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Message Board > Marijuana > 1 Year Weed Clean - My Life Will Never Be The Same


Posted by: bashyy1 December 10, 2012, 3:24 PM
***Post deleted at request of author***

Posted by: gailadk December 11, 2012, 8:49 AM
Ben: First congratulations on doing the next right things. Have you tried NA meetings? You will find hearing and talking with other people going through this comforting and helpful.

Have you ever heard about PAWS=it's symptoms that occurr..usually in moon cycles after heavy drug use. You should look it up knowing this helped my son when he was experiencing this. The harder the use the longer it takes the brain to heal.
It will get better just hang in there.
Living life on life's terms is not an easy feat for an addict but the rewards are more than worth it. You need supports to get you through this and I think that hitting some meetings and developing friendships from people who have good clean time will enable you to get through the rough patches.
This too shall pass.
God bless and congrats again!

Posted by: gailadk December 11, 2012, 8:50 AM
PAWS-Post accute withdrawl symptoms I forgot to add what it was!

Posted by: Guest December 11, 2012, 1:08 PM
Be back later, Ben...lots to say but no time now...

Posted by: earthy_mama January 16, 2013, 9:18 AM
I am just starting my recovery journey but I have read it can take up to 5 years for your brain to go back to it's previously functioning state. The first 2 years are supposedly the hardest. It makes sense though if you think about it.

I've been a hardcore heavy smoker for the last 10+ year and have been using regularly for 23 years. The road is a long one. Good luck and hang in there!

Posted by: samnatha2424 April 5, 2013, 1:00 PM
Well done for giving up for a year you have done so well now at 17 many would say we are still children and don't know ourselves yet so if you started at smoking at 17 they say while your constantly stoned you don't progress mentally while you are stoned so you are still at the mental age of 17 that's ok though you can change this you just need to push yourself to do things I know it is extremely hard but you have to push yourself it's the only way you'll overcome the anxiety I pushed myself to go swimming so I could meet new people and loose weight and get fit at first I couldn't even walk in the swimming pool without my Mum by my side I insisted she meet me outside the doors now a couple of months on I go alone at the start I was so anxious and paranoid on the verge of a panic attack thinking people will think I look fat what if I can't swim this time etc I didn't want to go but I pushed myself and it's done me the world of good now I go there and I still get a bit anxious but I've come on leaps and bounds now obviously you don't have to do the same as me and go swimming but you could go to the gym, take a class, go back to college anything that will help you progress and meet new people. Now when the chance comes to talk to a new person they are either going to think your great or not like you it's nothing to do with you just different people get on with different people so just be yourself if they like you great if not then who cares just keep meeting people untill you find friends never think you sound stupid you are who you are people worth knowing will see through your shyness and see you for the good person you are. Also the frame of mind your in do you think it could be your subconcious telling you this is too hard I don't want to do this I'm too scared I'm going to give up and fall back to how I was if you think this is the case you need to change that line of thought as yes life and social situations are hard and you still have a lot of hard work to do but you can do it you will be happy will just take a bit more time and effort you have come so far already gone through the hardest part don't give up now good luck :)

Posted by: Curious May 28, 2013, 9:38 PM
Ben,....you haven't relapsed....have you? You sounded so negative in your last post and you never mentioned anything about seeking the aid of 12 Step Group Therapy.

Let us know how you are doing

Posted by: Nancy December 4, 2013, 10:30 PM
I have been clean, for a month now, and I feel I will never be the same, I have been a heavy smoker for the past five years, and I feel paranoid and anxious all the time, I have finally started to dream again, but I feel depressed all the time, and feel everyone notices me and it is hard for me to even get up in the morning and want to get out of bed. I am going to try to go to meetings, as I need to be around people who are experiencing the same thing I am going through. I am proud I have not smoked for a month, as my appetite is starting to come back, but I feel my head is not attached to my body, like I do not know who I am anymore, I am so mad at myself for thinking marijuana would never be harmful. I will probably never the same, I cannot shake the depression, that is the hardest part, I just feel like I cannot have any friends, as I am never fun to be around anymore.....

Posted by: Nancy December 4, 2013, 10:39 PM
I wish I could meet you Ben, cause your symptoms are the same as mine, ACTUALLY THE EXACT SAME, ESPECIALLY FEELING LIKE EVERYONE IS WATCHING ME, I TOO, HAVE BEEN TO MANY DOCTORS AND NOTHING TAKES AWAY THE DEPRESSION ANXIETY OR PARANOID FEELINGS, IT IS A NIGHTMARE, IF YOU WANT TO E-MAIL ME, I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE IT, it is broses17@aol.com, as I too feel EXTREMELY LONELY, I COULD USE A FRIEND WHO UNDERSTANDS WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH, I REALLY COULD, CAUSE AT TIMES I WISH I WAS NOT LIVING, AS THIS IS SUCH A NIGHTMARE, I REMEMBER WHEN POT WOULD LET ME FEEL SO AT EASE AROUND PEOPLE, AND WOULD HELP ME NOT BE SO SHY, NOW THAT HAS ALL TURNED AROUND 180 DEGREES, I HAVE TO PUSH MYSELF TO BE AROUND PEOPLE, AND IT IS NOT EASY.....I HOPE AND PRAY YOU WILL E-MAIL ME... NANCY

Posted by: Skakried January 21, 2014, 5:46 PM
Hey Ben , listen , I know quitting weed is hard , trust me , I did it myself. The Weed actually made me paranoid to the point where I would go into full on anxiety attacks/paranoid delusions , not fun . But after I quit I have had one such occurrence , which i managed to suppress. Its difficult I know , but I actually feel like I am getting better somewhat , esspecially when I look at what I was like a year ago.

I hold no resentment towards my friends who still smoke weed or cannabis itself , to be honest its quite rare for people to react to it in the way we have , but it happens , we are just those unlucky cases. I still hang around with the people I used to smoke with , a few times a week actually , but they know I have quit and they don't try to make me smoke it or anything they know what it can do to me . they are actually kinda cool about it all. So I guess not all weed smokers are particularly the "wrong" crowd infact alot of them are quite nice , if slightly unstable for whatever reason it is they are smoking weed. So it goes to show that at the root of it all it is never the people around you that are the problem , it is usually you , I say "no" to myself everyday when they are smoking it (Although it has got to the point where i no longer have to , I can't stand the smell of it anymore) I have my fun on the weekends when I go out to a club , or a party , on a saturday night , drink , dance and be merry. But my experience with weed really shone a light on the addictive streak in my personality and taught me get a hold of it , I now no longer have that problem with things (except cigs , I really wanna quit smoking). Like anyone else I can have a wild night from time to time , sometimes even a wild weekend , but I never drink during the week and I havn't touched cannabis in along time.

Posted by: Jane6 April 15, 2014, 9:07 AM
Ben - I know you posted long ago but I wanted to say to you that you are not alone and I hope you made it through. You shared your story and helped me along my journey. Your shared my story, I never had lots of friends and the ones I had smoked. When you moving to the next level in life, something have to be left behind, but some things have to be looked square in the face and dealt with. It is alright to be who you are.

Posted by: Sara May 4, 2014, 8:17 PM
Hi Ben,

As a weed smoker I can identify exactly what your going through, I've been smoking weed since I was about 15, unfortunately for me I still smoke weed but experience all the things you do daily. My self confidence has dropped to a major level, its got so bad that I hate looking at peoples faces while there talking to me or feel uncomfortable because I feel like their analysing everything about me, I find walking down the street horrible as all I think when I pass a car or people that are walking past me is that their staring at me making a judgement. Its ruined me in a lot of ways. The depression is bad, because even though I'm surrounded by good people I feel like I have no one, my anger issues and temper now make me seem like an uncontrollable, unapproachable b**** no matter how hard I try and consume it, I do this with my parents a lot but experience strong feelings of guilt afterwards. In total I hate living like this and feel I have made my situations worse by what I thought was making me better.

Slowly but surely I will try to give up, but as majority of my family smoke cannabis and so does my partner its easy to buckle to temptation, I hope things get better for you and I'm glad I've read about this as I was starting to think I was the only one

Posted by: Nicola June 10, 2014, 10:41 PM
hey :).. i have smoked weed for 15yrs nw, but in d last 3 yrs iv been goin through a hard time and weed is the only thing that kept me goin maybe because it stopped me feeling all the hurt thats inside me, iv quit jst 4 days ago nd i feel really horrible, iv been crying constanly and i cant eat anyting..im goin to try my best to get through this but its so hard mainly beause i cant talk about it with anyone because i feel like they dont understand whats goin on inside my head they dnt know how hard it is, iv lost alot of friends but more importanly iv lost me.. im very quiet which i hate because i was never like that i try so hard to speak up but i feel my mind has turned to mush i cant think or speak..i dont want to feel like this i wanna be happy i want a new me :(

Posted by: treasure June 18, 2014, 11:15 AM
Hello. Im addicted to weed .It is out of control. This is my first attempt at trying to stop .I started at 23 now 33 this is hard. I do believe in God. And pray. But that does not mean I dont think about it. It has only been two days. And I'm thinking wow this really hurts. I've been vomiting can't eat. Only small bits at a time. Its only been two days. I need help. I'm done from running. Need to get sober

Posted by: Hana June 19, 2014, 6:55 PM
Hey everyone, lol it was weird even typing that cos I dont even have the energy or life in my heart to type a message. I dont know if its the weed but I think so otherwise i wouldnt have searched this on google. I just raised my hand from my laptop and there are puddles of water from the sweat from my hands (I sweat all the time all day every day). I feel like my anxiety is so bad its never gonna go away. I feel so angry like I wanna super sayan into the old me, into a new me just someone that is happy again, that doesnt cry all the time because she doesnt even know how to describe how she feels because theres so much of nothing but so much of everything at the same time??? Do you know what I mean? I just dont wanna lose it, eventhough I already have. I dont even wanna wake up in the morning, nothing excites me anymore, I dont have emotions, its like theres a field of nothingness in me. Its so hard to explain. But its funny because you think nahh weeds good, why does everyone hate, its so relaxing.. Until you actually realise its f***ing you up and you think wow.. Here it is. Heres the outcome of it. s*** really I wana speak to someone but I dont know.. I feel like if I dont help myself on my own with my own like, pushing myself, on my own, you know.. then I wont ever change because even opening up to my parents and them giving me advice I still feel the same. I still feel nothing. I dont know.. I dont know lol my favourite word

Posted by: Enter Name June 23, 2014, 8:14 PM
excuse me but were you high when you wrote your post....all your thoughts seemed to tumble and rotate as if they were oscillating in a mental washing machine...waiting for the second rinse..
The seed of the weed will make you bleed...puff puff...you are gone

Posted by: Kristen June 28, 2014, 8:05 AM
I've been smoking weed everyday, through bongs.
The very first day I had my bong, I weighed about up to 70 kilos, it's been 2 years, first year on and off second, Everyday, I'd finish school smoke heaps go home, sneak out at night smoke some more till past 12 am, getting a lack of sleep EVERYNIGHT, till this day now, I'm not who I am anymore, I feel so unhealthy , I weight 55 now , I lost my appetite and went days without eating,
I feel as I'm not going to be the person I once was, I'm emotional and depressed and have bad anxiety and I'm only 16, I hang out with a bunch of stoners, I don't know what to do with myself so I just smoke weed, I need to start doing things to keep it off my mind but it's hard, I never thought I'd get addicted to weed, I'm stuck in this deep hole and I've lost myself, I hope I'm not going to be like this forever, I'm hoping that my mind doesn't stay as a 16 year old forever.
Has anybody had this experience?
I cry easily now, my body does not feel normal at all !

Posted by: Ditto July 2, 2014, 6:43 PM
Dude, exact same situation right here. Pot was the love of my life. But it's all a deadly facade. It crushed my soul and left me for dead, when I thought it always had my back. I was becoming weird and couldn't seem to conversate with anyone in a normal manner. I was intelligent turned to dumb. I was being a donkey when I thought I was being creative. I was stationary, when I should be steadfast. I had no purpose in life.

BUT, Your brain is the most powerful gift that you have been given. It can heal anything, I repeat ANYTHING, in the human body. It certainly controls everything through nerve impulses and hormones, and regulates all our bodily functions. I'm a medical student, and I assure you the remarkable human body will heal itself as it always strives for equilibrium/homeostasis.

BUT!!! Positive thinking is the key. You must MOTIVATE your brain to heal. DEPRESSION will only fight your progress. That is why when the sick are sad, the sickness rapidly overwhelms them. Don't look to drugs for cures as they are what got you here in the first place! Even if they are prescription, you simply do not know what filthy rich pharmaceutical companies are giving you!!

Be natural. Be organic.
Say whatever comes to your mind and be nice to everyone, greet strangers, even enemies.
Make new friends, you don't need a million, ones enough.
Smile, be happy.
Find hope.
Eat healthy and look after you're body.
Raise a puppy.
Volunteer.
Turn to religion/repent.
Find hobbies upon hobbies. Anything, just ONE at a time, and really aim to be good at it.
Find a cause to stand up for.
Find a job and take vacations.

Realise the world has become a dark place filled with sex, drugs, alcohol, crime, etc. to kill off weaklings like us. But there is still good in people. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Find love in the finer things. Let destiny unravel itself to you.

You're still alive my friend. The possibilities are endless. But you MUST find satisfaction in other things, as now you're brain is programmed to get its good feelings from pot. Slowly but surely, see the goodness in everything pure around you.

People love you, you're family loves you. No matter what. Never forget that and spend time with them. Tomorrow is promised to NONE of us.

Understand that life is what you make it. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Do not think about the past. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened... and everything happens for a reason. You are you... today.

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”

I have put this much effort as I know your pain, and it would break my heart if you hurt yourself from a battle that you can easily win. Pot is like anything else addictive, anything else that takes your money while it kills you. It's not easy, but you MUST, absolutely MUST, believe in yourself. It's all in the mind....

Life is a struggle, we must be strong my friend.

Posted by: Mynameisjosh July 8, 2014, 4:54 AM
It's amazing that a few years later people are still posting on this forum
I have read every single post and it has given me confidence and laughter
In one of my bleakest moments. I just want to thank all you brave people
for baring your souls and making me feel not alone in my situation.

God Bless,
Josh

Posted by: Joseph July 9, 2014, 9:39 AM
Josh,

Based on your previous experience quitting. My question to you is. Does it get better>

Posted by: Big-Bone July 10, 2014, 7:12 AM
I have the experience such as being weird around people.

If you want to get weed rid of your system try driving cranberry juice, vitamin B groups, drinking baking soda might help you too and focus of eating healthy stuff like fruits, cooking meals at home and cutting fast foods (no eating fast foods) hope this helps it has helped me so far even though I only smoked a couple times which was joint and pot.

One last thing I want to say smoking pot is way bad than joint.

Posted by: Sheila July 13, 2014, 12:37 PM
What a great discussion, I'm so glad I came across this. Even though we may feel really crappy, there is some comfort in knowing we are not alone.

Here's my story,

I had the first puff of a joint when I was 16, I got nauseous, threw up, and had some more.
I have been smoking daily ever since. My husband, who as the one that handed me that joint so many years ago, was smoking even years before that. We were daily smokers, wake and bake, a hit every couple hours, and some in between just to "celebrate". It was always fairly easy to get, especially when I got my medical card. When your smoking it just seems normal, you wonder, why is t everyone else doing this, they could be so happy....

It felt great, but never felt real now that I think back on it.

So this is now 15 years later and day 3... We've both quit smoking weed for good. First, we didn't want to be at the mercy of the drug dealers, (now living in a state where it is illegal), second, we were spending waaaaay to much money on it, and third, it was definitely controlling our lives.
We made the decision purposefully when we had the money to buy it. We wanted to feel like we were the ones making the decision and I tell you that was a good start.
The past few days have been straight hell though.
Headaches, body aches, I've probably lost 5 lbs in sweat (Seems like I can't even drink enough water to replace what's coming out, that's most likely where the headaches are coming from).
Not to mention, when your stressed, you digestive system shuts off. We fasted on day one, But even eating on day 2 was a big mistake, we could both just feel all our food just churning and sitting in our guts. Horrible!
I don't think its just a coincidence that this is happening, or it only happens to certain people. I think heavy smokers who say they could quit any time are just deluding them selfs.
It's like the pot was the happiness, it was tricking our brains to be relaxed and happy through artificial means. Now we have to re learn.

I do believe your brain is an amazing source of power. I try to smile at myself in the mirror a lot. I know it sounds silly, but even faking a smile can trigger something good in your brain. Fake it till you make it! ;)

My advice to others, your diet will also be a big help, stay away from stimulants like caffeine and any neurotoxins such as aspartame. Drink lots of water and have lots of fresh fruits and veggies around.


We can do this!



Posted by: ctinm July 15, 2014, 3:17 PM
Hey, i was reading through as typed in google and this page came up. I've been smoking everyday for 6 years now im 24. Ive tried numerous times to stop, once for been nearly a month and it didnt seem that bad, but that was a long time ago!! Today is my attempt again but its so hard my family don't know and u cant really talk to them. I wont go doctors as ive got 2 children and dont want to be looked down on or risking my children been taken away. I cant talk to fella as he smokes it same and for longer than me and his moods are far worse than mine. i feel i can sort of cope with it but i have no choice but to cope.i feel i had some sort depression after my 2nd child, I really dont know what to do! I feel stupid for talking about it even though i need too! Any words or tips will be appreciated x

Posted by: Craig July 22, 2014, 9:07 PM
Hi everyone my name is Craig and I have been a weed smoker for 22 years from the first minute I woke up in the morning till last thing at night all I wanted to do was get high and not have a care in the world.I am currently on day 3 of stopping and I am having a nightmare time trying to sleep the sweats are unbearable and I am thinking to myself you don't have to do this to yourself just skin up and everything will be ok I am not going to I have made myself a promise this time is for good.I have started attending na meetings was at my third one tonight and can I say to anyone who is thinking about attending these meetings please give it a go.This is the first time I have sat in with a group of people and felt like nobody was judging me they were not looking at me and whispering look at the state of him he looks stoned out of his face the usual stigmata that comes with smoking pot.I really feel like with the help from na I am going to beat this evil addiction I also came clean to my two most important family members my wee granny and my auntie who have raised me from an early age this was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do I swear I heard my wee grannies heart break when I told her but she gave me a big cuddle told me she loved me unconditionally and we would get through this together this has gave me a little more strength in my battle against the pot.weed has robbed me of my confidence my drive and the ability to function I couldn't even go to the shops without thinking I need a smoke first I would have one before I left the house before any socialising then sit there paranoid thinking they know I am baked they can smell it off me please don't talk to me till I would leave early to race home to skin up it had totally took control of my mind and body it is horrible but I couldn't stop.I wouldn't want to even try counting how much money I have spent on it over the years as I could easily have bought a very fancy car it is probably the only drug unless you have the same problem as us that people are so ignorant to how can you call yourself a drug addict you only smoke weed I have been in denial for so long and only admitted on my first na meeting on Sunday that my name is Craig and i am an addict when you are ready to say these words you are ready to go into battle to beat this drug I wish I could have discovered na a long time ago but in the other hand I would have probably laughed at you as I was still in full denial I had a problem it has taken me 22 years to realise this please listen to me if I can get through this anybody can I will keep you updated on my progress and if anybody would like to chat about anything I will be here thanks for taking the time to read my post take care



Posted by: DAC July 23, 2014, 1:34 PM
craig

If you have smoked for 22 years you have engrained patterns of behavior and thought which revolve around getting high. The day just seems brighter...food tastes better....movies seem more interesting. Everything seems better when high. So where does this lead?

It leads to living just to get high. Pot smokers can absolutely abuse their drug of choice and still remain fully functionable. Sure, I might look a little sleepy, be a little slower, and not have much energy - but that's about it. It makes me more quiet and inward, more lazy, but beyond that I have not noticed any lingering long term problems.

My problem is I cant seem to smoke in moderation. I go 2-3 months sober and seem to hit a point where I get really down about life. Not sure if this is withdrawal related , or something else, but I get really depressed about 2-3 months out. It's at this point I go back to smoking and the first instant I feel the effects I think, "Why was I sooooo down?". It provides instant relief for what I call depression and I begin to question why I ever needed to quit. All I need to do is just smoke once a day and it becomes like a medicine in how it relieves my anxieties.

But I cant stick to just once a day. I have that excessive personality that goes to extemes with things like this. Very shortly after starting , I slip into all day use. I actually enjoy this for a week or two, but then my tolerance shoots way up and I have to start smoking A LOT to continue to feel the effects. So after 2-3 weeks it becomes too expensive, too draining, too distracting, but the real kicker is that I dont get all that high when my tolerance is up. It becomes a waste of time and money.....so I quit....then repeat the cycle.

I have had a temporary peace about this type of use. I say temporary because I experienced real addiction with the synthetic, and the weed has helped me ease out of those withdrawals in a way that is similiar to a 'taper down' approach to quitting. But I dont plan to continue this indefinately. It actually builds my self confidence knowing I CAN and DO lay it down any time I want...that confidence hopefully keep me away completely.

Pot smoked after a long absence can be VERY enjoyable when you smoked a lot prior to quitting. But these effects diminish fairly quickly, and I understand that what I experience after a few weeks of binging is not even really getting high for the effect - its simply a habit. I dont even enjoy it all that much after a few weeks, it just seems weak.

A big question to answer? Can you be a pot smoker in the open, to friends and family? or are you too ashamed? Does it still have to be a secret that you smoke? If you cant own what you do publicly - maybe you shouldnt do it. If you CAN own it - use it in moderation if you want, just be aware of the consequences of being caught. Pot isnt heroin, meth, crack, or even alcohol...the most harmful consequence of pot use is getting arrested or losing a job because of a failed drug test. But psychological dependence is a real danger with pot. It's easy to believe that you need the drug more than you really do.

You get through this by asking every question you can think of, and getting all the information that is relevant to substance abuse. The void from not using gives you time and energy to do this now....fill your time getting answers - it helps!


Posted by: L.. July 26, 2014, 7:08 PM
wise words from Ditto, I''ve been off of cigarettes, weed, alcohol and cocanine for the past 8 days and feel hella awesome..! Ditto's comment has touched me the most and has inspired me to continue with my soberty, it's all in the mind! Stay positive mates

Posted by: Josh July 30, 2014, 7:31 AM
Joseph,

Thanks for your question. I have actually never had a relapse before, so i'm just as new to this as you are unfortunately. I had only just started smoking towards the end of august last year and quit in june after having sort of a mental breakdown from smoking too much in one sitting. I had taken a long look at my life, and i realized my excessive drug use was just me trying to avoid being apart of life, and the loneliness was killing me. I have recently just got a new job and have found a new hobby through learning to play the piano. It's only been a month, but since I have given up smoking, I would say it has gotten better, i am finding joy in my life by doing things i am passionate about, and not the pressures of what i feel are expected of me, and while it is a long and hard road, in the end i know i will be a better person for it, and so will you Joseph. Find people that love you and care about you and let them help support you, or even this community, you're not alone. We are in the same boat my friend. If you or anyone else reading this wants to talk, i am here for you.

Posted by: Joey July 30, 2014, 12:00 PM
You quit smoking weed, yet you take all those prescriptions from the doctors. Dude that s***s is way worse for you. You're lonely since you quit smoking because you told all your friends to hit the road. Dude I hang out with my stoner friends even when we don't smoke. I've never gotten the sweats, shakes, insomnia or any of that s***. You p**** you're the reason me and other people I know are wrongly told we're addicted.

Posted by: DAC July 30, 2014, 7:58 PM
Josh

Is this the same Josh from the synthetic weed forum? If so, good to hear from you. You said you gave up smoking only recently? Just curious...

Joey

Although I agree with the sentiment about anti-depressants, I wouldnt condemn people who are struggling for answers and end up following a doctors advice. Having said that - I have a family member going through SEVERE withdrawals because he is tapering down off long term use of an antidepressant. Very scary stuff - almost had to be hospitalized and he has been completely off it for a whole month , but he started to quit back in January. His advice? He would NEVER take another again even if he was facing death...

You measure how bad an addiction is in the withdrawals - he claims his withdrawals to be worse than heroin.

just sharing...


Posted by: JimmyTheHand August 5, 2014, 7:43 PM
Hi Guys,

Im 31 and have been smoking weed pretty much everyday since i was 15, probably earlier. I've been marijuana free for 1 month exactly today, and i feel like s***e but I'm slowly feeling better, (things seem clearer and I'm not second guessing myself or being too self critical). The past 10 years are just a blur to me, smoking upwards of 1/2 oz of skunk in an average week. Started on rocky which was no where near as strong as the green I've been blazing for the past god knows how many years.

Its a real inspiration to read about what other people are going through and that I'm not alone and that my withdrawal, whilst eating away at me, is no where near as bad as others, for which I'm eternally grateful. I think im really lucky I've not had to stop due to serious mental health problems. Ive not had any major panic attacks and any anxiety i have, i seem to be able to deal with ok and maybe I'm used to it living with weed for so long. Im just done with how i function on a life of dope.

Ive f***ed up relationships with decent women, lost touch with most of my friends and began to struggle with little things that never would bother me. Im touchy, moody, irritable, and generally depressed, i never used to be any of these things. Weed really has turned me into an arsehole slowly but surely. Ive wanted to stop for years and the longest I've gone is 2 weeks, but now i feel totally different about it, and I'm ready for the change.

This may sound weird and cheesy but last month we went to Amsterdam for a friends 40th. Being there and buying and smoking freely changed how i see myself and dope. To the locals there its the same to go and have a joint in a cafe as it is here to go to a bar and have a beer. But from all the people i met there, not one had an addiction like me or my friends. Its purely a social part of their lives.

They couldn't believe that we smoked every day of every week of every year (My friend who has just turned 40 has been smoking since he was in school too, much longer than me) i guess all these years of not being happy with myself has finally hit home since I've been back. I returned home wishing i could just go back to a few joints a week and keeping it under control. (Still romanticising over cannabis) After this last month of hell i now see that this can never be, i need to get free for good otherwise I'm just setting myself up for a harsher fall in the future. I never would've thought that a week in Amsterdam would bring me to my senses after so many years and make me want to break free and be done with the crap you put on yourself being a stoner. I don't mean any disrespect by that to people who still smoke weed but I'm done.

Anyway, i just wanted to say that things are starting to feel much better now. The first few days i would throw up anything i tried to eat. Even a glass of water would make me gag. Now though, no more stomach ache, headaches, runny nose, legs don't ache, craving for a joint is about half as strong as it was on day 1, but still there, but now they are a reminder of how stupid id be to go back to my ways.

The worst thing by far is insomnia. One month on and i think I've had about 10 hrs sleep on average per week. Its killing me. Sat staring at the clock at 4am having had no sleep knowing my alarm will sound for work at 7am, that in itself would've been the reason for me to relapse but I'm doing my best to be strong and keep my sanity. Another problem which persists are the night sweats, man is my body doing its best to sweat this s*** out, if i do sleep i wake up drenched. Im hoping these will lessen over time. But overall i think its still a small price to pay to help me get myself back together. I know its early days yet and I'm well aware that the worst may still be yet to come with PAWS, but after one month i feel like a new man compared to when i was lighting up in dam square. One thing i have noticed which is rarely mentioned, is i have a sense of de ja vu nearly all the time. Guess its my brain playing catch up.

I just wanted to share my experiences with my demons, and tell people that are running low on hope that things do improve. Ive smoked weed for longer than i haven't smoked weed, 16 years and I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is just a flickering candle.

Green tea and cranberry juice made me feel a whole lot better so they are definitely worth a try for people still struggling with nausea.

Thanks for everyones stories and being able to relate and making me feel less of a junky. Made a world of difference reading these posts to my wellbeing and good luck to anyone who's battling with themselves, its all baby steps so far but things look better than they have in a long while.

Cheers.

Posted by: DAC August 6, 2014, 12:09 AM
Jimmy

I applaud your approach and attitude in regards to quitting long term use.

You mentioned that when in Amsterdam you saw a different attitude towards pot. People dont seem to have the addictions we have in this country when they dont have to worry about getting arrested. When illegal, people buy in greater quantities, put more of a stigma on smoking, and usually live a secret life to friends and family....it just seems to be dishonest.

The same can be said for alcohol in European countries. With no drinking age in some countries, people dont see it as such a priveledge...and tend not to abuse it as much. I guess the same goes with pot in the Amsterdam cafes. No novelty, no mystery, and consequently - not as much abuse.

So if this is the longest you have stopped - keep at it. I quit smoking for most of my 30's, and if I hadn't, I would been in much worse shape as a result.

So keep working though it - the worst part is already behind you. If like me, you wont hardly think about it at all when sober - which is where you want to be.

Posted by: Confusion August 12, 2014, 5:44 AM
Hey all. Im a college student and have quit for about 4 months now.

Everyday I wake up unsure how the day will play out. Some days I get this sense of clarity where my life is normal again and I feel and react as I know I want to, but it only lasts a few hours. Afterwards I go into the fog feeling in my head and about the objects around me.
I feel as though Im living in a waking dream, unable to really form memories or remember things even when I stare at them determined to do so. Everything is almost like a movie. Its there, happening. I can see that, but its not happening to me. Just around me. I am obviously taking part, but I dont feel connected. Its hard to explain and hopefully some of you have experienced it.
In short it feels like when you drive somewhere out of habit; you dont notice whats going on really and before you know it youre at your destination, but cant remember the ride there. Only difference is I am trying to force myself to notice but just cant seem to.

When I have that clarity though its like I just woke up after a year. A regular drive around town becomes amazing as I actually notice things such as the trees I drive past, the people moving about, ect. I will suddenly just get this shock and randomly I am no longer just sitting, but I am sitting at my computer, in my room, with coffee in front of me and the smells I somehow didnt even realize were there are all hitting me. Its like I suddenly snap back into existance.

Anyway, was hoping somebody could offer me a timeline on how long it takes to get back to normal? or anything that helps it along. I am 23 and have college to push through still and this obviously makes it incredibly hard.

