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Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > The Family's Involvement Detrimental Contributions

Posted by: samegame April 9, 2019, 12:05 PM
Many talk about alcoholism or addiction as a family disease. I don't agree with 'disease', cancer or flu is a disease. BUT families directly or inadvertently contribute, enable or even cause many a problem. I'm not even talking about things like sexual abuse.

The older I get the more I see dysfunction in many families including extended family. I could use clarity instead of dysfunction. One looks at people even friends and family different once they must endure, live with or experience an alcoholic or addicted family.

I see why one family alienated their kids away including not visiting on the holidays. Nor did their adult children really help out during time of illness and injury other than occasional visits. That same family/those people are now alienating other family and friends. As an outsider it wasn't until recently that I and others experienced their crap with much more intensity. They like to scold and lecture. They've always been a bit snobbish but their desire to drive home their point or impose their way/beliefs on others makes it more evident why they alienated their children.

I guess if age and time doesn't cure the addict or alcoholic why should it senior family members or peers. Both are failing to learn, progress, adapt or accept. One might say they are addicted to their mindset.

Posted by: mtnmom April 23, 2019, 8:49 AM
I agree, when my son relapsed this time, I insisted that we all communicate. It prevents our addict from saying one thing to one person & then lying to another. We learned my son was telling everyone that WE cut him out & refuse to help him. After he exhausted us, he "secretly" went to a cousin that is his age, crying hysterically that he needed help & didn't know where to go or who to call. Cousin called her mom & dad who are my age & they stepped up, gave him a place to live, gas for his truck & food to eat. Momma cousin spent 2 days researching rehabs & found a couple where he could keep dog & my son responded "I don't have insurance", so then she spent another "no income" facility for men for rehab & sober living & my son responded "I don't need rehab..." Cousin filled up his tank again (3rd time in 3 days) & fed him & told him to hit the road. It only took her 7 days to realize NOTHING was true...

Posted by: NyToFlorida April 24, 2019, 9:02 AM
a difference between a physical disease and addiction is that when a person has a physical disease they do not treat their family badly mentally and emotionally. They consult with doctors and take medications as needed. (most of the time - of course there are exceptions)

Posted by: NyToFlorida April 24, 2019, 9:24 AM
mtnmom - regarding 'filling up gas tank 3 times in 3 days' !!! I went thru that too one week in February - fill son's tank 3 times in a week. $120. I only use one tank a week to go to work and I drive twice as far as son was. another week he was out of cigs and money. I spent $70 on HIS cigs. I only spend $20 on mine. I was tired of sharing my paycheck when he spent his whole check in a week or less. it is so absurd.... how we let them get us to that point....


Something that helped me was watching youtube videos of recovered addicts. ALL of them said they needed to be sober 100%. when they were not 100% invested in their sobriety, they relapsed. I realized that is true and my son needs to be at that point. he will not have the life he wants until he wants to be sober 100%. this means never another drink or drug. I cant want it for him. HE has to want it. If he does not want it, it is not my fault.