Healing And Understanding
Posted: October 15, 2007, 10:02 AM


Posts: 2378
Joined: December 30, 2005



Solving Problems

Problems are made to be solved!
Some of us spend more time reacting to the fact that we have a problem than we do solving the problem.
"Why is this happening to me?"....
"Isn't life awful?"...
"How come this had to happen?"...
"Oh, dear. This is terrible."...
"Why is Higher Power (the Universe, an agency, a person, or life) picking on me?"

Problems are inevitable.
Some problems can be anticipated.
Some are surprises.
But the idea that problems occur regularly need never be a surprise.

The good news is that for every problem, there's a solution.
Sometimes the solution is immediate.
Sometimes, it takes awhile to discover.
Sometimes, the solution involves letting go.
Sometimes, the problem is ours to solve; sometimes it isn't.
Sometimes, there is something we can clearly do to solve the problem;
other times, we need to struggle, flounder, do our part, then trust our Higher Power for help.

Sometimes, the problem is just part of life.
Sometimes, the problem is important because we are learning something through the problem and its solution.
Sometimes, problems end up working out for good in our life. They get us headed in a direction that is superior to one we may otherwise have taken.

Sometimes, problems just are; sometimes they are
a warning sign that we are on the wrong track.

We can learn to accept problems as an inevitable part of life.
We can learn to solve problems.
We can learn to trust our ability to solve problems.
We can learn to identify which problems are trying to lead us in a new direction, and which simply ask for solving.

We can learn to focus on the solution rather than on the problem, and maintain a positive attitude toward life and the inevitable flow of problems and solutions.

Today, I will learn to trust solutions, rather than be victimized by problems. I will not use problems to prove I am helpless, picked on, or martyred. I will not point to my problems to prove how awful life is.
I will learn to trust the flow of problems and solutions.
Higher Power, help me solve the problems I can solve today.
Help me let go of the rest.
Help me believe in my ability to tackle and solve problems.
Help me trust the flow. For each problem, there is a solution.

Melody Beattie


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You can get busy living. Or get busy dying.

I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.
Jennifer Louden

There are no excuses, just people with excuses.


LINK: Posts about understanding and healing.


A fool learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. However, a brilliant man learns from what has been done right, and what others have done right, and avoids mistakes.
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Posted: October 30, 2007, 1:55 PM


Posts: 2378
Joined: December 30, 2005




1. They lie about who they're calling when they call their connections.

We lie about who we're calling when we call their connections to check up on them.

2. They drive to seedy places in the middle of the night to get their fix.

We drive to seedy places in the middle of the night to look for them.

3. They peek out the windows when they're high and paranoid.

We peek out the windows when we're waiting for them to get home and think we heard a car.

4. They find the strangest places to hide their drugs.

We find even stranger places to hide our money.

5. They delete the call lists on their phone so we don't know who they've called

We delete the call lists on our phones so they don't know we've been checking up on them.

6. They borrow money to get high.

We have to borrow money to pay our bills.

7. They tell our friends to mind their own business and stop meddling in ours.

We tell their friends to STAY AWAY from them or else!!

8. They stay up all night getting high.

We stay up all night waiting/worrying for them.

9. They go through our purses/pockets looking for money.

We go through their wallets/pockets looking for evidence of drug use.

10. They go days without eating because of their use.

We go days without eating because our stomachs are so upset we can't eat.

This list could go on and on, but I think you can see the picture I'm creating. We KNOW their behavior is insane, ridiculous, unhealthy, out of control, heading for disaster etc. But what an eye opener when we realize we are doing the same exact things they are!!

Do we continue with this behavior? Or do we *Let it Begin with Me* and start to change it? We would most certainly change their behavior if we could, but as most of us have realize WE can't. However, we can change our OWN behavior. We can choose to stop reacting in the ways we have become accustomed to. We can learn the tools we need to do that.

~NBA

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You can get busy living. Or get busy dying.