I smoked for about 2 and a half years. years that seem like they werent real even... Glad to provide any info more than whats posted. Just hoping for some help.

Posted by: DAC August 12, 2014, 8:58 AM
confusion

Read up on PAWS, it will help explain some of what you are going thru. Stick with sobriety, you are in college and are forming the career and life you will have the next several decades. You want to be clear headed - pot will just make you content with whatever you have at the moment - so focus on your future and dont smoke.

TO ALL

I have been watching the sad news of Robin Williams suicide. I see many similiarities between his story and my own. He was one of the most 'manic' comedians in the business....but he also suffered from depression. On a personal level he was very sensitive, easily got his feelings hurt, and had a low self worth. Despite all his success in life, it was never enough because of the inner demons he was battling throughout his life.

He had battled alcohol & other addictions throughout his life. People who knew him said he suffered from SEVERE depression the last decade. He again had problems with alcohol and explained that, "he hadnt confronted the underlying issues at the root of addiction." People think when they quit for an extended time they are cured....but you are NEVER cured if you are one of these people. Addiction is a disease that is based on chemical imbalances - people try and level out their chemicals with one drug or another, but in the end the more you mess with your head - the worse you will be long term.

Depression is a real problem in this country. Society will tell you its OK to take 'legal' drugs to combat it, while condemning the 'illegal' drugs people try and medicate themselves with (like pot). The truth is that it doesnt matter whether legal or not - in the end both paths lead to drug dependence and further chemical imbalance. The only way to avoid the pain of reality....is to never experience reality. So if you are medicating to solve depression, you almost have to continue to do so forever to avoid your true feelings.

I have someone in my family, much older, and has known me her whole life. Very religious, and VERY against marijuana....but she also takes several prescriptions for pain and depression. She is hopelessly addicted to modern medicine ....oxy for pain, ambien for sleep, and a 'coctail' of antidepressants that have turned her into a mental zombie. She wants to quit, and will most likely have to go to a rehab to do so....from 'doctor approved' LEGAL medicine.

I'll wrap this up for now - I could go on forever. People who read my long posts know how long winded I am. I've been called manic. I too am very sensitive, easily hurt, get angry/frustrated with the hurt, and when I internalize this anger/frustration....depression. If you ever saw Robin Williams do one of his hyperactive interviews....that's me in real life. I talk way too much ( as evidenced by my writing), and as a result find it hard to keep people's attention when thinking about all the various angles of whatever topic I am talking about. People who are around me put up with it when its good or funny....but when I had my downspell a few years ago they quickly tired of my endless self analazations. They stopped listening - so I stopped talking. I have written over 1000 pages , answered 5000 blogs, and have had endless converstations with people outside my family since then. My conclusion? I need places like this to vent and write observations because I will simply wear out people in person - especially if the talk is of addiction.

So dont stop listening to loved ones and their problems - even if you think you are covering the same old ground over and over. And if you cant talk to anyone else , find outlets that will give you some sort of feedback - it helps to write out feelings. This site has really helped...

Posted by: moderator August 13, 2014, 8:45 PM
Blue,

We moved your post to it's own thread called "Blue's Post" under "Families/Partners of Addicts"

the moderators

Posted by: girltoday August 13, 2014, 10:15 PM
Please know that you are a savoir to some, as when speaking of the "SPICE" which was it was called during my day. I found your posts to be informative and truthful, so please keep sharing your story.

Posted by: DAC August 14, 2014, 9:09 AM
girltoday

Simple words of encouragement mean a lot to me - Thanks

I had the worst Spring of my life this year...I have not even attempted to write about it yet. Hard to even talk about it.

but thanks for the post :)

Posted by: ozzie August 27, 2014, 2:25 PM
I have stopped smoking weed after 14years everyday my main problem started after I went to Australia where the weed is A GRADE spent 300 dollars a week on a ounce now im back in south Africa trying to find the same but stopped about a month ago since stopping I attacked one of my clients tried to throw him off a 4 storey building ,hate my sister who I have always had a close relationship with ,told most of my friends to f off and am really thinking of just offing myself am really starting to think will lose all if I don't start smoking again it is a month now but im losing it day by day more and more

Posted by: Amir September 2, 2014, 12:17 PM
Hi Ben and everyone else who is reading this,

Before I get into anything I wanted to thank you and everyone else who posted in this message board. I thought I was alone until today.

I am currently on day 8 of my journey to recovery. It was been one of the toughest things I've ever had to do in my entire life.

I started smoking weed when I was 17 after school because I felt as if it was an escape from reality (whether I realized it then or not). I was considered a "smart kid" in high school but when I went off, on my own, to university I had no money to smoke and I hated it. I started selling "cherries" to feed my addiction for both weed and money. It started out small, with small amounts of "cherries" and than I started selling more and more. The more I sold the more I smoked. It got to the point where I was a junior in college and selling amounts I don't care to post on message forum (But it was a lot). About 2 years in my parents started asking questions. "Where is all this money coming from" " Why don't you ask us for anything any more?" I didn't have answers to the questions. They assumed I was selling "cherries" and they assumed correctly. We barely spoke over the next 2-3 years and I began smoking all day everyday and nothing was gonna stop me. I had this blind confidence that I was unstoppable and it wasn't until I had a gun pointed at my head, not once, but three times, until I decided to quit selling "cherries". The third time was pretty dramatic. They Stole everything I had from me and I didn't know what I was gonna do. Who was there to pick me up... my mom and dad.

After quitting selling "cherries" my parents and allowed me back in the house after graduation. I had a job about 4 months after I graduated university… got fired after 2 weeks. At this point dabs were in play. Thankfully, I only smoked dabs for about 4 months before I realized I had started selling again so I could dab for free. I realized thats how it started with weed and I wasn't going to let that happen again.

I am now 22 years old. I have no money and no life plan. It has been about 6 months since I stopped selling "cherries" (8 days quitting smoking) and my confidence and motivation have plummeted while my depression has sky rocketed. I too have the feelings that if something bad was to happen to me I could just off my self and that would be that. Would I actually do it… probably not, but the fact thats even a thought that crosses my mind scares the living s*** out of me.

Thankfully my sleeping schedule isn't miserable anymore but I had a couple nights where I was sweating buckets in my sleep. Absoloutley drenched in sweat in the middle of the night, tossing and turning, it was miserable. My sleeping schedule still isn't perfect and I may wake up a couple times in the middle of my sleep…. but I am going to sleep with out smoking or anything else. The first couple days after my withdrawal symptoms I had used nyquil and that worked well for me but realized I want to be all natural from now on and stopped using it. Sleeping is hard but not the toughest thing in the world. At the end of the day you need sleep so I fall asleep.

I hope that one day my drive and motivation come back once day but I know it won't happen overnight. To try and cope I have been going to the gym everyday and trying to begin the process of becoming a personal trainer. I hope to go to grad school but i can't even bring my self to start studying again because I am so terrified of failing. The last thing I need right now is to deem my self a failure. I figure if I can at least feel good about my body thats a start. Without the support of my parents I'd be in jail right now. I couldn't thank them more for everything they have done for me. And one day I will repay them. I hope everyone hear has some kind of support system whether is be your friends, AA meeting, family, or whatever. No one should have to do this alone I hope that all of you can kick this god awful habit no matter how f***ing glorious it may seem.

Good luck to all of you. I'm with you in the struggle.

Posted by: Papa Bear September 2, 2014, 1:56 PM
All the folks that I know who got and stayed clean/sober are in AA/NA.

We are sick people and can't beat this (addiction) by ourselves.

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: Guy September 3, 2014, 5:31 PM
That is the most weak minded thing I've ever heard. Just because you can't kick the addiction doesn't mean others can't. Post something positive if you are gonna post ima forum like this you scrub

Posted by: DAC September 5, 2014, 10:13 AM
Different approaches to quitting work for different people. Rehab and AA have worked for many - but they arent for people like me at all. If you 'believe' in something enough you can overcome just about anything in life. Belief in God, self, medicine/therapy , etc. It's up to the person making the decision and the type of personality they are.

Remember, sugar pills cure as much depression as prescription anti-depressants in many test groups. The placebo effect was as effective as real medicine in making people feel better....a cure when dealing with depression and anxiety.

just sharing...

Posted by: Jonny September 5, 2014, 12:45 PM
Mindfullness meditation has done wonders for me. I also left school and had a "first love" end on my own terms (so I could go out and make love to who ever I wanted, turns out not so good bro) the problem was my mind set. On my whole reward system. Pot makes you uber aware of your environment but it drains on your brain and it is doin the repair phase that you feel miserable becuase your brain has been so often abused for pleasure. Any way I was really depressed (especially after I had been using hash concentrate most of the time I was smoking near the end) and I thought I was also intellectually deprived and messed up emotionally. Mediation... Meditation.. Can't stress it enough it literally felt like parts of my brain that I hadn't used for years suddenly woke up. If you can download the meditation program "Headspace" it will teach you how to meditate and learning how to was a big stumbling block fr me until I found this Andy fellow who developed this app/ program "Headspace" best of luck bro!

Posted by: HelpMeQuit September 18, 2014, 5:47 AM
Hello, I am 29 years old and like many of you that have posted here; I started smoking when I was in high school. My story and and struggle is very similar to most of yours. I have often times tried to quit and never been successful, all my friends smoked and whenever we made plans to do anything lighting up a blunt was almost assuredly involved.

I went on vacation to India on August 27th of this year (about 3 weeks ago) and did not smoke the day before my trip nor today when I arrived back home. I have a bag of weed about 2 feet from my right hand and a slip of rolling papers under this keyboard. I have a small urge to roll up because I am jet lagged and have nothing else to do since its 5:23 A.M. and I woke up 3 hours ago. I am very fortunate for as of yet I have not had some of the severe side effects that some on this forum have described. I really feel I have a shot of quitting this time, although I am not very confidant of my will power. And fear my weakness will force me to give in now that I am back in the states with friends who smoke.

I used to be a genius and had the best memory out of anyone I knew. I remember once my friend was watching a show and it was a rerun of Spin City that I had already seen and I just felt like showing off and I went on to say line for line every word right before the actors said it on the screen for the next 5-10 mins until i got bored. A month ago I could start a conversation and be talking in length about something and half way through forget the whole point of why I had brought it up.... I was really ashamed of myself for how I had wasted the gifts God had been so generous to provide me.

I have begun to read "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg to better get a grasp for my addiction and hopefully learn new ways of breaking my poor habbits (weed is only one). Although I have only just started reading it I found the prologue to be most helpful and motivating. I also work at a gas station that is family owned where half my customers are pot heads. I used to also sell weed from my store due to this and didn't care if it the guys hanging around my store were smoking a cig or a blunt. It was all the same to me. I have not gone to work yet since I just landed about 12 hours ago and am very fearful that I might give in when I return to my job tomorrow. I really am nervous.

I am also motivated by the fact that I an now at least recall some of my dreams. And now though I may forget my point when linking two different things in a conversation I can more often than not remember what it was if I take a few secs to try and remember. I seem to differ from most of you in that when I was high I felt my anxiety and insecurities instead of now when im trying to quit. Even in the airport I had multiple conversations with strangers and exchanged stories of my travels and was eager to listen to theirs. I can't seem to remember some of their faces however and that scares me because I used to never forget a face. Now people come up to me often that seem to know me and I have no clue who they are although that may be in part due to my job. Seeing hundreds of new faces every day while high prolly took its toll on me.

I found that even now however, only a month after quitting my memory is improving that really helps me in wanting to continue to aspire to be drug free. I have read some of your stories and it gives me strength in knowing others are going through similar tribulations and coming out ok. It saddens me to think of how foolish I was to even start, but you can't change the past only mold the future and that is what I am attempting. I am getting married very soon and will have kids shortly after that God willing. I want to be a good father so that also strengthens my resolve because I want to be a role model for my children and that's a tough roll to play for a stoner.

I really enjoyed the post by Ditto on the first page of this post and will likely read it again after writing this post, if anyone is reading this and wants to quit I suggest not over thinking it and going with your gut. Also vacationing with non stoner friends/family to a place where weed is not easy to come by is also very helpful. I dont know what else to say, but I thank those of you that have left positive feedback and remarks to the OP although I am ashamed to admit I have already forgot his name but if I had to quit (Jeff or Simon). Likely I am wrong and yea I just want to get my life in order and reading stories of people with similar goals has really helped me thank you all.

Posted by: Andy September 19, 2014, 1:12 PM
Did win some Go-Chess against experts while stoned. The next games I'd quickly lose because the experts would consciously copy that same strategy my high brain spontaneously (and unconsciously) thought up..

Bong hits (especially of wax) or over-ingesting edibles make for a glass (sexy or redeyed) eyed moron disposition leaving the user feel like they're traveling far and fast when actually going nowhere (ideas with no action). Couldn't get anything done on the stuff even though the ideas came so I haven't used for a long time.

It's probably a bad idea to mix with alcohol- I've noticed drunk stoners are fairly stupid.

Posted by: olive September 21, 2014, 12:03 AM
I'm glad that so many people are reaching out for help and sharing their stories.
It does get easier, but I find that having patience with myself is the hardest thing.
I've got nearly 11 months free & clear, for the first time in 7 years. It feels great but I do wonder about my continuing side-effects of recovery such as paranoia, anxiety, and sleep disordered.
It is helpful to hear that those can go on for quite a while....
I hope we all continue to work through it. There is Marijuana Anonymous in many states, worth checking out if you can. They also have online meetings.
buddha bless,
-o

Posted by: Blacktopazjazz September 21, 2014, 9:51 AM
I have something to tell you brother, you are not stupid. You need to know that. You are an addict. I feel you personally need to surround yourself with possitivity like the way you'd always smoke weed. Any time you think of weed, find something funny on the internet, or go to a park and watch people and wish them well as you watch them. Put good stuff in your mind and heart. It's contagiuos and it'll give you good feelings while your brain recovers from all the years of wreckless smoking. Stay away from drugs for now. Put your self into your jobs. Focus on laughing as much as you can. And excersize a few times a week. Jumping rope is a good way. Do this all and you're on your way. The rest is up to you. You will then control your own destiny. You can do it! I'm proud to be a human being when I see people like you being real and honest and really trying to be more. Look for a purpose in life. You may find it is more about others than yourself. That will also help you to stop abusing yourself, so that you can be there for others. Love you man. You're on the path...Keep going!

Posted by: DAC September 21, 2014, 8:59 PM
Great to hear from everyone...keep sharing.

Staying positive is very important when staying clean. I know that I seem to put off more when smoking and dont get much done. Then, when I quit I feel like crap for a few days and still wont get much done. I've found that I have to make myself follow a few routines or not much changes from when I was smoking. Exercise is CRUCIAL... I have to admit, in the beginning it can be rough, but my first goal was to just run 5 min a day.....5 MIN!! that's it , and I still had trouble starting.

And Andy? Yes...the high with ideas going nowhere thing you mentioned? SOOOOOO true with me. I have all these great plans and ways to start businesses...but no energy or action to pursue them. At some point I just have to put everything away for a while, roll up my sleeves, and knock out some of the workload I've been putting off. Which is where I am currently...

Sober...unmotivated...but aware I need to get some things done NOW, rather than later or nothing will change.

For me it's about momentum...Currently I have it moving in the right direction - so I dont want to jeapordize with going back to my familiar routing when smoking.

Posted by: Niks September 22, 2014, 6:49 AM
Hey mate, i can help you.... if you see this, email me. ptcuser3@gmail.com
I was in same place, i know how it feels.
I fixed myself, i can help you too.

Posted by: thomas September 26, 2014, 4:01 PM
It gets better over time, also try eating healthy and exercising. After quitting weed I had tons of anxiety and panic attacks, hating to even go out in public, had trouble focusing and concentrating, my conversational skills were s***. but its nothing you can't get back.

Its been about a year since I've quit and its been complete hell, but I can feel my concentration improving, my anxiety lessened and lessened as time went on, as of July I have had zero panic attacks. I'm getting my confidence back and socializing a bit more. I started going walking regularly in April of this year, and my energy levels and brain improved over time.

So don't expect to get better overnight, just everyday eat healthy, take vitamins, fish oil, exercise, drink water, and cut out mindless s*** like TV or movies that don't engage the brain. do games like tetris, chess, board games, sudoku, word searches, ad libs, the card game memory, also what helped me was writing down goals for the future often until my memory recovered.



Posted by: DAC October 1, 2014, 9:15 AM
good advice Thomas

I can relate to the anxiety/depression thing you mentioned. I think in the short term pot can decrease these things, but in sobriety the anxiety and panic attacks you mentioned are much worse in severity because of the drug use. I extend this theory to the prescription remedies as well. The people I know who have addictions to these meds also experience much more anxiety and panic during the withdrawal phase than they did prior to becoming addicted.

Body chemistry is just that. Drugs are a supplemental chemistry that can have both good and bad effects. Take away the drugs, and you need to help yourself heal by eating right, exercising, and by using the mind to communicate and relate with others. All of these behaviors have a positive chemical effect on the brain and will help you recover much faster.

Unfortunately, most people in recovery mode will isolate (or be isolated), not take care of themselves physically, and mentally berate themselves for having got into trouble with drugs in the first place. They feel awful and self loathing....which leads to a profound sense of regret and anxiety....then they slip back into use.

If struggling to stay clean, understand what will make you feel better and start doing it. Because if you do nothing to get better, you will get tired of feeling down, and you will end up falling back into use. We all get sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. And when there is a pill...or a little smoke to make it all go away?

Get busy living....or get busy dying.

Posted by: J October 5, 2014, 8:50 PM
Have just read through all the posts and whilst I don't enjoy hearing of others hardships it feels good to know I'm not alone. I'm 32 next month and I've smoked every day for about 17 years. Wake and bake, smoke at work, then hit it hard in the evening. I managed to quit a couple of times in the past but just replaced the weed with heavy drinking and it wasn't long before I was back smoking again. I have noticed that my personal relationships have suffered down the years because of my lack of effort to do things other than sitting around getting high. I have a gorgeous girl who I've been with for 7 years and i recently looked through old messages on Facebook and my phone and noticed that a lot of messages she'd sent me had gone unanswered, i was obviously doing something that was better than talking to the best thing that ever happened to me. I made a big effort to be more involved in things and life has improved but i now realise that the weed was the reason I wasn't as interested as i should've been. So I've quit again and this time I mean it!

I've now been 6 days without a doobie and tbh my head is all over the place. Sleep has gone out of the window and I've been quite snappy at times. I have a huge amount of energy and can't switch off! But i know it will pass and i know I'll get better. I think that going to some meetings will help me get through this so i think i will try that. I've been going to the gym and cleaning a lot, and my dog has been going for lots of walks! Just trying to do positive things and visiting friends and family and all the stuff you can't be bothered to do whilst high. I feel better already. I know I can do this!

Try to stay positive people and whatever you do don't have a smoke! Much love to you all :)

Posted by: DAC October 6, 2014, 11:50 AM
J

Smoking pot is like taking a mental nap sometimes. We all like naps, but if we do nothing but take them all day long very little gets done. It's a shame that 'just a little' pot every now and then is so hard to pull off. It usually ends to all-day-every-day smoking most of the time.

At your age I would highly recommend taking a long extended break from smoking. When I was younger I was very aware of my work ethic while high. I could get the required stuff done - but I had NO desire to do much extra. If you havent started a family or are unsetteled about your work, marijuana will make all those things much harder to achieve.

If you slip up or have tough times - write about it, it helps others AND helps you as well.

Posted by: My name is also josh October 7, 2014, 3:53 PM
Hi guys, reading these post they all make sense, i have also been going through alot of these symtoms recently, googling about mental illness, litterally driving myself crazy, think like the above has said 'i hope i dont stay this way' im hung up on coughing and sniffing, i have a really supportive family but im too blind to see it. im very hostile about every thing! i split up with my girlfriend weed litterally has f***ed me up FOR NOW i wont let it, im trying to fight all the things that are trying to weaken me, i used to be a hillariously funny guy with amazing social skill, im now a shy mess and can barely keep a conversation going about my wishes and beliefs, i just seem to want to talk about whats going on in my head and they are depressing symptoms usually, know one who is happy wants to talk about these subjects as i remember the way people used to when i was ' normal' reading these comment gives me great belief i can beat the depression and paranoid mentally i current possess. hears to positive vibes and good mental health. i hope it comes sooner :)

Posted by: DAC October 8, 2014, 10:31 AM
alsojosh

When you first quit marijuana after a long spell of smoking you will go through the depressing feelings you describe periodically. You were in a 'good mood' artificially when you were smoking , and now you can replace the good mood so easily - it takes work. You have to get out and socialize, become involved in things, have conversations with people. Your old self will come back.

The brain gets out of equilibrium when it has been exposed to a drug for any extended length of time. It does return to normal , but it takes time. If pot were in pill form from a prescription , you would take a lower dose progressively over time to bring yourself back into equilibrium. But pot doesnt come in a form that allows you to do this. I have answered this problem with only allowing an 'escape' once a month (I keep trying to stretch this). This is dangerous though, I wont lie. You realize how much you like it when you smoke it again....it's that REALLY 'good mood' feeling where life seems so much more hopeful and bright. But it's too easy to fall back into every day use - so dont play around with this unless you have no other option.

The funk you feel is from your brain chemistry being out of whack. Worrying that you have done irrepperable damage, and you will never be normal again only heightens the anxiety you already feel because you dont have your 'feel good' crutch. Marijuana can make you falsely content, this means you put off things you shouldnt. So if it cost you a relationship , or job, or other things in your life you will blame yourself intensely, and the regret will make you feel down the way you describe.

Just do the things that promote mental health....read up on neuroplasty...PAWS...go to sites like lumosity and attempt to improve your mind. This is fixable - give it a try.

Posted by: Romell October 8, 2014, 10:51 AM
I'm on day 38 bt feeling post acute withdrawal symptoms n its like i have no energy bad sleep i been smoking since 19 bt picked up more around 22 when my mom passed away n when my son was born i previously quit last year around 420 up til like my bday on july 25 n by August i picked back up using it heavy then cut back from 3 a day to 2 a day then i would make myself wait to get sum more weed .....i was ok last week and before after my 2 weeks sober bt the symptoms eased back up on me. I have no energy i get out n walk i been taking multi vitamins from when i 1st quit im wondering when i will feel better i've been eating healthy n still getting these symptoms why i should've quit last year y i was feeling awsome bt i thought i could control it bt relapse hit me i c n times fly when u smoke bt when it comes to recovery its seems to be more slower n not as fast as when smoke. Im experiencing all the withdrawal symptoms this has to offer. It would just help to hear someone story on recovering how long did it take for these symptoms to lessen. Just went to nothing bt energy and doing good n back to being s***ty as if i were in my 1st week. Words of enlightenment would help. Thnks and god bless

Posted by: DAC October 11, 2014, 11:19 AM
Romnel

The depression/anxiety phase is just part of the quitting process. It is different with each person. I would experience this as well - it seemed to get the worst around 6-8 weeks. A lot of the times I went back to smoking were about this time. I have gone through this without giving in though, and when I stayed away for 8 months at a time each year I seemed to get completely over the depression as well.

Unfortunately, the 'bottom' we all talk about sometimes isnt reached until AFTER quitting the drug. Keep sticking it out - it WILL get better.

Posted by: Papa Bear October 11, 2014, 11:42 AM
Quitting is one thing. Staying quit is another thing.

Go to an open NA/AA meeting and talk to the oldtimers there who have been clean/sober for 20-30 yrs. They will explain the recovery process to you.

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: warren October 12, 2014, 7:00 PM
crazy........didnt realise other people were struggling as much as me. smoked weed daily for 20 yrs and been clean for almost a year, but am under the care of mental health services for anxiety, depression, paranoia etc. i too championed weed for years but in all honesty it has ruined my life and my families. i only hope things will improve for myself and everyone on here who is struggling especially with the whole identity crisis thing, its just so effin aweful.

Posted by: Bulby October 15, 2014, 6:29 AM
Dear Ben,

I know it is a long time since you last posted but I wanted to congratulate you and check how you are getting on.
I am not personally a smoker (just evil cigarettes) but my boyfriend is/was.
He has stopped for little under a month and although i know it is hard for him, he is driving me insane.
He was smoking for perhaps under 10 years daily, several joints a day. i could not even tell you how many, aside from that when I was home after work, he would smoke around 4, so not sure how many would have been before that.
Ever since he stopped, he has had incredible mood swings and anger that he directs at me. It is very hard for me to handle and although I am willing to help, his newly found mean streak is getting too much for me.
He turned from lazy but sweet and caring to mean and nasty. he told me the worst things I have ever heard such as "I could not have children with you, you wear glasses and your dad is bald", or constantly calls me stupid or gives out about very minor things. I know he has no job at the moment and he is trying to get himself back on tracks but there is so much I can take and I feel bullied and hurt on a daily basis.
I would like to know if you had any advice for me, as to how I can help him with his pain. I love him very much and he deserves much better than what he inflicted to himself. He is not willing to talk and refuses to acknowledge that withdrawal has anything to do with his behaviour.

Thank you for your help and good luck with everything you hope to do. You deserve it!

Posted by: Prem October 16, 2014, 2:33 PM
wow, loved all the posts!

1 day clean : )

Posted by: suzanne October 16, 2014, 2:34 PM
An avid smoker since I was 18...I hate I've wasted so much of my life wake n baking..I'm 43 now..and God has repeatedly tried to get my attention to the fact that I've been wasting my life,when I have sooo much experience to share.. weed kills motivation...I could dream all day about what I could do to help others...but as Katt Williams said...f*** it. I thank God for not giving up on me...as I now have the desire to improve myself...and no desire to smoke at this time.

Posted by: Lana October 16, 2014, 8:07 PM
Reading the posts in this forum have been so helpful to me, thank you all for sharing.

I thought that my weed smoking, even though I knew it was "too much," would be easy to quit as everyone in my life maintains that it isn't addictive. When I finally decided to quit around ten weeks ago, I was amazed at how instantly terrible I felt. I can barely sleep at all (maybe 2-3 hours a night since quitting, if I'm being optimistic). I feel depressed on a scale I've never felt before (suicidal at times). Basically, I just feel so guilty about the years and money I've wasted getting stoned, and how without realizing it marijuana has diverted me from this great path I was sure I'd be on by now at 24.
Knowing other people feel guilty and depressed, knowing other people can't sleep, knowing that the symptoms of withdraw from heavy cannabis use are real, affect other people, and can last for a long time - I don't know if I can accurately convey how much reading the experiences you all have posted have made me feel less alone. I felt so isolated in my experiences until finding this forum. I now know other people are going through the same or similar things as I am in the quest of living weed-free.

Thank you all for sharing, so much. I'm sending you all positive vibes to stay sober. Wishing "good luck" seems cheap, as I know it isn't luck but hard work that will help us attain the sober stable lives we deserve.

Much love. <3

Posted by: Papa Bear October 16, 2014, 9:39 PM
It was when I met at the meetings with the other addict/alcoholics that recovery began.

I strongly suggest you look NA (Narcotics Anonymous) up in your phone book or on-line and get in touch with them. Go to their "open meetings" where the public is invited and speakers tell their stories. You will hear your story told repeatedly.

When I committed to AA/NA in 1989 my life changed for the better and continues to improve today.

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: jayjay1 October 17, 2014, 6:54 PM
Hi Ben, just randomly came across this and I really hope that you no longer feel like this. I'm not sure if you will see this as your post was so long ago but I want to tell you that the thing that helped me when quitting after smoking daily for 15 years was meditation and sleep hypnosis, I really don't think that I could have quit without them. Just look on YouTube, listening to sleep hypnosis before sleeping at night not only helps me to get to sleep ( I could never sleep without a smoke) but it also boosts my mood the next day and I wake up feeling happy and positive where I used to wake up and wish I never had. It's really amazing, I didn't think it would have the effect on me that is has, if anything at all. It was the slow, deep breathing in and out that really helped my anxiety when I first quit, at first it didn't help but I stuck with it and now I feel like a different person. Also, exercise and yoga will really help you to feel happier and more confident. Take care and good luck.

Posted by: DAC October 19, 2014, 1:43 PM
Sleep problems were the worst thing I encountered after quitting smoking. Whether it's meditation, exercise, or some other health routine, I believe to quit effectively you have to do something other than just quit. You need to become committed to something positive each day or the tendency to revert back to old habits will be more likely.

Posted by: Romell October 20, 2014, 9:56 PM
Day 50 jus got hit with insomnia lastnite couldn't sleep just want to say really is that everything gets better jus have to hang in there you might feel down at 1st but as time goes on you will see the light. Im feeling better but still get slightly panic attacks and a loss of energy but feel 70% ok we all have to stick it out and be strong as each other motivation i've read other posts and read as my motivation and hearing all of your posts is helpful. So hang in there and stick it out for the best of ourselves and god bless all of you on your recovery.

Posted by: Hoyden October 22, 2014, 9:00 AM
Hi Ben, your initial description was just soooo me.

Posted by: Hoyden October 22, 2014, 9:09 AM
In fact, quite scarily me. You put it so elequently, it makes me wonder if you are real, or a councellor depicting the realism I use to be a high income earner with bulk status, but now I am a tiny being, greatly frightened of all outcomes. Thank you immensely for your description of me. Makes me feel less alone.

Posted by: NewLife October 24, 2014, 1:30 PM
Hello,
I started smoking when I was 16 and am now 31. I am now 26 days without thc. Now that my brain is coming back online I am struggling with all of the emotional pain and issues that I originally used thc to numb. I'm having a lot of anxiety. I attained a masters degree in psychology and was on track to become a marriage family therapist. I took the last year off to plan my wedding and get married; also moved to a new city. Now I'm looking at all my colleagues progressing in their careers and I'm totally stuck feeling unsure of how to proceed or progress at this point. I feel like the last 16 years were a partial farce as I thought I had dealt with many of my issues, but now that I am completely thc free I'm feeling regressed emotionally to that 16 year old girl. It really sickens, angers and depresses me to feel I've set myself back so much in life.

