Help.vicks Inhalers?
Posted: August 25, 2006, 11:28 AM


Posts: 136
Joined: April 14, 2006



Deedy:

I understand the pain you feel - my addicted loved one is a husband, not a child - so it's not quite the same.

I hear what you say about "letting go" and how it hasn't turned out well in similar situations. What's the alternative, though? Has anything you've done thus far kept your daughter from using drugs?

It sounds like you and your daughter can talk together. I pray you will find the strength to say what you need to say, then back away. When your daughter's actions result in painful consequences to HER, she may become willing to change.

God Bless you and your family.
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Posted: August 25, 2006, 11:50 AM


Posts: 1350
Joined: June 3, 2005



joe joe

There is no "dictate" to to anything. The only fact I was trying to state is that there is nothing anyone can do to "make" someone stop using. That is just the bottom line. Poll the recovering addicts here and ask them about it.

No one is really "telling" her to do anything, well, at least I am not. They are merely reporting experiences they had with many of the same situations.

If you want to be unique and nonconformist, by all means go ahead.

But for me, I will just "follow the herd" The more I realize that my situation is much like others, the more hope I have that I can change it as I have seen so many other addicts/alcoholics in my AA group have.

I truly fear Terminal Uniquenss ™ . It is truly........terminal.....as in life ending....

--------------------
Dr. Bashir: So of all your stories, which ones were true and which ones were lies?

Elim Garak: My dear doctor they were all true.

Dr. Bashir: Even the lies?

Elim Garak: Especially the lies......
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Posted: August 25, 2006, 12:43 PM


Posts: 46
Joined: August 22, 2006



you're right elim. my words were probably too strong & final sounding. my apologies.

I am a rookie on tour here & have much respect for pretty much all of you that have posted here. I congratulate you & others who are doing na, steps etc. I am not & my comments are nothing more than my own opinion from the gut & heart. I have no business giving advice or comments especially since they differ from what works for millions of addicts & friends of addicts.

I am speaking solely as a parent of a young daughter who feels very saddened by what Deedy is going thru.



Please know that it is because good people here like yourself that I can say I've been clean for 6 weeks. 6 weeks is a very short time in the scope of things and I really should try to keep my thoughts more to myself especially on such a critical topic as this. My apologies

tough love's 1st post to me was a bit on the harsh side or so I thought. I have all the respect in the world for him & actually find myself looking for his advice. It was a great wake up call to me & have him to thank in part for my not drinking.

a 49 yr old & his drinking habits are different than a mothers relationship with her daughter imo.

While you may be spot on with your assesment & advice to deedy in your 1st post, you're presention was not very endearing imo.

curious elim are you or have you ever been the parent of a young daughter?
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Posted: August 25, 2006, 12:55 PM


Posts: 1350
Joined: June 3, 2005



joe joe

You do NOT need to apologize. I don't want or need "right", or...better to say... I SHOULDN'T NEED IT.

As for not "endearing", you are right, it really was too harsh. I question my motives sometimes. It is the truth, what I wrote, it really is, but maybe I was trying to hurt someone by saying.

Oh, by the way...I AM SORRY DEEDY, making you feel bad was NOT my intention. All I wanted to do is share the motivations of one (recovering) addict.

I am now learning that one cannot "slap someone upside the head with a 2 by 4" to get them to see something. Nope, not working. However, I will still state that its the addicts choice ALONE and their initial actions that starts/keeps recovery going, not loved ones.....

Just a quesiton for you...do you not like the 12-steps? or feel that they don't/will not work for you? Just curious.

Me....kids??? Oh HECK NO, thank goodness. I am so glad I didn't put one through this addiction torture. I barely took care of responsibilities for myself, much less a child......

--------------------
Dr. Bashir: So of all your stories, which ones were true and which ones were lies?

Elim Garak: My dear doctor they were all true.

Dr. Bashir: Even the lies?

