A Positive Post
Posted: August 30, 2017, 8:19 AM

Posts: 185
Joined: November 2, 2016

Hi All,

It seems I am posting when I am in distress, so I thought I would post a positive post!

Has anything changed with my son? No

Have I changed from being here? yes.

When I started this journey, almost a full year ago....I was a hot mess. I was emotional and coming unglued. My desperation to 'save' made me do somewhat dangerous things, like run around in the middle of the night looking for my son. I let a lot of things go in my life and did not give them the attention they deserved.

By coming here and sharing and learning and getting support, I have somewhat balanced days. Not perfect, but I have the tools to get me away from the crazies. I take time for me. And, I put my other kids and my job and my husband at an equal priority to anything with addiction.

Yesterday, my son was doing the abusive text bombardment. In the past, I have read them all, fallen apart, cried out to the universe about what is wrong with this kid. I have told him to stop. I've called my friend and whined about it. But, yesterday, I turned my ringer off, put my phone in the glovebox, and did my thing. Literally, this was the first time in a year that I did not feel guilty about it.

I learned a few months ago, that my compassion and sympathy was misplaced. It was being used in a harmful way by my son. I really struggled with diving into the sadness mess over 'what could have been'. Again, yesterday, I went into his room and I was overcome with sadness. He has items from his childhood and 'pre-drug'. Instead of wallowing in it, I left. Shut the door and told myself that was the past. I can't change what is. The funny thing is... I believed it and I felt it! I moved on. I clearly saw how futile it was to live there in the past.

Of course, I have my days still! Don't we all.

I just wanted to say thank you!! And, maybe someone else has something positive they have changed?

It really is amazing how my perspective has changed.
Posted: August 30, 2017, 8:56 AM

Posts: 637
Joined: April 4, 2016

How wonderful to hear, Parenting!!! You have not only survived the roller coaster of addiction . . you have gotten off of it . . . on your own terms!! And, you are moving forward. Congrats. High fives. Snoopy dancing for you! So happy for you!

Funny that you would talk about the one-year mark. Yesterday was the one year mark since I got the call. I've been thinking of what I've learned.

I've learned that you can make real & true friendships on line!!! You all provided support, advice and encouragement when I first joined . . . and was lost, confused, fearful, angry and ignorant about addiction. I learned so much here . . . about me. I also got and continue to get love from recovering addicts, recovered addicts, moms & dads of addicts . . . in short, all you all!!! You explained. You held my hand. You cried with me. You gave me hugs. And, you gave me a kick when I needed it. Because of this I have learned to be more open and receptive. To love more and sooner. And, to trust more.

'Nough of the mushy stuff.

I also learned about self-love and self-care. Thanks to y'all, I joined a gym . . . and got a trainer. I work out twice a week with a friend . . . so great time to chat & connect. In 3 months, I lost 6 pounds, 4.5" from my waist and another 4.5" from my hips!!!!! Whoo Hooo!!!!!

Love you guys,


I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun.

I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair.

But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more.

In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved
Posted: August 30, 2017, 9:37 AM

Posts: 454
Joined: August 4, 2015

I'm so glad that you have been able to find some peace. It's not easy to get to that place but it's totally worth it. Yes, you're right, we all have our days that we may back track or just feel crummy but the key is not staying in that frame of mind. God bless you and your son.

Posted: August 30, 2017, 10:30 AM

Posts: 521
Joined: August 28, 2016


Amen to your post!! I have had the same results after coming to this site and getting support from all the great people on here who have walked in our shoes!

I would like to add that you have also been an inspiration and support to a lot of us besides healing yourself! Keep up the great progress and always know that we have got your back!!!

((HUGS)) Lori
Posted: August 31, 2017, 12:20 AM

Posts: 185
Joined: November 2, 2016

Thanks so much one and all!

I met with a counselor at an abuse prevention center today. It felt really good to take that step, at the least to say, 'I matter'.

Wishing everyone some peace and happiness tonight.
Posted: August 31, 2017, 10:23 PM

Posts: 733
Joined: October 5, 2015

Hi P, Glad your doing okay! Just wanting to say hi and let you know I'm thinking of you. Sometimes just a friendly "hello" helps us get through the day. Take care! ((Hugs))Mary💜

Posted: August 31, 2017, 11:44 PM

Posts: 185
Joined: November 2, 2016

Thanks, Mary. Hugs right back!!!
Posted: September 1, 2017, 11:46 PM

Posts: 304
Joined: August 3, 2016

Hi everyone,
P-That is awesome. I too have learned a lot over the last year, Im working on taking care of me for once. Finally getting married in January, My son, Z----I pray but have no expectations. Today is a good day!
Hugs and Prayers
Posted: September 19, 2017, 9:19 AM

Posts: 354
Joined: January 10, 2016

Great News Parenting
The best thing I have learned about dealing with my son is to ignored the pleading the begging and the guilt trip.

You've done yourself a big service and probably added years to your life :)!!!

My son is currently sober 5 months , he struggles but he has great support and care from an ace dr but it was his choice not mine!! Same with your addict it's gotta be from their heart.

I just saw something about Ohio how bad it is there. A dr said on TV it's got to come from their heart not yours. It's got to be their decision not yours. Same program police chief said 'we can't arrest the problem' So one day I am hoping someone will come up with a plan for our addicts to help them find the way but it can't be us we are only their to love them from afar.

Well done you!!! pompoms are out!!!

Posted: September 19, 2017, 11:45 PM

Posts: 79
Joined: April 11, 2017

Thanks for the inspirational post. My son texted me this morning asking me to take him to the dentist when I know this is just another manipulation after his most recent abusive behavior. What he wants with this dentist visit is for me to take him to dinner and buy him more things he "needs". I finally had the strength to tell him that I was still hurt and upset that he tried to get into my house without permission and put holes in the stucco of my house, which was going to cost me more money after the damage I've already repaired, caused by him. I told him I love him, but I need time to heal and I don't want to be in contact right now. I'm going to keep reading your post for inspiration.
Posted: October 1, 2017, 5:53 PM

Posts: 354
Joined: January 10, 2016

Feels good doesn't it. I know you have a wee kernel of doubt, in case something were to happen. However if it's going to happen, they will find you...They always come back.

J was doing great until this past weekend. He called he was begging for help he was telling us verbally that he was struggling, we couldn't get to the dr. Due to Hurricane Irma Florida is still a hot mess. He slipped. Big time, but he picked himself up. He has left a wake of destruction we have to kinda figure out what to do. As it doesn't impact him, like always it's the people who love him.. He has an appointment with a therapist.
I don't have the tools to help him, his g/f doesn't have the tools. He knows we tried and is greatful and when he screwed up he said ok, I seriously need another way to beat this. So he isn't giving up and that's a battle in itself..

Keep doing what you are doing. It's healthy for you....

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