On the brighter side, I'm feeling much more clarity of mind at this point and am very hopeful that things can only get better from here on out as long as I stay away from the MaryJane. I think we could all do with practicing self love, self compassion and empathy as most of us who become addicted to any drug have usually been through some kind of trauma. I really hope I can pull myself out of this rut I'm feeling in now...

Posted by: JhoNce October 29, 2014, 10:46 PM
hi Newlife!

i'm happy for what you attain so far :)

just like anybody else here, your stories of success will be an inspiration for me, and for others as well. keep it up!

Posted by: liam October 30, 2014, 2:30 AM
I'm also thinking of quitting. I only started smoking weed after a knee injury in rugby when I was 16. Seems like I smoked weed cause I knew my knee wouldn't be safe to play sports again. Nostalgia of life before I smoked(don't get me wrong, I've had countless memories of burning and the friends I made doing so) is conststantly on my mind cause im pretty sure I'm depressed..don't feel right in my own skin, also paranoia in public, and sometimes(gotten a lot better) dull in conversations. I also feel like weed made me lazy and just unmotivated. I don't really do anything except wake up eat shower work gym eat blaze (party on the weekends) and attempt sleeping.that's another thing. Trouble sleeping is definitely a factor to my laziness and possibly depression. Back to being lazy yeah I don't really do anything to progress my life, getting a better job, going outside in the day and doing stuff

Hopefully me quitting will eventually erase all of this s*** Im dealing with so I can live a happier life good luck to everyone

Posted by: Zuklar November 1, 2014, 6:09 AM
"Sometimes in life, it's important to stop our pursuit of happiness. To just be happy."


The dude who stopped smoking pot but still smokes cigarettes and drinks alcohol made me lol.

Posted by: DAC November 3, 2014, 11:37 AM
When talking about pot it helps to be honest about the short term benefits such as calming anxiety, and helping us sleep. But these are short term benefits. If we only smoke a small amount, we dont suffer the long term problems that occur when the brain chemistry gets all out of whack. Those of us who have smoked for a long extended time know all about insomnia, panic attacks, and depression when we finally quit after long term use.

It's the same with any drug. I have a relative trying to get off a doctor's prescription to oxy that she has had for almost 4 years. She quits...gets very irritable, cant sleep, is depressed with no energy.....then after a few days of this she goes back on the oxy. What's ironic is she believes marijuana to be evil and that it will be responsible for the fall of civilization as we know it.

We like to point to drugs as a major problem in our society....I agree. But we really have some bad arguments masquerading as laws in this country that have nothing to do with facts. Drugs that kill should be the worst. Oxy kills more than all illegal drugs combined.

Why bring this up? Because inconsistency, and the denial of simple truths matter to the people who end up smoking pot. No one likes labels, and no one likes to be condemned for something that is less harmful than the legal alternatives. Bad arguments produce stubborness, and stubborness and addiction go hand in hand. In countries where it is allowed (Denmark, Spain) they have found use for the 18-21 yo group go DOWN - not up. It seems that once the 'taboo' of being illegal is gone, pot seems to lose some of its luster.

Being forced to accept bad or false arguments for the 'greater good' can make people more likely to resist changing their bad behavior. Bad laws encourage rebellion. So does inconsistency with the truth. Maybe one day we will put the bluff and bluster aside and develop consistent laws that can actually HELP people - and not just punish them for disagreeing.

Posted by: mejoaoaragao November 20, 2014, 5:43 PM
Hey. Hello.
Is anybody here that I can talk?
I'm Joao ( John in English ) I'm from Portugal and yes I'm not Okay at all. I'm 18 years old , I smoked hax a lot since my 14/15 years. I smoked about 2/3/4 kilos. More than 1500 euros on that sh*t for sure. Smoked with my friends in the first years. But then I started to get addicted of the flavour and getting high. Since that I never be the same again. I started to live high. I consider myself an intelligent person. And I don't dislike me. I know I'm capable of very things and thank god for I can still think.
I've read your posts and yes I have tha same feelings. I feel like I never be the same person when child. When I had my really happy life without smoke at first school with my friends. Since I smoke , nothing was the same. I'm stupid , I think a lot , when I had school feel like everyone looking to me. But I don't smoke for a few weeks and I know control myself. I know why I stop smoking , I'm missing something , I lose everything I gain when I grow up when child and that's where the problem is. We lose our childness' the child on us. Really, I want to believe that I can be the same joao that people like , but I feel like I've changed. I'm very philosophy now. ( I don't like ,I guess) I'm not sure of nothing. I am lost at all. F*ck. That is bad. I don't know if happens to everybody who smoke. For now , I'm doing what a like, skateboarding , staying with friends and talking , working every day. I hope this pass. I'm cool sometimes but others I just want to change the pass (almost , cause if not , I don't knew what I know today) I think this could be worst. But now I'm happy for don't smoke and not killing myself and my brain. Ty everyone , I'm here for who want a word or who want to talk a little.. Waiting news Byebye

Posted by: debbie November 21, 2014, 9:22 AM
Hi Ben I smoked cannabis daily for 23 years and I've been clean since July this year so here's what I'm feeling after 4 months away from it..riCher, healthier, cleaner, kinder, energetic, sociable and best of all happy. I have no dirty secret I buy nice things now to treat myself not drugs. I'm not surrounded by that smell that everyone knows is cannsbis. I've joined a gym I swim I do boxing I go for long walks I have pamper myself days..Ben the list is endless I see it as I was stupid for awhile and I saw senow.

Posted by: saahil November 22, 2014, 11:30 AM
Hie !!! I have been smoking weed from last 3 years since my college days !!! Not regularly...but once a week...I am tryng to quit smoking...suggest some ways to help me !!! Nd how you all guys are doing after leaving weed??? Plus I also want to quit smoking cigarettes... Somebody give me some suggestions please..on how to quit...my email Id is saahil1292@gmail.com !! Thank you...let's struggle together !!

Posted by: Hannie November 22, 2014, 5:23 PM
Hey Ben,
I was touched by your story. It's bern two years now since you posted this and I wonder how you're doing. I came across your post when I google brain damage. I quit smoking weed well over a year ago and I think it has affected my brain as I get forgetful. I haven't smoked it since and quit the ciggies too up until a couple of years ago. My brain can't handle it though but now I'm struggling again to quit. Every evening I say I'll start again tomorrow and tomorrow comes and I'm smoking again! I keep it a secret from everyone one as well! It's tough!

Posted by: Hannie November 22, 2014, 5:26 PM
Oh, I forgot to say that before I quit the weed I was getting electric shocks in my brain. Or that's how it felt like. It frightened the hell out of me. Now I get really funny feelings in my head when I smoke and don't sleep well! I'm scared of getting a stroke!

Posted by: coley November 25, 2014, 8:01 PM
Hey my names daniel (coley) and iv smoked since I was around 13 and now I'm 24 in 3 days :/ I get many symptoms like iv read from everyone's story, and I plan on stopping and starting to read! I really want to say all these posts have really touched me! I to thought I was having these situations alone and my friends (heavey smokers) were just lucky or pretending there ok, but there seriously now alot more intelligent than me and most things :(.
So I think it's time I take the steps you guys have and be a man and take control of my life and become what I really want! And not be what j am now! Seriously massive respects to you Ben and every1 else that has shared there life on here! It's will be helping many young people! Respect to you all! I extremely hope for the best of everyone! I'm really glad I came across this post! f*** I wish I could describe how much I wish you all the very best!

Posted by: bemo92 November 27, 2014, 1:14 AM
first off, thanks for sharing your story Ben

your story was the first one i read when i decided to quit and it inspired me maybe cause my name is Ben as well lol who knows, anywho i have been smoking for 6 years now ...i'm a bong smoker and until i smashed that beauty of a piece 4 days ago I just couldn't get it together but now it has been 4 days since i last smoked and i feel so much better, for me it was an anxiety/depression problem which has affected my personal life quite considerably, and i was under the influence like most pot smokers it was helping me but it made it 10 x worse. so i'm 4 days in no ganja !!! i feel totally relaxed from the moment i wake up to the moment i eat dinner and then it hits me...i feel overwhelmed and angry...and its almost like i am scared to settle down for the night because this is my usual toking time. Right now the biggest problem is falling asleep, I honestly dread the thought of being in my bed because i toss and turn for hours on end and eventually fall asleep around 2-3 am sometimes later, at this point I am even taking OTC sleep aid (diphenhydramine hcl) and its hardly helping. I know is not healthy but i hate the thought of laying in my bed restless because it allows my mind to wander, i have even tried herbal sedative teas, Valerian root, st.johns wort, melatonin and even going for a long run before bed but nothing seems to help. I refuse to go to a doctor and ask for anything because before ya know it ill be on the Pill message board seeking help lol...if anybody has any advice on sleeping after quitting then please let me know, thank you. I know I need to be patient when my body is learning something new but i honestly believe this is going to make me crack

Posted by: Brenman November 27, 2014, 7:37 PM
Hi all,
I'm replying to old posts but maybe someone might read this. I'm not a weed addict and never have been but I had to separate myself and move on from my best friend who was chronically addicted to weed. It made me so sad to this but i just couldn't watch what he was doing to himself any longer. I had lost him spiritually, emotionally and intellectually. His life has become a mess, and this from such a bright intelligent guy with the world at his feet when he was a younger man.
Now he cannot pay his bills or rent on time. He can't hold down a steady job because he can't get out of bed in the mornings after staying up half the night and smoking. He hasn't been in a relationship in years because the women don't want to play second fiddle to weed. He now 40 and life is looking very bleak for him unless he summons the strength to quit. Over the years I've tried to persuade and coax him to getting help to quit but to no avail. I've that the addict themselves must hit rock bottom before they make the momentous decision to quit. His rock bottom must be a set very low indeed.
So congrats to all those on this forum who have quit. I wish all the very best. I agree with many others that have emailed, the brain has an incredible ability to heal itself if you give it time.
I suffered with depression for 15 years and finally I healed myself without prescription meds. The key was to allow myself to cry again. And it did I cry. For weeks and weeks I shed tears until finally one week I didn't to anymore. I had unblocked whatever clogs that were in my brain. Now if I feel down I allow myself to shed a few tears, I almost welcome it and when it passes I feel at peace with the world again.
God bless you all and may you all have the strength to overcome all obstacles. I dearly wish my friend finds his way home too.

Posted by: brodion November 29, 2014, 2:11 PM
a couple years too late but might help someone.

Start exercising.

Get really serious about fitness. Be it becoming strong as f*** or looking good or running a marathon doesnt matter.

Ur depression and lack of confidence comes from the fact that weed was a very time cinsuming hobby n now u have none, plus exercise releases all the hormones that get u high, not as much as drugs do. of course.

Posted by: bushel December 1, 2014, 5:25 PM
It makes me sad to here these tails of sad young people, I have been through what you guys are going through and these are the realizations that you need to make before you can get on with living a normal adult life.

STOP BLAMING WEED, im not saying that your time smoking did not magnify these character traits, but the anxiety that you are feeling is sadly a product of modern society. Blaming weed while laying around feeling sorry for yourself will just lead to deeper levels of depression.

The solution is simple yet highly challenging for someone who is in a depressed state where you find it hard to enjoy anything other than getting high.

Step 1: get a gym membership and go every other day, start slow 10 minutes of cardio, try and increase this a little every session until you are doing 30-60 minutes. I know you have heard this a million times before but there is a reason why people exercise it WILL help with your mood if you keep this up for a couple of weeks.

Step 2: try new things, again this is highly challenging because chances are at first you wont enjoy any of it. go biking, take a cooking class, learn piano, start a vege patch, join a drum circle.......... Go out there meet new people push yourself socially, mentally and physically and some time down the line you will catch yourself having fun.

Lastly please take it easy on yourselves, you all have the rest of your lives ahead of you, becoming an adult working 40 hour weeks just to get by isn't fun for the majority of people even those who have found jobs that don't completely suck.

Remember its society that is broken not you, do you think you would be feeling all this negativity if you lived a simple life working as team with your family and friends to stay warm and fed?


Posted by: crystal December 2, 2014, 12:33 AM
I'm a 20yo girl, I've been smoking since I was 13..I don't feel like I am who I should be, and now I feel like it's my fault because all I did was smoke weed. I hate being addicted. Today 12/1/14 is my first day of quitting smoking. I need to find myself bdcause along the way I've lost myself. I feel you Ben <3 I hope you're better

Posted by: Lars December 6, 2014, 2:48 AM
Hello everybody.....

I am a 22 year old male, and a daily marijuana smoker for at least 3 years, with my introduction to pot being my sophomore year in high school. It's truly unbelievable how much I can relate to what I'm reading in this forum.

Smoking pot so often, I sincerely believe, has damaged my brain significantly. I'm not a neuroscientist by any means, but I know that when the brain is given instant pleasure on a regular basis, it becomes unresponsive to stimuli that are meant to give you a sense of pleasure, or make you feel "high". Like talking to a pretty girl, or being in nature, playing music, fresh air. Whatever.

In August 2014, I re-enrolled at my former University, and had about a 3 month break from pot until sometime in late October. Those months were....blah. Gray. Bland. I don't know how else to describe them, but I do know they were accompanied by extreme highs and lows in mood, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, poor memory, low motivation, little sexual drive, terribly diction/speaking ability, insomnia, and even hearing voices and experiencing insanity on a regular basis, and more, ALL of which still continues to this day. Some issues I may have been predisposed to, but without doubt the marijuana has magnified them.

I "relapsed" at a concert in October, and have been back on weed several times a week. But I'm not just smoking weed, I'm digging out all the residue in my bowl just to get high. Spending money spontaneously, even after promising myself I would stop for good. Like a true junkie.

Pot-smoking also comes with inhaling butane gas, burnt plant matter, and about 60+ other chemicals besides THC. My grades have plummeted, and even outside of school I can't seem to accomplish anything, no matter how simple. So.....I am essentially back to square one.

Many days seem to just pass me by, and I am sort of....unaware...of my connection to reality. I can function just fine, I still have friends, still mildly enjoy myself, and so on, but I am just not completely "there". I've recognized this feeling for a long, long time, but haven't made a truly serious effort to quit my habit until school began. Even so, I didn't feel much improvement at all, and now I am back on the stuff.

One reason I think quitting pot is so difficult is because it is not really treated as a serious addiction. I rarely tell people that I am trying to 'quit' marijuana, because it makes me sound like a fool. So many people I know smoke it, most of whom are well-functioning, satisfied people. So when I tell them something like "pot is not good for me, it's messing with my head, I have to give it up," they just don't understand.

Despite all of this, I am a strong believer in neuro-plasticity. That is, the brain's ability to 'rewire' itself, to create new neuro pathways and connections within neurons. The brain can heal itself, but since the chemicals associated with marijuana are fat-soluble, and since the brain is made of fat, it will take a long time to expel the weed. The same goes for the human body. Marijuana is stored in fat cells, in hairs, in fingernails and other places in the body, so it must be 'pushed' out as the body replaces it old cells with new ones.

Some techniques I am trying to speed/improve my recovery:
-daily meditation
-daily strenuous exercise
-weekly sauna use
-organic, mostly plant-based diet
-recording dreams
-limited computer/screentime
-abstinence from masturbation

I've smoked (rez) today, mostly because I became bored, and it's been about a week since I last smoked. In doing so, I neglected studying, I've avoided anything potentially fun happening tonight, and have spent most of the evening by myself wishing I was doing something else. But getting high tends to make me an extremely anti-social person, and I already have an introverted personality. Not only am I anti-social, but in my alone time I rarely do anything productive. I get high, listen to music, f*** around on the guitar, usually overeat, and then I come down, crash, and I feel like s*** and only want more weed to smoke.

I can't type any more. My eyes are really tired and sore. I have to go to bed, wake up early and try to get back on track, to get my s*** together yet again like so many times before. Wish me luck and may the force be with you.

Posted by: Papa Bear December 6, 2014, 8:14 AM
It's good to know that if all else fails that NA will be there for you.

For most of us AA & NA are found in "the last house on the block".

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: Distance December 7, 2014, 9:57 AM
I feel the same way.

I wonder if life will ever make any sense - if there ever will be a purpose, if there will ever be an end to this.. this feeling .. this overwhelming dependence.

I was a loner always, smoking pot introduced me to some friends during grad school - I enjoyed their company, I use to laugh alot back then. I loved music - music sounded awesome with green. Long drives and the rain was amazing. I continued this habit for 7 years.

But now I am married, and trying to save a relationship. I just dont know how to choose anymore. I am angry, confused and concerned.

I just need to know from those out there, who smoked - who quit, that one day its all OK. That music sounds good, sleep is sound and if dreams - they arent scary vivid. I just want to know that some day this feeling ends and that all of this is worth it. That there is a point to it all.

Posted by: DAC December 8, 2014, 12:51 AM
Distance, Lars

You guys need to keep your chin up. I have smoked on and off for 30 years and I have felt the same way as you do right now. I have felt that I had done irreparable damage to my mind and brain from smoking so much over the years. Something I have learned is that you will feel a little groggy, or fogged in the first month or so you quit. But you recover with time. The brain has an amazing ability to heal itself over time.

If you have a lot to get done, are in a period of life where major decisions need to be made - stay away from smoking. In college recreational smoking is like weekend drinking, but when it becomes an everyday thing it is time to quit. Learning how to control this substance is something few can do when young, and you will regret it every time you miss an opportunity or slack off on the grades. No one needs to get high each and every day.

As far as mental damage goes, I have read a lot of material the past year because I have had many of the same concerns as you. I will tell you that while smoking you will be unfocused, short term memory will be affected, and there is an anxiety there when smoking that will disappear with time once you quit. What I have read indicates that there is not long term damage to the brain because of marijuana. But you do change the patterns of thinking and even your values from smoking. Your 'brain damage' will be similiar to the lung damage you suffer from smoking. If you only smoked a short time - you recover quickly. But if you smoked heavy for many years, it will just take longer to for the brain to heal itself the same way it takes a while to clear the lungs. If you are proactive and do mental exercises as well as physical ones you can speed both recoveries up considerably.

I have noticed a big pickup in sharpness and critical thinking 6-8 weeks out from all day smoking. Sadly , when I was sure I hadnt done permanent damage it seemed to encourage me to go back to smoking because I knew I was in the clear and felt I could go back without worries if I wanted to. Dont do this! If you are at a time in your life where you need to accomplish a lot stay away and get your life in order. I know when I am actively accomplishing things I dont want to go back to smoking at all. It's when you have down time or it doesnt matter if you smoke or not that there is trouble with staying away. So get busy with life and dont look back for a while....or ever, depends on what type of vocation you end up with in life.

It might feel like you wont regain your sharpness, but you will with time. Pot lights up different areas of the brain than when you are sober. You just need to get used to sober thinking and get busy.

Its natural to get down after quitting - I have done the on again, off again thing many times over the years....just get past the first couple months, you'll be ok

Posted by: Papa Bear December 8, 2014, 10:53 AM
Distance:
If you get out to NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings you will find lots of folks just like you who are on the road to recovery.
Look them up on-line or in your local telephone book. Give them a call.

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: prashant December 9, 2014, 8:38 PM
Start YOGA and suryanamaskara in the morning hours, I suggest should spend 1 hour in doing this. Should wake up as early as 6 AM to do this.

This helps to recover very fast. I am is 1.5 year clean after 5 years of smoking. After quoting I asked one of my friend who is a neurologist and hr suggest to go for YOGA to recover your brain faster. It worked for me. Also help reducing caving in the morning, caving in the morning was very intense for ne

I am talking about complete YOGA, starts from exercise to meditation.

I hope this can help you who is struggling from caving and recovery after quiting. I don't know how it works for thoese who want to quit.

Thanks

Posted by: Aziz December 10, 2014, 6:03 PM
Hey there everyone this is aziz I am going through the same problems
And i think we could support and help each other better then anybody so please contact me on my email or facebook i would love to have you guys in my contact list and share our experience together so heres my email and facebook ...







***Please do not post personal contact information.
Thank you, The moderators

Posted by: Dylan December 12, 2014, 12:58 AM
I started smoking weed at 14, occasionally at first, but by the time I was 16 I was smoking it more and more frequently. By 18 I couldn't get through the day without at least 2/3 spliffs. I'm 19 now at university, and 4 days ago it dawned on me that i couldn't go to lectures, do work, or simply function without being high. I got rid of all smoking memorabilia and the weed that I did have left, after realizing i had become increasingly reliant on it,and cut it out of my life. Because for so much of my teens I've been high, it's hard to assess whether i'm more paranoid or anxious as a result, as i personally don't not know any different. However what i do feel could be of help to some of you are the likes of binaural beats or isochronic tones. Some of these operate on certain frequencies (Hz) designed to combat addiction, anxiety and self-conscious behavior. This is free and easy to attain - all one has to do is search it on YT, and I feel it relaxes you, at the minimum, and potentially could cure depression or anxiety or at least reduce it. Meditation is also something you should partake in if you have anxiety issues, as it fully clears your mind. Perhaps more controversially, i think every adult, should, at the very least once, try LSD, as this has been proven to reduce levels of depression and can cure addictions to harmful drugs, from cocaine to heroin. I certainly sympathise with those who are pushing for its legality as a substance, as it can have a profound impact upon the way one views life, pretty much every time, for the better.

Posted by: Little Dave December 12, 2014, 9:29 PM
Bassyy1: I`ve just read your post & it did upset me as everything you said sounds like what I`m going through right now.When I say upset me is in the fact sometimes the truth does hurt.All I was doing was searching for what I`m now going through right now nearly everything word for word is what I`m going though now.
Thanks buddy reading you post was a big help to me..

Posted by: Ben (a different one) December 13, 2014, 12:52 AM
Im a different Ben but with a very similar story, although I have never smoked cannabis, I really abused MDMA Ecstasy and Cocaine and Alcohol aswell as trying Ketamine, Acid and Mushrooms in my late teens through to my mid twenties. I stopped taking drugs about 18months ago and became convinced I have given myself brain damage. I have suffered with anxiety, depression and even derealisation aswell as getting constant headaches, walking around in a confused state (in like a haze or brain fog) I had negative thoughts ruminating around my head that i couldn't shake and i was really really low. I can't concentrate or focus or hold a conversation with anybody. I can't sleep at night, I can't get out of bed in a morning, my relationships with my friends and family are/have broken down as I can't be bothered to make an effort to keep in touch or see them. I convinced myself I was going mad! And I used to be THE MOST confident, outgoing, social person in the world!!

The only thing I can tell you is that I'm just plodding along hoping it gets better and after 18months struggling, I do feel slightly better than I did when this all started (although nowhere near back to normal) but that gives me hope that I will get better! After lots and lots of research I've found that although the drugs do damage your brain, your brain can and will repair itself over a long period of time. Which is probably why I feel a little better now. If it takes another 18months then so be it. The hardest part is having to keep this all to myself and pretend to everyone else that I am fine. But I still believe one day I will be back to my normal old self.


Sent from my iPad

Posted by: Ani addict December 13, 2014, 1:31 PM
Hey my names ani and i a guy whos in his early recovery. i have just completed my 7 .5 months sober and hav been under heroin addiction for 2 years. I have the same story as almost evry addict does. Recently i have come out of a rehab and was doing great. I am living with my family and they are all very happy. I know the 12 steps program very well and getting all the prevlidges too. My dad bought me a new nd expensive phone. He gave me his car and they are all so sweet. Butalso a bit scared due to my history of past three relapses on hero. Now i realized that these days i was getting very frustrated at home and i had absolutely nothing to do si this one day i.e. two days ago i went to friend of mine and smoked four drags of marijuana with him. After having done that its been 48hrs and im still very uncomfortable. I shared dis with a member who says its nothing and who had relapsed 5 months back. Now i can call this a slip and do nothing about it or i can go back to smoking up and convice myself not to go back to my DOC (like that happens!!) Now I'm very sure after having done it once that i dont want to go back into it again. But im still confused that did this slip cost me all my sober time and hav i relapsed again. And if i have relapsed what can i do about what happened with me recently. How do i kill my free time. There is a month for me to rejoin my college again. Need help. Dripping down with guilt. Dont want to back into addiction. Please help me i have hit my bottom and can see the effects of it. My obsession kills me. The meetings here in india are usually for 1.5 hrs in a day. Except that its so hard to deal with yourself throughout the day.
Plus i havent still even completed a year. Can i complete a year now and then share about this slip ? Or do i have to start from 0 again :.(

Posted by: Travelin man December 13, 2014, 2:07 PM
what you did two days ago is irelevant, how many days you have been clean is irelaveant - all that matters is what you do today- DO NOT use anything legal or other wise that could be a trigger for you to go back on your DOC- as to what to do with your time- get the pnone book out look up local charities, ring them and volunteer every day until you go back to university- how badly do you want this ? getting clean is the easy bit- staying clean is what seperates those that make it from those that dont- stay strong - stay clean and keep reaching out for hep

Posted by: Ani addict December 15, 2014, 1:01 AM
Hey that was really helpful. Its so true that we often end up making the clean time such a hype. It also burdens you even more doing nothing in the end just frustrating you even more.
I will surely look up for a extra hobby and add it to mu daily schedule. I think photography can be one. Thanks man thats such a relief to hear from someone. Apreciate that.

Posted by: DAC December 15, 2014, 5:08 PM
When smoking for a long extended time it is easy to fill time because the pot itself gives you something to do. When sober you will have LOTS of downtime , so you need to fill it - or the relapse becomes likely.

So stay busy, read, exercise, pick up a hobby....just dont sit around and do nothing.

If you do nothing, the chances of going back to everyday pot use will increase dramatically

Posted by: Guest December 24, 2014, 2:39 AM
Trust everyone is well and staying strong because we live to fight another day to enjoy what the world has to offer. I recently quit due exact reasons that are on here, when I was 10 we migrated over to a new country where I had to learn another language and became part of the society that i was living in. I became a very successful finance broker but 5years later I'm starting again, I had a Bad childhood etc and weed took me to a happier place which had extreme consciences that I suffer now. I also read all of the articles on here and it really opened my eyes ! I been smoking for the last 10 yrs and few times I had break where I pushed my self to quit I attended the gym which helped my body in several ways and do recommend to everyone here, weather it's a 1 hour walk in the morning or night it definitely helps. I wish everyone happy recovery and to became a better soul.

Posted by: Ryan78 December 25, 2014, 3:34 AM
I'm very glad I found these forums, i've read a lot of people's posts so now I will contribute my own experience.

I am 35, and was a daily potsmoker since I was 16. I mean every day with maybe 3 days total without from flu and stronger meds etc. I stopped 9 days ago cold turkey. It has been quite rough to say the least. Everything from dizziness, to loss of appetite, to real problems sleeping, when i do sleep i have very vivid dreams that i can remember quite a lot of the next day (usually i cant remember much of any dream i have), upset stomach, anxiety, sweats, depression, irritability. Its awful. I'm thankful I found this site and realize I'm certainly not alone in this. I hope anyone else who is in my shoes is able to get through it, it certainly is not easy. A few of my (potsmoking) friends told me that pot withdrawal isnt real etc etc, but that is pure rubbish. I will not smoke a single toke to try and feel better I will simply tough it out and hope that it goes away eventually. I hope everyone here who shared their personal experiences is doing well and I wish everyone here the best on their new sober life. I will stick around these forums and discuss anything with anyone regarding this if anyone wants to talk about it, or anything else. Merry Christmas everyone.

Posted by: Basit December 28, 2014, 10:08 AM
Have patience and Trust in GOD its just you were not taking your life seriously and now you taking it seriously so you are scared you are basically a good man inside and in this world what you do so shell u reap you did something wrong with you and now its regrets you are the same guy you were stop thinking that you ever did something wrong consider it your new life
it was a nightmare and now you are up for your real life. Do yoga and watch movies the
best way to divert your mind and watch some motivational videos and don't think that
you were ever addicted to anything when you were destroying yourself you didn't think
and now when you are going towards your betterment you should have not think about stuff
just be Strong finely you got something to archive in which is your own identity most of the cases they end up with a disease a major disease But in your case you are good to go. IF you believe
in GOD (ALLAH) just hold your breath and ask for help. He gonna listen even you whisper.
Just be patient you are not gonna live in this world for forever everybody has to go just
think that what if God would have taken your hand your legs or any other physical damage
it could be the worst thing but now you are perfectly fine and have every thing with you
try to live your remaining life haply and don't think that you ever made a mistake

Posted by: Joey December 29, 2014, 1:20 PM
I've been smoking every day for the last 5 years and just gave up pot and caffeine about 3.5 weeks ago.

Here's why I quit: For my whole life (I'm 31 now), I was always super easy-going, and then randomly, starting feeling anxiety while on the train going into Manhattan. I thought, "This is stupid. I'm not scared, why is my heart racing like someone has a gun to my head?" I've been seeing a therapist for the past 10 months, just because a friend mentioned it was healthy. I never thought I would talk about my weed smoking with my therapist, because to me, weed was a non-issue. For the past few sessions, it's all I've talked about, and it's been quite helpful getting a healthy perspective on addition.

Regardless if you think marijuana is addictive, the point is, we're doing something to our body that creates a dependency; regardless if it's being dependent on a feeling or a experience, we're doing something every day that's creating, essentially, a new reality for us. When you stop doing something that has become a norm for you, of course your brain and body are going to be like, "Wait, what?"

I would like to echo a few things that have already been mentioned on this thread.

1) You can't just stop smoking weed and think things are going to be hard for a while and then, at some point good again. You actually have to do the work to normalize yourself again. Eat healthy foods (no more fake foods at the drug store or bodegas). You have to work out and get your body moving. "Healthy body, healthy mind." When you work out and eat good foods, you'll find your self pride and dignity INCREASES, making you happy with yourself. And working out releases endorphins that will take place of that high you got while smoking weed.

2) Because weed isn't water-soluble and is stored in your body's fat, it's not as simple as water-soluble drugs where you just get the coming off symptoms (shakes, fatigue, etc.) for a few weeks and then you're done. This crap doesn't leave your body for a while, regardless if you test positive for it or not. With that being said, if you're overweight and have a relatively slow-moving lifestyle (you work at a desk or a checkout counter and then go home and sit in front of the TV or the computer), chances are you're mildly overweight. If this is the case, you're going to experience these coming off effects longer, because the THC is in your fat cells. Which, is a bummer.