Elim Garak: Especially the lies......
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Posted: August 25, 2006, 1:30 PM


Posts: 1230
Joined: May 22, 2005



Deedee, please have a look at the twelve steps, they really are brilliant and you can apply them to anything going on in your life. They really do make sense. Do you go to a group? I know I had to shop around until i found the right one, but it was worth it.
Elim and JoeJoe, you are both right in what you say.
We all take want we can from eachother and some things may not apply to us at the time they are written, but that does not mean that because some of us are further along than others that either are wrong.
JoeJoe, you have every right to say as you please on this site, we are grown ups, we can take it, same goes for you Elim, though sometimes you could be a bit gentler!!. But, as you said you have learned something from this, so that is a plus.
You both have great things to say, so please keep on saying them.
Take care.
karen

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BEWARE THE HIGH COST OF LOW LIVING
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Posted: August 25, 2006, 1:52 PM


Posts: 573
Joined: September 21, 2005



Yes, i too have heard of the Vicks inhaler goes with Extacy....
Also, could be used as like a "bumper". They empty the vicks and keep cocaine in there, so she can do a "bump" whenever she feels and no one would suspect a thing!!

Hope this helps!
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gaila
Posted: August 25, 2006, 3:03 PM







I agree Deedy, it's a process. You will go at the pace that you need to go and take what you want from the board and leave the rest..as they say at alanon meetings.
We can only share what has helped us and what others who have gone before us have saidk
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Posted: August 25, 2006, 3:40 PM


Posts: 64
Joined: August 1, 2005



Thank you Joe-Joe...I totally agree with you---
Good luck with your daughter. It is so terrifying, especially with girl.
I mean, what if ( so many what ifs) but girls just seem so much more vulernable. My daughters therapist in rehab said that she is and I quote.."not one of the those people" and that I needed to keep a strong watch her. He said she wasnt smart enough or street wise enough to survive out there.

Some have said then rehab should have sent her to a half way house but they didn't, he said he wanted her here with me.

To all of you who responded to me in this thread, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I come to the addicts thread for info...I do not go to the family members thread because I just cant do things by the book the alanon way.
MAYBE ONE DAY I WILL GET THERE!
I'm not sick, I'm not obsessed, I do have a full life. I work, I'm happy, I have a fantastic husband, we take vacations ect...but I do have time to love my child also and taking an hour a day to learn more about the disease is not obsessive. I do check on her, and snoop when I get the chance...but it's not like I sit around every waking moment trying to figure out a way to get in her purse ect...sometimes, I do cry out, and sometimes, I feel hopeless, helpless, and I feel like a failure as a mom, but mostly, I try to live a happy life.
I just do make time, sometimes, to try and reach her.
FOR ME, this is what is best for now. It may be wrong, but only time will tell.
WITH THAT SAID...I admire you people more than words can say...and the things you have told me will be in my head, and in my worried moments, I will pull them out and mull it over!
You people are brave, wise, and so kind.
The fact that you give a darn about me at all speaks volumes for the character of all of you.
I DO BELIEVE in the twelve step program, I've attened probably 200 NA meetings with my daughter and am amazed at how it works. She was so into the program and doing excellent...then she met this boy who is on apparently XTC and things are tumbling down hill.
I pulled her out before, got her willingly into rehab and she stayed clean for a good while....looks like "here we go again."
Before I write a book here, I will sign off!!!
Thank you all, and to those of you with children, my heart goes out to you, it is a pain no parent should bear...to those of you who are recovering addicts...I ADORE YOU and you stay strong!

This post has been edited by Deedy on August 25, 2006, 4:08 PM
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Posted: August 25, 2006, 4:39 PM


Posts: 1584
Joined: November 6, 2005



Here is a review of the 12 steps in alanon. I hope that they can help you as they continue to help me and millions of others. Even though I know you've seen them, they should be read and practiced daily for healing and wisdom. In my situation, I have and still do at times become obsessed with my son's life. He has even recognized it from the wisdom he has gained from attending meetings. Kerr bear said it perfectly. Love them from a distance and stay on your own side of the street MEANING...to not get enmeshed with too many details of their lives. This is why alanon was started....You see, there are many of us. We're not alone and like addicts, we present with the same behaviors. I have done all of them all the while telling people...No, I'm not obsessed. Meanwhile, I talk about his use, pry into HIS personal business that does NOT concern me (he never asked me to monitor his use), drive by bars late at night to see where he is etc. etc. These behaviors are part of the sickness. It's almost impossible not to be effected by your loved one's use. You do need to move at your own pace and that is a fact. I pray that you will be lead in the right direction and that you will gain the wisdom you need to take care of yourself and gain serenity. God bless you Deedy!