I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.
Jennifer Louden

There are no excuses, just people with excuses.


LINK: Posts about understanding and healing.


A fool learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. However, a brilliant man learns from what has been done right, and what others have done right, and avoids mistakes.
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Posted: January 23, 2008, 2:14 PM


Posts: 2378
Joined: December 30, 2005



X, This is a true story. Like all true stories it is my construction of reality and no-one else's. It is valid to that extent, and no more. You are free to re-write the ending, should you choose.

I was woken one morning by Sue shouting up the stairs:

"Enid's house is on fire!"

I ran across the road towards the house. Thick black smoke was pouring out of all the windows and the open front door. Neighbours were milling around, unable to enter because of the heat and smoke. Some were shouting Enidís name.

They looked at me.

I jumped over the side wall and ran round the back. I kicked the back door in and hot, black smoke poured out. It was so thick you could chew on it; impossible to breath. Something from TV flashed into my mind. I dropped onto the floor and crawled in under the smoke.

"Enid!"

I crawled on, five yards, ten. It felt like an hour to me but it must have been a few seconds. Under the smoke I could see all the way to the front of the house, but an inch above my head it curled down like a poisonous quilt. It suffocated everything.

"Enid!"

I knew that if she didn't answer soon Iíd have to decide whether to go upstairs or not. I didn't know if I had the guts; I was pretty sure the smoke would kill me. I dreaded having to make that decision because I knew it would define me.

"Enid!"

"Yes?"

I could only see her ankles; the smoke swallowed the rest of her. I reached up and grabbed her arm. I couldn't pull her to the floor; I knew sheíd never make it out on her belly. But I couldn't stand up; I might lose my way in the smoke and get us both killed. So I crawled towards the back door, holding her hand while she walked through the poisonous smoke.

We reached fresh air; pure, clean fresh air.

I'm crying as I write this.

The Fire Brigade turned up; vast, competent men, so professional and oh so strong. She was very confused and in pain. They were really gentle with her. They sat her down and tenderly poured water over her burns, trying to love her body and soul back to a safe place.

The chief took me aside and thanked me for my help. Then he went on gently:

"They don't always make it you know, smoke complications and that."

Enid died a month later. She was a very nice person.

Choosing to go into that burning house was a defining moment. I knew the decision whether to go upstairs or not would be another one. I'm so glad I didn't have to make that decision because I think I might have gone and I'm pretty sure that if I had I would have been killed trying to save someone who, for all I knew at the time, might not even have been there. Foolish? Probably.

Still, it could have been your sister couldn't it? In need of someone prepared to go into a burning building to try to save her even if he didnít know for sure that anyone was in there. I wish Iíd been there for her, but none of us can be everywhere, keeping each other safe, can we? And anyway, on another occasion I might be too afraid to act. Who knows? Iím just glad that in the moment I was called upon to act for Enid I did my best for someone who needed and wanted my help.

I suppose thatís the point, isnít it? Enid was confused and lost and afraid, but when I called her name she answered. She wanted to get out. She accepted a helping hand in the dark and smoke and walked out. She knew she couldnít find her way out on her own in that situation, just as I knew that if I was standing in her shoes I wouldnít survive without help; no human being could.

But I wasnít strong enough to carry Enid out on my back; she had to do the walking. She had to want to escape to fresh air enough to take my hand and walk out into the light.

And I realise now that if Iíd had to decide to go upstairs it might not have done anyone any good, whether she was up there or not; we might both have been killed. No point in being a dead Shane if you donít at least save someone in the process. I know that now; I wouldnít go upstairs now unless I was sure someone was up there and they wanted my help and wanted to walk out of the smoke. I guess thatís the point.

Iíve been calling out to you for years now Gill. I don't know if you're trapped in the building, afraid, confused and hidden from me by smoke, or whether my fears are unfounded and, as you keep telling me, you're just having fun at a barbecue in the back garden with people who say the man whoís shouting ďfire!Ē is just a nutter. I hope it's the latter, I really do. I want to be wrong.