3) Fight like hell, mentally. Yes, the anxiety is extremely annoying. I know for me, when talking to my therapist, I started crying and saying, "I don't want this to be my new life. I don't know why it's just randomly happening to me!" But, there's an important perspective all ex-weed smokers must take, and that's being responsible for our feelings. If you feel anxious, then FEEL it instead of fight it. Fighting it and questioning it will only perpetuate the feelings, and you'll feel like you're never going to be "normal" again. If you face your anxiety and note that it's just part of you adjusting to your new life, it'll be more annoying than scary. As much as you feel like you're going crazy, you're not. I promise.

4) Finally, like someone posted before, get friends who don't use weed and challenge you to be the best "you." Get friends who love you and tell you the truth (even if it's as harsh as "The light in you is dimming. Get your life together!"). Take your feelings and experiences and MOVE with it. Don't let it keep you from living the life you want. And, trust me, it might feel like you don't even know what you want to do with your life right now other than just adjust and feel normal again, but rise above this. And, if possible, don't try and find something unnatural to medicate the paranoid feelings (like going to a psychologist). I'm not a doctor, but I'm old enough now to see how awful prescription drugs can be toward peoples' psyche and bodies. If weed is natural and makes us feel this way, imagine what an unnatural drug can do... I know writing that possibly makes it seem like I don't know what I'm talking about, but logic points me to riding out the crazy feelings and seeing where I land.

Ok, now that all that's out of the way, I will say, since quitting, that I've had a few episodes of anxiety that came on suddenly, but for the most part, I feel SO MUCH more present connected. Like I wrote earlier, I also quit drinking coffee. I think this was also really big for me. Think about it: caffeine literally jolts your body - why keep drinking coffee if it's just going to perpetuate feelings I'm trying to get rid of? I know there were even a few occasions when I experienced a caffeine buzz that I thought I was actually getting a panic attack, and that led to a pretty mild, but controllable panic attack. WHO WANTS TO DEAL WITH THAT? I say, get rid of anything that you'll have to be dependent on (except things that are actually healthy for you: working out, good friends, healthy foods, life-giving hobbies, etc.).

Thank you to the original poster on this thread. I think it's so important to read about other peoples' experiences. And, the hopeful thing is that everyone who quits DOES get out of this headspace and actually GROW from their experiences. Imagine the hell you're going through right now and how much stronger this will make you when you're on the other end of it. You'll be a big help to friends who feel like they're in a dark place, mentally, because you can "go there" with them and help them not be afraid.

In closing, I URGE you to fight. Remember the things you're experiencing mentally and physically are symptoms from coming off a dependency. Think about that and ride out your panic attacks. Force yourself to get out of bed. Get out of your house or apartment. As scary as it is, the only way you're going to get back to "normal" is to do normal, healthy things, and your mind will follow.

Good luck to you all, and I know you'll be able to do it!!!

Posted by: Ryan78 December 29, 2014, 6:09 PM
Hey Joey, I actually quit pot and all sugar except my one morning coffee. I was having multiple coffees, multiple energy drinks, and then candy or some kind of sweets in the evening. Down to just one coffee, and no more weed. Im average built 5'10 160lbs so im hoping the thc wont be stored in me too long, how long do you think it would take for an average person to completely rid their bodies of it?

Posted by: jenna22 December 30, 2014, 2:04 AM
Im f***ing amazed...I thought i was the only one with this mind set.... thank all of you for replying to ben. Ive had the same feelings as him and just like him, i too want to overcome this... its honestly horrible ive been feeling like complete s*** (just stopped smoking 3 weeks ago 4yr smoker) like my whole life is complete s*** and the thing is even when im surrounded by all these people i feel that way. Reading this post made me realize that im not alone and im not the only one with these exact same feelings as bens. We just have to keep pushing depression off our shoulder and teach it whos f***ing boss. I wish it was that easy i really do.... but life goes on. Nobody is going to do anything for you. think positive. Also Working out has really helped me quite a bit. I will do more of it and even set my own fitness goals and achieve them. Once again thank you all and thank you ben. Hope all is good my friends.

Posted by: Ryan78 December 30, 2014, 2:33 AM
No Jenna you're certainly not alone. 20 year smoker here and on day 13 without touching it. I've been working out too actually and i do feel a little better afterwards. It won't be easy, it's not the 70's when weed was like 5% THC its commonly between 18-25% these days and it stays in fat calls for a while not to mention the transmitters in our brains are obviously going completely haywire especially when we sleep. I have the weirdest dreams, and I probably had them when I did smoke but I wake up all the time and can remember them very vividly now. All kinds of not-fun symptoms for me since day one and it still sucks but I refuse to give in.

Posted by: Papa Bear December 30, 2014, 3:29 PM
jenna

If you go to an NA meeting you will be in a room full of folks that think/feel just like you (me/us).

If exercise was the answer then there would be no NA & AA meetings .. we'd all be at the gym.

Go to a few meetings and see what they have to say.

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: Ryan78 December 30, 2014, 7:51 PM
Please don't do that Jenna, completely unnecessary.

Posted by: Kreagen December 30, 2014, 11:54 PM
Wow, there really are other people out there who struggle with pot like I do. I'm 30 and have been smoking since I was probably 12 or 13. The first time I quit was when I went into the army. It was easy then cause I was so busy and it wasn't anywhere near me. But when i got discharged and moved back home I ran into same old friends and Ofcourse started smoking again. Been smoking since. It sux. It's so hard to quit something I've done for 18 years! All of my very close friends use. As of now it is ruining my marriage and I don't know what I would do if I lost my wife and 2 precious kids! I can get through almost a week but after that I use. Never really knew how it controls my life! But I see it now! I don't want my wife hating me anymore than she does. I've lied, cheated and stole through my whole life, and now it's time to stop all that bulls**t! It's time for a new me! All these stories on here are such great inspiration! I'm gonna check back in time to time to read more amazing stories and keep seeing people defeat the demon! I too am going to defeat this demon with you all!
Till the next time. Best wishes to ya'll!!!

Posted by: Fred January 1, 2015, 9:23 PM
Its sad that we don't know what happened to be as its over 2 years since he posted but being in a similar position tonight i find my self here. So here is my background and my present day storey.

I have been a stoner for over 20 years, When i started Weed was about a quarter the price it is now but probably about a quarter of the strength it is now. But i have grown old with weed and always considered it to be a friend.

I know it comes with its drawbacks but being a solitary type person its never really bothered me.

As with most it started as a thing i did with the boys. I then got my 1st girlfriend and we became solid stoner's together. All this while still living at home but my ma was cool that way ad would rather i smoked under her roof than on the street, she knew i was going to do it so why not where she could keep an eye on me. I left home at 22 and that's where things probably went a bit mad. It was a daily thing. Never interfered with work but the second i was home i would light up as i always made sure the night before i would have one for my return. i was smoking near 3oz a week

It never held me back at all, i left school with no qualifications to speak of but i have the gift of the gab so started to sell cars. At 22 i was earning £35k a year a massive sum for anyone growing up where i did but this also meant i could smoke what i wanted without the stress of money.

When i moved into the house the plan was to share for a year and then get my own place, Again no one of my age in my area could ever dream of that but it never happened. My £35k a year was nearer £20 once my weed spend was taken off.

Moving on 8 years then at 30 and still in the same house, None of the original people where there, just me and people i would only consider to be mates not real friends. All my real friends had grown up, married got the mortgages and had kids. All still stayed in touch with me and we remain very tight now but i do wonder why they have put up with the old stoner all these years when they have all grown up,

But that's what i am now, "grown Up" i didn't realise this until i met "Betty" (made up name but a real person i promise) Who i am now married to and we are expecting a child. Betty came in to my life via a mutual friend just before i turned 31, and she changed me totally, i wanted to be a better person for her, Despite me being a stoner living a student life she never once asked me to change i was the one who wanted to change, Early on i knew we would marry and have kids and i made the commitment to her then that when a child was due i would stop the weed.

I moved in with her at 33 and she still always accepted my stoner side, I would come home and light up the only difference was i was banished to the garden but that again was my choice as Mrs Betty has never touched a cigarette never mind a Joint. We married a year late and in the last 3 years my weed intake has gone from around £330 a month to £60ish a month, But as i mentioned earlier we are now expecting a baby Fred so exactly 13 hours and 10 mins ago i had my last ever joint. Honestly i don't know where i am at the moment. "Bettys" gone to bed as she is a tired lady carrying around our little lump and every part of my sole wants to go light up, I cant because i have none for the 1st time in forever my weed tin is empty.

I should point out i don't smoke cigarette but i am convinced i don't have a nicotine addiction. I know this as when we go on holidays weed or cigs never enter my head. but the second the plane lands and i am in my own 4 walls i am on the weed. nicotine never calls my name in work hours (and i regularly work 14 hour shifts) but as soon as i am in its the habit and routine that grabs me.

I don't even think i enjoy smoking weed any more and cant even remember the last time i was stoned, but DAM this routine has grabbed me hard tonight.

I will do it, there is no question of it, Bump is due in 3 months and i will never be the dad who is going into the garden to smoke. "Betty" has put too much faith in me for me to let her down, And i cant wait to be a real grown up with a wife and kid, its just a shame i had to get to 37 to realize that.

And so looking through this thread has lead me to share my life secretes with you if your reading this. given only 8 people have replied in 2 years i reckon by the time i am dead about 60 people may have read this post so if your one of them thanks for reading an old stoners recovery admission.

Posted by: Ryan78 January 2, 2015, 1:37 AM
Let us (or me) know how you're doing this week and the next, im on day 15 as a non-stoner so I'm curious how you will hold up. Good luck you can do it bro.

Posted by: rovert January 2, 2015, 1:59 AM
Hi everyone, im going through quitting weed for the 3rd time and I just wanted to reinforce how true 'Ditto's' comments were. What an amazing post that was by the way. In this case positive thinking is everything and you need to do whatever you can to lift your spirits. Drag your a** to the gym, go associate with people and be social, get involved with things and be creative. Obviously it's easier said than done for most but if you ever want to get better, you must.

The last two times I quit I was a wreck and basically stayed in bed for 8 months and felt sorry for myself. My brain didnt make much progress in healing and I inevitably went back to the grind.
I still have my ups and downs now but I feel im better equipped now and I'm determined to be the best version of myself.

Thanks again Ditto for your words as they've helped give me hope for the future and I will likely come back to that post for encouragement in the future. Good luck with your studies and God bless.

Rovert

Posted by: Josh January 2, 2015, 6:31 AM
After reading every single reply on this thread I am relieved that I'm not alone... something I've always been. I wanted to stop my daily marijuana use because I realized that in a way I forgot how to act. I forgot how to be myself. I forgot how to enjoy life without smoking. I was determined to quit and promised myself that stopping would be my New Years Resolution but I was forced to stop earlier thanks to a drug charge that will now be hanging over me for the rest of my life. Im 18 and Ive smoked everysay since I turned 17. I obtained a 4.0 in my first semester of college but I feel ive accomplished nothing... that I wont ever accomplish anything of importance or meaning. I constantly am worried about acting normal and what others think of me, something ive never done before. I think everyone is silently judging me and I hate this feeling. I just want to be that 16 year old kid again who only cared about his friends and his family and making them proud and happy. I never cared about myself but I was so so happy just living life. Why am I no longer confident, why cant I find joy in anything? At times I feel as if pot showed me that many aspects of everyday life that our society praises are totally meaningless. I want my innocence back. I want to feel

Posted by: Papa Bear January 2, 2015, 8:19 AM
Hello Josh:

I strongly suggest you to do the same thing that I posted for Jenna above.

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: DAC January 2, 2015, 4:21 PM
To everyone

Keep taking things one day at a time. Willpower really does matter - dont let anyone tell you different. Eating better, exercising, and getting out and socializing are all important parts of recovery. Filling empty time with productive behavior is also important.

There are different paths to recovery, just as there are different drugs of choice. What works for one , may not work for others - there is no "one size fits all" approach to dealing with a drug like pot. I would never fault anything that helps another but there are other viable ways to combat addiction other than just going to NA/AA meetings. But if that works for you - by all means do that. Just be tolerant of others who seek a different path.

Pot is not alcohol. They act differently on the brain...one is more for introverts, the other extroverts...very different animals when trying to quit as well. Pot can be about rebellion and relief , alcohol a poison that society encourages. I've engaged in both - they are simply different.

I just want to encourage those who post here to keep doing so. Keep sharing information , your struggles, and what works for you. Dont feel pressured to 'get with the program' because if you are a rebellious type this could lead to further use. Understanding a problem is key to conquering it. You could do that in an outside group, or one online, different people respond to different situations in their own way.

I wish everyone well and hope you find peace. Ask when you have questions...listen when dont understand...but choice brought you here - choosing to break free of addictive behavior is also a choice you can make.

Posted by: Jack January 2, 2015, 4:36 PM
Hello to you all,

I am a 26 year old male from the UK. I have been smoking weed for approximately 10 years. it did not take long for me to be doing it every evening.

I started to cut down when I really began to witness the effect it was having on me. This became evident to me approximately 18 months ago through no particular event, just a slow and gradual realisation that the lifestyle I was leading and the choices I was making were not allowing me to fulfil my aspirations. There is no doubt that it has effected me and others around me directly and indirectly. With this in mind, I have gone through periods of not smoking or smoking less, some periods longer than others. I have now given up and stopped. I have stopped.

The fact of the matter is that if I continued to smoke weed I would be continuing to make wrong decisions, decisions that enevitably inhibit me from leading the life I want and from achieving things that I want to achieve. If I continued to make these decisions I would quickly become a permanent statue of self pity, a voluntarily sedated man and that is no life, that is no man to be.

I can only do one thing from now and that is to work to get out of life what I want. In the relationships I have, in the work that I do and the experiences I have. There is no doubt that weed has had an effect on me but so have many other experiences in my life and it is at the end of the day what makes me - me.

I am thankful that I have a wonderful and very supportive girlfriend, a very supportive family and friends aside just those that I smoked with. I have realised I have a long journey ahead to get to where I want to be but I am living and learning, I am becoming a better person and I am no longer smoking weed.



Posted by: Papa Bear January 2, 2015, 5:52 PM
DAC:

You said "Willpower really does matter - dont let anyone tell you different" .

I believe you are contradicting the 1st Step of Narcotics Anonymous. .... not AA only.
http://12step.org/steps/narcotics-anonymous.html

I have to ask how long you have been clean & sober ??? How your life is going ?
What qualifies you to make a statement that not to listen to anyone else?

There are a lot of newcomers here and some may be swayed by your posts, many would die following your advice.

I'm not going to tell you different but I will let Step 1 of NA & AA tell you different.

The newcomers need to see this to make an informed commitment.
NA & AA have saved millions.

They may save you as well one day.

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: DAC January 3, 2015, 2:51 PM
bob

I am glad the 12 steps work for you. But they dont work for people like me. I dont accept the notion that we are powerless. I also dont believe my sobriety depends on others approval or disapproval. I've been to many groups and have found the environment stifling for people like me who attempt to understand themselves on a deeper level. If I felt this way, I am sure others have felt the same.

I hate labels, and I dont follow group opinions when they suppress an individuals voice. Of every hundred pot smokers, roughly 11 of them will smoke on a daily basis...1-2 of theses smokers will get to the point of being hard core addicted. Many of these have additional problems that have nothing to do with drugs at all. Now take a 100 people who take narcotic pain pills for sleep, anxiety, and depression. Almost a full 100 will take them every day, almost all will become addicted, almost all will suffer extreme anxiety and depression along with withdrawals when they stop. The latter are the ones who usually run the groups...

I am qualified only to give an opinion...that's all. It's like commenting on religion or politics - I follow what I believe, other's can follow what they believe. Pot is not a narcotic...and its not the poison alcohol is either. The NA/AA thing can help many, I am glad it does. But it is not the one and only way of freeing yourself from a substance.

A person's will is what defines them. To believe we shouldnt have one is what most groups try and emphasize. I 'choose' to respectfully disagree on that point.

Posted by: Jack January 3, 2015, 3:13 PM
Hello again,

I posted yesterday, a 26 year old male from the UK.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36L0p2w_jtA

This video helped me. It is honest and certainly conservative which doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with the 'typical' weed smoker but watch it. It is well informed, it is not sympathetic. Do not expect a shoulder to cry on, a cuddle or a way to beat your problem. It gives me a duty to fight.

I continue to battle myself but my approach has centred around not seeing myself as a victim, realising I made decisions in my life that have led to where I am now. I reject the concept of addiction and believe I have my own free will. This has given me control.

This may not be for everyone and I would not advise following this tact if you suffer from diagnosed mental health issues.




Posted by: Papa Bear January 3, 2015, 5:55 PM
DAC

I don't care if you agree or disagree with me.
I see "free spirits" suffer and die regularly as I go along in recovery... unable to accept help.
What I do care about is that the newcomer thinks that he/she can hold on to their old ideas and recover... and they die.

I want to be sure that the newcomer knows how fatal this disease is and what the treatment is for millions http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf

I know exactly what you mean by admitting my way will kill me and I have to change.
It is a very hard decision for an addict/alcoholic. Some can't do it.
It is well described in HOW IT WORKS
It is a lifetime process of pushing my will aside as best I can.
And life continues to improve over the years just as promised.

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: Ryan78 January 3, 2015, 6:48 PM
PB, keep all that stuff in the alcoholic section, marijuana and alcohol are in no way similar in dependency or withdrawal. Nobody on Earth needs NA/AA brainwashing to stop smoking weed. I smoked daily for 2 decades and am on day 18 as a non smoker and I feel fine now. I did it with willpower because I am far from helpless.

Posted by: Papa Bear January 3, 2015, 8:35 PM
Let me know when you have 1yr & 18 days.


Posted by: Ryan78 January 3, 2015, 10:42 PM
I promise I will.

Posted by: DAC January 4, 2015, 11:11 AM
Ryan

18 days is a great achievement. Stick with it, I have smoked on and off for 30 years. During that time I had almost 10 years away without any slips. Most of that time I was completely sober for months and even years at a time. Dont fall for the lie that if you do slip you will hopelessly repeat the same patterns. At least this has not been the experience with me.

There are many approaches to staying clean. I have tried them all. Some work better for different types of substances....there is no cure all, or one way of looking at this. I know and understand marijuana, because of experience, and for what I learned over the years from my experience. I reach out to those who have had similiar experiences with this particular drug.

I dont disavow the 'accepted' methods of treatment. I just say that not all drugs are the same. Neither are people, we all are unique , what works for some, might not work for others - just leave it at that.

I only offer my opinion and experience when I think it will help. No one need agree with me, but I wont keep repeating myself or argue with someone who is seeking help. At that point it's not help , but becomes contentious and counterproductive to recovery.

I want to bring out opinions and info...not suppress them.

Keep it up Ryan - especially should you slip or be tempted to - that's when people need to write and talk the most.

Posted by: Ryan78 January 4, 2015, 4:51 PM
DAC

I appreciate your kind words. I'm quite confident I will not slip up, I have a bag of weed 10 feet away from me (waiting to see a buddy to give it to) and I haven't been close at all to smoking anything. The real problem with my situation is I smoked morning until night EVERY day for the last 60% of my life. Which means EVERYTHING I did I associated with smoking a joint. My withdrawal now is basically still kind of light headed at times, which is normal because the transmitters are still going haywire in my brain from 20 years of cannabinoid receptors being plugged several times a day. My appetite is fine, my motivation is almost where it should be, and most importantly I am able to do whatever I used to do before, but don't need to be high to do it. Boredom seems to be the enemy in my situation, before if I was bored I would get stoned and anything seemed to be more interesting (TV, video games etc.) so that hes been the hardest to adjust to. The main thing is that I have no urge to smoke at any point in the day. I take a sleeping pill to help me sleep which is the only other issue I face, but I had basically the same problem when I did smoke so it doesn't worry me much. I'll continue to frequent this forum as I would like to try and help or give advice to anyone else going through what I'm going through. Again, thanks for the support.

Posted by: DAC January 5, 2015, 4:21 PM
ryan

Boredom is the biggest enemy. I found this to be true with myself. I know when I am busy I dont have the need or desire to smoke. There is also a 'fog' which lifts after a while that will encourage you to get out and do more. The exercise thing is something that people overlook, but it really does help in terms of generating dopamine, endorphins, and in general creating a positive feeling about recovery. For smokers it will also stretch the lungs and bring up residue you didnt even know was there. It can strengthen the will.

But if that is not something you like, take up reading or something that will engage the mind. Mind, body, and soul are how I look at it. The physical is repairing the body, reading and writing helps improve the mind, connecting and helping others helps build the soul. Unfortunately, on that last one I had to distance myself from family to get anything accomplished. People are INCREDIBLY self absorbed by nature....even your problems become all about them. I wish this wasnt true for me, but it was....and IS. So I accept that these relationships weren't what I believed them to be in the first place, and have moved on.

There are many paths to recovery...sharing what I have found to work is just a contribution - not an attempt to define an absolute answer.

I am only at 2 months completely sober, but before that it was sporatic use. And that came after a spell of LONG use. So I know all about the hole it leaves in your life...especially when you could be functional while smoking it. But you are better off without smoking it every day, and that's what use right now would lead to.

So keep busy - dont look back


Posted by: Ryan78 January 5, 2015, 4:40 PM
I'm curious about two things regarding your withdrawal.. were you light-headed at first and if so for how long? Second, did you have weird dreams every night and remember them vividly? Those are my only two symptoms left, the light-headed thing being the annoying one. I get the transmitters are going haywire still from 20 years of daily usage dusk till dawn, just curious if you experience(d) this too. I definitely exercise and read everyday, because like you said, the only true enemy in all of this is boredom lol.

Posted by: DAC January 6, 2015, 8:19 PM
ryan

Sorry it took so long to get back with you, I plow snow - been busy. You mentioned the light-headed ness...yes, I have experienced that. In the days following a lot of use,I would feel the 'fog' for up to maybe 2-3 weeks. Often I would be irritable more than usual during this time as well. But my head would clear up about a month. At about - 8 weeks I would regain my sharpness, AND aggressiveness about life and what I whatever I was pursuing. But for me, I would also experience a down time before getting that 'edge' back.

Smoking marijuana will cause you to use different areas of the brain. Well worn neural pathways, usually leading to the drug, will now start finding different paths once the drug is gone. This isnt just mumbo jumbo. I 've seen electrical images of the brain during the decision process , and the way the patterns change with use. When you stop smoking, the paths will wander more, and the activity will become more 'scattered" (fogginess). This is why it is important to develop good habits....a habitual brain wants to form new patterns, replace them with good dopamine reinforcements and you can regain your 'sharpness'.

In my opinion, and is ONLY an opinion, when prescribed an anxiety medicine following addiction. You are just training the brain to like another drug. That's why exercise, writing, reading, and communicating are so important during this time. You need 'something' to fill the void.

Fever dreams? Yeah, had them, and they can be intense following a forced sobriety after a long period of use. With me, if I got too warm at night they got REALLY vivid. I would often wake up in a pool of sweat. I have read that REM sleep is the way of expelling needless information. I'm sure there is more to it than just that, but I see it as a sign your brain is healing itself.

When I smoked, I usually had 'dead sleep'. A kind of 'passing out sleep' with dulled down dreams. I think vivid dreams are an indication your mind is becoming more active and sharper. When asleep, your brain will use the energy once consumed by marijuana, and begin re-connecting to past memories and old pathways....again , just a theory.

Take heart, it gets better. In my 30 years of smoking I had an almost 10 year sobriety period from pot. I took it up again because I was in a really bad position in life. I'm not excusing it , just explaining it. Pot can make it comfortable to be isolated...makes the passage of time easier. Problem is continuing the use, which just ends up making you procrastinate, and wasting opportunities you later regret. This makes the use cycle harder to break...

You are away from smoking - stay away and heal.

Posted by: Fred January 6, 2015, 8:43 PM
Ryan 78, As requested an update. Things are going great mate. I have now been clean for a week and the only night i really struggled was the 1st night, hence the epicly long post where i just typed to keep my mind off the weed. Not to undermine others that have struggled, as i thought that 20 years a stoner would be tough to stop but its a one day at a time thing. I have never wanted to stop before but now i do and i will. Cheers for your words fella its nice to know a stranger cares. Hows your quitting going for you.

I also agree with your comments towards Papa bear. We all quit in the ways we want/can. Only follow the 12 steps if you need to but i have had one step and that was quitting. i have and will do that. If a mental state of mind can get you to quit as mentioned by DAC then good luck to you. If you need to follow other programs good luck to you.

Lets not argue as to who is the "best quitter" lets slap each other on the backs for being people who have faced up to your addiction and quit or are on the road to quitting.

Oh and on a side note, i have started to dream for the 1st time in 20 years again. I never knew they could be so vivid, An amazing one about living on a deserted island and another about forgetting to put the rubbish out. very varied but so vivid.

Keep up the good work gents




Posted by: Papa Bear January 6, 2015, 10:37 PM
We all quit in the ways we want/can.

Let's all meet back here in 5 or 10 yrs and discuss what works and what doesn't.

All the best.

Bob

Posted by: Ryan78 January 7, 2015, 1:20 AM
That is awesome Fred, very good that it only lasted a day for you, I am on day 21 and I feel great except for still a little foggy/light-headed especially in the morning. The dreams are insane yes, every one I have causes me to only be asleep for 2-3 hours at a time though, due to how vivid they are. The main thing (for me) was to keep my mind occupied through anything I can do or handle right now. My appetite is back to way it should be which allows me to eat which gives me the energy I need to do the things that keep my mind occupied lol. What I didn't realize is that some of my symptoms are most likely from the fact that I, along with stopping pot cold-turkey, also cut my sugar intake by 80% and caffeine by at least 50%. From 2 coffees, 1-2 redbull, an iced capp and some kind of candy/chocolate in the evening EVERY day for at least 3-4 years, to just 1 coffee when i wake up and maybe half a coffee an hour or two later. I think that is contributing to how I feel in the morning as a would eat my sweets within an hour or two before bed, then take my sleeping pill. Either way it has been quite the lifestyle change, but at 35 I knew it was time to grow up and get my s*** together before I get old and regret having kept the same lifestyle. Thanks for the kind words as well, I will stick around this site to see how others do and to give advice or answer questions whenever I can. All the best my friend.

Posted by: Justin January 7, 2015, 7:51 PM
I've never actually related to a post like this before so here's my story. It's a lot like everybodys here... I used to be against drugs from the time I was young till I was about 16-17. I used to have a 4.2 GPA I was really into xbox/computers, had a bunch of friends, and was generally happy. Do to things happening in highschool when I was 17 (a breakup) one of my friends on the wrestling team got me to try weed. . Literally from the first time I smoked until a week ago (im 21 now) I was an everyday smoker. Spending up to yes 150 dollars a week or more on weed. Or at the minimum 20-50$. The only times I have ever not smoked pot was 14 days when I was in Colorado which i missed the entire time and the 3x i've been baker acted (where you go to a phych ward and have to stay there for 3-5 days). I am feeling the same way you guys are feeling about weed. I just don't feel normal. I go around in my garage and pick up scraps of weed off the floor, smoke stems and resin do anything I can do if I don't have weed. I have never ever been able to go more then 14 days without smoking because I always get into that mindstate many of you have discussed where you're like "Ill just smoke once a day and use it as medicine" the thing that sucks the most is i've been able to break every single one of my old drug habits .... hardcore drugs ... but i cant quit weed drugs like... Oxys, Tripple C's, Xanax, Klonopin...but I just cant get myself to stop smoking weed it is CONSTANTLY on my mind. I think i'm going through PAWS right now from Klonopin and xanax and gabapentin and an assortment of drugs I got from the doctor to "stop smoking pot" still didnt work and I regret so much because the withdrawls were so much and still are so much worse... id smoke on top of the pills as well and it never got me to stop. so I know that is contributing to my problem but what i'm craving is weed..... Even before I started taking them I felt exactly the same... I just couldnt stop smoking. I've stolen from my own family for weed, sold my xboxs, done whatever I can to get weed and I've finally had a son with my girlfriend and I want to quit so bad. I find myself not being able to get a good job or get anywhere in life because the second i pick up the pipe I get lazy and accomplish nothing. My girlfriend is literally in another state with my kid because I can't get my s*** straight and i'm going crazy. I just don't know what to do. I don't think ill ever go back to the happy interested in life person I was before i started smoking and going through withdrawls from Klonopin and Gabapentin ontop of weed is killing me. I just need help, people to talk to. Some form of hope to see it is indeed possible to quit. I still havent been able to quit today i smoked resin, but thats how addicted i am. All i manage to do without weed is sit on my phone all day or on facebook or text my girlfriend but I always end up crying/having terrible anxiety attacks. I wake up every morning depressed. I feel sick when i eat, I cant sleep. I literally haven't even left my house to do anything in over a month except to go see my grandma and I had to drink when I was out just to feel social... I feel so pathetic. I never knew how bad my problem was with weed till I was without it. I always found a way to get it or when I didn't have it i'd go to my friends. But now because of my drug addiction to other drugs and weed I've crashed my car ,went to jail, and lost my job as a warehouse manager all because of my addictions. I constantly have to have a buzz. I've been on 20 plus medications for anxiety depression and stuff like that in the past 4 years so I know im going through PAWS from multiple drugs :/, I cant believe I did this to myself. i've gotten so suicidal and have to constantly tell myself this will pass. Its not like I want to die.. Im scared of death. I just feel like life isnt worth living and nothing makes me happy and that my emotions are just empty and nothing is fun. I maybe have an hour out of the day where I enjoy watching tv manage to overcome my thoughts but my attention span is maybe 15 minutes then I go back to thinking about weed. i've been in rehab 4x and it does nothing for me but make me think "oh when I get out ill have no tolerance" but i'm glad I found this thread I didn't think anyone had the problems I have and Im probably the worst on here lol... So my question is how long will these weed cravings last.... I just feel like im going to have to smoke for the rest of my life... I just wanna be a good dad. Soorry for my scattered thoughts im going crazy over here...