AL-ANON / ALATEEN Northwest Indiana

for families and friends of alcoholics


The Twelve Steps
Study of these Steps is essential to progress in the Al-Anon program. The principles they embody are universal, applicable to everyone, whatever your personal creed. In Al-Anon, we strive for an ever-deeper understanding of these Steps, and pray for the wisdom to apply them to our lives.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.


Al-Anon's Twelve Steps, copyright 1996 by Al-Anon Family Groups Headquarters, Inc. Reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.


Twelve Traditions Twelve Concepts



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Last revised August 27, 2005
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--------------------
All things are possible through God.
Ask and you shall receive
Seek and you shall find
Knock and the door shall be opened unto you

When you pray, you activate God's power.
Every time you pray something happens!
The faithless are like an empty vessel and are more vulnerable to events that are out of their control.
Pray at stop lights.
Without faith it is impossible to please Him.
When you pray, pray for His will.
God is Good............all the time!!!!!
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Posted: August 25, 2006, 5:16 PM


Posts: 46
Joined: August 22, 2006



Deedy, you go girl. you strike me as a highly intelligent, loving mom & wife with more experience in what you're going thru than any one person should have to endure.

I can confirm or deny nothing but I do not see a problem with how you are handling YOUR OWN situation.

I'll be the devils advocate for a moment: how can all addicts be the same? did god not create everyone different?

some kids are very street wise. some are very thick skinned, some highly sensitive, some more suicidle, some happier, some come from lousy backrounds, some come from very loving backrounds, some have been taught the difference from right & wrong, some have been instilled with good moral std's at a young age.

does every kid have to be kicked to the curb because they do drugs? I find it hard to believe this is the only answer for all addicts at all ages.

elim I am very impressed with the 12 steps & would never rule out the option to join na or aa. I feel strong in my recovery and am not ready to join at this moment in time.

I post this in hopes of learning more about addiction.
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Posted: August 26, 2006, 8:02 AM


Posts: 1584
Joined: November 6, 2005



QUOTE
QUOTE
Hey gang,
Tonight, my daughter is SUPPOSED to pick up her 90 day chip.
HOWEVER, her sponsor doesnt know that while she hasnt actually done coke, she has tried to score it, and would have had I not been the pit bull I am.
Also, she has drank some, has smoked pot some, but she thinks she deserves the chip and that I need to stay out of what goes on at HER meetings.
I just don't know, I don't want to discourage her because she has made headway, but I attend those meetings and the people are REALLY clean, I feel like she is decieving them.
Should I butt out and let her live with it?


This was posted by deedy in 3/06. She has come to this board many times and has been told the same thing by many people, not out of anything but the desire to try to guide her to health. Obsessing and controlling are NOT health. No matter how you cut it.
When my son went to rehab I was told that I should NOT attend meetings with him. I was also told (family program--2 day) that I should not monitor his use. This was HIS job and not mine. If he didn't come to this himself, this issue would always be mine. He uses, I obsess. He doesn't go to a meeting, I obsess. He lies, I obsess....Not a good life for me and my behavior keeps him sick.
This is not new for Deedy. This is a year-long endeavor. When people guide her here it's sometimes harsh, but the truth will heal her a lot more than condoning behaviors that are not healthy for her or for her family including her daughter. I know her experience of letting go and the result. I can tell you 5 circumstances where families enabled their child to continue to use....to death.
Now matter how you cut it, enabling is hurting. No matter how you try to justify it, it keeps them sick. You cannot force anyone to stop using by all these behaviors.




--------------------
All things are possible through God.
Ask and you shall receive
Seek and you shall find
Knock and the door shall be opened unto you

When you pray, you activate God's power.
Every time you pray something happens!
The faithless are like an empty vessel and are more vulnerable to events that are out of their control.
Pray at stop lights.
Without faith it is impossible to please Him.
When you pray, pray for His will.
God is Good............all the time!!!!!
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Posted: August 26, 2006, 8:12 AM


