our bodies are definitely mad at us when we take away a substance we have been using/abusing. So, it is no wonder we feel symptoms! And the emotions... yes. I can so relate to the tears.. It DOES get better! And it IS WORTH IT! A few days compared to months, potential years of being stuck on something.... YOU CAN DO THIS! You are worth it, and deserve to live a life out from under the control of any drug OR PERSON for that matter! I hope tonight goes well for you. Post more later if you would like. I do go to bed early since I work at 6am, but I will check in before I go to sleep. (or try to sleep, ha!) BTW, if you are having trouble eating, consider buying some of those drinkable meal replacements and or protein bars. I finally invested in some ensure plus (pretended I was buying them for my mom, ha!) and feel like it might have helped.... More hydration and protein. Just don't read the ingredients, lol..... I was pretty bummed out that they are alot of corn syrup, but whatever it takes these days. I'll be more rigid with my intake when I feel better.... I'm happy you have two dogs! I have one, and a rabbit. At my worst I was wishing I had neither to take care of, but honestly, the more I HAD to do, the more I was able to do.... Be strong beautiful, you've got this! | ||
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Posts: 46
Joined: August 16, 2017
Posted: August 20, 2017, 10:45 PM
Thank you so much for your kind words and support! I'm sorry you get emotional too during this time. It's no fun but I guess it's part of the process and where is no way around it unless you go back to your old habits which I think neither one of us are doing! I'm staying inside the house most of the day, not even walking my dogs because of air quality. There is no fires close to towns but there are lots of them in Rogue Valley where I am.
Thank you for your advice about Ensure drinks. I've heard about them. So far my appetite is fine and I also make myself a smoothie with protein powder almost every morning. But I do know I will loose my appetite here pretty soon and then will probably get me something like that. I calmed down some after I soaked in a hot bath 🛀 I already took 3baths today and they do help a lot! I also found an over the counter restless legs medication and will try it tonight. Hopefully it'll help some. I hope you get better rest tonight and I'll try to get to bed early tonight too. Talk soon! | ||
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Posted: August 21, 2017, 12:23 PM
Day 11 off suboxone. Woke up feeling a bit anxious, and had about a 2 hour awake period in the middle of the night. So, a bit tired so far. Nothing horrible though. STILL TOTALLY WORTH EVERYTHING I'VE GONE THROUGH to be off of this stuff. IF I weren't so paranoid about setting myself back I might have taken an ativan, just to get back to sleep. I read some studies where they gave benzos for two weeks to people coming off suboxone, but eh, if I can survive without it, I think that's the best way to go.
I'm having alot of left arm pain still, and I am not sure if it is from w/d's or an injury that might have occurred when my ex shoved me really hard into a box full of stuff I had gathered for donation.... Advil and Tylenol take the edge off, so not going to take any stronger pain relief (even though I have an Rx for it). Staying hydrated has been a bit difficult due to work (can't have any beverages in the area I work), and not feeling thirsty. Nothing tastes very good either, but I'm forcing myself to drink water. I know alot of people suggest Gatorade, but I hate that stuff, lol!!!!!! How are you feeling today Lana? How were your legs last night? | ||
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Posted: August 21, 2017, 4:21 PM
You have done an amazing job!!!! Be very proud of yourself! Sorry you don't really have any good taste for anything but it will also pass. Staying hydrated is very important and it ducks you can't have liquids next to you at work ..they must allow some way for you to have a drink of water.....🤔 From what I hear sleeping is a very big problem coming off of this stuff and lasts forever too. I'm not really afraid of lack of sleep because I really haven't had a good night sleep for so long and my body is used to it.
I'm doing ok today, thank you for asking 😊I think my body did adjust to the lower dose before lowering it more which would be awesome! I've had some chills this morning and didn't sleep great at night but nothing I can't handle. I had my friend ask me how I was doing and said he has 10 Vicodin pills and if I wanted them I can have them... I don't need them now but maybe I should take them in case I feel really bad when my dose is very low.... what do you think? Should I take them from him or not? I have no other pills or prescription for anything else and no way if getting it... I know I won't take those Vicodin just to take them. I really do have a very strong will power... let me know how your day went. I talked to a person today who went through WDs from suboxone about a month ago and he said all he had was running nose and felt very tired all the time... no anxiety or other physical symptoms at all. He said he tapered off them and took a few Vicodin pills to help with WDs somewhere in the middle of his taper schedule | ||
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Posted: August 21, 2017, 4:40 PM
I would be a hypocrite if I said NO, DON"T TAKE VICODEN! For me, when I went from 6-4-2-0mgs in 4 days, I was a mess on Day 2 and 3. I took 2 Norco during the day, and 2 before bed on those days. Then one Norco on Days 4, 5, and 6, and then no more since. I think they helped me alot, but I am not sure if they might have prolonged my w/d also.... I have had very dilated pupils (signs of w/d) up until today! My pupils are still larger than normal, but less so today. I haven't had suboxone for 11days so would think the remaining opiates causing w/d's would have to be the Norco getting out of my system? Not sure though....