Posted by: Ryan78 January 7, 2015, 8:29 PM
Hi Justin.

I am not an addictions counsellor but all I can do is give advice based on my own experiences.

First of all, taking other medications to replace the weed is not something that will do anything positive long term. All that is doing is creating another dependency that you obviously do not need. You have to want to be clean, off all drugs. It is very difficult at first and will be for a few weeks maybe more. The key is to set goals, and to find ways to motivate or inspire yourself to do what is necessary to achieve them. Take up exercising, not only will that keep you occupied, but the sweating will help to flush your system of the toxins. I've done that plus epson salt baths that seems to help a bit too. You just have to try and overcome the s***ty feelings one day at a time. You mentioned you have a child, well I can't think of better inspiration to improve your life than to be able to be a part of your childs life. Start to eat healthier as well, lots of vitamins, antioxidants and water will be helpful. The number one thing is you have to want it, and you need to set goals and then figure out what you have to do and sacrifice to achieve those goals. Take it from me, I smoked daily from dawn to dusk from age 16 until 3 weeks ago and I'm 35, it's tough. For me the mornings are still rough but by the time nightfall hits I feel really good. Everyone is different and everyone's situation is different so these are only suggestions to try and crack the dependency. Boredom is the enemy. Find ways, whatever you can to keep your mind occupied so you're not just thinking about getting high. Good luck to you, keep us posted.

Posted by: Jack January 8, 2015, 6:52 AM
Hello again ...

Contrary to Bob's method (which no doubt works for many) ... I have taken this tact ... Taking responsibility for your actions, realising you have free will and adopting the mindset that you are not subject to addiction. This has been successful for me. You are still have the capacity to be in control.

I've been writing lists of what I want to do the next day before bed. This has helped give me purpose as soon as I wake up.

Exercising has helped, particularly doing it in the early evening when I would usually go out to smoke with my friends.

Also contacting old friends that I haven't spoken to for a while has been really rewarding. It has been good to feed off of their stories and enthusiasm.

I have felt improvements in ... better sleep, better eating, more work completed, greater enjoyment from relaxing and more broadly a transformation in how I view myself ... with much more optimism.

Keep it up the good work if you're giving up, go for it you're yet to start giving up and if you've lapsed and smoked weed again then look at yourself in the mirror again ... slap yourself in the face and say I can do this shiiiiii'!

Posted by: Jack January 8, 2015, 7:05 AM
Also reading some of the above posts ...

I've started dreaming again too. It's good. I definitely see it as a positive sign. If I consider when I would dream before would be when I was active and productive. Now I am dreaming again I feel that it is a result of being more active and productive and -probably- smoking less weed. There may well be a correlation between weed consumption and dreaming.

Whilst I am at thinking about research into weed. The research currently available is -not- comprehensive. Far from it in fact. Take note of this. There are many things we do not know despite thinking we may know.

Good day to you all!

Posted by: DAC January 8, 2015, 2:54 PM
justin

You mentioned Klonopin. My cousin came off of this drug last year after 16 years of constant use and experienced some pretty severe withdrawals. In terms of anxiety and depression he was in pretty bad shape because he had used it for so long.

His one statement that hits home the most.."I went to the psychologist looking for help - no mention of this being addictive, no mention that there would ever be withdrawals...I just feel betrayed" He was still experiencing withdrawals even up to six months out. He confided that if he had to go back to it , he knew he would never quit again....it would be usage for life even if it killed him - that's how bad the withdrawals were.

Not trying to scare you , just sharing an experience. Addiction is different with everyone. So are the treatments. My experience has been primarily with marijuana , and even though I have used and abused it for at least 20 of the last 30 years. I never... EVER feared that I would not be able to quit it if I truly wanted to. I was able to put it down almost every year for an 8 month stretch....I just smoked all I wanted the other 4 months. Not sure what kind of 'label' that earns me - dont care. I dont smoke it now, havent for almost 10 weeks, and NOW is the time I should be smoking the most - just dont want to.

Just take it a day at a time.

Posted by: Fred January 10, 2015, 9:26 PM
Justin

Just like Ryan, I am not qualified in anyway but i am in a similar position. 11 Days clean now and i feel where you are at mate. The really worrying thing i hear is you are substituting the weed with other Meds, I am in the Uk and these options are not available to me but i would try to stay well away from substituting one drug for another. I think you do need some help and maybe a program is the best way for you, You may have read i have cleaned up as i have a kid on the way so i get why you want to and NEED to quit but you need help. In the short term keep your self busy. I have taken up running again, I am on a bit of a Forest Gump at the moment and doing a few miles a day but i really feel the benefit and it makes dropping off on a night so much easier. Do You work ? it seems you need to be kept busy in some way or another. Do keep us updated mate. If i can do it so can you. I have solidly smoked for 20 years but am in a place now where i am ready to be a none smoker and am starting to feel the benefits from it. Leave the resin s*** well alone its full of crap and will harm massively. Pick a date and stick to it, No i might stop this day or that, You have to mean it. But before setting that date do look into options that may help you. Like i said look into programs ect.

Good luck buddy, drop in next week and let us know how your going.


Posted by: Fred January 10, 2015, 9:30 PM
Pappa Bear


Let's all meet back here in 5 or 10 yrs and discuss what works and what doesn't.

Thanks for you words of encouragement mate, nice to know everyones got each others back around here no matter what route they are taking

Posted by: Jack January 12, 2015, 11:52 AM
Hello again,

So perhaps writing on here is becoming a regular occurrence. I've gone 2/3 weeks without smoking weed. I have ...

Exercised most days, whether that be running, walking or some sort of exercise youtube video (cringe and funny in equal measure but good).
Eaten better.
Been more productive in the 2/3 weeks without smoking than the last 2/3 months.

Now I am presented with a challenge ... maintaing the motivation to succeed. I am convinced and quite happy that weed for me is now gone, now the challenge is to make sure I keep going, keep pursuing all of my aspirations. It is very easy to let a day of poor productivity slip into two. It is a challenge. It is a seemingly attractive prospect to do little in a day and pursue easily achievable short term goals but the reward is often hallow.

It is so important to avoid things that sedate your daily activity ... I feel the problem is less about weed and more about attitude and habits ... I am convinced I can make real, long lasting change but it'll be a grind ... having said that ... life is more often than not a grind ... it can be a good grind however.

Hopefully, I'll stop by again another time to note down my progress further. For now it is a battle less about weed and more about the day to day drive and motivation to fulfil my aspirations.

Good luck to you all!

Posted by: Papa Bear January 12, 2015, 1:01 PM
That is where the 12 Steps of NA is so important.
http://12step.org/references/12-step-versions/na/

Quitting the weed (substance) is the first half of Step 1
Then come the other 11 1/2 Steps to get us thinking straight and learning how to live.

Like the old saying goes "If you sober up a drunken horsethief you end up with a horsethief".

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: DAC January 12, 2015, 4:07 PM
Jack

Many experience a 'quit euphoria' when putting a substance down for the first time. This is especially true with weed, because for most people there is little physical withdrawal - most withdrawals are mental. After you get past the 'quit euphoria' you can often find yourself bored, and this can lead to mistakes.

Being aware of this is a big step to overcoming it. You are right to think that a habitual person with weed could turn into a habitual person with their downtime. Smoking for most of us lets us decompress and pass time quickly. If stressed this can turn into a pattern that keeps us there for an extended time. It is important to stay busy doing something. Exercise, reading, conversing, getting out and saying 'yes' to invitations will get you headed in the right direction.

The alternative is getting high every day and watching the world pass you by. Most of us have done that enough to know we want something more. Stay active, mind and body, and you will have a good shot at staying away for a lot longer than just a couple weeks.

Posted by: Fred January 12, 2015, 7:05 PM
Pappa bear,

How long have you been Clean from substance abuse and what substance did you use ??

Cheers

Posted by: Jack January 13, 2015, 6:15 AM
DAC ... Good advice and genuinely useful support. Also whilst I don't -personally- buy into the religious sentiments of papa bear's link I certainly value it. Thank you to you both.

The first part is the easy part really. Once I got increasingly frustrated with my (self inflicted) situation it was easy to say no to weed and the friends surrounding it. The hard part that I am now encountering is the change of habit. I'm getting there but it takes real effort, real will power to get up and go. I don't doubt my ability to do it. I just need to keep going and remember the main thing I am getting away from is not necessarily the weed. It is the lifestyle of which weed was a component. If I don't keep going then ... as DAC put it ...

"The alternative is getting high every day and watching the world pass you by."

I know I don't want that and having been there before it is all too easy to do.

I can do this.

Thanks for the support.


Posted by: Papa Bear January 13, 2015, 8:30 AM
Fred:

My clean/sober date is July 18, 1989.

I am an alcoholic and used Valium/pot & various drugs for many years.

I was 44 yrs old when I came to recovery. I'll be 71 soon.

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: Ryan January 13, 2015, 9:52 AM
Hey I too am going through the relentless withdrawals of trying to quit, I smoked for 3-4 years every day and am now 3 weeks off it and I have never felt worse.. I mean I'm proud of the progress so far but the anxiety I'm feeling is so severe, I keep stuffing things up with girls cause I stress so much that I'm doing/saying the wrong thing, I constantly think people are talking about me and I've never cared so much about what other people think of me until now, I worry so much about the future, it's driving me insane.. Weed has definitly changed me as a person I don't feel the same, my friends have noticed, my family has noticed, I'm just depressed atm and it's making the quitting even harder cause I'm so used to just relying on smoking to make me numb so I wit think about it...
I just wanna be me again :(

Please tell me it gets better

Really enjoy the comments it's good to listen to people going through the same things

Ryan.

Posted by: Papa Bear January 13, 2015, 10:20 AM
Ryan:

Now you are getting a glimpse of what recovery is all about.

It' is so little about the substance and so much about our "defects & shortcomings".

You are about to stand at the turning point.
I hope you choose to go forward (NA) and not backward (weed) as it will be worse.

Ours is a progressive disease and without help I get overwhelmed.

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: Fred January 13, 2015, 8:01 PM
Some impressive stats Pappa Bear, And you should be proud of what you have achieved, But please don't be so presumptive as to assume yours is the only way, I really am happy with the things you have managed to achieve on your road to recovery, but there are ways and means for everybody, I get it worked for you, i really do and it will work for many of people, but it seems a little dismissive of you to assume that if you don't follow the same route you have you will fail. Are you really telling me in your 27 years of being sober you have not met anyone who has achieved their goals by following their own path. I have only just started on the road to being a none stoner, but right from the off weed and alcohol are very different drugs, and this is after all a thread that was started about about cannabis.

I don't wish to offend or upset you or anyone on these boards, but i think your posts come across as preachy. Everyone here is here because they are starting on a road to recovery and the fact we are here helping one another will be enough for some. Only some and not everyone but please your comments are not always helpful sentences like "Let me know when you have 1yr & 18 days." make it sound like your willing people to fail.

Again i don't want to upset you but just chill out a little mate, Your road is not the only road and a bit of support for everyone in recovery is why we are here.

Where i and others i am sure struggle is the spiritual side of AA and NA. i know its said over and over that you do not have to have a god to follow the program but you do have to have some sort of belief in a higher being, For me this is where you lose me, i was raised in a strict catholic family but i was a curious child ( no doubt why i ended up on the weed) i asked questions, many many questions, some of which where answered satisfactorily some of which lead me to more questions and some which could not be answered. in my mind (and again only my opinion) i decided there was no higher force and so long as you are good in life you will be fine. This is my path so to ask me to change all my beliefs to attend a program to quit weed seems a tad excessive when i need to do is stop smoking weed. I have a 1 step program with a few reasons as to why. Step 1 Dont smoke any more..... reasons, To better myself, to be the best person i can be for my unborn child and beautiful wife. Trust me, i do not need any more reasons or steps, I have quit and will continue on that route. you may not believe i will achieve this long term and your are entitled to that opinion but if that's your thoughts it is in no way productive to preach to me about your chosen route and why it is the only route.

Again massive congrats on your life's achievements i honestly mean it but lets hear it from you....congratulating those that are starting out on their chosen road

Big love Fred

Posted by: Fred January 13, 2015, 8:17 PM
Ryan. all i can say is hang in there mate, You say your worried abut what people are saying about you, but even if they where saying bad things what do you care, you know your a good person and you know you are doing this for the right reasons. You say your family have noticed a change, do they know your quitting if so are they there for you to tell them your thoughs, It might not feel it but they will care for you they may be talking but only because they are worried they certanly wont be saying negative things about you.

I feel for you you where the 1st person on this thread to address me personally and that meant something. It shows you are caring not just about your own recovery but those that are going through the same process as you. I know its easy oto say mate but please stick with it, A visit to the doc my be a good idea if the depression kicks in hard but you are doing this for your own good and please dont go back to the weed. its a shame yout not near because if i had half a chance i would be there for you fella.

Stay strong
Fred

Posted by: Fred January 13, 2015, 8:20 PM
Ryan, A lot of the above may not make total sense, it seems there are 2 ryans on this board, That doesn't mean i care any less though and please stay strong.

Posted by: Ryan78 January 14, 2015, 1:45 AM
Ryan

Yes, it does get easier, with proper diet, exercise, and keeping yourself occupied with anything you enjoy besides getting high. I am on day 29 and to use a number I am 95% over it and am back to work, no mood swings, no craving, just still having a little trouble staying asleep at night and the lucid weird dreams are still there. You can get through it, just believe it, from a guy who smoked dawn to dusk from age 16-35 every single day who went through hell for the first 2 weeks after quitting, that it does get better. As for a higher power, everyone is different, I am Agnostic/Atheist cross I believe there may be a higher power out there, but I certainly do not believe it would have anything to do with the higher powers that the organized religions on this planet believe in though.

Posted by: DAC January 15, 2015, 5:20 PM
There is something called a 'quit euphoria' that describes what you feel when you first put away a substance that you have long abused. It is a good feeling of accomplishment, of conquering, and it usually lasts a few weeks after long term use.

After you pass the 'quit euphoria' phase though, you will often feel heightened anxiety , stress, and even depression. This has a lot to do with regrets over past decisions, and the increased awareness of the basic responsibilities of life. It can seem overwhelming, and the temptation to go back to smoking during this time is increased.

From my experience I notice a big change in feelings about the 6-8 week mark. Oddly, this was a time when I would often go back to smoking. I think because once I proved to myself I had overcome the temptation to smoke, I was 'allowed' to go back to smoking . Everyone is different , I just noticed this about myself.

If I felt withdrawals, or felt like it had a hold on me, or affected my behavior and decision making I wanted to stay away. Once these things no longer were an issue, I would allow myself to smoke. Often telling myself that I would just 'smoke a little' . But I would quickly go back to all day everyday - binge mode smoking. I would do this for a few weeks and then quit completely again once I knew I was in a pattern that would not stop....and honestly, didnt even get me all that high anymore.

I share this here to hopefully spare you of some of these troubles. I have quit for long periods dozens of times over the years. It used to be 8 months clean, 4 months sober. I did this pattern for 15-20 years. I am telling you things I have learned....I even went almost 10 yrs free at one point.

The mental thing gets better, you can recover after a few months out, you wont always feel down and anxious like you do a few weeks out. The brain has to adjust, in time it will - you just have to give it a chance.

Posted by: Papa Bear January 15, 2015, 5:50 PM
We address the physical thing, the mental thing, the emotional thing and the spiritual thing.

This is more a disease of our "soul" than it is a physical/mental thing.

Read the 3 pertinent ideas at the end of HOW IT WORKS
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10_howitworks.pdf

This is why The 12 Steps work so well. HOW IT WORKS describes the recovery process so well.

The DOC is mentioned only in the first half of Step 1.
The DOC is a small symptom of the whole problem..

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: Guest January 16, 2015, 9:44 PM
Ben your words helped me don't ever forget that!

-alex

Posted by: rog January 18, 2015, 4:32 AM
marijuana and hard time,....... i heard some one says excess of water can also kill people and damage body and brain parts .....
nvm
to the point, use weeds as interest not hobby ,it will work for the best ;)

Posted by: kev January 18, 2015, 9:50 PM
smoked weed since 14 and now 18, the last year I was in a mess I was living in a hole leading nowhere , not taking responsibility for my actions caring more about my social "weed" life more than anything including family, I ruined my relationship with everybody around me, i threw everythin my parents did and tried to do for me in there faces, ive been arrested about 7 times and CANT EVEN REMEBER WHAT HALF OF THEM WERE FOR. i luckily have a few nice friends left but i feel like they all look at me in a different way and judge me .

ive now quit for about 6 weeks and I feel like I will never be the fun outgoing me again. I have other brothers and 1 of them is worse than me in different ways, which I am just as concerned about as I believe I encouraged him smoking weed even though he is 2 year older than me and don't really have a good relationship with him nor anyone else in my family nymore which i am in the process of fixing but my mind is just in too much of a bad place to improve anythin

at the moment i am just left with with horrible memories and doing evil things pretty much for the fun of it , i pretty much regret everything i have done in my life that i can remember. i do nothing but think about getting better but all the bad just clouds over it . i have created a doubt in myself which i am getting bad anxiety from and that things wont get better. and that im analysing things that i shouldn't even have to think about .

i have turned into quite evil person and realised i was using evilness to socialise with people (as hard as that sounds) and the way i am at the moment its very hard to socialise with love,for people and so on especially most people i know. And this is all down to weed it completely changed my personality and the way i look at things

ino this is a lecture but it quite helped me reading some of these stories so i thought id share mine to help some people if poss that is in similar sitchuations and also it helped me bit

AND APPARNTELY TIME CAN HEAL ANY SCARRS SO WEVE GOT TO LIVE HOPE :]

Posted by: kev January 18, 2015, 10:43 PM
and also actions speak louder thatn words we need to practice what we know is best and what is good as hard as that can be in in a the s*** societys we live in nowadays but every little makes a difference , wether it be trying to set a good example to someone or just doing ur best when u can

Posted by: Hassen January 19, 2015, 12:04 AM
I just started to notice that i have anxiety disorder and then i didn't know from where it comes from. Now I feel a lot better to know that is only my addiction to weed that ruined my life. And now hopefully I can manage my panic according to know that I was an addicted and my body need some times to get rid of it. Thank you a lot your posts and hope that everybody are going to be better.

Posted by: aaron 38 January 20, 2015, 1:02 AM
I have been an intense smoker for 23 years with very little break only really 7 months last year. I would spend all the time smoking not really knowing why I just needed to do it ended up I would have 2 or 3 when waking a couple at work and non stop from getting home till some nights till 3-4 in the morning before work on days off till I finally fell asleep basically non stop. My problem got so bad I even grew the stuff to try and save money but found when I did I would smoke say 1 to 2 ounces a week neat and the worst weeks over 4, which I know seems impossible but trust it can and has been done.
I have problems with people critisicing, paranoid episodes, anxious a lot, my head is all over the show, it has ruined my going out unless for work and food get really anxious and find it easy just to lock myself away. I can only work because its something to focus on. I have sweating issue's really bad when at work it can be like someone has poured water over me, I go from being really nice to flying of the handle. I can do my job which still shocks me as it's fixing things in peoples homes, but I guess because it's something to focus on it helps a lot. strange I have never lost it in front of customers but a lot of people at work and home are careful around me because they know I can be volatile. I've never hurt anyone or given them reason too they seem at times nervous.
Pretty much all the bad things all of you are talking about I pretty much have most of the bad symptoms, which doesn't really surprise me I lets face it have been a caner. started at 15 used to get (rocky- squidgy black - soap bar - slate) which was ok but then went up a notch to the green and not standard as its known now we always got the high grade as most know it were I live. this is were it all got a bit messy someone introduced me to E's then I found speed even had a spell on methadone as well as morphine which were all in my early days really late teens early 20s Lets just say if I could I would rattle. but last 15 years the need for weed.

I managed last year 7 months of getting of it just stopped which is when for at least 3-4 months is like living a nightmare, it was the 1st time in 18 years I went on holiday I started coming out of my shell and around the resort had no real issue with going out by myself well felt at ease not like something bad was going to happen at butlins ( don't laugh was a big step a holiday) but had some major issue's come up and went back to my coping mechanism.
It's only with a glimpse of clarity which I yearn for more than anything, I have a 2 year old son which I hardly see I'm in the garden making smoke signals I realised I have to stop.
It's been 20 days now I have been through hell and back I went to the doctor and told him everything except the biggy that I was toking, he now thinks I suffer from asperges or something and is sending me for a mental health assessment which I don't need. I just am getting the worst of the withdrawal.
He put me on antidepressants thinking it would suppress not knowing I toked was like being in a living nightmare my face felt paralised was like being in a coma but awake like taking a really bad e and cranking it up 100%. I could only manage 2 days on it I think if I continued I would have wanted to end it all, I realised having the most scary 2 days I had to come clean.
On Monday I went straight to my boss broke down and laid my cards on the table and blubbering said i'm an addict he was really supportive, then I have phoned the docs and said about anti's and andmitted weed still have to go and explain this one woopsie.
To anyone that is fearful you need to take big steps a go through it, i'm lucky I have a partner doesn't touch anything she is with me because I can be really nice just confused. the 7 months I gave up was amazing after a while felt like id wasted most of my adulthood. didn't worry to much on memory it started coming back. Best not to tie yourself up with thinking to much just live a life without it I'm sure it will sort itself out. like I said been 20 days living hell but I want what most normal people have a life and don't plan on touching it whatever life throws at me I just want to live. I know its going to be 2-4 months of ups and downs but I also know it gets better with support and a few clean friends about. to tempting for me hanging around dope smokers. not sure any of this will help , I think to be honest it has me the more im honest weight on my shoulder lifts . I've been such a plank for so long . thanks again my English isn't the best some may seem garbbled/

Posted by: Blair January 21, 2015, 2:25 AM
You cannot get addicted to the weed. The high yes. But I don't believe this one bit. I smoked for years and quit no problems. Lack of sleep sure. But it HELPED my anxiety when I was smoking. And after I quit I wasn't any worse off actually my anxiety disorder was better than it was before I had started smoking. So if you think you can get addicted to weed I'll pray for you lol go to a doctor and ask. You just wanted to feel high.

Posted by: jessie January 21, 2015, 3:00 PM
Hi:

Find a good health practictioner and ask about Rhodiola. It is good for the brain.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jessie

Posted by: Dandee January 21, 2015, 7:10 PM
Okay.

So I am 28 (female) and have smoked weed for around 7 years.

I started when I was at college.It started off small, with x1 spliff/joint a night, before I knew it I was smoking £10 a day and then £20. I would smoke a spliff in the morning before starting my day and then smoke lots again when I got home.

I passed my college course (when I started smoking), and went on to study at university. I did quite well and passed my degree with a respectable 2:1 (obtained mostly whilst high as a kite)!!

I am now into my second year working(post qualifying), and have decided I don't want to smoke anymore. I have realised I am basically working my a** off to fund my £140 a week habit.

Reasons for wanting to quit:

I have an 8 year old son; I would hate the idea of him smoking when older, so I'm not setting a great example. I also feel like a lazy parent. I feel I would be a lot more active with my son, if I wasn't feeling so relaxed/high all the time.

I spend approx. £140 a week on cannabis. Whilst I can afford this, I am not going on holidays, and I am not saving a deposit to buy my own house. If I didn't smoke for one year, and saved all that money I would save £7280 and that's not even including the cigarettes and rizla. THAT IS A DEPOSIT TOWARDS BUYING A HOUSE OR AT LEAST FOUR HOLIDAYS A YEAR! OR THAT BMW I SO BADLY DESIRE!!- so my question is can I really afford it, if I am not doing those things in life, I done the degree for?

My teeth are going yellow, and my skin is starting to age (fine lines around my mouth). I am a vein person lol.

I don't like my house smelling of cannabis- even though I smoke outside- I smoked the potent s*** which would still leave the house stinking!!

Reasons why I don't want to quit:

1. I love smoking/ I love the smell of high grade/ I love the feeling of being high/relaxed

2. My partner( and sons father is in prison), he got a 13 year sentence- weed blocks out feeling of loneliness it has become my lover and best friend haha! P.S Yes I am waiting for him.

3. I have a really stressful job, weed makes the days stressed float away!!

Good News:

I decided to quit cold turkey on Friday 9th January 2015.(I am an all or nothing kind of person!)It has now been 12 days, and I haven't smoked a thing. I haven't used any patches, or anything like that. I have never smoked cigarettes on their own, but did use them in the spliffs. so I am also craving nicotine I guess. On the 09/01/15 I threw away my smoking box, with smoking tools. I also had to throw away my slippers as I wear them outside when I smoke and they stink of weed- I had to wash everything in the house/wardrobe too. The smell makes me want it!
I have never even attempted to quit before, so have never relapsed, and again tried to quit.

I would say that my withdrawal hasn't been too bad!!

Bad News:

The worst part is the insomnia, night sweats and persistent cravings, I must go to roll up at least 10 times a day before reminding myself I don't do that now.

I have money, and constant access to weed if I want it! So I must remain strong, and have a lot of self control.

I am not sure if I can smell weed (from the neighbour), or my mind is playing tricks on me! Either way when I do smell it, it is the best smelling weed ever lol.

I am sure my sweat smells like weed also, as when I wake up in the AM I can smell it on my PJ's and my new slippers smell like weed- like its coming out of my sweat glands! is this even possible??

Concerns:
I am concerned that I don't actually want to quit, and am only doing so because I want to spend my money on better things, because I feel guilty as a parent- please don't think I am a bad parent, my son has a lot of my time, love and affection, it just the way I view myself.
I would probably go on more bike rides, or watch more DVD's, spend a longer time drawing pictures etc...

I am worried that I will relapse.

However I have found myself in a lot of stressful situations (work related) over the past few days, and managed to hold it together.

I must say though, reading this post, a lot of people have experienced anxiety, depression, not feeling themselves. I don't feel any of these things. I feel almost fine apart from constantly wanting to smoke. I now feel as though I am waiting for these side effects. I was a heavy smoker.

Anyway I don't actually know why I came on here. I was actually gooling, when detoxing from weed does the smell come out in your sweat glands lol. I never write in these typo of forums, so yeah I am unsure why I am here.

However its good to read some of your stories.

Take Care and Peace Out ;)









Posted by: Alex January 21, 2015, 8:13 PM
Bump.

I know its been a long time since last post but i really want to know how most of you guys are doing now after quitting. Any improvements? Im in the same boat and its hell. Combined with GAD and severe depression even before quitting.

Posted by: Alex January 21, 2015, 8:18 PM
Nevermind didnt notice the newer posts

Posted by: Fred. January 21, 2015, 8:41 PM
Dandee

Me and you are in the same boat, i have been clean after been a heavy smoker for 20 years since the 1/1/15. I expected hell but its been fine, i do the same though, my body tells me to skin up then i remember i dont smoke any more, no withdrawals as such just mental dreams. I too don't smoke cigs so yeah i think the cravings where there but i have just sat on them and beat them. I am feeling on top of the world now. Expecting our 1st baby in 2 months and getting ready for her arrival was the thing that kicked me into stopping, but keep it up, from what you said you have beat this already, your mind is going to get you through this and you sound like a winner to me.

Peace back at ya

Posted by: aaron 38 January 22, 2015, 3:23 AM
Blair and Jessie
I know what your saying about its not really addictive to the body but my brain says yes, I ever since I was born had epilepsy mainly partial seizures and two grand mal so since birth I was drugged up and supressed, the only time I had off was 10-15 I was an emotional kid 3 dads 3 granddads and always struggled. didn't really start reading writing till around ten. My brain has really in 38 years been straight for 5. I used weed to cope as so many other issues I just cant go into. like I said some may believe what ive said some may not, doesn't matter im living it.
I know it gets better for me it just takes possibly a lot longer, I can be really fun to be around but its a 50/50 personality with me.
I found what helps is something to focus on be it cleaning working exercise you get the idea, I know my body doesn't need to be of its face all the time but I have such a high tolerance to it I can toke a lot, with some tokers they just fall asleep with one or two of my tampax sized spliffs. Its weird when you have tubs of it laying around and you grow it in your head its just home grown, the 1st few days it knocks me then its silly amounts. I know my brain is hooked its my brain that is addicted to the need.
I also know that all the side effects I get are my brain freaking out saying you cant cope, one thing is im a stubborn person and I know I get through it as proved to myself last year. Problem for me is the sweats paranoid anxious loss of temper or confusion for several weeks and a few months with happy then sad highs.
I just want what I had last year which I know is slowly coming back been 22 days and already Im starting to dream, I told my boss im an addict because im all over the show one minute and fine the next to an outsider they think your going mad (im not) Just so much easier for them to understand what would you call extensive use of a drug for 23 years aswell as legals highs prescriptions and the other drugs I listed and more big one I forgot acid, could be seen as an addict if you look at 23 years abuse of a drugs and drink. if it wasn't then surely I would have been able to put it down on day dot.
I wrote it just to let people know that have possible extreme personality traits like myself that it does get a lot better it just takes time, I know I will go out and be happy doing it all, just takes time for my brain to adjust to being straight. I have loads of toker friends that say they cant give up they don't know how ive done it so mentally the brain can fool you into thinking your an addict. im in the uk were I live there is a grower in most roads small town 70.000 a lot of the teens our way seem to be getting into these legal highs they just screw me over. I just want to be clean of mind which my healing process and time is alittle longer I guess.
I don't want any drug going through my body anymore , just protein shakes as I intend to bulk up get sweaty and go down the gym . believe or not just taking small steps to a big improvement thanks for listening and to all those messages before me they have helped me realise im not the only one that struggles . may be abit garbbled yo get the drift

Posted by: Papa Bear January 22, 2015, 9:32 AM
Aaron:

Call your local NA and AA phone numbers or check on-line for meetings.
Both NA & AA have "open meetings" where the general public is invited to attend.
Listen to the speakers at those meetings and see if you can identify, if you find something very attractive in those programs.