Posts: 1584
Joined: November 6, 2005



QUOTE
Dear Mom....no pain worse than what you're going through. I never, ever could imagine letting my daughter go...NEVER. Six years into one addiction or another, I found myself having to. It hurt. I ached. I cried. I prayed. I begged. I bargained. And finally I "accepted." I feel it's a process we go through as a parent. There's just no easy way to jump from trying to save them to letting them go. It's a road of trying and failing and searching out information on addiction and learning what we're doing wrong and accepting that it is wrong, when every bone in our body is telling us to keep trying. You can only do what you feel is right day by day. The process catches up with us eventually and we are left with no choice but to let them go. Never question that you did not do all you could. Everyone's threshhold is different. You do all you can...sometimes 100 times...and then when you accept it's not working, you try something new..the one thing we never want to do and that is to let them fall. the good news is they heard all we said along the way..and when they're ready they reach back for us. She'll get to where she needs to be without you. I promise. My daughter has done her recovery from meth without me....how could that be? I spent years guiding her and dragging her to rehab and hospitals and coaxing her and bargaining with her. When she was ready, she did it without me. Funny thing is, she was ready within months of me walking away. You keep coming here and reading and learning and trying to be a little stronger an inch at a time...you will make it through this. You will let her go and she will be back. luv corrinne


This post was written to you by someone I highly respect and has been there. She answered you Deedy when you asked about your daughter relapsing in Feb. Please reread it and listen to someone who has been there.

--------------------
All things are possible through God.
Ask and you shall receive
Seek and you shall find
Knock and the door shall be opened unto you

When you pray, you activate God's power.
Every time you pray something happens!
The faithless are like an empty vessel and are more vulnerable to events that are out of their control.
Pray at stop lights.
Without faith it is impossible to please Him.
When you pray, pray for His will.
God is Good............all the time!!!!!
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Posted: August 26, 2006, 2:18 PM


Posts: 64
Joined: August 1, 2005



Gail,
I never saw that post...WOW...how sweet and tender.
Thank you so much for showing that to me...and Corrine...Thank you, that letter touched my heart.
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Posted: August 26, 2006, 2:31 PM


Posts: 1350
Joined: June 3, 2005



joe joe

In reality, I could care less whether someone uses the 12-step method, or not. One recovers...or does not...... in whatever fashion they so choose.

One can continue to use drugs other than the major one in question. I have no issues with that. I just don't want them to come back wondering why they are now having problems with another drug if they did indeed go this route.

Likewise for the affected family members and friends they may go to whatever lengths they wish in order to "protect", or "cure", or "force", or whatever it is, the addict in question. If that makes them feel better so be it. Do I think it really furthers the addict's recovery? No.

The only thing that really, really gets my goat is any, any implication at all, that those who do decide to detach somehow love the addict in question less. Oh, that really really sticks in my craw.

A really good example is heavenbound . She did things absolutely beyond what one can imagine to try to save/cure her daughter. Did it work? No. But my God, she tried so hard. She really does alot of Al-Anon and tries to use those principles. Does she still love her daughter? Of course she does. I cannot speak for her, but if her daughter was in a serious attempt for recovery, I am sure she would have more contact with her. And, if my memory serves correctly, her daughter is basically dying (she has at least HepC, and I am not sure if she is also HIV positive). So there is someone here who has as much pain as anybody and a child is involved. HurtDad, Cathy44, gailadk also have to deal with addicted children.

They do not love their children less and any implication that is the case annoys me...alot. They just have accepted (sort of) the situation as really being outside their control. There isn't any martyr syndrome here anymore.

And I truly am glad you are strong in your recovery that you need no outside help at all and I don't mean AA/NA. No drug counseling, therapy or whatever? Good for you.

Me, I am weak and I need AA and I am glad I do. It makes it so much fun. I have met some wonderful people who really do try to live their recovery. Kind, compassionate, high ethics. It so beats being alone. I don't want to just not take drugs, I want some major shifts in my thinking and behavior. For that I use the 12-steps as well as therapy. Best think I have ever done. My only regret (and that is only fleeting as regrets are truly pointless) is that it took so long....

--------------------
Dr. Bashir: So of all your stories, which ones were true and which ones were lies?

Elim Garak: My dear doctor they were all true.

Dr. Bashir: Even the lies?

Elim Garak: Especially the lies......
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Posted: August 27, 2006, 7:22 AM


Posts: 64
Joined: August 1, 2005



GEEZEEE...I simply asked about enhalers.

