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|Message Board > Families / Partners of Addicts > Is This Common?|
|Posted by: Three boys’ mom April 9, 2021, 5:06 PM|
|After many months of encouraging and pleading, our son has
Agreed to enter rehab Monday. He wanted to finish his weekend work commitments today, Saturday, and Sunday. Of course, he’s been clean for a few days, but today I am sure he is again using. He is still openly discussing rehab, but I am disheartened by today’s relapse. Is this common? Is his
Failure today something we should push? Should we tell him that Monday isn’t an option, and he must instead go today? Looking for understanding of this situation.
|Posted by: Wednesday April 9, 2021, 5:33 PM|
|Hello three boys mom. My son is an addict and we have been through the ringer . We have had him in rehab twice now. And yes he tried to leave at the last minute and also tried to use before he left to go in. I do believe that it has to be his want to go not ours. No matter how much we want it for them. My son told me he went to rehab the first time for me and he relapsed a week after he got home. Your son must want this for him . But if he says he's going and still talking about it that's a positive . im sure Monday seems like a long way away but take it day by day and I really hope to find out that he took that big step towards recovery. This is a hard road for you all and I found it really helpful coming to this site. Stay strong mom . We are all rooting for you and your son. Take care.|
|Posted by: mtnmom April 9, 2021, 6:44 PM|
|good luck mom, that's a great sign that he is choosing to go. I also don't think it is bad that he is setting his own start date. He's having to mentally prepare himself & this is so scary. Make sure you tell how proud you are for making this decision However you may have to set a bottom line for yourself. If you can stick to it - tell him that SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION of rehab is the only way he can live in your house. So Monday is either rehab or moving day. I had to tell my son that he is the only person who can make these decisions for himself & I love him & I will be here to help him get & stay clean but the only help I can give him is a ride to rehab. But you have to be perfectly clear with him & don't make promises or threats you cannot keep. This is real for you too, if you threaten to kick him & then can't, your bottom line doesn't mean anything & as you know, addicts will look for any crack in your armor & use it to their advantage. Don't be embarrassed to get family involved too.|
|Posted by: NyToFlorida April 9, 2021, 11:09 PM|
|I think it may be common for them to use again before going to rehab. Several times my son has gone to rehab, usually as a last resort after everything in his life has crumbled. I would say 3 or 4 times out of 5 he took what ever he could get his hands on hours before he was expected to go. Kind of a last hoorah?
From 2015 to 2019 I think my son went to rehab 4 times, in 2019 he resisted going and ended up in jail for 4 months then rehab 2 months then homeless shelter from end of 2019 to end of 2020.
In my son’s situation, he was going to a dr for medication for a few years in 2017-2019. It was the same drugs he was getting on the street. That made his denial worse. Thru 2020 he worked part time, lived at a shelter. Didn’t have enough money to stay high all the time, he started going to detox on his own several times.
At this time he is living at a sober living house, working full time, and not taking any medication
|Posted by: NyToFlorida April 9, 2021, 11:28 PM|
|If at first he does not succeed, try try again.
I think the rehab experience is cumulative. Some don’t absorb as much as they need to on the first attempt. Some are slower learners. Some need to mature more before they are able to see the advantage of being sober.
I only have my son’s experience to draw on, I think the more heavily drugged they are, the deeper the denial.
Good Luck 🍀 hope your son goes. I remember the first times, I was so nervous and wanted him to go on his terms. Today I think that is not necessary. He needs to go, the sooner the better.
|Posted by: Sallyann April 10, 2021, 9:10 PM|
|Yes I think it is common. My daughter would always binge before she went to the detox center. I think it's great he's agreed to go which is very positive. I too think each experience is cumulative. I hope he continues on a positive path and really wants to work on his recovery.|
|Posted by: jeffreyrunner April 12, 2021, 10:26 AM|
Be strong and set those limits. A lot of good advice here, the sooner you allow him to feel the consequences the better. So sorry u are with us in this crazy train of addiction.
|Posted by: mtnmom April 15, 2021, 9:52 AM|
|To add to what NewYorktoFlorida said - (I also draw from my son's experiences) my son is smart & thought (still does) he is smart enough to 'KNOW' what he has to do. After his last relapse, he would tell family members that he needs to go to rehab because he saw that when he said he needed to get help we would start "helping" & then he'd back out or disappear. When an addict says they want help, some family members will provide a bed, food, gas money, etc. to help them get into rehab. So don't let down your guard until you actually take him to the facility. My son did not have the money or insurance to get into inpatient rehab & went to jail (4 times in 2 months - not for drugs but for violating a restraining order & court order to stay away from a woman). We were paying for the men's sober living house & he did get a job which provided him an opportunity to move to a completely different part of the state. I'm happy to say he is gainfully employed with a company that appreciates & respects him (which really helps his insecurities) and is in a healthy relationship with a woman who is very grounded & also employed :)