The 12 Step AA/NA programs are about betting clean/sober in the beginning and then learning how to live clean/sober on a daily basis and enjoy it.

If you want to listen to some pre-recorded talks just click this link and choose what appeals to you.
http://www.xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: aaron 38 January 22, 2015, 4:59 PM
Thanks papa
Kev the one that is having problems used anger as a coping mechanisms few guys commented after me and about they are right it gets better honest. Try not to think so much your eating yourself up, I know that feeling.
One bit of advise I can give , don't regret the things you have done. the only regret is the things you could of done. and I reckon there is plenty of time to live and do them, life is a roller coaster ups and downs.
last year 7 months clean was an amazing feeling I got my confidence back. October was my bad month too many funerals have been and happened so I was weak. went back to half to an ounce aweek.
You can repair most things and the friends you have are true, you will make new friends too possibly a partner in time if you haven't one kev. do what makes you happy always here KEV take it easy. Thanks to this site and all you for sharing much love.
we are all different some cope better than others

Posted by: Dandee January 22, 2015, 6:10 PM
Fred.

Congratulations on quitting, and also on becoming a father!! What a fantastic reason to quit.

I'm glad someone else is in a similar situation, I feel like I am just waiting for the anxiety to pop up after reading a lot of peoples experiences. However I have never been an anxious person, prior to smoking, when I was smoking, or now that I am not smoking. So maybe that's the difference.

I hope I can keep this up! I keep telling myself that it's been almost two weeks, if I keep going for another two, my cravings will become less and less until they are completely gone! If I'm having a bad day, I just take it hour by hour as opposed to day by day lol.

Day 13 today :D

Posted by: Fred. January 24, 2015, 8:32 PM
Dandee

Congrats you are now over 2 weeks in. I am now at 25 days. It really does get easier. I have noticed over the last couple of nights i have woke maybe 4 or 5 times each time pinging awake but i have been getting off easy enough again I am putting this down to the last if the weed eexiting my system. My sleeping patterns are now like a normal persons, in the past i would not go to sleep till 3 or 4am but i am tucked up in bed at 12.30 and the lights will be our in 5. Like you mentioned if anxiety had never been an issue fingers crossed you will be fine. I know i am feelkng better than ever. Even went for a run yesterday. Keep it up lass

Fred

Posted by: bob January 25, 2015, 9:08 PM
Smoking weed and doing drugs will mess up your head, I smoked for 4 years and took speed and MDMA for 2 years, I then decided to quit weed as it was messing up my head but instead turned to drink, I have ben drinking for 10 years and have put on about 5 stone in weight and decided enough was enough, I went on a diet which meant I had to stop drinking and after 4 weeks something strange started to happen, I started to feel normal. I realised that the damage I did when younger was much more than I had thought and that the alcohol had masked the problems caused by the drugs and made it even worse. I now realise that the only way to get sorted is to stay away from drugs and drink all together and now I'm on the road to recovery. Its been 4 months and I feel more normal every day but I'm worried how long its going to take.

.if you quit weed make sure not to substitute it with alcohol or the problems will remain.
.time is a healer and I know I will get better I just hope it wont take to long.

Posted by: justpassingby January 25, 2015, 11:04 PM
Bob,
when you say you are starting to feel 'normal'..can you explain what being normal feels like? Were you normal before you started to drink and drug or did you abuse drugs so that you could feel normal again. I don't like being normal..it hurts too much...i was happier when i was high and now that pot is being legalized i get the message that it is okay to use it and that cast a shadow over my sobriety and now i am confused.
justpassingby

Posted by: Jack January 26, 2015, 8:10 AM
Hello all,

I have posted on here a few times over the last month or so.

Continued to improve. No desire for weed what so ever. Stopped smoking tobacco also. Have acted on pursuing the aspirations I have inside, this is a -great- alternative to feeling anxious as a result of not pursuing these aspirations. It feels good. Have put measures in place to make sure I do not get complacent and start to make slower progress. This includes having my brother involved in this to keep me grounded and speak to me with genuine honesty.

Remember it is not about the weed. The weed is merely a product of a lifestyle. This lifestyle for me personally had a wealth of incredibly undesirable components. A path to feeling better and improving your life can be found by addressing your lifestyle.

Be honest with yourself. Be brutally honest. When I looked at myself in the mirror I saw a 26 year old 'man', with little confidence, a poorly defined plan of where I wanted to go, a pathetic level of focus, a lack of desire to commit to something positive, too much desire to go to my friends every evening and get high and a preference to sit down in my room in my parents house and do nothing.

Being honest with yourself helps. The above is close to the exact opposite to what I actually wanted inside and being honest with myself gave me the motivation to -finally- change and be truer to myself.

In many ways the link that Bob posts has the essence of something good. Sure the religious slant can deter people but I would advise looking at it and understanding what the essence of it is. I think it can help.

Good luck. Don't be a victim, just bloody get on with it!


Posted by: bob January 26, 2015, 2:13 PM
Hi justpassingby

For me normal is the feeling I had before I used to do drugs and drink and I had forgot how that felt until I became sober and each day I feel a little bit more like I did before abusing and it excites me to think that I'm on the road to being 'Me' again, I have lost my family, I have no friends, I have 3 children with 3 different woman and I know that this is because my judgement and thinking has been clouded so I have made decisions in life which I would not have done if I had not abused.. I think if you need to be high to be happy then there are some issues which need to be dealt with but by getting high your masking those issues, you may not know what they are but staying sober I think is the only way to really conquer those issues. Weed affect people in different ways and I think the rule of thumb is living a sober life will be a better quality life than abusing drugs. I'm no expert all I know is how I have been affected and how I'm dealing with my issues.

Posted by: Mr Advice January 28, 2015, 4:20 PM
http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.org/message_board/index.php?act=ST&f=21&t=75644

Posted by: anon January 29, 2015, 8:34 PM
Everyone needs to look outward to help with this problem. Look for inspiration from others. You need to find people you admire and their mindset will rub off.
"You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with"-But you dont have to know these people or interact with them in real life thanks to the internet.

The body always wants to use the least amount of energy as possible and it is hard to summon the amount of energy required to move from a depressed to optimistic view.

There are many people online that will be there for you and help you through watching their youtube videos:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLrI-dOLyDbRnPyUeWadsOg

https://www.youtube.com/user/tailopezofficial/videos

There are gems in on this earth you just have to search. Enjoy and let the journey begin:D


Please share your own!!

Posted by: Danyel February 1, 2015, 2:31 PM
Have you tried self hypnosis? It's not as dumb as it sounds. It's basically meditation. You might have to do some mental training there but if you can do all that, you can do this. I went through this myself and sometimes we are our own worst enemies. If you can silence your mind and get it to a suggestive state and then suggest. It may take a while and be frustrating at first but it will work. Congratulations btw

Posted by: Mr. Joe February 3, 2015, 4:28 PM
Hello everybody, Im Joe and I started smoking pot frequently at 14 and diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at 18. I always just figured "Well I have MS its fine if I smoke all the time." At 25 just feeling like life is passing me by, I know it is time to quit. Honestly a little frightened after reading a few great withdrawl posts but I wanted to ask anyone if they had any advice for changing your life?

Posted by: Ryan February 5, 2015, 5:58 AM
I can do this, we can do this. It's 2015 ! this is my first night off weed its 5 am can't sleep, emotional.... Weed is NOT harmless

Posted by: Mr Joe February 5, 2015, 10:45 AM
We can do this Ryan! :) stick in there my friend, im with you

Posted by: Travelin man February 5, 2015, 1:01 PM
Hi Ryan and Mr Joe - well done both of you on giving up-hang in there it will get better and keep reaching out for help and support-very few of us make it on our own-best of luck - guys

Posted by: bob February 7, 2015, 8:41 PM
Be patient guys, it can take time, just abstain from anything that gets u high, alcohol included, I smoked weed for many years and only when going sober did I realise how f***ed my head is, it will take time, time is a healer, let your brain get back to normal, it will be the best thing you ever did. YOU WILL GET BETTER

Posted by: Theo February 7, 2015, 10:32 PM
Hi, I smoked weed heavily in my life. (Heavy from my point of view means 1gram - 2-3 days - 3 years)
And when I realized I was becoming a lazy arse and I was bored while high, and ofcourse my gf nagged me and emotionally black-mailed me.. I knew I need to quit. I was the most determined to quit while smoking a joint. Hehe.

Ofcourse it didn't work, because I don't like giving up what I like. Then I understood that I had to make a change in psychology. I did not want to quit weed, weed was a part of my life, it made me happier, but also left me 4 dead after smoking. So it's like when you buy a product, you think is the price you pay worth the product you get ?

What helped me shift, was this thought framework:
"I don't need to quit weed. What I want to do is improve myself and my lifestyle, and make the best I can do from what time I have here on the planet, if weed is included in this goal of mine, be it, if it affects me, then I quit it"

What weed affects most is enthusiasm, or motivation however you call it. Regain that, and you're on your way to recovery. How to do that ? Well, that's the trickiest part because it is different for any person, and there's no magic formula you have to do some digging and discover yourself.

Learn motivation strategies (google) and apply everything and see what works for you. Understand that you need to nurture the root and in our case the root is motivation, the fruit is a happy life.

As you can see, I detached from the mentality of a victim ("weed did this to me, because of weed I'm in a nightmare, and bs...") and focused on improvement. I was never focused on quitting weed, that seemed stupid to me.

As good as everything sounds I got depressed, I had insomnia, and these things motivated me even more to avoid smoking weed because I was really addicted.

After insomnia and irritability faded (3 weeks) I realized I was missing it. And had this revelation: "I am such a moron. My impulsivity led me to abuse a drug that does wonders, a drug that can really aid you, but because I abused it, it caused me harm, I am the one to blame. It's the same if I drank too much alcohol, the same if I eat too much meat, or drink too many sodas. Everything you do in excess will affect you. Even if you work too much you become irritated and stressed-out!"

If you have friends that smoke regularly, say byebye to them. They will pull you down.

Yeah, too much of a good thing can harm you. Now I'm still smoking 1gr a month (4 spliffs). And I must say I love weed even more because I smoke it with PURPOSE and I command myself to be very active while on it (Cleaning up the house, doing repetitive boring work). Memory is good, no more laziness, depression. And when I smoke: I really get high and feel awesome! One, or two days after smoking still leaves me at my 90%.

This is my story and I hope you can take from it the following:
- Don't focus on quitting, focus on improving yourself and your lifestyle. Because if you are a stoner, you sure have many other problems than weed.
- Avoid being a victim, you're the b****** who smoked joints everyday, and abused the drug, so take it on your shoulders.
- Differentiate withdrawal symptoms from depression, depression is caused by unhealthy lifestyle, lack of socialization, lack of purpose and motivation.
- Discover what drives you what motivates you. You have google, do some research and take notes and review daily.






Posted by: Shortyy February 9, 2015, 1:48 AM
Im going through the same thing, for my new years resolution I decided I was gonna quit weed forever & do some with my life, I smoked kinda a lot for the passed two years. The first couple of weeks were hell, I could not sleep well or think , if I did , I over thinked it too much & started getting stressed, one month with no drugs & I feel kinda alright , I still don't feel like I'm at the normal stage where I can play sports or go out without having to worry. I went to the doctor & he said anxiety could be the problem, I feel lonely & never talk at school. Can someone help me out or tell me some advice please?

Posted by: Travelin man February 9, 2015, 1:47 PM
Hi Shorty- you can't expect your brain to return to normal thinking immediately after quitting it takes time- it will improve slowly, anxiety is very common in recovery so you are not alone feeling like this- have you considered going to Narcotics Anonymous - you will find alot of people who have gone through the same deal- they will give you great help and support, well worth a shot, what have you got to lose from giving it a try- keep reaching out for help and support- it's very hard to make it on your own- all the best shorty- let us know how you are getting on-

Posted by: Chetan February 11, 2015, 8:47 AM
iv been smokin and eating medibles for 3 yrs regular......i think it made my memory weak....my IQ is decreased......but would i be normal again after qutting

Posted by: Chetan February 11, 2015, 8:50 AM
I tried to quit ones for a month....but it made me feel depressed.....lonely...less interested in everything.....no talking no laughing..

Posted by: Greatness February 16, 2015, 4:07 AM
Life has been hard since I quit.

I’m 34, currently enrolled as a Computer Science Major in a rigorous program. I last smoked sometime in the summer of 2014, but I was not smoking regularly before that, it has been a few years since I smoked regularly.

I first smoked, I wanna say when I was maybe 15 or 16.

I was diagnosed with ADD at an early age, I think in the 1st grade, at which time my parents started shoving amphetamines down my throat (still getting over that).

There is a lot I don’t remember, the time line is foggy, there is a lot I do not wish to remember, but I basically smoked heavily for about ten years till I was about 31. During that time I became so irresponsible that I was always smoking other people’s weed. I pilfered other peoples weed on more than one occasion.

All of those people were dear friends, most of them will not talk to me anymore. It’s sad because a few of them are in really bad places now, or so I hear. But on the other hand, some of them, I will not talk to anymore. I went a whole two years driving around with stolen registration stickers on my car. I could eat a whole big bag of Red Vines (you know, the variety pack they have at the 7-11) in a night, like nothing. I also lost a very, very lovely young lady and dog during that time as well. That dog was my bestest buddy ever.

There were some good times in my 20’s. But all the weed smoking turns you into someone else before you even know it. My best years went up in smoke y’all, it sucks. Weed is a body snatcher.

Then after getting back from a backpacking trip during which I got separated from my comrades for six days deep in the San Juan Mountains because of poor preparation, I learned that I had lost my job waiting tables at the ski resort I had been working at for around 7 years because the bachelorette party I was waiting on wrote a letter saying that my service was so poor that they were never going to have a bachelorette party again. I remember texting a friend that day asking her why I hated women so much. She said “I don’t know, but you do.” I lost her friendship as well.

During this time I was also more than a mild alcoholic, and abusing Tramadol pills which I was stealing from my sister. And I was a smoker. So I did a lot of drinking, and popping, and smoking, AND smoking, all at the same time, night after night.

After losing my job, I was presented with the opportunity to finally start acting like an adult and get out there, find another job, and start actually paying rent, etc. I instead elected to go on unemployment, which was more than adequate, and drink the cheapest vodka I could find every night, along with everything else.

And oh yeah, during this time I was finishing up my psychology major. My psych cumulative GPA maxed out at 3.699, which is pretty whacky considering. But at the same time, I did retake more classes than I could remember to count at this time.

Then the free money ran out, and I decided to move back in with my parents, at like 31 years old! YIKES! I left my previous place of residence owing my landlord around 2,000, sigh. We’re still friends though, I’ll pay him back when I get my degree. At that time, it had got to the point where the only friends I had/kept left were the ones who would smoke me out.

So there I was, in a very narrow place (I mean my folks live in a very conservative community), miles an miles away from any friends I had left. It was lonely (it still very much is), but at the same time it made quitting weed easier than I would have ever imagined in my wildest dreams. But I am way past that now. Now comes life, feel me?

Shortly after moving in with my parents, I switched majors to Computer Science, you know, so I can get paid. What a traumatically rude awaking that was! I could go to my psych classes still hungover and foggy from the night before, look around at all the pretty girls (it’s all girls in those classes y’all), and still do very well in the end.

But man, the Computer Science classroom is a whole different landscape y’all. Suddenly I was surrounded by all these kids (it’s all dudes in those classes y’all) ten years my junior, who the vast majority of had never done a drug other than Adderall in their lives! And the curriculum! Crazy, Crazy difficult. There is no such thing as a CS class where (at least for me) every ounce of my time would get me anything better than a B.

Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life! Quitting was walk in the park compared to this.

I’m a junior in the program now, and I finally got an A in a CS class last semester. But man, I’ll tell ya, there was a period of time from about august 2012 through august 2013, where I was so, so alone. There was nobody, and I felt like such a pariah on campus. I grew so accustomed to it, that looking back now, I was in a near constant state of panic attack, day in, DAY OUT.

For an entire year, 5 out of 7 nights, I would lay awake all night, thinking about driving up to the cliffs 20 minutes away, and stepping off. Then thinking about my funeral, and like being there and like giving the finger to everyone there from beyond the veil. It was the darkest time of my life.

But I’m halfway smiling about it now. Not all the way though, because it is still hard, and every day while doing school work, it is a constant struggle to block the voice in my head screaming, “WHY IS EVERYBODY SO MUCH BETTER AT THIS THAN ME!
WHY DO I HAVE TO SPEND 4 TIMES AS LONG ON EVERY ASSIGNMENT AS EVERYBODY ELSE!
WHY AFTER READING EVERYTHING 4 TIMES DO I STILL FORGET!
WILL THE DAY I FINALLY GRADUATE BE THE DAY I FINALLY STEP OFF THAT CLIFF!” whew.

I don’t think about jumping as much as I did, but when I do, it’s less about spite, and more about helplessness, which is even more scary. Like even if I do get my degree, I’m still going to always suck at coding because of all the weed I smoked!

Man people say that your brain is supposed to heal after a while, but I just don’t see it yet. And it has been a long time.

Some good news is that I haven’t taken a pain pill in around two years, and I just passed my year mark without a cig (but I do shove that nicotine gum in my face though), and I only have a couple of weak beers every other week now.

But yeah, I’m basically just like Ben, wondering if I will ever be the same.

It felt kinda good to write this confession though.

Posted by: Fay February 18, 2015, 8:21 PM
Reading everyone's posts made me really emotional and brought me to tears because I'm going through the same problem right now and it hurts/is comforting at the same time to know other people have gone through and are going the same. I'm 24, soon 25, and have been smoking weed since I was 16. I'm on day 3 of quitting and this is my fourth or fifth time trying to quit. Anyone around takes weed addition as a joke and says it's not real, they say that though cause they are addicted to heroin and have worse withdrawals. But that doesn't mean my withdrawals are going through aren't just as hard for me.even right now I'm struggling and have no one to talk to, I'm sitting alone crying on a couch looking online for comfort. I'm so depressed and get so angry easily, that's the worst part for me, all I can think about it smoking and I get so angry not smoking, what's makes is worse is I'm angry at myself cause I know I can get weed ten mins down the road but I'm not allowing myself too so that just makes me so angry. I've already thrown things around my room tonight and yelled and screamed and now crying cause idk what else to do. I'm having such a strong with drawback attack right now I wish I knew what would make me feel better to get through this. I have a bf who says all I need to God and I do believe in God but how can I connect with God when I'm so angry? I don't want to eat, I can't concentrate in school and all my friends do drugs so I'm not hanging out with them so I have no support. My mum doesn't understand my dad dad lives far away and so does my suster, I have no other family near by plus I doubt I'd open up to them about my additcion. It'd be nice to know someone truely cares and didn't just care bout me not being a "pot head" anymore. I'm in emotionally agony idk when it will end. I've tried quitting multiple times, I got through a few months before and started to feel ok again but then free weed was offered to me and I'm not made up of money so free always got me when it comes to pot. I feel like I could hurt myself or someone that's how angry I am , I never would do that in my life cus I'm trueky a gentle soul, it's just this feeling right now from not smoking that I can barely control. Is there any tips or anything u guys found that helped you get through the temper part/depression part of quottibg? I live in Maine so it's the middle of gloomy winter which doesn't help, I'm all set with a 12 step program just the thought of it makes me so angry and refuse, it's not for me I don't like talking aloud with a group and I can't afford anything like that in this state anyways so that's not an option so any other advice please will help me, I physically have no one to help me and no one understands anyways. I can't keep going on like this and maybe one day I can help others. I never knew were would cause this and didn't know withdrawals would make me into such an angry depressedperspn. I wish I knew how to calm down right now I feel like goin in and smoking but I'm not going to even though that makes me angry, it's a viscous cycle I'm stuck in, please how do I get out?

Posted by: Greatness February 18, 2015, 10:13 PM
Fay.

Stay with it!

Keep busy.

What brought me out of thinking about ending was taking on more than I could handle.

The road is long but you will look back and be thankful that you stuck with it.

Don't hang out with people who do drugs, ever!

I feel your pain.

Posted by: Fay February 18, 2015, 10:48 PM
Thank you Greatness. I been refreshing the page hoping for a response. This might be bad but it feels good to not be alone. I calmed myself down tonight and did not give in. Thank you for your support I hope whatever you're struggling with too that you pull through. Maybe I just need support after all...

Posted by: guest February 18, 2015, 10:52 PM
i always remembered how angry my friend used to get between joints or when he was forced to quit....i was reading on AOL how some nice fourteen year old boy shot himself in the head after smoking that synthetic weed.
i quit pot about 28 years ago and i smoked all the time back then. Of course things were different in that even tho' pot was still illegal..you could still light up in a movie theater without getting hassled.
i guess the thc content in pot today must be a lot higher than when i was young and i never got psychotic but i just became lazy and stupid and it didn't make sense not to quit
giving up cigarettes seemed harder to do but once again it just made sense
to do that too :)

Posted by: Gee February 20, 2015, 6:29 AM
Hi,
I stumbled across this forum as I searched for answers to how repairable the brain is after many years of abusing chronic. I like many others here seem to struggle with a love hate relationship of smoking weed. On the one hand, many of my best friends and I have shared great experiences and bonds whilst getting high together, these friends (most of mine smoke, or have given up) are good people, I do not see them as a drugs ring I need to leave behind, they've been there for me before, and I'm sure they'll be there for me again, sober or not.
The other side of the coin is I'm now 26, and have been smoking weed everyday for 10 years, with the odd few breaks of a couple of weeks here and there, some of those years just after work, but the majority of the years all day every day, which I didn't see as that much of a problem until recently (it's worth mentioning I've always had an almost unlimited access to it through my circles, running out was never a problem, so issues I see others have had such as selling their possessions etc or abusing friends and families trust that would highlight drug abuse wasn't the case for me).
I've always known it slowed me down a little, I noticed I wouldn't remember that much of a film I'd seen the night before after countless joints, or I'd need an aid to help me access memories, I'd find myself asking people what was the name of that place again?,, when did we go there?,, etc, with enough of a memory coming back for me to be content that I wasn't loosing it.
I have tried to stop a couple of times over the years but always gone back to it after freshening up a little, maybe 3 weeks off tops (thinking one won't hurt, within two weeks I'm back to smoking as much as ever).
But, this past couple of weeks, this weekend in particular I seem to have had a moment of realisation. The memory loss is more noticeable and serious, I'm forgetting people names who I know fairly well, and see on a regular basis (for example one of my close friends housemates), simple maths can take me a while, - longer than it should, sometimes I feel a mental block stopping me from accessing what I'm trying to think of, I know it's in there somewhere but I'm lost as to how to produce it, that tip of the tongue feeling is more than a daily occurrence. Most times with words which is unbelievably frustrating and embarrassing mid-sentence. I'm becoming stupider with age rather than cleverer. Altogether I'm feeling dumb, numbed and clouded by the weed...permanently? This scares me, a lot. This was emphasised by a new friend who's a 'straight to the point' sort of guy drunkenly making an observation that I was drugs fried, said jokingly but it hit hard...
Before I found this thread I found myself looking at symptoms of Alzheimer's, scarily, most of them ring true .
Similarly to others that have posted on this thread I was incredibly bright at school, it was effortless, I was terribly behaved, would pay very little attention, be in detentions most nights but still I'd achieve more than the hard workers in tests etc, I was the smartest in my group of friends and I was constantly told how much potential I had, of which I now feel I have NOT lived upto; leaving me feeling depressed. I guess that's the general consensus on this forum and that's why most of us found ourselves here. I have ambition, I am out going, I can sell myself, but I'm also scared that I'm more talk than action - as I've seen on earlier threads, lots of great ideas but always an excuse not to follow through.
It's not that I haven't done anything, I'm in good shape, I've always trained since school. I have a qualification as an electrician, but I don't enjoy it as a job, I see it as a wrong decision I made looking for the easy route whereas really I should have set my sights higher, the problem was I never knew what my passion was, apart from weed.
So where do I go from here? I've had a couple of days sober, as when I smoke I get so anxious that I'm only a stones throw away from being a vegetable for the rest of my life, and depressed that the past 10 years are a haze of memories that don't really have any order or direction except to this point, lost with a love/addiction for a drug that I enjoy doing with friends and new people, but can't cap it at that, I can't keep to one a night/week/only at the weekend, moderation isn't in my vocabulary unfortunately. These emotions still don't stop me from desiring getting high, - I could go for a smoke right now! That's part of my problem, I don't want to stop smoking, I enjoy it, but worry I'm facing irreversible consequences.
Another thing is I'm not working, I don't know whether to continue electrical work that I don't really enjoy but is a stable income or seek a new venture, something more fulfilling, if my brain allows...
If anyone can relate to my story, I would love to hear how you feel, if you stopped has your memory/brain improved since cutting out the ganja, was your memory loss/blocks similar to mine (a brain fart)? also any rehabilitation tricks you may have learnt along the way (yoga, supplements such as omega 3 and b12). Or do you think I should go to the doctors, something I'd like to avoid as I'd rather not have to tick the box that says have you had any mental disorders in the future...
Thanks in advance, and, to the people who have already written on the thread, reading your stories and writing my own feels like progress, cheers!

Posted by: Hugo o February 26, 2015, 4:04 PM
Hey ben. your story hit home because your story is the same as mine. I'm staying in the woods where my parents live because theirs no stores or civilization for miles. I live with my gf and my 4 yr old but we live in city type neighborhood in new jersey so is hard to go outside when ppl are blazing on the stairs of the building or even rite outside. is Thursday, I quit smoking kush on sunday night and let me tell you that saying bloody hell is rite on the money. I haven't been able to sleep and even when I'm laying in bed I'm sweating and just dripping wett. My nightmares are so vivid. I just ate 3 spoons of some chicken with rice and some mash potatoes, I'm starving but I got no appetite. Smoking newports left and rite. My cravings are sooo hard rite now. Im playing xbox but all I keep thinking is bout a blunt. I start a recovery program on Monday March 2nd and I'm going to both AA & NA but everytime I get out of the meetings my cravings are 2x as hard listening to all the stories. I just want to know how to get my hunger back. I been in the Marines so I know how to quit n be strong minded. Rather quit then face 2 yrs in jail over messing around with probation. I know I won't relapse is not that serious. I did blaze a half ounce on a weekend base but that's not the problem. in 2001 I started to smoke and I have quit bout 5 times in the last 14 yrs or so. 2006 to 2009 because I was in the Marines but after I got out I went to my one b**** that I love Mary Jane. I have a beautiful family and her and my parents both want the best for me. My ex boss and I smoked everyday through out the day. So I had no reason to quit back then but we all lost our job do to no high volume in sales on the 4th quarter. Since January I haven't worked and is hard to look for a Job when I got a felony and a record. I'm a chef. I can be in sales I can work in warehouse. I just don't have a drive. I feel alone even when I got ppl reaching out trying to talk to me, I just shut down. I'm lost. I dunno what to do next. I started to run and work out but I can't do that all day long. I don't even know what questions or answers I'm looking for. I just figured I let my story out because that's how I express my feelings. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I just want my life back..

Posted by: darcy j March 4, 2015, 9:32 PM
Ive quit for a week, depression is what I struggle. Whenever I see someone laughing I think there laughing at me, I never go out anymore. I used to be against weed, peer pressure is what triggered my addiction. I feel like nobody can help me and im helpless. I feel like this depression will go on forever, I dont want to take pharmaseuticals for it because there just as bad as any other drug. Ive been a drug user for 4 years, cocaine half way through and spent atleast a few grand. Ive tried crack, mdma, ectasy, mushrooms. And now im going thru a tough time. I almost smoked a joint with a coworker today because it smelled so good but I realized its been a week since ive blazed and I want to prove to myself that I can quit. Does the depression ever go away?

Posted by: Papa Bear March 4, 2015, 9:44 PM
If you are an addict like me then you will find that NA is the answer you are looking for.

If you want to get clean, stay clean and come to enjoy life sober then NA may be the ticket.

Ask yourself how you are doing on your own getting clean/sober ?
Have you tried to get clean before ? How did that turn out ?

Here is NA's HOW IT WORKS http://www.na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uploads/pdf/litfiles/us_english/misc/How%20it%20Works.pdf

AA/NA has worked for me for 25 yrs .. it will work for you too. It works for millions.

All the best.

Bob R


Posted by: guest March 5, 2015, 10:45 AM
hello all, I too am in the same boat, weed gave me severe social anxiety disorder(SAD) and depression which i still have to this day (i quit 8 years ago)
I have recently started taking a suplement called 5-htp which can be found online or health shops like holland and barrets. It has definitely improved my mood somewhat and relieved feelings of anxiety. better than the few types of SSRI's i have been prescribed in the past.
I recommend you give them a try, theres no side effects and they are pretty cheap. i recommend FORZA super 5-htp. good deals on amazon

Posted by: Charlie March 11, 2015, 8:34 AM
Hello All,
My name is Charlie, I started smoking pot when I was 13. I am now 46 and 11 years free from the horrible, evil green bud.

I had a very hard childhood. I was not physically abused, but I was neglected. I had never hear of marijuana or new anyone who smoked it. I was given a "cigarette", as Andy called it, when I was over for a visit one day after school. I smoked it, coughed a lot and said, "that was horrible! What kind of cigarette was that?" THEN....30 minutes later, I was high. Looking back, it was the first time I genuinely felt happy. So I asked Andy where I could get some more? He told me all about what it really was, not cigarettes, but 'bud', 'pot', 'smoke', 'gunja' the list went on. I was amazed that, as Andy explained, "God grew this for us to be happy!" I couldn't believe how lucky I was to find this wonderful plant.
Fast forward 20 years later. I had lost my health almost completely, I was 33. My thyroid stopped working, I had adult onset diabetes, I was going into early menopause. Can I just say at this point that I was never a drinker and had been raised by organic hippie parents (who mistook neglect for free living). And in those 20 years the usage escalated to a point where it no longer got me stoned, so I started with the other drugs...coke, speed, trips etc.... But I never liked the chemical high, too strong, so I stayed with the bud. I learned to smoke different types, smoke before I got out of bed, because I got higher in the morning. The problem was, I was slowly losing my life.
Not just my health, my family, my friends, my jobs. I thought I was performing like everyone else. But it was a stoned illusion. A few years ago I came across a video of me talking... talking about nothing, but it was obvious I thought it was really important. I had scored some purple haired, sticky but and I was absolutely stoned out of my brain. It was so very sad to watch myself. Bright red slits for eyes, rambling like a mad woman. I was so ashamed of myself, I cried.