However...Joe joe understands my state of my mind, and I gotta tell ya ELIM...what really gets my goat is saying that deciding to hang on longer is killing them and not loving them.
As you said, those of us who hang on are not killing them, the DRUG IS KILLING THEM. Even Gail, ya'll keep calling me SICK.
First, if you guys have let go, then why are you on this thread? Why arent you the all mighty alanon thread?
I did not come here to fight, I came for help from recovering addicts about friggin' inhalers, that's all (THIS TIME)...but since it has gone this far I will say what I really think at this moment in time.
My child did not ask to be born...I chose to take on a life long responsibility of total unselfishness and I chose to bring a life into this world.
I made deals with God if HE would bless me with a child.
NOw, my child is sick...if she has been born with down syndrome, and we tried a cure that didn't work, should I have kicked her to the curb? Different diseases or afflictions, yes, but still.
So my child is not perfect...I choose, for the time being, not to take the "ease my conscience route" and say, "oh, nothing I can do here...it is her choice"
that IS a cop out and total BS Im my humble oppinion. The easiest thing in life to do is run from your problems and protect yourself...I will face the problem head on as I am not self centered and selfish.
I will research drugs, I will talk with my precious gift from God until I get through to her or untill she dies from this. I will not give her money, but my arms will always be open to hold her, my ears will always be here to listen and i will continue to educate myself on drugs.
If I don't, she is so beautiful, there are plenty of drug dealer guys who will take her in , get her more addicted , turn to prostitution ect...then she will get a terminal illness like your friends daughter.
So mama is here to at least prevent that.
My daughter has a disease, the 12 steps even say it is a disease...so, we treat it.
Thank you for the input, but alot of it is cruel. Thank GOD the NA meetings here are kinder to me.


This post has been edited by Deedy on August 27, 2006, 10:24 AM
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Posted: August 30, 2006, 2:03 PM


Posts: 1350
Joined: June 3, 2005



posted by deedy

QUOTE

I choose, for the time being, not to take the "ease my conscience route" and say, "oh, nothing I can do here...it is her choice"
that IS a cop out and total BS Im my humble oppinion. The easiest thing in life to do is run from your problems and protect yourself...I will face the problem head on as I am not self centered and selfish.


The other folks who used "detachment with love" love their kids just as much as you do ma'am. Based on your statements, you are implying that people who use such methods are self-centered and selfish. Sad.....

QUOTE

If I don't, she is so beautiful, there are plenty of drug dealer guys who will take her in , get her more addicted , turn to prostitution ect...then she will get a terminal illness like your friends daughter.
So mama is here to at least prevent that.


To save her from herself. It that is what you wish. I am hoping someday that she will actually do the recovery, not you. Its almost like propping up a body...You are doing all the work......

And no, heavenbound didn't kill her daughter.....I am not sure who the "cruel" one is here. But these family members don't need me to defend them. They are comfortable with what they are doing. You don't need to defend what you are doing to me. It is no skin off my nose......

I am glad that your NA group is "kinder" than I am. But the question does arise, why are you there, not her? I will also assume that the NA group made an exception for you to be there as unless its an Open meeting, the attendance at Closed meetings is restricted to recovering addicts, unless you are one too.....

If harm reduction is the best that can be done so be it, but you must ponder this little question. What is going to happen is you aren't around anymore, or not physically/mentally able to play policeman? Just keep that in mind.....

--------------------
Dr. Bashir: So of all your stories, which ones were true and which ones were lies?

Elim Garak: My dear doctor they were all true.

Dr. Bashir: Even the lies?

Elim Garak: Especially the lies......
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Posted: August 30, 2006, 10:28 PM


Posts: 64
Joined: August 1, 2005



You are right...
I appologize to everyone that I offended...no one should have to go through this and I'm sure you guys are right.

All the NA meetings here are OPEN meetings...my daughter goes with me or I don't go.

I don't know what I am going to do yet, but my way isn't working...so thank you all for the words of wisdom

PS----in NO WAY did I imply that anyone killed their child, my GOD... I was upset when I wrote that last post but I never meant that.
Heaven -Bound, Please Know that I did not mean to imply that. We all here love our kids, Please, please don't think that I think otherwise.
I will stay away from here I guess, because I get attacked, and in defending my thoughts on my individual situation, my words get twisted and made out to hurt you good people. For that I deeply appologize, I would never be so cruel as my words are being twisted into making me sound.