I will say this, if he is easily accessible, I would ask him to hold them and bring them to you ONLY if you are in bad shape. And then, only two at a time. I completely believe you would do the right thing, but perhaps better safe than sorry.... I have a feeling (and great hope) that you are going through alot of your w/d now, and won't feel much different when you finally stop. And, if you have been managing, you might not need them? Let me know what you decide. You have my support no matter what!!!! | ||
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Posted: August 21, 2017, 5:43 PM
What you said makes perfect sense and yes, he can hold them for me without any problems. I think you are right, better be safe than sorry. So far I've been doing not as bad as I thought... but again I'm not down past 1 mg point which is from what I've read still quite a large amount ... I honestly don't know how you could have stopped at 2!!! It's very impressive and I think you are doing awesome!
Keep it up! | ||
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Posted: August 21, 2017, 6:23 PM
Whoa... Today I am an emotional wreck. Feel like a failure as a mom. Super depressed I will have less time to spend with my son because of school starting. Dang, now I remember why I liked suboxone. Felt much more at peace. BUT, it wasn't real peace. Now I have to figure out how to find that. Gosh I wish I had a better job. A better home for my son. Ugh.
Lana, tell me about your daughter. Without anything identifying obviously. Do you see her often? Are you close? | ||
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Posted: August 21, 2017, 11:30 PM
I'm so sorry about your emotions... if it helps you I'm also very emotional this evening... and you are absolutely right about "fake" piece on suboxone. It just made us not feel any emotions . Tomorrow is going to be a better day for you! Keep faith !
My daughter is finally coming back to me but very slowly... I almost lost her when I left my husband and at some point I thought she would never talk to me again. She is my biological daughter and my ex never adopted her but was a good father to her . I don't ever want to change their relationships. In the beginning she has been told so many lies about me and that's why she didn't want to even talk to me. I did make a mistake by not talking to her when I decided to leave him. She was away at college and I thought it would disturb her school very much. Anyway... she is a full time student and decided to stay at her appointment during this summer because she had found a better job and two other roommates didn't want to move out either. So it made sense for her to stay as well over there. She is about 3.5 hours away from college and actually doesn't have a clue I got on these pills and going through withdrawals now. This makes me very nervous because she is coming home this Thursday and staying all the way until Monday morning. Our relationship is getting better and better every day because she sees I'm a good person and am happier now without verbally and mentally abusive relationship with my ex. Hang in there! Take a hot shower or bath and just try to relax as much as you can tonight. And keep posting how you are doing. Tell me about your son. What's he like? | ||
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Joined: August 16, 2017
Posted: August 22, 2017, 6:27 PM
Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing? And also wanted to tell you that I finally received a supplement I ordered online called Elimidrol. I started taking it and surprisingly my anxiety is lifted up. I feel a bit better today. It comes with day and night formula. I'll let you know how night formula works after I take it tonight. I'm not saying it's my answer to the WD symptoms relieve but I'm hoping it'll help a lot. Maybe you should read about it online and see if it's something you want to consider for yourself. Hope you are holding up ok😊
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Posted: August 22, 2017, 9:23 PM
Hello Lovely! I'm doing pretty well. Just down right exhausted. Worked from 6-3, and then had to come home to my (former?) roommate (the one who was violent a bit ago, and who used to give me suboxone). He paid rent for this month, so was here dealing with some of his stuff. He claims to have stopped drinking and wants another chance. I can't afford my rent without someone else living here, but I don't know that I want it to be him. I don't care about him having suboxone. I am done with it. I just don't know that I can trust him. I don't want to live with a belligerent alcoholic.
Then I had to take my son to work and do some grocery shopping. I feel like I never have down time! I'm finally home, but have laundry to do, etc. That midday dose of suboxone used to give me energy, and now I am having to manufacture it naturally, lol. Thank you so much for sharing the story about your daughter. I am so happy that she is finally awakening to the fact that you are a wonderful person. Was she aware that your ex was abusive? I know we try to protect our children from things.... Perhaps her being with you for the long weekend will be a good distraction?!? It sounds as if she is pretty independent, so am I correct that she won't "expect" much from mom? I appreciate your asking about my son. I love him more than anything in the world, and actually a few times in the past (I have been through ALOT in my life), having him has been the only reason I have not decided to end my life. He is a very sensitive soul who wants to make the world a better place, and is incredibly empathetic. I am very blessed. He has no interest in "partying" at all. I do not like that he is so into his computer, but I guess that is somewhat the norm nowadays. How have you been feeling? Hanging in there ok? I wish we could exchange phone numbers (would be much easier to text during the day), but I guess that isn't allowed. Just know I think of you often, and appreciate your friendship very much! | ||
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Posted: August 23, 2017, 12:32 AM
I'm sure your day feels like it lasted forever! Wow you work from 6 am! That must be very difficult for you to get up in the morning! I guess if you know you have to do it you have no choice... as far as your roommate situation... I really don't know him, you would be the best judge for this situation... however I'll tell you what principle I live by now: if your heart doesn't make you sing doing something, then don't do it! You know what is best for you and your son!