So that's just a short overview of then. But this is NOW. I am 46, and I AM HAPPIER THAN EVER!! Truly. My life is wonderful!! I read posts like that of 'Ben' and my heart goes out to him. I remember to horrible physical and emotional pain when I first quit. I quit Bud, Cigs AND Coffee all in the one day, and have never touched them again to this day. After the first year, when I was feeling a bit better, I decided to live as 'clean' as I could. I started eating as many ORGANIC vegetables, fruits, nuts, whole grains, beans and WHOLE FOODS as I could. I gave up SUGAR and GLUTEN. I drank heaps of water and WALKED everyday. I had so little money, but I figured, if I could spend all my money on drugs to slowly kill myself, I can spend all my money to try and HEAL myself.
When you toxify your cellular structure with drugs for long periods of time, you have to do everything you can to DETOX those from your body. As you detox, you will find the mental clarity and emotional freedom you all desire. Anxiety and paranoid thoughts are simply your body being toxic, out of sync and your brain not firing correctly. The harder you work to live a healthy clean life, the more you will find the peace you desire. You cannot just give up smoking and then sit there and change no other bad habits in your life.
Try this to start: 1. Give up. 2. Go for a walk everyday 3. Drink as much water as you can 4. Get at least 8 hours of sleep a night. 5. Do not eat fast food.
If you can just start with those simple 5 steps for the first year then you are going to notice a HUGE difference compared to those who don't. Then in your second year, start to add a few more good habits, google them, research them.
YOU CAN DO IT. I was the laziest person in the world, trust me. I am now a proud mum of my beautiful child, I earn great money, I feel good, happy and and peace most of the time. I can't even remember that person 11 years ago, and yet....I will never forget!
Good luck to all of you, I hope you can find yoursleves again.
Love, Charlie

Posted by: Vickie March 12, 2015, 8:12 AM
I am a mother of an addicted child and he is trying to get off pot I don't know first hand what he is going through but I see him struggle with the terrible withdraws I read your posts and my heart goes out to you all I want you all to know I am praying for you because I know that God has all power and that every disease and sickness has to bow to to name of Jesus Christ please call on him and let him help and heal you God loves you and so do I may not know you but I love you all

Posted by: Chris March 16, 2015, 11:09 AM
I smoked weed for 9 years from 18-27, I gave up last May and was a daily smoker. When I first gave up weed i went through the first 2 months of withdrawal like everyone.
I moved into my first house which required a lot of work which was mainly completed by Christmas however just before Christmas when i was feeling fine (I was active happy, glad to be off weed) i suffered a anxiety attack out of nowhere.
Since then i have been battling slight anxiety and slight depression also. I think this was a delayed reaction as i was so busy decorating my house it kept me so busy anxiety etc never really crossed my mind, i smoked the old rolly of tobacco but decided to stop that around the same time before my first anxiety attack.
I think my anxiety/depressed thoughts stem from me associating everything i used to do which is fun with smoking weed. (used to play xbox with pals, watch movies, go night fishing) all getting stoned all the time.
I stopped seeing my stoner friends which they didn't exactly like but i had to as i felt deep down they wanted me to smoke as it made themselves feel better or that they missed chuffing with me, however some kept offereing me joints saying don’t I miss it and trying to pressure me to smoke (which I didn’t).
It is now three months after my first anxious thoughts and i feel better as i have started swimming daily, i eat better, i play squash when i can and also just started golf which i used to enjoy as a youngster and didn't ever really get stoned whilst playing(i would skin up after golf not as i was playing).
I do have bad days like today where i feel slightly down but me and my mrs are trying for a baby and think this could be a massive help for my future.
I am thinking i will have to leave my stoner friends behind as they smoke daily and do coke all the time.(mainly smoke). I want more out of my life than to rely on getting on coke which i have never used on a regular basis, i have done it once or twice throughout the years but never like my firends.
It has been 10 months since i quit smoking daily and had one single skin at the start of December about three days before my first anxiety attack, since then i haven't touched it.
I also give up caffeine products as i believe this probably doesn't help. I haven’t had a anxiety attack since February, maybe the odd anxious thought but mainly feeling a little down and frustrated when i think "oh normally i would go for a joint now" after doing activities such as playing golf, etc.
I have read alot of comments on this page and can see it seems the main healer is time.
I haven't played my xbox since last summer as i associated this with getting stoned. I think to be honest most stoners like computer games as people get older they out grow this but being a stoner you don't. The main thing that helped me was going swimming, keeping busy, playing sports even when at first you dont feel like it.
I nearly chipped in from 130 yards playing golf yesterday =) ... I do miss smoking weed but i know the future is better without it. I wont ever smoke it again and hope to keep progressing. My anxious levels are defiantly down, i take magnesium tablets and b vitamins daily and am going to buy a fish tank to keep myself occupied. Good luck to everyone im sure with time we will all get there :)


O and one last thing! FAMILY, let your family support you and talk to people who care. 

Posted by: Luke March 16, 2015, 3:47 PM
Hi my names luke and ive been smoking since i was 12. Now i am 21 and still struggling just like a lot of people. For so many years i went back and forth about weed, i always try and convince myself that its fine for me to smoke since it always gives me that feeling of home and happiness. Even when all of me is committed to smoke, there is still that little guy inside me saying, you can do it!! I guess my main problem is the depression i feel when im sober. I've quit for a couple months before but always tend to relapse. The stupid part about weed for me is, i only can see that i need to quit when im hi, and when i sober up i just want it more and more. Also another problem for me is the hormone imbalance that it creates, i did find that if i work out regularly i don't notice that as much. But any ways long story short, i have never exceeded at any of my dreams, hockey, college, etc. And i know that it is %100 because of weed. I'm finally beginning my journey sobering up again and will probably be one of the hardest things i've ever done. But i know that if i want a future with plenty of shade in it, i have to quit.

If you are trying to quit, i have found some tips that helped me i the past!
All the years of smoking that i have done, really builds up in my system and i can tell.
Not being able to think clearly, lack of effort, tiredness, etc.

Detoxifying your body will help and there is a lot of info out there for that.


But the biggy for me is decalcifying my organs. MAinly my pineal gland!
I recommend lots of water, cranberry juice, and something called skate liver oil.
I promise you skate liver oil is magic for decalcifyng your organs, recovering your sleep cycle, And enjoying life again!

http://livesuperfoods.com/blue-ice-fermented-skate-liver-oil-capsules.html

Goodluck!!

Posted by: Steve March 23, 2015, 5:28 PM
Hello to everyone who posted after hearing Bens Story. For all of you trying to get better I am so proud of you all!!!! Do you see what effects this drug has on people?? No drug should take over your life to the extent of wanting yo harm oneself. There are some underlying issues and there is help for those of you who really want to quit. There are all kinds of help groups out there who really want to be there for you. People experiencing the same difficulties and feelings while trying to quit. Please remember to all of you Ben's out there that you are not alone!! Research help groups, read forums like this one and know that you can and will change. You can take control of your life!! You can quit!! One day at a time!! Marijuana is not in control of your life, you are!!!! You have to want it!!!! You got yourself into it now take the steps to get out of this downward spiral!!!!! Think of the people around you important to you, talk about your addiction yo anyone who will listen. Don't be ashamed of seeking help, your not alone!!!! Remember that!!! People love you!!!! But love yourself, heal yourself and in time you too will look back at that part of your life and say, " I can do it" !!!!! I did it!!!!!!! I am special!!!!! I am worth it!!!!! I pray for all of you because I too went hrough all of this. Just know that you can!!!! Don't ever ever give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Enio March 26, 2015, 4:38 AM
Hello I am Enio.I had the first joint when I were 14 and started using weed regularly 2 years after.Now I am 22 (I ve been smoking fr many years without one day off.My country is a marijuana producer and is very easy and cheap weed here.I also experienced these symptoms one day( but not from withdrawl ,mine happened one beautfiul day as a result of heavy smoking,specifically happened after smoking 5-6 cigarettes in a row from a just cut off plant.
I want to say to everyone that things do get better as i proved myself.Two years ago I were in the point of being normal again.I succeeded to that by dating a lot of girls which improved my mood(even a suffereda little bit of ed at that time) also swimming helped me a lot.
But then I made this horrible mistake,I started weed again and all those terrible symptoms occurred again.I ve quitted again now and things are improving again.believe me dont believe these things ad irriversible damage etc but just try to fight a little bit to improve your situation because things arent gonna change by themselves,youve to do something

Posted by: dee March 26, 2015, 10:08 AM
i have smoked weed for over 30 years and have now been clean for 2 months the longest i have ever quit before is 2 weeks many times we are all very different but one thing is for sure it gets to everyone at some time i dont no anyone that has smoked weed for a long time and is happy what i will say to you all that want to give up is you really do have to want to give up as you have no chance. if your at that point then the trick to beating your weed addiction is to change your habits slowly bit by bit and replace them with new things in your life you have no choice to go through the downs of stopping but for sure your mind will change make no bones about it its the hardest thing to do to beat addiction but is so easy to to go back there

Posted by: fiveweeks March 27, 2015, 3:12 PM
Hello everyone!

I found this forum looking for the thousandth time for answers to what I'm going through...

Okay, I'll try to be brief as possible in my story to serve as motivation and understanding for all who need it.

I smoked marijuana the first time with 18 years old and even my 21 years on and off with enough distance between the time (only 3x a year at most), I'm 24 now. At 22 marijuana began to become more present in my group of friends and it all happened very fast, the frequency was increasing more and more to the point that I became a daily user for 2 years... I never imagined I would become a pothead one day, in fact I've always been against drugs, until it all started and I like every pothead thought that marijuana was harmless, that I was not an addict, that did not hamper me in my development work etc. ... WRONG !!!

Anyway, I became a daily user of marijuana for 2 years, I did not smoke many times a day, often just before bed, but I could not go a day without smoking and on weekends to everything I was going to do I had to smoke... so addicted.

Today I am for 6 months and 20 days clean and it all started in a way somewhat different than many ... I have a friend who already had some problems with depression and she smoked marijuana frequently, often with us, and one day this friend started having some episodes of psychosis, she flipped out... And when I knew the state she arrived, I was very scared and worried, but I kept smoking for a few weeks yet... But one day when I was high I started thinking about this friend and I was very scared again and a fear that occurred the same with me began to get big inside me... The next day I woke up a little depressed and decided that it would not smoking that day in particular, but not planned quitting because I thought it was just a reminder of the "bad trip" I had the day before... but the other day I woke up depressed and also did not smoke, and every day was getting worse and worse... in 1 week I started to feel the acute symptoms of withdrawal:

- Depression
- Anxiety
- Depersonalization (dp/dr)
- Racing Thoughts
- Intense Sweat
- Shakes
- Loss of appetite (I lost 8 kg in 3 weeks)
- Irrational Thoughts
- Palpitations
- Pressure in my eyes, neck and chest
- Severe Headaches
- Panic
- Suicidal thoughts
etc ....

All this fell like a bomb, I thought I would go crazy and it was enough to realize how addicted I was in this poison. And you may think "you smoked only two years, this is not enough" and so I ask you "if you drink during two years every day, will not occur effects and changes?" "If you take antidepressants for 2 years, you will not become an addict too?" So why with marijuana has to be different? Of course, each person has a kind of response to the substance, every body, every metabolism and mind are unique, but THC is the most common drug worldwide and remains the most unknown and unstudied ... And I and many people are evidence of the destructive power of this drug, especially nowadays where the plant have a dark amount of THC ...

How do I feel today... I'm there 10 days to complete seven months clean, and I say that this has been the most terrible time I've ever spent in my life. The first three months were the most difficult, but today I suffer with PAWS, every day is a struggle against anxiety, depression, afraid to be going crazy, bad thoughts etc. The symptoms come in waves, there are days when I feel better and some worse as if I had not made any progress in my recovery. Things are already undoubtedly better than a few months ago, but I've read a lot about this subject and I saw that it takes 1-2 years to really improve things and I'm fighting every day to achieve this.

For you who may have now started or are going through similar things my recommendations is:

- Have faith, practice prayer and just believe in God
- Chat, socialize
- Make enough exercise
- Try to eat as healthy as possible
- Avoid caffeine
- Take vitamins, fish oil and L-Theanine
- Get away from triggers and try not to relapse, as this will greatly delay your progress
- Be strong and courageous

And as last recommendation I point a forum that looks like this, but I found it a lot of valuable information and stories to my progress: http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewforum.php?f=10&sid=3cc10c058fbde5de9840a094dc731aa4

Thanks to everyone who read, and I wish a good recovery.


God bless!

Posted by: dreamer April 5, 2015, 8:22 AM
Wow... the way you explained it is so precise. ... its exactly what and how i feel now...thanks to everyone for your replies reading them helped. And i hope things have improved for you ben

Posted by: Niel April 6, 2015, 10:08 PM
Hey Ben and some of you others.. I am also one of these unlucky few who it effects in this negative way. Its holding me back so much and I've just lost a girl that meant so much to me die to the way I behaved when I was smoking. Its like I was so negative and all the anxiety symptoms and like everyone's watching you... The girl I lost didn't realise that I loved and appreciated her because when I was high I was not me I was some immature kid and now she gone.. And I've gotta through quitton this s*** on my own...

Posted by: Jack April 8, 2015, 6:36 PM
Hi all,

I have posted here a few times since January but not for a good few weeks/months.

I had my last joint on New Years eve and I haven't smoked since. It wasn't a decision motivated by a new years resolution. Either way I haven't smoked for over 3 months and I know I won't be going back.

Some pointers.

-Once the motivation was there to stop smoking weed it was easy to stop.

-I knew that my motivation to stop was rooted in a guilt for wasting my life away.

-My motivation really led to action when I started to lose control of my life, when I realised that if I continued going to my friend's house every night for another 10 years I would get nowhere close to achieving what I want to.

-The main challenge was and still is changing my lifestyle.

-The days when I have contact with people and/or when I am active are the days that I feel good and feel like myself.

-Maximising these good feelings through activity and social interaction is the most important thing. It is the most important thing. The activity means you are 'doing', living in the moment and thinking to the future. The social interaction means you are exposing yourself to new inspiration and importantly exposing yourself to people with different attitudes, habitats and people with aspirations that align more closely to what you really want.


Anyway. I feel normal. I had smoked for 10 years, every night. I am continuing to make lifestyle changes but I feel good and positive. I am by no means a finished article. Sure, I struggle to motivate myself and I still have days when I do few productive things but slowly my aspirations and actions will align more closely and I hope that will lead to even more productivity. Aside even the productivity it will mean that I can enjoy my life, feel proud and feel less guilt.

I guess this is all life anyway. Life is wonderful and terrible in equal measure and most of the time it is pretty damn neutral.

In short, just keep it up and remember ceasing to smoke weed is just the first step. The lifestyle is the real challenge! You must say to the devil on your shoulder ... 'YOU SHALL NOT PASSSSSS!" ...

Posted by: katietrying April 12, 2015, 11:54 PM
Reading your post ben has helped open my eyes... I am only 20yrs old and have been a heavy pot smoker these past 2 years. I never had an interest in pot before meeting my current partner. It use to make me annoyed and quite sick how much pot he would smoke when I first met him and did everything I could to get him to stop and that is where my current problem came in... I started smoking so he wouldnt smoke so much. Its embarrasaing to admit to and the most stupid thing I have done so far dor my life. I have no confidence in anything I do I cannot think and I know that half the time i talk to people or try to talk its like i am making no sense like i know in my head what I want to say but when i do it comes out making no sense at all. I dont enjoy talking to people unless they smoke pot too so i dont feel so isolated and embarrased to speak. I get really paroniod and get bad anexitey (ive always had anxiety from a young age but never this bad). I have lost about 17kgs unexplained i dont know if it has anything to do with how much I smoke but i just do not have an appetite unless i smoke. I need to quit in 4 weeks for an op i need to have and its freaking me the heck out! Sometimes when my partner and i dont have money we also sell personal items of ours ive even sold gold neckalaces for 25 just to get a bud. At the moment I have not had any all day and feel like my life might aswell should just end like what the hell do i do with my life what am i suppose to be doing with my time. When im at work i dont tend to think about pot at all but once im home or on my days off its like nothing is so important and I honestly hate it! BUT it honestly does help reading all these comments knowing that im not alone... I feel so ashamed to be opening up this much when its like i cant talk to anyone in my personal life about this. Thank you all for your comments on this page they give me hope and faith in myself even though the ones i read were posted years ago.. it even helps just typing this. Sorry if it doesnt make 100% sense but its very hard for me to try amd concentrate especially at this point in time . If anyone can give me advice or guidence i would really really appeciate it. ....

Posted by: Sainath April 16, 2015, 4:09 AM
Dear friends,
Nothing is impossible in this world. Only thing what we need is small effort. We shall practice our mind in a right way, first identify our weaknesses, then we should practice our mind to over come paranoid thoughts, craving desires, crazyness and all our weakness which put us away from respected life. Respect has to be earned; every life hood in this planet is created for the purpose; so nothing is wrong, thus no need to feel depresed. You are created in this manner for a purpose. Even Thomas alva Edison and Einstein are known as abnormal, but they also have superior qualities along the negative personality issues. So nothing is wrong just give a short practice to your mind, make your hear good and pure. Remember human life is not to live for his own, life is living for others, enjoy others happiness. I'm 100% sure you will be alright. Love all serve all; never give room to negative thoughts or hatefulness. Find a spiritual guide if you need to improve yourself further just type 'Sai baba' and search for details; I got cured completely by following Shirdi sai baba. Jai sai ram!!

Posted by: Jim April 22, 2015, 9:40 AM
I am going through most of what the original poster "Ben" posted, everything but anger. I want to thank him for posting, it made me feel like I was not the only one going through this crap. 21 years pretty much everyday smoking heavily. If I didn't smoke I was getting trashed on alcohol. Caused me so many problems in my life, lost the girl of my dreams after eight years. We both smoked but she didn't do it a tenth of what I was. She just up and left because I was so detached emotionally from our relationship and I didn't even notice. My heart is broke but it made me realize I had to change something. It's hard for me to concentrate on my work, I'm a mechanical designer, hard on the brain. 49 days clean today and can't wait to get my head back!

Thanks again to Ben and this site!
Jim

Posted by: Walter April 23, 2015, 8:10 AM
OH COME ON THATS A LONG TIME AND STILL EXPERIENCING ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION ISSUES! HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR DIET??? AS TO HEAVY MEAT CONSUMPTION PROCESS FOOD CONSUMPTION, DAIRY CONSUMPTION, AND SUGAR CONSUMPTION ARE MAJOR FACTORS OF HORMONAL IMBALANCES DO TO INFLAMMATION AND OTHER INFLICTION'S IT HAS ON THE ORGANS OF THE ANATOMY. NOT TO MENTION DISEASES AND CANCER....... I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR DIET IS LIKE BUT HEAVY FRUITS AND VEGETABLE AND HERB CONSUMPTION WILL COUNTERACT AND FEED THE CELLS OF THE BODY.... LOOK AT YOUR DIET WHAT ARE YOU EATING??

Posted by: Love May 1, 2015, 9:35 PM
Omg you just described me ? Does it get better!?

Posted by: Love May 1, 2015, 9:51 PM
Prescription opiates 8 years. Clean for a year . The addiction is gone . Was like pulling saber tooth fangs out of my back . Became very ill. Better now . But the pain of emotion distress lingers . Family is gone friends gone . Lover gone . Trust gone . They come into life lift me up. Then cut me off at the knees . Been getting back up . Keep trying . Am wondering where the end is . Not in sight . Thinking of giving up . Normal folks just don't get it . Looking into a place I can find others like me . Trying to hold on . Desperate . Lost home car job love can't find a way back into life or world .barrier after barrier . Sinking

Posted by: ?? May 1, 2015, 10:28 PM
Whoever wrote the diet letter ....
You should find a nutritional forum ...
The things you wrote were mean and please don't attempt to understand things you are clueless about

Posted by: Alan May 27, 2015, 6:05 PM
Hey ben i know you posted along time ago just read your story i feel the very same as you off weed 2years been smokein 8 years or so i hate the person i have become nothong makes sense to me anymore i just nod and agree with my friends i dont have ambition anymore i cant even have a proper conversation with people just yes no answers you know i feel like im only 20% of me is there i want the old me back im scared that i will never be the same again

Posted by: Derek May 29, 2015, 3:15 PM
I have been smoking weed since I was 13 years old. I fell in love. Only times I since quit were because I was on probation which was for a year or so about 2 times. I was a grower from 21 to 25 and was damn good at it. Even moved to LA to grow big time hoping to make millions. Lets just say turned out to be a bad idea. I came back home to FL and started another grow house in a friends house. Cops kicked in door and he was asserted thank God he didn't rat me out, they deff had pictures of my truck and knew who I was luckily I was never caught. I stopped growing that day. I quit smoking again when for about 9 months. I was 26 with friend to try and better my life and deff felt the depression systems very badly. The nightmares I had every time I quit and couldn't sleep as well. I'm now 30 years old with two baby boys. I recently split up with the mom and just quit smoking weed again. I was a very heavy smoker smoking and smoking the very best very strong stuff like hash wax and oils. I smoked about a lot every hour on the hour if I could I awaked and smoked until night time when I didn't even get me high anymore for at least the last two years it was bad. I gave it up this time for the sake of my boys and baby momma threating to send me to court and take my kids. I DON'T THINK I EVER WOULD OF BEEN ABLE TO QUIT WITH OUT A GOOD REASOON LIKE THIS. I even bought a timed safe prior trying to cut down. It is a habit hat is harder then hell to quit. It controlled my soul. I feel like I will be fine again I just don't know when. I haven't smoked for a little over a week now and I know its still in my blood. I just started having the crazy vivid dreams again that comes with quitting. I feel more tired during the day but more alert. I have so much to say but have to go and would love to help anybody that needs advise or help because it can be done. I am living proof. God bless you all.


***plea do not post personal contact information. - the moderators***

Posted by: The Dissident June 17, 2015, 6:32 PM
I've definitely experienced this before, there are only two procedures that can cure this, the first is your imagination - everything that someone says picture it and I mean picture it in your head. I say this because imagery is the best form of memory and comprehension It may take a while but you will most surely conquer this crippling sickness.
secondly, positively counter the bad thoughts cause they want to thrive and perpetuate the scenario.
one more thing If all else fails observe yourself on a day to day basis and write down everything that went bad and everything that went good.

sorry if this sounds stupid but i'm merely trying to help you.

Posted by: CalmBeforeTheStorm July 5, 2015, 6:25 AM
First off, well done for quitting smoking! I'm only on the second day and i'm already looking up support online!I started when i was 15, and im quitting 3 years later for my job and it's not easy. I had depression, ocd, and anxiety before smoking and self medicated with marijuana. I'm now trying to move on with my life and deal with my problems without it.
You are clearly intelligent as your grammar, punctuation and spelling are all perfect. I think you just struggle in social situations as you're not used to being sober. After spending 5 years constantly in an altered state of mind, you have to re teach yourself how to socialise. You stutter, you think you're making an idiot of yourself, you get your words mixed up etc... It's hard. Just remember you're not the only one going through this, and you're not alone :)

Posted by: aaron 38 July 5, 2015, 7:05 PM
Well stopped new years eve as earlier posts. Not getting any problems been 6 months. work my focus is a lot better. don't really socialise with my ex toki mates, but go to gym/ relationship better. But don't see many peeps keep myself to my family. My age mates are all to busy with there own families so that's what I get on with. Have the odd cider but only been a recent thing just goes down well with the heat. I can go with or without drink not an issue. Have put on weight and don't stay up till sometimes daylight plus from night before, Midnight now and I pooped of to bed. First fortnight was hard but didn't really notice not toking after that. Brain back within a month or so . Finally finished garden as been looking at a pile of mud for years. will report back on a year if hit the bench mark . cheers

Posted by: infinite patel July 10, 2015, 2:45 AM
Dear ben,
I also had smoked too much marijuana,i also feel anxity but i got the way to come out from this all. You just need a girl who loves u unconditionally. So try to find her and one more thing i wanna tell you that we all have the infinite power inside us, what we are is due to our past thinkings and karmas, start to think positieve. If you think good about you upto 24 days constantly you will be the same as u thaught. All the decisies are created by us. God has not created any decisies. So connect to the power of god my meditation of one hour every day.i will prey for you to my lord shiva.Namah shivaya.....

Posted by: Mar Ten July 14, 2015, 3:06 PM
Hey man, I get how you feel. I got kicked out of my house twice because of weed. And same thing, either become homeless or quit weed. I couldn't make up my mind because I was totally addicted. But I think we all have reason to stay sober. Because when you go back to child you didn't like drugs or cigs. But somehow you want to do bad thing or today's society shapes you to do bad things. (My opinion) so yeah it's good that u made that decision of quitting. I've been sober for at least 2 month and I feel the same way as you do man. But let's fight this s***! We can do it. U got dream right? I got dream too. I wanna become the best rapper! But first I need to gain back my confidence. And yeah what ever you are going through God bless you man.

Posted by: Omisore Temitope August 13, 2015, 12:13 PM
My Name is Tope... I am also having the same feeling, but I was never an addict, it was through friends I got introduced to weed but the second time smoke I had this terrible thing going through my head... It was not an easy part at all, I still have anxiety, depression but it was not like before(8month ago)... I even thought about killing myself, when people are talking I feel as if am not there with them. So I abstained from friends and I go to church, believing in him. So later I do get a feeling in head it like something moving up and down and going sideways when I first experienced I thought I was going crazy, though I don't take alcohol or smoke anymore... But it not an easy part but I still believe in God for a miracle. Am hoping to be my true self very soon and I wish I have a cure to this.
This is my e-mail if anyone knows anything they have to help


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Posted by: Matt August 14, 2015, 11:43 PM
You all make me feel so good because I see I am not alone and never will b.

Posted by: Ashu September 21, 2015, 7:27 AM
Hi, it's been a great experience knowing about all of you. I read almost every post. I was also an addict and stopped my addiction 4 months back, went to see a psychiatrist also but stopped going there after 3 meeting, now trying to fight it through my own efforts. I somehow feel the same as all of you are feeling, not being intelligent as I was earlier, memory loss, problems in sleeping, not able to get up fresh in the morning, no willingness for social events, no interaction with anyone, sometimes I feel that I should commit suicide but I can not or I should say that I don't want to take that step as I have a little daughter and my family with me. My faith in God is on and I'm keeping it alive everyday, I have been jobless from last 4 months and trying my luck again in New fields. I don't know why I wrote on this post but it has given me a lot of satisfaction. If you have any suggestions please provide.

Posted by: DAC September 21, 2015, 10:39 AM
Ashu

I wasnt going to share this advice, but I know exactly how you feel. Being clean is about being focused, serious, and dedicated. When smoking I feel expansive, less stressed, and that other possibilities exist...I am hopeful. Without the pot it can be harder, but it really depends on how often you smoke. If you cant ever smoke in moderation, give it up. But can you only do it sparingly? That requires self-discipline, something a lot of self-declared 'addicts' dont have much of.

If you went on an extended vacation, one that took you places you had never been, and gave you experiences that will last a lifetime? You get home, you are broke, you are tired, and you are down because there is nothing to look forward to. You blame the vacation for ruining your 'life' because you were gone too long. When you get back the bills have piled up, there is a lot of work to catch up on, and it seems like you are in a hole that you cant get out of. At that moment you would probably believe that vacations are bad, and that you should never take one again.

For some people swearing off vacation forever works....but some of us like a short 'getaway' every now and then. And when you dont stay 'gone' for weeks and months at a time, but just do 'day trips' occasionally? You find that taking the vacation wasnt the problem - it was taking vacations that were too long that was the problem.

I wrote because you mentioned suicide -- this is societal pressure getting to you - fight it. You are not bad, you are not evil, you just made some mistakes. I felt like you once - wanting to die, but that feeling didnt come from a drug -- it came from other people. Other people I didnt connect with, who condemned me, and stigmatized me with the label 'addict'. When I stopped investing in these people - I started to get better.

I stopped having the bad thoughts once I understood the problem, and DROPPED beliefs that were based on myth, old wives tales, and outright lies. I never bought the argument that taking additive , mind altering, and deadly medicine on a daily basis was a viable alternative to smoking pot every other day -- but I'm weird that way.

Just dont smoke it all-day every-day.

Posted by: trace October 1, 2015, 1:06 PM
I smoked for years to cope with emotional pain, I got LoST in a black tunnel, I gave up for 9 months and relapsed 12 weeks ago, I've stopped again today as I know from experience that weed will take
Everything from me, I already know the rough journey I've got ahead, I did it for 9 months, now my new goal is to stop and never ever go back, its amazing how quickly it gets hold of you again, well I need all the luck I can get but am looking forward to the real me, whatever I may be, I will be sober and straight. God help me x

Posted by: Jeffrey October 5, 2015, 11:49 AM
Yo Ben, I know this post is like really old, but I feel u so much in your story, damn. I grew up like that aswell, being a naïve little kid smoking marihuana and not thinking about my future. I started smoking tobacco at around 14, and marihuana around 15. Haven't quit since, and I'm now 24 years old. Just signed up for a clinic, cuz I'm pretty much lost. I have the same symptons as you were talking about, mainly anxiety, feeling out of control on your own state of mind. If you read this, I'll like to have some contact aswell, cuz we're pretty much in the same situation I think.