This post has been edited by Deedy on August 30, 2006, 10:41 PM
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Posted: August 31, 2006, 3:42 AM


Posts: 715
Joined: July 13, 2006



HI Deedy, Please, do not stay away. Here we do support one another and care. And we share experiences, based on what has hapeened to ourselves, our loved ones etc. Its okay to get angry. You are going through a very tough time. I am an addict in recovery, and your post helps me understand what I did to my mother.

While some of us have strong opinions, or direct turns of phrase, please understand the responses are always generated by regular posters like Elim out of a heartfelt desire to advise from experience. None of us are perfect, but none of us set out to attack.

Good for you for going to open NA meetings. This can be helpful. But please do not dismiss the advice and experience here, simply cos a couple of posts got a bit hot. Sometimes it has to be that way to get to grips with the issues.

You are a great MOM, you really care, but please, oh please do not think love is enough to stop us using. Heroin addicts can stick needles into eyeballs to get high! Such is the insanity addiction brings. If you pin too much hope on your ability to change your daughter I fear you will be disapointed over and over again.

Keep your arms open, when she is not on drugs; keep your ears open, let her know how much you care. But please do not stop her from falling. The harder we fall, the wiser we become. We all reach our bottom at some point. Some however choose to go all the way - jails, institutions DEATH. I pray your daughter is not one of these. But only God Knows

Hoping an addict who is using will change is a flimsy hope. But once we stop using, recovery is filled with endless hope.

Please come back, share with us, I and many many others here really do care about you, and your daughter.

I will hold you in my thoughts today, and pray the power greater than me can help your daughter to become who she truly is. This will allow your love for her to grow.

Strength and good wishes

Calabash

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" -- Dr. Seuss
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Posted: August 31, 2006, 4:46 AM


Posts: 3
Joined: August 31, 2006



Deedy, I feel for you and will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
Just would like you to know, After reading the post and I do Understand what they are saying to you in regards to saving you daughter.I have a 10 yr old son who is my entire life. I would do anything and everything possible in my power to help him, even knowing I cant be the help he needs.
Only you know what is right for you.
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Posted: August 31, 2006, 8:30 AM


Posts: 1584
Joined: November 6, 2005



I hope you keep coming back to Deedy. Believe me, Deedy, when I say I know your pain...I KNOW your pain!!
I also think attending meetings, NA, is not a bad idea. I have gone and have received gifts from them for MYSELF. This, is the key. Attending meetings that your daughter does albeit open or not open is part of the behaviors that keep HER from working her recovery for HERSELF. I was explicitly told not to attend meetings with my son. Maybe the meeting that you follow her to was the meeting that she wanted to share something...but you were there, and she didn't. This is an of example of getting out of God's way. She has to do this for herself. If it doesn't come from herself, then it won't work. I don't know how else to put that. This is codependency. I know, I'm codependent and have to fight this urge not to check up on, nag, follow around etc. etc. I've done it. I've lived it. I KNOW that it does not work. Our children, even though we only have one are not ours to lead around. They are separate human beings with their own thoughts, behaviors and spirits. It's hard for us moms to really comprehend that. We have no control over our children't decisions. Faith has really helped me with this. I thought I had faith before, but Al-Anon showed me what real faith is. I truly believe my son's HP will guide him and no matter what I do other than let him know I love him and trust that he'll do the next right thing (Kerrbear). Treating someone like theri broken, I believe, keeps them broken. Treat her like the adult she is. Show her that you believe that she will find her way instead of a untrustworthy little child who can't think for herself. You'll see that she will rise to the occasion.
I did attend one meeting with my son recently. HE called me up and invited me because it was a buddy of his who was speaking at a local rehab. to the residents presently in treatment. It was this guy's one year anniversary. It was really nice and I didn't push into his life but I was invited because I am backing off and letting him go..slowly mind you. This is tough stuff. Behaviors didn't occurr over night and fear has kept me sick a long time. One of my favorite mantras is breathe in faith and breathe out fear. I am just sharing with you my faith, experience and hope only in hopes that you will begin to see what I have seen. Remember Deedy, The truth will set you free!! God bless you!!!!!!

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All things are possible through God.
Ask and you shall receive
Seek and you shall find
Knock and the door shall be opened unto you

When you pray, you activate God's power.
Every time you pray something happens!
The faithless are like an empty vessel and are more vulnerable to events that are out of their control.
Pray at stop lights.
Without faith it is impossible to please Him.
When you pray, pray for His will.
God is Good............all the time!!!!!
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