It sounds like our kids are somewhat alike. My daughter doesn't party either and does very well at school. She is attached to her computer a bit too much as well but, as you said, I guess it's like this a lot with kids... and yes my daughter is somewhat independent and doesn't expect much from me. I'm actually glad you are staying busy and even though I know how exhausted you are but it is helping you not to think about taking pills. Your body will get the rest of the substance out and stabilize itself! Our bodies are amazing creations! I don't know how old you are... I'm going to be 41 this Saturday and I am very healthy otherwise. It's still a young age to get things straightened out. I've been feeling not too bad today. I really do think the Elimidrol is helping me with my anxiety. I do feel tired and not much motivation to do things during the day... but we just have to be pushing through. I'm thinking of you a lot during the day and would be nice to exchange phone numbers... I just don't want everyone else to see it ... any idea how we can do it? I would be very happy to text you | ||
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Posted: August 24, 2017, 6:30 PM
I hope you are doing ok...🤔
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Posted: August 25, 2017, 9:01 PM
Hello Lana, I am having to type this on my phone. My idiot roommate ran over some internet thing in the driveway three days ago so I've been without. So I am already super behind on homework. :-( they are coming out to fix it tomorrow hopefully. I have gone more than two weeks now! It is much easier for me to read than type, so please let me know how you are doing and how it went with your daughter. I have missed talking to you, and didn't want you to think I had messed up. I've been doing much better physically for sure. Sleeping is still not the best
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Posts: 46
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Posted: August 26, 2017, 12:10 AM
I'm so happy to hear from you!!! And even more happy to hear you are doing ok and didn't go back on pills!!! I'm proud of you! Sorry to hear about your sleep being messed up... I hope it improves soon. I've missed talking to you too! Very much!
Hopefully you can catch up with your homework and get the internet fixed! My last two days were not fun... cried all the time and just stayed in bed. Lucky for me I can do it because I'm my own boss... but I really can't be missing much time off work. This morning I was very emotional but abut better and by the evening feel almost back to my old self. I'm still tapering off... have 4more days on 1mg and then go to .75 mg for 5dats. My body is definitely catching up with lower dose and doesn't like it. My daughter came yesterday and it helped me to get on better state of mind! She is staying until Monday morning and next weekend I plan on going to visit her at her apartment in college. I know you are busy but write when you can with an update on your progress!!! | ||
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Posted: August 26, 2017, 11:28 PM
Hi Lana!
I have the internet back now, so have been doing some homework since I got home from work. I am very behind, but hope that if I keep at it I can get caught up. I think I am at Day 16 now? Have been too busy and stressed out to count, lol. I guess that is a good sign. It is so hard for me to know if going of suboxone is contributing to my anxiety. I HAVE alot to be anxious about. I told the drunk roommate that he can no longer live here, so I NEED to find a roommate asap. I have done ZERO housecleaning for awhile, and don't know how I am going to get it nice enough to get someone to want to move in! I simply do not have enough time to do all that I need to do right now. My sleep is still way worse than when I was on suboxone. I used to fall asleep easily and wake possibly only once at night to go to the bathroom (I drink too many liquids in the evening since I can't at work!). I'd fall immediately back to sleep. Not anymore, lol...... Maybe that is just life for me when I'm not drugged up. I do know suboxone would definitely take the edge off my feelings right now, but it isn't worth it. This is the life I need to deal with right now.... I hope your daughter being there, and your upcoming trip will have your mind so occupied that the stopping will go well. I really think it will. Sounds to me like you have probably already been the the worst of it! Keep me posted, I love to read what you have to say! | ||
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Posts: 46
Joined: August 16, 2017
Posted: August 27, 2017, 12:34 PM
I'm so happy to hear from you! And I honestly wish I was close to you and would be very happy to get your house cleaned so you can get a new roommate! When I help someone it always makes me feel better! I think what you need to do is to decide what your priorities are and concentrate on the #1... is it your homework or getting a new roommate? If it's homework then don't even think about cleaning your house, just take it out of your thoughts. Then catch up with your homework and then go to cleaning your house and getting someone new to have as your roommate.
I know your anxiety is a part of coming off those pills. But as you said before, how you felt wasn't really real. Your body and mind was dragged up and now you have to learn how to live life without them pills and deal with whatever life brings your way. It's not easy! I struggle as much as you or anyone else who is getting clean. Having support is very important! I'm actually going to join our local support group, kind of like AA meetings group... I know a person who I has been clean for 21 years now and he said I could go with him for the first time... I'll try it this coming Monday. I had a pretty good day with my daughter on the lake yesterday. I was actually laughing with her! It was amazing feeling somewhat normal again. And I think going to see her next weekend will help me too. I had trouble sleeping just like you but I'm taking night time Elimidrol and it actually helps me sleep somewhat good. Maybe you should try it...? Or try melatonin. They sell melatonin 10mg. It's the highest goes of melatonin I've seen and it's not prescription drug, it's natural Just giving you my opinions... of course you know your body and financial situation better than anyone and will do the right thing for you and your family. Hope your day goes well!!! This post has been edited by svetochek on August 28, 2017, 10:40 PM | ||
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