Posted by: juan October 18, 2015, 12:51 AM
Hi my name is juan I'm a marijuana addiCT for the past year..before smoking weed I was a whole different person I was always motivated person hard working until I lost my first "love" I just keep smoking think about the past...lost my family's trust I wouldn't still or whatever to smoke..idk what to do with my life no more and I'm only 20

Posted by: JC October 28, 2015, 8:13 AM
I have smoked weed daily day and night for 20 yrs its all i know .... i have been clean for just over 3 months now and i feel amazing!.

I did it for my kids and myself.

People do not realise what this drug does to your everyday life. Its just weed after all huh? hmmm

Its evil ... it talks to you ... go on just skin up and all will be ok.

I hope i remain clean now for the rest of my life and meet people now that are normal.

I would love to help others and talk to some of you on your journey to reprogramming your heads too.....

Keep it up and use what you learnt to your advantage ....

peace x

Posted by: Simon November 3, 2015, 3:16 PM

Just to give the other side of the story.

I quit weed after nearly 20 years of smoking it.

It was super easy. A few light cravings for the first week or so then I was cool.

Apart from not having to buy pot when I needed it, I haven't really noticed any changes in my life.
I was a keen runner and worked hard when I smoked. I'm still a keen runner and work hard now.

I had an above average IQ when I smoked. I have an above average IQ now.

Also Ben, I noticed from your story that you are trying various prescription medications to lift your mood now. These are much much more toxic and dangerous than lovely cannabis.
If you feel that bad. Get back on it. You'll feel better and do a lot less harm to yourself.

I hope everyone's lives turn out for the better and I wish you all luck, but I cannot overstate my message here:

Pharmaceutical companies make lots and lots and lots of money from us all feeling bad about ourselves and lie to us about the dangers of using drugs to encourage us to buy their expensive chemical poison instead. The crap in the pills you take makes you feel rubbish and they convince you that this is damage done by pot or whatever other drug you were on and keep pumping you full of more of their prescription meds to try to make you "feel better"

Honestly. If being off pot makes you feel that bad. Get back on it. It's funny, relatively harmless, social, makes music sound awesome, much less toxic than prescription meds, not at all addictive, did I say it's funny and also it makes you laugh which is very good natural medicine filling you with endorphines and relaxing you and those around you.

Good luck dude
:}

Posted by: S November 9, 2015, 2:43 PM
it does get better, even better than what you could ever feel like cuz u might have never known what good felt in the 1st place

Posted by: moderator November 10, 2015, 9:41 PM
Samantha80, we moved your post to a new thread called "Samantha80" and linked it to the Families/Partners of Addicts forum. You will see many people who have walked in your shoes.

- the moderators

Posted by: chad November 12, 2015, 1:11 AM
I'm going through this myself after 20+ years of heavy smoking I'm having a lot of these symptoms too the devil himself is behind the lie that marijauna is ok its a trap and i thank Jesus he can rescue me and anyone of you that needs help this isn't about religion either its about real life and eternity is at stake if satan can keep us blind and not thinking we will never pick up the holy bible and read the only reason i did is because god allowed me to go to prison for a couple years to go to christian boot camp

Posted by: Baggs November 13, 2015, 11:49 AM
My goodness it's been almost 2 months and I still feel dizzy and can't think straight feel like I'm dying at some points my hands shake and I'm short of breaths at times. Before I cold turkey stopped smoking I had been smoking since I was 16 I am now 39 I fear I've really damaged my brain, I need to no if this will get better or should I give this stopping smoking up and just smoke again since I feel like it's to late for my brain.

Baggs

Posted by: OnTrackMan November 18, 2015, 6:08 PM
I've been reading over these forum posts and I see A LOT of myself in most of these posts. Groggy mind, impaired memory, big memory problems, anxiety, depression, the regret of lost years to smoking etc. I've been a daily smoker for years, and I'm just over three weeks in recovery now.

For the last week or two I was convinced I'd gotten Korsakoff's syndrome (my diet had been really bad for a long time). After I quit I realized no memories would really stick, the anxiety, trouble focusing etc. I read tons of highly referenced research on the subject and was convinced I had it.

THANK GOD for this forum and all these shared experiences. I might have gotten psychotic if I had not realized that what I was going through was not Korsakoff's, but big time cannabis withdrawal. Now I'm not trying to maginalize what you and I are going through because I've never felt this s***ty, still.

With this sudden (d'oh, huge denial) and realistic explanation to what I was going through my mindset completely changed. What I had been filling my mind with (Korsakoff-symptoms) was that I had something that would not get better, only worse.

The thing about what we're going through though is that it only gets better! I've been reading a bunch of research reports about long-term cannabis use, cannabis withdrawal etc., and what I've come away with is this. The mind heals. Key words are neurogenisis and neuroplasticiy. Some things heal a little faster, some things a little slower. Even the "permanent" effects you might read about are usually measured after only 28 days of abstinence. Everyone on this forum knows you are still healing after 28 days. I think it is really important to not analyze your own psyche all that much. You might convince yourself that your this-or-that was much better before, but you really don't have a solid reference point. As you improve you up the bar on what your former self was capable of. You'll never win.

The important thing you need is PERSISTENCE AND A PLAN.

I've been a health nut for the last two weeks because I felt like s*** and really needed something to keep my mind occupied. Trying to keep it as simple as possible, my plan was this:

-Eating
-Exercise
-Mindfulness

- Eating 4 times a day minimum
I eat soylent for every meal atm to make sure I don't miss any micro nutrients (Korsakoffs really scared me). Just regular and pretty healthy food seems to do wonders, at least in my case.

- Exercise
Oh man, what a hassle. I'm pretty overweight, but I just put on some shoes and walk/jog while listening to a funny podcast. Keeps your mind occupied, increase your metabolism to get that pesky THC out and increase your mental and physical health. Dont over do it or set yourself big goals, just get out and move your feet a bit.

- Mindfulness
Scientifically proven to be really good for your mental health. I've been doing this (http://palousemindfulness.com/selfguidedMBSR.html) course for two weeks, and it really is amazing. Like another poster here said, it feels like you are unlocking parts of your brain you didn't even know you had! Listen to this quote from the abstract of a highly referenced report on mindfulness:

"Analyses in a priori regions of interest confirmed increases in gray matter concentration within the left hippocampus. Whole brain analyses identified increases in the posterior cingulate cortex, the temporo-parietal junction, and the cerebellum in the MBSR group compared to the controls. The results suggest that participation in MBSR is associated with changes in gray matter concentration in brain regions involved in learning and memory processes, emotion regulation, self-referential processing, and perspective taking."

I mean, why would you not do it, no matter what your situation.



I still have a long way to go, and so do a lot of you. Remember that when you quit smoking you started the climb. It might feel like you are trying to swim upstream, but that was you when you were smoking.Seems chill when you are not going anywhere, but once you stop you realize you have to keep moving in a positive direction. Realize when you make progress. Cherish it and use it as a motivator for future progress.

I'm gonna get through this and progress for the rest of my life, and so can you!

Posted by: chris November 26, 2015, 12:58 AM
I was on this road. its a tough one. long story short, take some modafinil ;) you'll soon get your edge back. good luck!

Posted by: james December 20, 2015, 11:46 PM
Hi

I have also read all the comments even though a lot of ppl like me replied after a several years. I hope you all got through the worst part and are clean on this day.

I can actually i identify a lot of the things you went through. First of all i quit smoking weed after 10 years of use. I have now been clean for 1 years and 3 months.

1st month: The first month was very hard, i remember how depressed i was, it was like a nightmare, i had tried to stop a couple of times. But this time i cut all my connection to the people who smoked weed. Actually i didnt really talked with anyone other than my parents.

3rd month: It got a little easier after the 3rd month, but i was was still thinking about smoking weed. It was like u had to give up a big part of your life, and now everything seemed to be boring, i couldnt focus, i was depressed. i couldt walk on the street without feeling that ppl were watching you. and like a lot of u guys said, i couldnt think straight. I felt like my brain was dammaged and that i wouldnt be normal again. But i didnt quit, i knew i had to continue. so i did..

uptil 8th month: Let me say that it was the most boring time of my life uptil the 8th month, but i actually got stronger, and i could feel that i got happier and i could think more straight. i actually started to go out more, but still, it was like something was missing. I still felt very empty.


15month: And today is the 15th month i have been clean. How do i feel and where am i in life?
Well its a very good question. I still feel empty, but my depression is gone. Its like a have been stronger than ever and i could handle a lot of things in life. But the problem is that im afraid that i wont ever get my feelings back in life.. Its like the weed took a big part of my life away from me, and now i dont know if it will ever get back.


I wonder if it takes more time to heal or it will be like this forever. But all in all the depression is gone, but i hope i will get feelings back in life. and im glad i wrote this, its like getting a heavy burden out of your chest. I hope the best for you all, cheers and good luck

Posted by: Yosup January 22, 2016, 12:16 AM
After reading this and alot of the responses, I'm so relieved to see there are people in the same boat as I am. I always thought weed affected me in such a strange and different way. I too am on the path to quitting (day 21) and I am experiencing the same things: anxiety, paranoia, always thinking people are watching, insomnia, the works. I pace. I find it hard to socialize and constantly drift off. When I come to I feel so embarrassed it comes through in physical signs, especially since I have tourettes which makes impulse and movement control very hard.

I also feel very detached from reality in a way. I can't blame this all on weed because 4 years ago I underwent drug induced psychosis. Trying to correct my anxiety with medicine actually made it worse. I was basically schizophrenic for several months and couldn't even walk outside by myself. I felt like the government, people brainwashed by the government, and even ghosts were after me. Walking into School was like walking into a war zone and FORGET working.

I could go on that tangent FOREVER. However, moral of the story I finally got over that and came back to my normal self. A year or so later I started smoking weed fairly regularly. When I got my first full time job I started smoking everyday heavily. Like many of us here i became an a**, started scaring people away, and lost my ex. The scariest part of it, though, was that some of those symptoms I described ^^ started subtly creeping back. I would become paranoid that people were talking about me, that my ex was cheating, that all of my friends were just using me and didn't really like me. I even started becoming paranoid of people drugging me (a symptom originally brought on by the fore mentioned psychosis). At this point I felt like weed became a part of who I was. I was so ashamed and I knew it was slowly killing me, but I didn't want to stop.

It's one big head trip and I'm so glad I'm finally making the right decision. I'm also getting back into my religion which is a big help. Praying is definitely a huge help, as well as the good association. Even though I'm still awkward and stupid (not stupid but seemingly stupid... or just wierd) the people there are always so forgiving with smiles on their faces and ready to talk. Like I saw mentioned in one of the previous posts if you keep positive and fill your time with other activities anything is possible.

Stay stron Ben <3

Posted by: Response to Ditto. January 30, 2016, 3:21 PM
Hey Ditto, The human brain can't fix everything in the human body.

Posted by: seth February 11, 2016, 5:55 PM
to anybody who i trying to quit and feel its impossible. i tried quitting twice both times were awful. i didnt want to go to the doctors cause i was shame to admit that my depression was caused from quitting weed. the first time thru i did it with no meds thinking if i could just sleep i would get better. i never really did, even six months later, so i started smoking again cuz it felt so good and made me feel normal. weed affects me like people describe ice heads, it doesn't calm me, it makes me excitable, makes me believe im smarter and better than everyone. its simply not good for me and for some others like me. its fine for those who know how to keep reality in check and relax. anyways i started again and quit again, i did some bad things i wont get into, however this time when i quit i got so low i tried to commit suicide. i thought about it so much cuz i thought i could never be normal again, it was so bad. i hate taking meds. first they put me on welbutrin. that didnt work at first, but a month later the doc prescribed adderrol along with the welbutrin and almost immediately i felt close to normal. i feel i never will be exactly the same and nothing will make you feel like the way you feel when your smoking weed, its an amazing feeling that cant be replicated without doing it. however the tiredness, the zero feelings, the no happiness can be helped with the right combination of meds. ive done so many dumb things and hurt so many people while smoking weed and i regret all of it, but without me burning so many bridges and hurting my family i would have never known ive been wrong about my point of view and i would have never learned how to be an actual decent human being. but if you quit and you feel like you cant cuz the withdrawals are so bad, ask your doc for the combination of welbutrin and adderrol, your brain needs to remeber what normal feels like in order to get past that awful stage. anyway i hope this helps someone

Posted by: Dennis March 28, 2016, 6:52 AM
Hello Ben,
Thank you for opening up and sharing the challenges you're going through. I'm also a recovering weed addict and the regrets keep coming to my mind every day. I actually fell for those advocating for marijuana legalization and thought that the benefits were genuine. So out of curiosity, I started smoking day by day. This then morphed into smoking 3-4 times a day. The high is what kept me going, yet I was ignorant of the repercussions that were starting to show step by step such as neglect of personal as well as professional duties. My memory and libido has also shrunk significantly.

The anxiety did kick in as you've mentioned and I started becoming hyper-suspicious about my family. At one point, I started shouting at my mum when she recommended that I should take anxiety pills, but later on, I decided to take the medication anyway. I was given tegretol to calm my urges for the substance. I'm currently 3 months clean now and I'm on Laroxyl, an antidepressant. I do wish you a quick recovery, knowing first hand that I'm sharing the same fate. Peace

Posted by: KeepingTheBalance March 30, 2016, 6:39 PM
For all you weed smokers out there with all your paranoia, this is because you are not exercising enough, go out and buy a cheap push bike off eBay or wherever and start going for a 20min bike ride three times a week, instead of just sitting at the computer or in front of the tv watching mindless s*** you have most likely already watched before.

Also stop smoking that strong skunk s*** if you can, if you do smoke that then try get hold of like anti anxiety weed like bubblegum haze, if not then stick to home grown or hash.

Another tip is to smoke only after you have done what you needed to do in the day. Don't wake up and have a morning doob if you have work, just don't, you will feel much better not being high around people that are also not high.

Either keep smoking to when you know you ain't got s*** to do or just f*** it off and quit.

The other thing is most of you weed smokers know most of what I'm saying already, but you still don't do f all about it, if you don't start trying to change now then why will you in the future?

Also remember if you stop smoking weed, after a while your orgasms will be like 10000 X times more powerful! if only that last bit was true ey? Only one way to find out.

Posted by: Papa Bear April 1, 2016, 10:01 AM
For a true addict/alcoholic there is, in the end, no substance "balance".

There is only abstinence-

For many of us it takes half a lifetime to see this - many don't live to see it.

Many of us suffer horribly trying to prove that simple truth wrong.

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: Itsworthit May 4, 2016, 9:49 PM
This is exactly me. Exactly, it's scary. I've always wondered if anyone out there was like me. But I can't get clean.

Posted by: Ryan May 7, 2016, 6:47 PM
Message for Papa bear, you probably don't remember me, go back to a post I did around the 1st Jan 2015 on this same thread. I was around the 10 days clean mark and trying to celebrate my success, you unfortunately looked down on my achievements and told me to come back a year from then and you would see who's methods worked. Well this is to let you know, I'm still clean, through will alone I got to where to needed to be. No meetings, no therapy, just me. I vowed I would stay clean and I have. Each to their own, always remember that

Posted by: dragon May 21, 2016, 4:57 PM
Its 5 months now, like it doesn't really get better, because a reason emerged to start using it in the first place, like a brain damage is a consciousness damage, the social anxiety disorder, paranoia, its all a consciousness issue, a "you" issue. I feel like I need a reset of some sort. Like loosing your humanness, becoming something else inside the same body. All I can do now is admire others and hope less people get into this trap. damn.

Posted by: JoeyEscapeIsland June 7, 2016, 7:59 PM
You're not alone can't say too much but some people have symptoms before drug use similar to yours and after it makes it worse. Being dependent on the drug and missing what it gave you is what it is. Life isnt easy. Try finding a hobby, exercise, walk drink water and have a good travel and talking companion of the same sex. It will take time but it will help get you through life after what has happened even if you cannot fully advance. Talk to family don't go back to it or you can create more distance with your family. It's not just mental it turns physical with marijuana hang in there.

Posted by: Tom June 9, 2016, 5:23 PM
I smoked all day nearly every day for about 35 years. It was always an effective anti-depressant, it made things more enjoyable, and I just felt better high. It made me happier. But, I was always worried about losing my job or getting arrested. Plus, I lost many wonderful things as a result of my use. Not long ago I asked God to make me want to quit, to make me what I should be. It seems to have worked. I regret having spent my life in such a way but nothing can be done about that now. But, I do believe God made the change when I asked. I just wish I'd asked 35 years earlier.

Posted by: Forever Faithfull June 13, 2016, 5:01 PM
Dear All,

It is now June 2016 and I know the posts are a bit old but I am so happy I found you all!
I was also a cannabis addict and I must say it was probably the worst thing that's ever happened to me. But now I found these posts and I feel better ;). I'm glad they say the brain can heal itself and recover 'cause I also developed chronic depression, anxiety attacks, agoraphobia, paranoia, sometimes hallucinations. It's been 3 an a half years since I haven't smoked so I'm glad I've made such a big change! However I still keep struggling everyday I can't get out of bed I don't feel like working or seeing people but the good thing is i'm trying to keep myself positive. I went to see a bio energetic doctor, and in case anybody wonders, these doctors are the best! so if any of you has an emergency please go to these doctors. They balanced my chakras and I felt better! The journey is still going I hope in the next months/years my brain can recover completely and life gets back to good again! As a personal experience I'd never recommend people to smoke weed, like ever, ever. It is a terrible addiction and then your brain doesn't respond to anything. Only weed makes you happy and life is not supposed to be that way. I hope that we can all be here and support each other because reading your posts has definitely made me feel better. Let's keep it going, we'll make it through!! All the love and best wishes for you!!

Posted by: NyToFlorida July 2, 2016, 12:53 AM
Hi Ben and others, if you come back to the post.... try alternative medicine. acupuncture, massage, homeopathy, naturopathic doctor, cranial sacral therapy, yoga, ti chi, keep trying until you find the one that works.

Posted by: maj July 3, 2016, 12:53 AM
Hi ben,

I just wanted to give you some food for thought. as a heavy smoker myself who has been struggling with quitting for a long time, I can realte to the feeling of emptiness which come after quitting. the highs you used to feel were quite intense dont forget, and in my opinion your having a hard time re-adjusting to the less intense but pleasurable activites,in life, such as all non drug users feel.

you want to enjoy life like everybody else yes? the best is not only to quit, but to come to a point where weed doesnt even come to your mind. not in a good way or a bad way,just not at all. forget it forever. imagine you woken from a coma, and that youve forgotten ur past life and mistakes. or that your addiction was a disease and now you are cured. you want to enjoy the less intense pleasures in life (which takes time) which overall bring you long term HAPPINESS, rather than short term pleasure

I would also like to add that drug user or not, many people find it hard to be happy. that is because of an emptiness which people feel they have in their lives. everybody copes differently,but people like me try hide from it by drgging myself everyday...the best advice i can give you, is to try and find MEANING in your life. make a life which you feel its like a mission, from birth to death ,that there is always something WORTH doing, worth getting up for, worth fighting for....many people turn to religeon as they find it gives meaning to their lives,,and gives them hope that after death there are good things to come..and tht ife is not meaningless...not even to animals and plants so imagine how worthy your life is a human. know that without doing anything, your body and mind are living miracles of which we still cannot comprehend. and also know that...there is a watcher who knows your pain...and loves you dearly..try to find find him..hes your creator and you will feel safe and happy with the aid of the merciful

I take my hat off to you,for doing so wlel.please keep it up. i type all this also to help myself also and thanks for sharing

Posted by: lordoftheflies2 July 3, 2016, 4:08 AM
Ben,

I quit smoking for 6 months now, yes I feel how you do but I also think you haven't gone to the gym.

I hired a personal trainer, am now 15 pounds heavier in muscle. I feel so confident, still paranoid and i have difficulty sleeping/eating/staying calm in crowded rooms, but now I walk like I am a work in progress and can overcome any problem with time. That's the confidence the gym gives, not big muscles but the ability for your brain to accept that it can improve and change to get better results, try it out man!

Posted by: Glenn July 4, 2016, 3:09 AM
Hey Ben!
Thank you for sharing your experience and struggles. I feel so relieved to know that I'm not alone in my own struggles with post-marijuana depression and anxiety.

Some personal info:
I did marijuana starting in late high school, around 18 years old. At first it was just once every few months with friends. It wasn't until college that I started to use marijuana heavily, about three times per day for a little over a year. It helped a lot with the stress that came with the increased course workload, and the fraternity guys I was hanging-out with at the time were into smoking and experimenting with other drug use. The only other drug I tried was shrooms which I did once and had an ok experience at a beach.
It was during a party my senior year that I had my first full on panic attack/mental breakdown. I had already pounded five beers when I was offered a bong with a bowl that I now think was laced with something else other than weed. I took a huge hit, and immediately started to feel that something was wrong. I went to my room, feeling paranoid and upset. I started having flashbacks of my childhood, all the bad memories of times where I was alone, afraid and angry at the world. After that experience, I strongly believed there was something wrong with me, and searched obsessively for a possible diagnoses to explain why I was feeling so isolated from other people. For the last 3 months of my senior year, I thought I was possibly schizophrenic, sociopathic, psychopathic, narcissitic, had dementia, alzheimers, or a stroke. I felt disassociated with myself for 5 months and had to see a therapist after coming to the conclusion that I had to stop dumping my problems on my family and friends. I became increasingly judgmental and critical of others' behaviors that reflected values that did not align with the values I was trying to instill on myself. In short, I've been struggling to build new relationships with other people and maintaining the ones I already have.

Conclusion:
I'm currently almost 1-year clean of marijuana use. I've started exercising regularly and eating healthier. I stopped seeing the therapist and taking anti-depressants. I've been reading a lot of self-help books that concentrate on re-framing the way I think to change the way I feel. So far, I haven't religiously followed the advice offered in the books, but I will be starting to meditate on a regular basis. My hope is that practicing meditation will help to remove my current thought-patterns and will reboot my brain or create new neural pathways that will override my current thought pattern.
This one quote had helped me tremendously in picking me up during these past months, and it has helped me to see myself in a different light.
"You are a unique expression of universal consciousness and your uniqueness is reflected in the preferences and desires that your physical being comes up with...[each] of your desires has huge value because it causes expansion in life and you act as a co-creator of new realities"- Sen, CDM.
By posting your experience with marijuana and your struggles as a result of stopping, you have made a positive impact in my life. I don't feel as alone as I once did, and your perspective has helped me to accept my own perspective based on my experience with marijuana.
I wish you and others good fortune and health on life's journey, and I hope for all to get back on their feet and walking tall again.

Posted by: BRANDON July 24, 2016, 3:50 AM
Brother you could have add/adhd really bad like me. I read the post I have the same symptoms. You should seriously see a psycholist and be evaluated for it. Addereal changed my life. I started smoking pot at 16 smoked pot everyday till a few months ago. Sometimes are desicion making and our moods. We can't help because some of us arnt born with the electricity that we need like other people have. It effects are life style. Exercise helps also. I lost someone too. Don't ignore it there is also a natural way from the Chinese they found the natural cure kinda like balancing like karate kid for 15 mins a day creates new chemicals in the brain. But those symtoms that sounds like more like you missing chemicals that you don't have. Research about it. And don't be embarrassed about it. It could be the best choice you ever made. Its life changing it's almost like your starting off reborn. I quit weed and still didn't feel any better but once I took adderal life hasn't been such a struggle. I am against the adderall. But all my goals haven't been accomplished. In the future I'll be turning to the natural way. But I have no time to waist. Trust that I know I really think I should be the poster for this syndrome I have it really bad. Good luck.

Posted by: Papa Bear July 24, 2016, 11:37 AM
I see a lot of folks with "issues" in recovery. I am one of them.

It is well addressed in the first paragraph of AA's HOW IT WORKS:
"there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental ...."
It's part of being an alcoholic/addict for the most of us in my experience.

The substance is just the symptom that the world sees - the tip of the iceberg.

Once we have got clean/sober now we have to LIVE clean/sober -
that is the trick and that is where the daily working of a recovery program is necessary.

Simply put: Once I got rid of the alcohol I was left with the Alcoholism.
I had to begin to change my ways - to grow up - to mature.
TO GET BETTER (one day at a time)

I came to recovery with a drinking/drug problem but I came mentally/emotionally/physically/spiritually bankrupt.
Putting the booze/drugs down allowed me to begin to address the large, hidden underlying problem(s) that started to surface and I had nowhere to run anymore.

That is the fear/anxiety/remorse/guilt/shame/hate that we are left with and have to address.

I and millions of others address our ISMs at AA/NA meetings regularly around the world.

All the best.

Bob R

Posted by: Jose August 24, 2016, 11:33 AM
Want to thank everyone in this thread and board for sharing their stories. I'm trying to quit myself and have been going through a lot lately. Last time I smoked was 2 days ago with a friend, but it's been 2 weeks since I've bought (which is good). Yesterday was really tough because my urge was off the charts. I paced around my apartment for an hour and then finally tried to go to sleep. It took a while, but I did fall asleep eventually and when I woke up I was so proud I didn't give in to hitting up my dealer.

With that said, this is much tougher than I thought. I was always in denial about being an 'addict' of weed. I've been smoking off and on for 15 years, but now, I'm 34, jobless, massive debt, alone and depressed. Not saying weed is the reason, there are a lot of factors, but being a consistent smoker has certainly not helped things.

I would say the longest I've ever gone without smoking is a couple weeks. But now, I can't ration myself like I used to. Maybe some people can smoke once a week, or basically keep it sporadic enough that it's not as unhealthy - but I'm not one of those people. I seem to be a binger of anything I do now. When I buy, I smoke non-stop. When I drink, I binge. When I eat, I binge. And now I binge watching TV. I can't seem to find myself to do anything productive.

However, reading this forum has given me hope. I'm thankful my withdrawal symptoms are not as severe as many on here. I'm hopeful I can get through this because I know I have something offer this world. I wish I could live in a world and smoke all day and not worry about a thing. However, society will chew you up and spit you out - as least it will to many of us. I consider myself intelligent and attractive, but that does not matter. This stuff (while better than alcohol and other drugs IMO) has made me into a disappointment and a cautionary tale.

Anyway, wish everyone the very best and good luck to anyone making positive changes in their life.

Posted by: Steve August 25, 2016, 6:47 PM
I am a father of an 18 year old who is suffering terribly after stopping using weed after only a relatively short period of about 7 months. At 16 his first year at college went well and his 2nd year started well and he got an apprenticeship. Unfortunately in this 2nd year he met an existing user who got him on weed. We had always told our kids of the dangers and how important it was to stay off drugs or even cigarettes but understand the ease at which kids can believe so called friends rather than their parents. We were unaware he had started but now understand after about 3 months of starting he started using larger amounts and we noticed in the last 4 weeks of him using he was going out after coming back from work at about 8.30pm and getting back at 1.30am. He had to get up at 7am for work. ( He has since lost his apprenticeship because of this). His work started to suffer and eventually he had a massive panic attack and felt suicidal. It was then he admitted to smoking weed. We were devastated. We took him to our doctor and took him to a local recovery unit at the doctor's advice.The advice was to stop seeing these people and stop using or decrease usage. His so called friend who got him into weed and who sold it to him did all he could to threaten him into continuing. That was until we got our sons phone and I managed to get this person away from our son. It was suggested that his withdrawal would be OK and we hoped there would be a gradual improvement. After a couple of days it was tuff but he seemed to respond well to getting back on track. but paranoia started to be noticable and after 2 weeks the paranoia has been terribly upsetting. We visited the recovery clinic today but they were were unable to help until he got his paranoia under control as he is unable to comprehend any advice or help as he believes they are not who they are. Our N.H.S. doctor was so supportive and saw him immediately. He prescribed sleeping pills to try and get him to get some rest as he hasn't slept very much since stopping. Sleep and rest should help in his recovery in the short term. It would seem our son is the 1 in 4 users who have a catastrophic reaction to weed by either becoming addicted or increasing already underlying characteristics like anxiety that some teenagers may have. It is also fact that teenagers brains are still developing up to about 21 years old and WILL be damaged by the use of weed. We are 2 weeks into this now and am so worried about the damage caused. We have been told by the doctor he has seen a lot worse and feels he has a good chance of recovery from the weed but added he may well need specialist treatment for mental issues as a result of this on his self esteem and anxiety. When lucid our son admitted using weed but stressed he was only ever under the impression he was smoking normal weed. But due to the severe paranoia after 2 weeks of coming off weed, the recovery clinic has suggested that he may have been sold synthetic weed which looks the same as normal weed or maybe a much stronger weed that is now available. The last 2 days some 13 days after stopping he is unable to talk at all rationally. He believes we need to leave the house as they ( just about everybody) want to get us. I am grateful to all those who have shared their struggle on blogs etc as the more young people read about the damage caused by cannabis the less likely they may decide to start using. My heart goes out to you all and your loved ones who have to see you going through this. We have found a great deal of help is available but only wished kids would take more time to look into the negatives of drugs rather than take a chance. They have a 25% chance they or their parents will be writing the next blog. Wishing you all well and a recovery you are aiming for.

Posted by: Jubellie March 13, 2017, 10:51 PM
The answer is YES. It all gets easier. If you replace the old habit (smoking) with new, good habits (walking, swimming, reading, cross stitch, whatever you like!) then after a couple of months you have new habits.
I smoked for about 15 years and gave up in January. Passed a drug test last week so I know it's all gone from my system. I feel stronger, positive, energetic and brighter mentally. My brain is sharper, I can focus better and express myself more concisely. I can look people in the eye when we meet and have more confidence in myself. I have better charge of my emotions which is a fairly new development. Quitting weed was the greatest gift I have ever given myself and I'm so grateful to God that he got me through this. Please everyone just hang in there and don't give up on giving up. Life is out there waiting for you to embrace it. Peace xxx

Posted by: Jack January 7, 2018, 9:44 PM
Hi all,

Just a quick message - I posted on here a few times back in January 2015 when I was in the process of giving up smoking weed. 3 years on and I haven't smoked since. There's plenty of good material on here but if anyone is finding things tough take hope that it is possible to make it work.

Reading back what I wrote a in 2015 was interesting - thank you to everyone that has posted on here.