I feel like Iíve rushed into a burning building and been touched by flames. I donít know whether theyíre fuelled by alcohol, drugs or much deeper grief and pain, but Iíve crawled under hot smoke all the way to the front door to find out and to offer my help. Iíve called out many times, but nobody is answering or asking for help. I donít know if anyone is upstairs or not, I donít know if theyíre trapped or not, but I do know theyíll have to call out and answer me if Iím ever going to find them, and that theyíd have to do the walking themselves if weíre going to get to the clear, cool air together. If they wonít do that weíll both perish, and that helps no-one, especially not the innocent bystanders who love us so much.

Iím at another decision point Gill, and the smoke is too black and thick and poisonous to go upstairs without knowing for sure that thereís someone there who needs and wants my help. Yes, Iíd probably risk my life to save you, but youíre not answering and youíre certainly not asking me to take your hand while you walk to freedom.

So my love, I honestly hope Iíve been really foolish, and that youíre having fun with good and true friends at a barbecue; you deserve to be happy and I would much rather be wrong and thought a fool than know youíre in danger and suffering alone, too confused or afraid or proud to ask for help. Iím going to have to tell myself youíre not in the building after all, and that youíre having fun in the garden, because Iíve told you a lie, Gill; the smoke does reach the floor. Itís thinner and you can breathe it, but it is hot and you can taste it and it will kill you and I canít stay in it any longer. I am not abandoning you, I would never do that. You are safe and happy in the garden with good and true friends and you donít want me anymore and I am happy you are happy.

Life really is so beautiful; the World is full of love and understanding. I hope that if Iíve hurt you through stupidity or through my unnecessary fear for your welfare and happiness youíll understand and will forgive me. My being right doesnít feel important to me anymore; each of us loving and being loved and happy is what counts. If there is a God I hope He blesses you with all the love and joy this wonderful world offers. You deserve it more than you know.

With all my love and respect,

Your one time sweetheart and almost soulmate,

Martin x

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You can get busy living. Or get busy dying.

I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.
Jennifer Louden

There are no excuses, just people with excuses.


LINK: Posts about understanding and healing.


A fool learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. However, a brilliant man learns from what has been done right, and what others have done right, and avoids mistakes.
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Posted: October 28, 2008, 6:37 PM


Posts: 2378
Joined: December 30, 2005



I just don't feel much like posting anymore. Work 20 years for a company get bought and they decide to move all the jobs to India. When they ask me to train my replacement they will be told to go ... themselves.

I deal for years working and dealing with my daughter. Things look up on one side and this hits.

--------------------
You can get busy living. Or get busy dying.

I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.
Jennifer Louden

There are no excuses, just people with excuses.


LINK: Posts about understanding and healing.


A fool learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. However, a brilliant man learns from what has been done right, and what others have done right, and avoids mistakes.
  Top
Posted: June 4, 2010, 1:42 PM


Posts: 2378
Joined: December 30, 2005



I haven't posted anything new on here for a long time. So thought I would post just to keep this alive. There is a lot of great information contained within to help with loved ones addictions. Not to cure them but to help in getting your life back.

How is my daughter doing? I am fine thanks for asking.

--------------------
You can get busy living. Or get busy dying.

I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.
Jennifer Louden

There are no excuses, just people with excuses.


LINK: Posts about understanding and healing.


A fool learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. However, a brilliant man learns from what has been done right, and what others have done right, and avoids mistakes.
  Top
Posted: August 10, 2010, 2:11 PM


Posts: 2378
Joined: December 30, 2005



Letting go...Does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go... Is not to cut myself off, it is the realization that I can't control another.

To let go... Is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go... Is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go... Is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go... Is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go... Is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go... Is not to be in the middle of arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To let go... Is not to be protective. It is to permit another to face reality.

To let go... Is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go... Is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go... Is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.

To let go... Is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To let go... Is to fear less and love more.


--------------------
You can get busy living. Or get busy dying.

I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.
Jennifer Louden

There are no excuses, just people with excuses.


LINK: Posts about understanding and healing.


A fool learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. However, a brilliant man learns from what has been done right, and what others have done right, and avoids mistakes.
  Top
Posted: December 24, 2010, 6:47 PM


Posts: 2378
Joined: December 30, 2005



What did I do for me this year.

I went to Yellowstone and spent a week just me and nature. It really is a beautiful place. The drive there and back was a major pain. I am sending a tree to be planted in western Kansas. They need at least 1.

Next year maybe I will spend some time in the Appalachians or up on a lake in Minnesota.

--------------------
You can get busy living. Or get busy dying.

I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.
Jennifer Louden

There are no excuses, just people with excuses.


LINK: Posts about understanding and healing.


A fool learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. However, a brilliant man learns from what has been done right, and what others have done right, and avoids mistakes.
  Top
Posted: December 16, 2011, 11:23 AM


Posts: 2378
Joined: December 30, 2005



Can only hope for the best. Hopefully my lack of trust proves wrong. No reason to not believe but I don't. Those instincts are usually right. If not, apologies might not help.

Years of serenity can be shattered in a moment.

--------------------
You can get busy living. Or get busy dying.

I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.
Jennifer Louden

There are no excuses, just people with excuses.


LINK: Posts about understanding and healing.


A fool learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. However, a brilliant man learns from what has been done right, and what others have done right, and avoids mistakes.
  Top
Posted: March 15, 2012, 12:59 PM


Posts: 2378
Joined: December 30, 2005



Just spent 2 weeks worrying about a "Mass" on my kidney. Found out yesterday that it was just a cyst. Not a pleasant 2 weeks.

--------------------
You can get busy living. Or get busy dying.

I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.
Jennifer Louden

There are no excuses, just people with excuses.


LINK: Posts about understanding and healing.


A fool learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. However, a brilliant man learns from what has been done right, and what others have done right, and avoids mistakes.
  Top
Posted: March 24, 2012, 6:31 PM


Posts: 2378
Joined: December 30, 2005



I get good news for myself now find out my brother is terminal with cancer. Probably has only days to live. Sometimes life sucks.

--------------------
You can get busy living. Or get busy dying.

I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.
Jennifer Louden

There are no excuses, just people with excuses.


LINK: Posts about understanding and healing.


A fool learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. However, a brilliant man learns from what has been done right, and what others have done right, and avoids mistakes.
  Top
Posted: August 7, 2012, 10:48 AM


Posts: 2378
Joined: December 30, 2005



This years trip was to the Smokies. Had a great time. Hiking in the woods with nobody else around is really relaxing. Even the heavily travelled trails are empty at 6 or 7 am. Except for the bear that wandered onto the trail. I spent an hour at grotto falls just me the birds and the sound of the water.

Alaska still on the list of future vacation spots. A trip to boundary waters might be nice too.

This post has been edited by HurtDad on April 25, 2013, 5:43 PM

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You can get busy living. Or get busy dying.

I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.
Jennifer Louden

There are no excuses, just people with excuses.


LINK: Posts about understanding and healing.


A fool learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. However, a brilliant man learns from what has been done right, and what others have done right, and avoids mistakes.
  Top
Posted: April 25, 2013, 5:47 PM


Posts: 2378
Joined: December 30, 2005



I think this year the trip will be to the UP of Michigan. I was reading a comet might be visible around the time I plan on going. Then one that could be amazing at the end of the year.

--------------------
You can get busy living. Or get busy dying.

I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others.
Jennifer Louden

There are no excuses, just people with excuses.


LINK: Posts about understanding and healing.


A fool learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others. However, a brilliant man learns from what has been done right, and what others have done right, and avoids mistakes.
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